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Kaledo Art

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@cravingfreshair
Musketeer - Applibot by Yohann Schepacz OXAN STUDIO
Here’s a tiny little spot Illustration, done for Sacramento Magazine last year.
Shark Battle, uncredited artist, 1950s
HEY …
What?
I LOVED YOU IN ROCKY
Pretty amazing D&D diorama.
When it rains, it pours, out of me.
The weather’s strong hands twist the knobs of my neck I know too well.
I am in fifth grade again and the strain on my neck is only matched by the strain on my hands as I grasp the desk for dear life. The desk is my masculinity I resent dearly but hold on to because I haven’t been taught letting go is an option. Taking ibuprofen would be good for me, and therefore not an option. My parents are woken up by my chainsaw teeth grinding away at anything that is me. Perhaps if my teeth are ground into a fine dust, I too, will disappear.
I am man, I cannot take the pill I am man, I must take the pain I am man, I deserve this pain I am man, I cannot show-
I don’t remember when or how it clicked, but I realized, I can feel.
The pouring rain became a hush But more storms lined the horizon
Ok I can feel, but to who? is it too much? who wants to listen? am I over reacting?
These questions took years to answer. It took years to be good to myself. To find comfort in self expression, to have a truly open mind, to not be guarded in insecurity, and to love myself.
But I’m building sand castles, and the rain doesn’t agree.
It’s been raining, and I realize I don’t have all the answers I want to have.
I’m not there yet, but I have to be? No. I’m not there yet, so she will leave me? No.
Now there is a dialogue. It happens within me because I don’t want to charge you with being the voice of reason, I should be able to do it on my own. I’ve done it before, it’s just a bad day…but that doesn’t change that I feel like I’m drowning. So what if there are problems I have solved before? It’s raining.
I have grown, but I am not done growing. That is ok. I shouldn’t tell myself you want more from me because, well, this is me. This is all that is here right now. And I will wrap myself around you like a question mark, but I will not wrap myself like a python, squeezing out “no’s” when it is raining. I will not hold you like my answer. I will close my eyes and exist with you.
If it is raining, if my mind is cloudy, if as I speak I assume every word is somehow pushing you farther and farther away because how could my words do anything else…I will look at you.
Your eyes so full, calm, dense, they balance the weight of my heart. And as my lips shoot insecurities, you deflect them with divine wrists guard.
It’s time to grow a little bit more, but right now, it’s ok to feel the rain. Maybe you will wait out the storm with me.
There is a dark and a light
If you find your courage, you can feel it too
There are the demons and mercy
Our minds our the embodiment of an experiment
Now more than ever, we are stimulated, propagated, and degraded
There is no one clear fault,
but nurture becomes habit
we have to combat it
There is no wrong, but there is so much fear
There are no soul mates, but there is so much heartbreak
There is so much love, but no one to show it
We are made to usher love forth from our hearts, birth purity and relish its sweet sanctity from ourselves, and from each other.
We are bred for conveyer belts, to be shelved.
Maybe we can make a legacy in the image of all that we see,
but what we see is what has been shown to us
Have we hopelessly forgotten what we were born with?
An idea of heaven, and a bit of light under all that,
if we could listen to it, would it direct us home?
We could be free
We need to break down the wall, built so tall so any and all who look upon it would brush aside and say “that will never fall, why try at all?”
And maybe it won’t
But I’ll chip away until I decay if it means searching for the bit of heaven and light underneath
Chip away at the masks layered on by no one but time.
To be an archaeologist, excavating deeper and deeper to find what really is
me.
I wanted to be friends get to know you but by some impossibility you fell in love with me me who knows nothing of love but has felt the pains of what love can bring forgive me for hurting you for fearing an emotion I cant bring myself to feel again I can only ask why me we would barely ever speak how can you fall in love with someone you don’t even know it breaks my heart for I know your pain and that I am the one who has caused it but if I show concern I fear itll only make you hope make you hurt ever more sometimes to be cruel is to be kind in this world
I guess if every house has a library, then every house must know things.
I’ve lived in three places, but only two of them knew the bottom of your feet. Your scent in my sheets. Every goddamn hair that fell out of your head, slithering out of a blanket years later.
I never made spaces for books, I never thought I had to. But you always wanted me to be reading, when you were supposed to want me to be learning.
and you showed me how to open my eyes and you read me the poems in the veins of the leaves. and you carved the sunlight, ducking between the branches and god, where did my life go? where did the color go in my life? when did everything become so gray?
The things we know eat us. and the things we don’t know are the things we’re frightened by.
Don’t remember if I shared this gif yet, but making it made me unbelievably happy 💖