Writing is my getaway...

•Tabi•She/Her•Ace• Just where I archive my stories and poems. Follow if you want, check out my work, goodbye.

[crazytabikat]

Toxicity

November 23, 2020

TW: Referring to toxic relationships.

You’ve hurt me right down to my core.

Now I have to deal with emotions I’ve never thought of before.

Emotions that I’d rather ignore.

Just tell the truth, it’ll be alright.

Your lies have fully consumed my life.

You make me question if what I remember is right.

Your words constantly fill me with fear.

You yell and scream which makes me afraid to come near.

You make me wish I could rip my ears out, and never hear.

Will my future lover treat me the same?

Will they constantly put me to shame?

Will they then turn around and leave me to take the blame?

Or will I become the monster that makes people afraid?

Will who I am eventually decay?

And become the person who makes people want to stay away?

I reflect upon a lot of my old poetry, and wonder how the hell I managed to write most of them...

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Tears

March 11, 2021

TW: None?

Hot balls of lava roll down my flush skin.

My throat closes up tight like breathing is a sin.

I told myself that I wouldn’t let this emotion dominate the battle and win.

Why is nature such a painful thing?

Why does every teardrop leave a terrible sting?

How are there a dozen eyes focused on me?

When I’m in an empty where there’s no one to see.

How much longer will I have to beg and plea?

Before this feeling leaves me be.

Can’t it see the pain in my eyes?

The way I secretly wish to shrivel up and die?

I wish the curse of tears would finally leave me alone for a single night.

Tears are so beautiful, yet hold so much pain within them. 🍂

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Freezing

November 23, 2021

TW: None?

Your words strike something fierce into my heart.

They rip it open and tear it apart.

The warmth that wrapped around it like a thick furry jacket.

Is now six feet in the ground buried in some random casket.

Now I am freezing with the bright burning sun still out.

Because you just had to open your dirty, fat, stupid mouth.

Life will always be sad, hard, and even tragic, but it is also so, so beautiful… Make sure to take some time today to take care of yourself. Eat. Drink water. Have some quiet time.

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Fake Friends

November 13, 2021

TW: Swearing

Why do you have to be so fucking mean?

Going around defending the people who are fighting against me.

Even if you’re always on my side,

Can you fight with me instead of letting things slide?

Now let’s talk about fights that turn into apologies.

Except the apology never comes from you, only me.

Would you just care a little bit about my feelings?

Not push them aside like they hold no meaning.

Can you do the simple things I ask?

Can you finish a single fucking task?

Not fool around like an actual child,

Just be mature for awhile.

You’re supposed to be my friend, not my enemy.

Please just stop making a fool out of me.

So, I completely forgot to post this last week. Sorry about that. This just means that y'all get two posts today instead of one!

(Fun Fact: this poem is exactly 118 words. Have a nice day! 🙃)

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The Web of Asexuality

June 30, 2021

TW: hinting of sexual actions

You’re as beautiful as a rose shimmering with a sun soaked hue,

But there is in no way in hell do I or will I ever desire you.

Your perfectly fit body does nothing to me.

Can’t you see that your sexual plans are not in my reality?

Society’s deadly grasp has already caught me within its net of weird twisted games,

So why can’t you let me live instead of doing the same?

I know that it’s hard to understand,

But this is who I am.

First of all, the warning shows how ace I am. It took me five minutes to decide what to put for the warning.

As someone who identifies as asexual, going through life is weird. Almost everyone around me experiences this feeling that I will never feel. Learning that I was asexual was difficult as well. The sexual education where I live is crap, and we never talked about sexual attraction, so I just assumed that I experienced it. For a long time, it felt like I was trapped inside this web society created of who I was supposed to be, both inside the lgbt+ community and outside it. Sexual conversations need to become normal, so that people like me have an easier time figuring out who they are.

Even though pride month is coming to an end, that doesn’t mean we should stop being prideful of who we are. It doesn’t mean that we have to go to our holes and be silent. Pride month is every month! I hope everyone who participates had a great pride month this year.

I’ve decided to start posting book reviews/recommendations on my story, so if you’re interested in that, watch for it. I might eventually make those kinds of posts regular posts and not stories, but for now I’m going to keep them as stories.

Have a great day!!!

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What Love Really Is.

June 21, 2021

TW: nothing

Love is not simply one universal idea.

It changes based on the person it nears.

One can love a friend as if they were related,

Or another can love a partner like they are mated.

Some love in pairs or even threes,

And those people are as normal as you and me.

However, there are people who believe love can only be done one way.

Those people are the human representation of Monday.

Let people love as they wish.

Don’t force them to love with stupid restrictions.

There are too many people who are concerned about the love life of other people. Love who you want to love. No matter what you identify as, you deserve to love who ever you wish. And to my aromantic people who aren’t interested in relationships; go love the crap out of your friends and family! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

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My Friend

June 5, 2021

TW: none

I have a friend who is very important to me.

Every time we talk, his bright personality brings me glee.

And his creativity flows just as easily as the sea.

He used to be considered a she, and that’s perfectly fine.

However, there are people that think his identity is a lie.

They think he’s an attention seeker.

Someone who wants to be a people pleaser.

However, the truth is far more bleaker.

My friend is trans, and that’s sometimes a sad reality.

Because he will never truly feel comfortable in his own body.

I hope people will learn to open their eyes,

And understand that my friend will forever be a guy.

He’s perfect, wonderful, and everything I need,

So please don’t insult his identity.

