frank is a lonely old fuck and a single father (to lawan) so he naturally is attracted to another lonely old fuck and a single father (to aiden). even if it's a zombie. alrthough i imagine that crane being the self deprecating fuck he is (increased tenfold now that he's an infected) would be oblivious to frank's flirting. like any advances fly over his head
frank, desperately trying to get game: hey did you know that i'm a widower
crane: ? oh. i am so sorry. hope you're doing well
frank: well yeah i'm single now you know. been for a while. it's been pretty lonely
crane: i feel you on that, pal. hope we both find closure :)
frank: (tries to explode him with his mind because he cannot not fuck him)
Things that Astrid would say to Hakon after morally corrupting, misguiding and tempting Aiden with the pretense of glory and fame as he is now a blood thirsty arena killing machine prince of champions and a deranged murderer
Mutuals lemme know your DL2 character height/age/nationality headcanons cuz I have no idea what is going on
Aiden: I have zero idea. He was born pre-fall so I’d say 18-20 ish? Every time he drinks I just go wow wait till Craaaane find out about this. Height idk I hc him as. Very short. Scrawny. Underfed stray.
Hakon: OKAY I know everyone says he’s French buy,,,does he actually say that in game? Is it just the name+accent tho. Age I’d say 35 or older. Average height. Maybe 6’0 under. Lame old fuck.
Lawan: I’m really buying the sea idea, I think she’s around 23-25.
Sophie: couldn’t decide if I want her to be Lawan’s tall/mature gf or baby queen.
Barney: obviously younger than Sophie around 23 no more than 25. Very tall. Scrawny. Boy got his ears pierced at Clair’s but at least he’s over drinking age.
Aitor and Juan I guess both in their early 40s, although I think Aitor’s older. Neither of them are tall. (Oh yeaaah Aitor’s British)
Waltz: no idea. Not full white tho. I’d say some middle eastern or greek heritage.
Astrid: my fucking mom she looks stunning I don’t care about her age😭😭😭
aiden: he's canonically around 20 years old and honestly it SHOWS. he has very little knowledge about the world before the fall and is generally very. VERY inexperienced. everyone comments on how young he is. also i KNOW that tymon apparently claimed that aiden is quite tall but i don't see it. at all. even jonah claimed that aiden is on the shorter side iirc and honestly - it works way better considering he excels at parkour. bigger height is a disadvantage when it comes to jumping around like that and generally makes you less sneaky (which - side note - is also why i headcanon that crane had harder time parkouring or doing things like crawling in the vents because he's big and broad lmao). so yeah aiden is small, on eye level with lawan. scrawny too. as for ethnicity? i personally headcanon that he's a white american simply due to his accent lol. i know he could've very well picked it up from (i presume?) soldiers that "raised" him or other survivors but even then my hc is that his parents were american immigrants that sought shelter in villedor. waltz simply snatched a tourist child 😭
hakon: at the VERY LEAST in his mid 30s. could be older but then tbh that makes certain plot points even more icky... (iykyk). so i'm sticking to the "is 10 years older than aiden" consensus. he looks older than he is but hey it's because he's got an old man's soul in him you know. poke him and he shatters like glass. i agree with the height! he's... honestly pretty average lol. i guess fit considering he was a soldier and then nightrunner but that's it. and i do firmly believe he's french. villedor seems to be somewhere in france (and it seems like hakon IS from this city), the accent, the appearance (it's the vibes. can't explain it) and also the guy he's modeled after IS french so i mean. hon hon hon
lawan: we do know she's older than aiden! she was 9 when aiden was 5, so i wager around the same age you gave her. a bit on the taller side for a girl - like i mentioned before, on eye level with aiden. pretty fit and agile! also i love love LOVE the SEA headcanon. not sure from where exactly she'd be (and honestly i think she wouldn't have any idea herself either, seeing how distant her parents were). i also hc her as part black seeing as rosario dawson is her face AND voice
frank: an old fuck, 50+ years old. tries to reason he's not THAT old but considering they live in a world where mortality rate is higher than ever before he's considered a senior citizen. pretty tall! has a beer belly. bit of a dad bod all around honestly. he's irish
juan: honestly he seems like he's in his late 30s bordering on very early 40s tbh. that kind of age where he still feels young but is experienced you know? he's very. VERY defensive about claiming he's 6'0. he's 5'10 actually. he gets unbelievably pissed off about people pointing that out it's hilarious. seething because he fears his height might scare away the hoes. anyway i headcanon that he's of argentinian descent
waltz: another old fuck. 50+ years old. and oh he's tall alright. okay maybe not. terrifyingly and menacingly so but still considered a tall guy. LOVE the idea that he's greek. adopting this hc now. other than that i think he's american really (going by his name and all). he was simply transferred to villedor by the gre when the thv outbreak progressed
