@crayolamarker - Tumblr Blog

life is for taking therapeutic walks and being in your own bubble and reading books in bed and drinking iced beverages and eating fruit and gaining new experiences and dozing in sunlight and finding love in everything and not letting guilt consume your life actually

ouroborosmotifs

she’s a 10 but she thinks her dreams are symbolic of something that is deeply intrinsically wrong with her

inkskinned

you say it's my villain era and what you mean is that when you were six you panicked about wearing the right thing to kindergarten, what you mean is that in middle school nobody was eating, what you mean is that you spent high school prepping for college and college prepping for adulthood and adulthood fucking lost in the system.

what you mean is that you've been good. you were a good team player. you would have never considered yourself perfectionist - those are people more popular, prettier, more successful - but you carry any flaw like a secret in you, terrified someone will desert you for the simple reality of your personhood.

if you were good you could be loved. you could be loved if you were selfless and thoughtful and caring. if you bent over for every person, if you went above-and-beyond, it would absolve you of who you actually were. deep down, how horrible that you had needs. that you had boundaries, that you had desires. you learned young that you cannot afford to cut people out of your life - you would have nothing left. it is better to live in the service of others, to supplicate. to worship. you weren't exceptional, you had to make up for it in some way. to prove to others you were worthy.

if they need you, it's the same thing as loving you. if you are always-there, always-listening, always-friendly, you are filling a role. you have a purpose. you are living correctly.

villain era, you repeat. you mean: yesterday you finally told a man no. for hours afterwards, you couldn't control your heartbeat. you mean: you've been saying positive affirmations on repeat, trying to teach yourself any new thing about how self care is necessary. you mean: three weeks ago, due to a scheduling conflict, you finally told a coworker that no, you couldn't do them a "quick favor". you have felt bad about that ever since. sure, it would have made you work late and it would have been extra stress - but you feel bad about it nevertheless.

you tell your therapist you have been leaning into evil. she asks what that means. when you tell her: sometimes i prioritize my own needs, she doesn't find it funny. she looks at you a long time.

"and that's evil?" she clarifies.

"well," you say. "feels evil to me."

aridante

the complete works: the diary, virginia woolf // erasure, zoë lianne // dandelion wine, ray bradbury // the unabridged journals of sylvia plath, sylvia plath // the women, kim addonizio // august, mary oliver // incision, yves olade // high bridge park, carlie hoffman.

wixplirox

saywhat-politics

johnny-and-dora

must i pursue a career? is it not enough to be passionate about tv shows and snack foods?

alisonzai

artroubles

ohbutwebestmakepeacewithit

david shrigley

cozyautumnspices

andreablog2-deactivated20220425

I pretend to go to the bathroom so I can express emotions in private

valtsv

soon as i track down the ceo of clownery youre all going to be unemployed

falonah

what is it about rain that makes worms go absolutely buck wild for pavement

falonah

worm: no longer can i suffer the constriction, both of flesh and soul, of living in the tunnels of underground, for i now long only to be free under the skies of the Saints. earth may have birthed me but the sun is my mother

me, holding a slurpee, plucking worms off the sidewalk and tossing them into the grass: go the fuck home brian