[crankings]

3 February 2020

Why cant I keep up, I feel like I'm trying so hard but to say I'm struggling would be an understatement

[crankings]

28 January 2020

It would be a relief to be gone. No one would have to worry about me anymore. I'm a horrible friend. I cant reciprocate. I cant keep up. It drains me and I lose so many friends due to it. I hate my body. I hardly eat and I lie when people ask. I cant keep up and I'm tired of trying.

[crankings]

21 November 2019

But if i were dead, at least they wouldn't have to worry about me? I'm so fucking alone. I hate my life. I hate my fat fucking body. I try so fucking hard, its exhausting and I'm gonna cut so fucking deep i go numb and I wont feel a fucking thing. I want to die. I need to. I cant do it

[crankings]

4 October 2019

Why do I even fucking try every goddamn day I'm sick of it I hate my body I hate my skin

[crankings]

18 September 2019

I'm not happy about relapsing lately but it happened what can you do now

Idek what I'm doing

[crankings]

10 July 2019

Hi my name is Alexandra and I'm wine drunk alone in bed and my roommate isn't home and I had a great fucking day but now I'm thinking about how sad and lonely I am

[crankings]

26 July 2019

Imagine what would happen if I dropped off the grid without telling anyone

I love that thought

[crankings]

26 June 2019

The other day I was talking to tuck and I was saying how I was struggling bc I had no interest in being alive and I didn't think a stupid pill would help and he got upset bc I'm not even trying

I dunno, medicine sucks n I know I shouldn't stop taking it every other day but I cant fucking help it. My mind tells me not to take it n that it's not worth it and that I wanna feel shit

It's so hard to explain idk

[crankings]

19 June 2019

Bad night bad night I'm losing it ok I wont live long

[crankings]

12 June 2019

100%feel like a cow

Got some low calorie food today

[crankings]

10 June 2019

[crankings]

22 January 2019

I don't remember the last day I stayed sober.

Like, honestly.

[crankings]

11 January 2018

School starts in three days. I am still trying to finish my last semester too. I keep trying to work on my assignments but I always get too depressed so I stop.

I should start writing again, that always helped me

[crankings]

12 December 2018

Well well well

[crankings]

26 September 2018

im so fucking hurt, i hate mental health, i hate myself, why cant i just react to these things like a normal fucking human would, im sick of being this way

[crankings]

25 September 2018

[crankings]

22 September 2018

Ive relapsed lately and ive been doing it a lot lately and its bad. my mental health lately, fucking horrible. I actively want to die.