jean kirschtein x fem!reader
(edited by @crazyforcococaine)
The gunshot rang through my ears and I flinched, my hand flying to my ears as I glanced at my father, his horrified and pained gaze stuck on the giant gaping hole in his hand. I gasped and to muffle the scream I almost let slip, I covered my mouth and instead, gagged as I looked down, noticing a chunk of meat resting right atop my boot. I tightly closed my eyes and blindly clutched onto Jean.
Jean had been assigned as my bodyguard when I got here, and although we had first clashed heads because of how flirtatious he was, heâd grown on me with his better attributes. His determination to help others, his leadership skills, his way of knowing exactly what to say and when to say it. His lips, his hair. The way his hands held onto my waist just now, making me fee the safest Iâd ever been since Eren began the Rumbling.
âStop, Floch! Donât shoot him!â
Jeanâs distressed voice brought me out of my train of thought and I looked up at him, distracted with the way his chest vibrated against my cheek, his heartbeat stopping for a split second when we made eye contact. He glanced down at my shaking figure one last second and pulled me behind him slightly as Floch eyed me, glaring at me up and down like he disapproved of me being here. As if my presence, was enough to make him want to shoot me the way he did my father.
âRelax, Jean. Iâm helping him understand. Maybe Y/N also needs some help understa-â Flochâs dazed voice was cut off by the man I was still clutching onto for dear life, literally. My life was at stake, I think. Floch was pretty unstable at the moment, and there was no telling what heâd try to do next.
âBastard! Donât even look at her! You hear me? Quit acting like a psychotic asshole!â Jean tensed as Flochâs stare shifted back towards me, becoming colder. He grit his teeth and the grip on his gun tightened. He lifted it up and kept it trained on my father, as he spoke, still looking dead into my eyes. I shivered, silently thanking Jean and his tall handsome figure for hiding my shaky knees.
âHe couldnât grasp the situation, but I think he does now. Now everyone knows what happens if you decide to mouth off.â Floch finished, pointing his gun at the ceiling as he gazed down at my father again. He was insane. What was going on through his head?
I didnât care, Iâd decided, as my fatherâs whimper of pain grabbed my attention. I gulped as he stared up at me, tears in both our eyes. I searched for Jeanâs hand, keeping my eyes on my father and I held it when I felt my pinky graze his. Interlocking our fingers, I bit my lip to keep from comforting my father out loud, from promising him that Iâd get him, us home safe, back to my mother and my siblings.
âHey, who elected you to act like king of this place?â Jeanâs voice was low, as if trying to speak a a wild animal heâd been hoping to tame. It would never work, I knew people like Floch. They never recover from doing something like this, if anything, they get worse.
âPlease, stop antagonizing him.â My voice was so small, I almost thought he didnât hear me until he gently waved a hand, signaling me to please keep quiet as he tried his best to keep Floch in line, as to not hurt anyone else.
âIâm glad you asked, Jean.â Floch spit out the tall manâs name with such venom, one would think heâd be some talking snake and from everything Jean had filled me in on earlier today, he might as well be. He threw away the sole purpose of the Survey Corps just to appease Eren, his admiration for Eren and his plan for the apocalypse was enough to make him go crazy. I almost felt sorry for him. Floch was nobody without Eren Yeager and I think he knew that as he spoke up to everyone in the room.
âListen up, everyone! Ten months ago, Eren told me his plan: His plan to use Zeke and gain control of the Founder!â
âWhat?â Jeanâs body shifted in what Iâm assuming was surprise and I tenderly squeezed his hand, giving him a faint smile with a slight raise of my brows as if to ask if he was okay, and he froze, his eyes searching for something in my own. For what, I had no idea but if he found what he wanted, he didnât show it as he slowly gave me a small smirk, delicately squeezing my hand back.
âI gathered comrades, aided Eren, and today, his plan was fulfilled! You Volunteers lost both your leader and the military who had your backs!â Flochâs arms were raised in a way that seemed like he thought what he was saying was fantastic news and we should all be celebrating, but we all thought otherwise. He was telling us our people outside the island were going to die. The air in the room felt thick, and I could feel myself begin to sweat underneath my clothes.
I turned to look up at Jean to see if he was any better than myself, only to see his smirk had quickly faded into a look of distaste and shock for his former fellow soldier. They might not have been friends but Iâm assuming it was a different type of pain, seeing someone you once fought for freedom beside, now fighting for the mass murder of innocents.