sophie: i hc she's 27 years old or so. i absolutely love the idea that she's the archetype of the short person who can and will kick your ass. as she should. no idea what her and barney's nationality could be. simply american i guess
barney: around aiden's age (which makes aiden addressing him like he's younger infinitely funnier). tall and lanky
and bonus spoiler heavy bloody ties headcanons under :3
astrid: TALL QUEEN. i believe she was in her early 30s before the fall so she'd be in her 50s as well. aged like fine wine basically. afro-american, she came to villedor in pursuit of better career opportunities and she hit a gold spot there
ogar: oh he's BIG. the old age might've shrinked him just a little but you can still tell he was a fighting champion. also in his 50s. not sure about his race or nationality, other than that he's DEFINITELY got italian in him
ciro: BABY BOY!!! he did NOT inherit his parents' tall genes. he's not that short (he's taller than aiden in my hc) but it's still funny when you put him next to his family. honestly i would believe if he's a little bit younger than aiden but only by like. a year. can't go lower than aiden's age 😭 ciro is just really immature. he's mixed race because i do believe in the theory that astrid might actually be his mom
abel: A FUCKING GIANT LIKE HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN HIM. that fucking npc that says "he's so big" when we first meet him. yeah i feel you. he even towers over his dad. i headcanon he might be in his mid 20s. like up to 28 or so. same as ciro, he's mixed race
Aiden is so inexperienced and youthful I LOVE him. His little cheesy comebacks and hyping himself up and general cockiness reads like a teenager (I know he’s 20 something but he FEELS very young). I think he’s not tall, but very fit? Solid fit? Like you wouldn’t be able to guess how much he weighs by looking at him. And very very strong like pin you to the ground with teeth on yo neck strong. Also I agree Crane wasn’t as agile as Aiden lol his juicy ass titties can’t even fit in the vent. Hakon is average in height and weight. I’d say he’s on the more slender side. Not as scrawny as Barney but you can tell he got some tiny waist ;( probably can carry him over the shoulder easily. Also why he’s so fucking fragile it takes TWO hits to kill him. And I agree he’s like 35-ish…also fuck Hakon Lawan romance subplot I’ll always hate the writers for this. Sophie and Lawan I do agree Sophie’s the older. I think Sophie and Barney are half French tho, their moms name is literally Francoise (and the one who founded the Baazar)…definitely villedor local. I will die for canon sea/half black Lawan.
I laughed SO hard at Juan being defensive about his height like damn bitch you work with Rowe who’s at least 6’3😭(I’d say he tries to not stand next to him during meetings and BRIBED some poor PK nurse into altering his documents so it reads he’s over 6 ft), this man is also kinda insecure about his age imo. Okay king you’re fabulous next. Waltz imo is about 51. He looks about 35 during Aiden’s flashback which is roughly 21-5=16 years ago. And he’s fucking tall. I’d say probably among one of the tallest due to his illegal drug use lol. Him being Greek is just,,, his overall facial structure, and me hoping he’s at least not…plain white like full American white😔
Astrid is tall, fuck yeah. I’d say the tallest female in the whole cast, followed by Shen Xiu (both over 5’10). Again, Abel being like, 15 when he’s was taken🥲that’s fucked up. Both him a his father are tall! Ciro lmao baby boy…I think he’s young of course, same age as Aiden, but imo it’d be funnier if he’s slightly taller/older than Aiden, but still treated like he’s the younger one. Getting called “punk”, rescued like princess and getting kicked the shit out of. On an angstier side note, I think it’d be pretty accurate if Aiden has no idea about his age. Canonically he didn’t even know is LAST NAME, he never got the nice childhood he deserves. So when ppl ask him he’d probably hit them with a “not sure, doesn’t matter, don’t even know when’s my birthday”. My boy.
I was also hoping for some characters with Eastern European headcanons. The running joke of the word “pierogi” being graffitied EVERYWHERE (okay I know techland writers are mostly is Polish but it’s still a nice touch) someone’s gotta be from around there. Which, hear me out, Juan or Waltz even Cillian could fill that role (but Argentinian!!! I’m screaming I love it)
I’m conclusion I think height wise it’s probably Waltz > Rowe/Ogar/Abel > Barney >Juan/Hakon > Jack Matt/Aitor.
Age wise Oldest: Colonel (mid 50-60) Waltz and Astrid.
Mutuals lemme know your DL2 character height/age/nationality headcanons cuz I have no idea what is going on
Aiden: I have zero idea. He was born pre-fall so I’d say 18-20 ish? Every time he drinks I just go wow wait till Craaaane find out about this. Height idk I hc him as. Very short. Scrawny. Underfed stray.
Hakon: OKAY I know everyone says he’s French buy,,,does he actually say that in game? Is it just the name+accent tho. Age I’d say 35 or older. Average height. Maybe 6’0 under. Lame old fuck.
Lawan: I’m really buying the sea idea, I think she’s around 23-25.
Sophie: couldn’t decide if I want her to be Lawan’s tall/mature gf or baby queen.
Barney: obviously younger than Sophie around 23 no more than 25. Very tall. Scrawny. Boy got his ears pierced at Clair’s but at least he’s over drinking age.