Happy pride month (yeah, it’s late into the month, I know)! This poem was actually written for a friend who I hold close to my heart. He’s amazing, and I hope his life from here on out is amazing. To all of my trans/non-binary poetry lovers (If there are any reading this): you are valid. Don’t let other people tell you who you are or what your identity is. You are strong, amazing, and deserve all of the happiness in the world! I hope you guys have a fantastic pride month!🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

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The Possibility of Love

September 26, 2020

TW: mentions of killing

I’m constantly told that I’m incapable of love.

That I’m simply a monster that will never be enough.

If that’s true, then why can’t I kill you?

Why does that though make me feel so blue?

Why is it that every time I’m holding my knife, ready to slice,

That you look at me, and I’m forced to think twice?

Why are you the only thing I can think about at night?

When I leave after a fight, why do I want to turn around and make things right?

Why do your tears make my heart clench?

Why don’t I want to leave you dead in a ditch?

If I can’t love, then why does the thought of you not being here cause me pain?

The simple thought racks my brain.

I think everyone was wrong.

I know the love I feel is strong.

I know that my love for you is undeniably true.

Why did I have to fall in love with you?

I have a whole story for this poem that goes a little something like this:

Former knight turned assassin is hired to go undercover and infiltrate the ruling kingdom. The assassin's job is to get close to the kingdom's princess, kidnap her, and kill her on enemy territory. This way a war will spark, bringing the royal kingdom down to their knees.

Yes, it's very unoriginal, and I may or may not have stolen some points from The Princess Bride, but I love it anyway.

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So Far, Yet So Close

May 7, 2021

TW: nothing, it's safe af

How can my heart beat for someone who’s a million miles away?

You aren’t there to comfort me after a bad Monday.

I can’t take you out for some stupid fancy fillet.

Yet our love hasn’t gone astray.

My bright sun is your mystical moon.

I wonder how many people fail to cling onto the smell of your perfume.

Maybe one day I can hold your hand while stuck in a crowded room.

I hope the universe is having fun making us dance to his tune.

I cherish your smile every day.

I hope your feelings for me are here to stay.

You let me live in color instead of a dull gray.

You’ll always be my bright sun ray.

If you relate, I am so sorry.

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A Field of Flowers

February 24, 2021

TW: It's cute af, swearing

I want to run circles in a flower field.

Where my secrets no longer have to be sealed.

Where our love can finally be revealed.

I want to read poetry with you throughout the night.

The time when we can watch fireflies take flight.

In the place where I’m sure that everything will be alright.

I want to feel your soft lips against mine.

While we let the sun majestically shine.

Maybe on the green grass we can even wine and dine.

I want to tuck a rose within your beautiful hair.

One so black that it only reflects despair.

But only you’ll know why it’s so wonderfully rare.

You’ll know the black rose is something only morons can see.

They won’t know the array of colors that shine underneath.

The only people who will ever know about it is you and me.

I want to finally be able to run away with you.

Where you and I can start something new.

So I can finally stop feeling so fuckin’ blue.

Can we run away to a flower field forever?

Where you and I can finally be together.

This is one of my favorite creations. Please handle it with care!

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A Splash Of Color

January 23, 2020

TW: A bunch of cute love

He gracefully danced across the plain white sheet.

Gentle beats of color erupted from beneath his feet.

His movements stopped when she came into sight.

Her colors were beautiful and perfectly bright.

They pulled him in until the two touched.

It was then that their colors clashed and suddenly become too much.

They still danced the night away.

Even though their paths quickly went astray.

Their patterns together seemed somewhat strange.

From an outside eye, they would even look deranged.

But that didn’t matter to either of the two.

The only important thing was their new love that bloomed.

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A Safe Song

November 26, 2019

TW: tiny bit of sadness

My Mom would sing a song every single night.

To fill me up with delight.

Her words rhymed,

And her voice chimed.

It kept the monsters away,

And made me safe until day.

Only once she did not sing,

And the monsters came after me.

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Kept Secrets

February 15, 2020

TW: Mentions of death, revenge, gore(?) but extremely lowkey

No, I won't tell your lies,

At least while you are alive.

When you are dead,

I will make sure that I take your secrets out from under the bed.

The very day that you die,

I will make sure to spread the truth to your lies.

You ripped my heart out,

And split it in two.

So please don't lie to me again,

Or I will make sure that I am not the only one who wants to see your end.

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Meaningless Words

November 22, 2019

TW: Slight mentions of death

They talk about love,

And they talk about death.

They tell you nice things,

But lie behind your back.

They talk about the news,

And even the weather.

They give you advice,

That doesn't make things better.

I have told you once,

And I will tell you again,

People say things that are only meant for the dead.

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Murder

November 14, 2019

TW: Mentions of death, murder

They laid on the ground perfectly still.

They were all tied up and held against their will.

My knife hung threateningly low.

It swayed from side to side.

Then I plunged it into their chests.

And hoped they enjoy their long rest. 

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The Beauty of a Woman

February 13, 2020

TW: Vague sexual undertones 

He finds it hard to see the lights,

That are overshadowed by her beautiful tights.

She is but a sweet little thing,

As she dances around like no one is watching.

His breath hitched at the very sight,

And hoped that he wouldn't end up alone that night.

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The Story of a Frozen Heart

February 19, 2020

TW: Sadness

You warmed me up with the gentle touch of your hand.

The sun reflected off of your gold wedding band.

You were the sun while I was the moon.

I thought that nothing could change until we got that fatal wound.

I saw you with her who was much better than me

I noticed the happiness in you two that was slowly dying in we.

I drifted into space while you showed no care.

You were happy with someone else which was something that I couldn't bear.

I started to freeze over.

Because what we had was slowly becoming colder.

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