âAre you okay?â I whispered to Jean as he was looking into space, still stunned, I think. His hand, his soft hand, squeezed mine back in reassurance and I sighed to myself in relief. I only accompanied my father here because I wanted to see the horses. On my homeland, we didnât have any, and this had been exciting for me. Exploring a new land with my father, finally.
I hadnât been expecting some deranged ginger wanting to please his master, to take that from me. It angered me.
âAnd soon, youâll lose your homelands! Theyâll be reduced to giant footprints! You lost the reason you came hereâ the dream of reviving your homelands!â Floch continued his speech and I froze, my hand going limp in Jeanâs hold, but he held it tight, so as I wouldnât let go.
It finally hit me. His harsh tone, making me realize this was real. Eren Yeager wasnât going to stop for anything. He was fixed on killing everyone.
My mother, myâ my siblings. My friends. They were all going to die. I would never see my motherâs smile as I cringed at her attempt to joke; Sheâd made a corny joke that only people her age would laugh at. My siblings, I would never get to bully and be bullied, snitch and be snitched on. I was never going to sit at the dinner table and demand to know about everyoneâs day. I was never going to sleep over at F/Nâs again and draw on their face before they woke in the morning. We couldnât laugh about it at breakfast as they proudly wore my drawings ever again. I really was going to lose them to the Rumbling.
âEven so, if there are any among you who will aid our Eldian Empire, speak up! We will welcome you as fellow Eldians!â Flochâs long speech was beginning to irritate me, and I could see my father gritting his teeth, hatred in his eyes as he looked at the bandaged up Yeagerist. He was going to say something. Hell, I wanted to say something but I could feel it, I knew it couldnât end well with that gun still in that sociopathsâ hand.
âFatherââ I went to shut him up but he cut me off himself. Oh, no.
âScrew you, asshole! Iâll be bead before my daughter and I bowâ!â
Another gunshot rang through my ears again.
And another. And another.
âHis pride as a Volunteer wouldnât let him live in submission. But is pride worth dying for? Whatâs so wrong with submission? Isnât it much better than dying like this?â Floch sounded so far away, and honestly, I could care less what he was saying at this point. Nothing else mattered as I looked down.
I stared at my fatherâs dead body. Jeanâs hand was stretched out as the other was on the back of my head, keeping it buried in his chest, trying to keep me from looking with a soft âDonât look, baby.â but I couldnât rip my eyes away from my father and the pool of blood underneath him. I wouldâve flushed at Jeanâs english term of endearment if it werenât for the fact that I felt numb, and somehow, at the same time, felt everything at once.
âTake some time to think,â Floch gave everyone in the room a giant, close eyed grin, giving a small bow before his face fell as quick as it was a sick joyous, âLock âem up.â
âYes, Sir!â A pathetic Yeagerist complied Flochâs order and I grew angrier. How dare they? How dare they think they can play Destiny and decide who got to live or die? Why did my father have to die? He didnât have to KILL him.
I let out an indignant scream, tears leaving angry streams down my S/C skin as I pushed myself Jean away, falling to my knees at my fatherâs side. I cried out, seeing slabs and lumps of brain matter on the ground, by the top of the staircase. The smell of iron hit my nose, and I snapped, looking up at Floch, I lunged at him.
âIâll kill you!â I didnât sound like myself. I had spit streaming down my chin as tears clouded my vision and I knew I looked more insane than he did, but I was grabbed at the arms by Flochâs obedient puppies, and forced to my knees with a kick to my stomach. I yelped and curled into myself as best I could with my arms being restrained.
âHey! Donât you touch herâ Hey! Let her go, Floch! Thatâs enough!â Jeanâs angry voice came from behind me, but they mustâve stopped him from reaching out to me as I heard him grunting, growling at someone as clothes rustled.
âWhy? You didnât have to shoot. Youâ You didnât have to kill him! I have nobody because of you!â My eyes were closed tightly as tears continued to stream down my face. My hands clenching and unclenching as I struggled, feral.
My chest felt tight, my heart weighing tons as I remembered how proud my father had been of me, having agreed to come with him on his journeys outside our home. Adventurous little one, heâd said to me on the passage here, now your mother must deal with two of us. Iâd just smiled at him, thrilled to travel the world with him.
Now, he was gone. Just like that.