Aitor and Juan I guess both in their early 40s, although I think Aitor’s older. Neither of them are tall. (Oh yeaaah Aitor’s British)
Waltz: no idea. Not full white tho. I’d say some middle eastern or greek heritage.
Astrid: my fucking mom she looks stunning I don’t care about her age😭😭😭
aiden: he's canonically around 20 years old and honestly it SHOWS. he has very little knowledge about the world before the fall and is generally very. VERY inexperienced. everyone comments on how young he is. also i KNOW that tymon apparently claimed that aiden is quite tall but i don't see it. at all. even jonah claimed that aiden is on the shorter side iirc and honestly - it works way better considering he excels at parkour. bigger height is a disadvantage when it comes to jumping around like that and generally makes you less sneaky (which - side note - is also why i headcanon that crane had harder time parkouring or doing things like crawling in the vents because he's big and broad lmao). so yeah aiden is small, on eye level with lawan. scrawny too. as for ethnicity? i personally headcanon that he's a white american simply due to his accent lol. i know he could've very well picked it up from (i presume?) soldiers that "raised" him or other survivors but even then my hc is that his parents were american immigrants that sought shelter in villedor. waltz simply snatched a tourist child 😭
hakon: at the VERY LEAST in his mid 30s. could be older but then tbh that makes certain plot points even more icky... (iykyk). so i'm sticking to the "is 10 years older than aiden" consensus. he looks older than he is but hey it's because he's got an old man's soul in him you know. poke him and he shatters like glass. i agree with the height! he's... honestly pretty average lol. i guess fit considering he was a soldier and then nightrunner but that's it. and i do firmly believe he's french. villedor seems to be somewhere in france (and it seems like hakon IS from this city), the accent, the appearance (it's the vibes. can't explain it) and also the guy he's modeled after IS french so i mean. hon hon hon
lawan: we do know she's older than aiden! she was 9 when aiden was 5, so i wager around the same age you gave her. a bit on the taller side for a girl - like i mentioned before, on eye level with aiden. pretty fit and agile! also i love love LOVE the SEA headcanon. not sure from where exactly she'd be (and honestly i think she wouldn't have any idea herself either, seeing how distant her parents were). i also hc her as part black seeing as rosario dawson is her face AND voice
frank: an old fuck, 50+ years old. tries to reason he's not THAT old but considering they live in a world where mortality rate is higher than ever before he's considered a senior citizen. pretty tall! has a beer belly. bit of a dad bod all around honestly. he's irish
juan: honestly he seems like he's in his late 30s bordering on very early 40s tbh. that kind of age where he still feels young but is experienced you know? he's very. VERY defensive about claiming he's 6'0. he's 5'10 actually. he gets unbelievably pissed off about people pointing that out it's hilarious. seething because he fears his height might scare away the hoes. anyway i headcanon that he's of argentinian descent
waltz: another old fuck. 50+ years old. and oh he's tall alright. okay maybe not. terrifyingly and menacingly so but still considered a tall guy. LOVE the idea that he's greek. adopting this hc now. other than that i think he's american really (going by his name and all). he was simply transferred to villedor by the gre when the thv outbreak progressed
sophie: i hc she's 27 years old or so. i absolutely love the idea that she's the archetype of the short person who can and will kick your ass. as she should. no idea what her and barney's nationality could be. simply american i guess
barney: around aiden's age (which makes aiden addressing him like he's younger infinitely funnier). tall and lanky
and bonus spoiler heavy bloody ties headcanons under :3
astrid: TALL QUEEN. i believe she was in her early 30s before the fall so she'd be in her 50s as well. aged like fine wine basically. afro-american, she came to villedor in pursuit of better career opportunities and she hit a gold spot there
ogar: oh he's BIG. the old age might've shrinked him just a little but you can still tell he was a fighting champion. also in his 50s. not sure about his race or nationality, other than that he's DEFINITELY got italian in him
ciro: BABY BOY!!! he did NOT inherit his parents' tall genes. he's not that short (he's taller than aiden in my hc) but it's still funny when you put him next to his family. honestly i would believe if he's a little bit younger than aiden but only by like. a year. can't go lower than aiden's age 😭 ciro is just really immature. he's mixed race because i do believe in the theory that astrid might actually be his mom
abel: A FUCKING GIANT LIKE HAVE YOU EVEN SEEN HIM. that fucking npc that says "he's so big" when we first meet him. yeah i feel you. he even towers over his dad. i headcanon he might be in his mid 20s. like up to 28 or so. same as ciro, he's mixed race
sex is like a volatile hive. it's hard to breathe. you start seeing some weird shit. the room you're in is probably messy and claustrophobic. crane is there
I’ll never be able to get over the fact that. Someone working at techland literally looked at these banger characters designs and went. “Oh yeah they’re straight just girls being heterosexual noting sapphic at all happening.” And that is just straight fucking BLASPHEMY.
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