Ms. UnspokenThoughts

When thoughts become too loud to hear, they're instead 'sprinkled' down on any platform... 😁

[aashiquidreams]

“I’m slowly learning how to accept my broken pieces. I’m slowly learning how to make peace with the parts of me that are still catching up. My childhood dreams that never came true, the family picture that never came to life, all the people who disappointed me, my trust issues, my fears and all the things I tried so hard for but were never meant to be mine.

I’m slowly learning that it may take me a while to figure out what I truly want because of all the things that I longed for only to find out that they didn’t make me happy or they didn’t make me a better person. I’m slowly learning that my heart may not always be very inviting because of all the times it let the wrong people in. I’m slowly learning how to make calculated decisions because of all the things I had to rethink and all the things I had to change.

I’m slowly learning how to be patient with myself as I heal from everything that broke me. I’m learning that healing doesn’t truly end and sometimes I’ll have to heal certain things over and over again. The wounds that bleed again from the slightest scratch, the words that trigger all the pent up emotions and the reminders that bring up unfortunate memories and tragedies. I’m slowly learning how to accept that I haven’t completely healed yet. That it may take me a while to be where I need to be and that it may take a while to find my happy place.

I’m slowly learning how to live with my broken pieces until I can fix them, how to sharpen the edges until I put them back together, how to polish them so they can shine again and how to tame them before they hurt someone else. I’m slowly learning how to stay away from people who step on my broken pieces. People who don’t bring out the best in me. People who unleash the stubborn and defensive parts of me. I’m slowly learning how to stay away from people who I don’t feel calm around. The people who disturb my inner peace.

I’m slowly learning how to live with my broken pieces because I’ll never be completely unbroken and it’s those broken pieces that taught me how to be strong and resilient. It’s those broken pieces that taught me how to be on my own and heal myself and it’s those broken pieces that made me fight for who I want to be. It’s those broken pieces that showed me who is willing to ride with me till the very end and who wants to be dropped off at the nearest exit.”

—Rania Naim

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Knowing and Believing

You can believe in something or somebody but not really know it or him/her. You may believe in a quote just bluntly and simply cause it makes sense but not really understand it in depth. The same applies to people.

It takes knowing something /somebody for you to believe in them but it can be daunting to believe in something or somebody that you don't yet know. Some may call it faith but then even faith has to be applied with great understanding. By understanding I mean, you really have to understand the dimensions of this thing you are living by so as to familiarise yourself with its nature; maybe then, you'll realize you've been withholding yourself from things that would've been much easier to be tackled or handed over to you had you known more about what can be done.

So, I did believe in Him but never really knew Him to an extent. I believed in what he said he could do because I saw in his manual how he came through for others. You see, my belief was based off of what I saw him do for others. It was always a 'he's done for him so bless him for his goodness' talk. I knew he was good because he did great things for people and this is not to mean he didn't do great things for me, it's just that to me it was normal and I didn't really realize his doing in my life. I just didn't know exactly how he works and how I could apply him in my life (I mean, he was busy visiting other people's lives that were in need of him - why bother him).

When you don't know or understand the nature of something/somebody, it's very difficult to know how to interpret the nature victory that comes along with it/him. The believing only without knowing exactly on what or whose surface you've laid it on and understanding how far it could be stretched, might not take you far.

So, I was reintroduced to him and I began understanding who he really was. To my belief of who he was and is, the knowledge of his supreme being was added. Let me reintroduce this known incredible being that I believed in for so long:

He is the firstborn of all creation,

he is so consistent with his utterances and too faithful to leave you halfway,

he is always after his word to perform it,

he's too loving to desert you,

he's the friend you never had,

he's a great listener,

he's patient enough to wait for you,

he's understanding,

he's a hope giver,

He's too great and sovereign to even qualify him on one page/chapter. He's all that we could imagine and beyond our imagination as well. One who is timely even now!

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My relationship with this quote

The quote: “Everything is a mirror. Send positive energy to this person and situation and it will be reflected back to you!” that's been used over the years as a motivational one has caused me to cringe (just a little).

The reason I cringe is not because it's wrong but because it's been wrongly used. The context in which some of these groomed'motivational speakers' have used it in, is cringe worthy or just simply A-N-N-O-Y-I-N-G!

You see, some of things we say to victims in the hopes of healing or serving as therapy to them, does more harm than good. Sometimes we say so barely as a piece of advice but what we don't know is deep down, the victims are left faulting themselves for the wrongs of their abusers.

Affirmations like, 'I deserved that because that's what was mirrored', 'I ought to work on myself so as to mirror how I'd like them treat me next time', etc., play cards in the victim's mind.

You see, with all these substandard 'motivational talks', what it actually does is paving room for victims to see their abusers as soulmates meant to teach them essential life lessons WHILE they(victims) blame themselves.

I absolutely have the best encounter with spiritually and acts like Praying, Mediating, etc. can lead to tremendous recovery and there's nothing wrong with that.

HOWEVER, when spirituality is misused to blame the victim and repress their emotions while cutting the abuser some slack and freeing them (abusers) from accountability then it can become dangerous to their (victims) mental health.

Lastly, maturity is relative and emotional maturity cannot be exercised when only one party is emotionally mature (both have to be). It's two way! So, the shaming culture of a victim by asking him/her to rise above their abusers and be mature about it is a NO-NO! The thing with those advising the victim to rise above an abuser is that in a nutshell, what they are trying to tell you is, 'just ignore that small issue and move on for the sake of peace.'

First of, ABUSE is not a 'small thing'. Second, don't give anyone your piece of mind if you've not been through it yourself and if you're going to anyways, kindly educate yourself! Lastly, to the victim: NEVER REPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS FOR THE SAKE OF SEEMING MATURE! Don't even feel the need to seem spiritually enlightened or morally superior for it's not worth it. Rather, feel free to process your authentic emotions for it's much more healthy.

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You’ll find a community that has your back on The Mighty, no matter what health situation you’re going through. We talk about what health is

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Overtime, I’ve actually come to realise that it’s not love I’m afraid of; love's a beautiful thing.

Rather,

I’m afraid of sailing in it with another - only to end up on the other side alone.

I’m afraid of sailing through this sea with another and end up losing sight of one another in the middle of a wave or storm - simply because the sailing got rough.

I’m afraid that in case the ship capsizes, one of us might be trying to save the other only for the other to find a better someone to save her/him.

I’m afraid that while we’ve sailed for too long, one of us might decide to call it quits because it’s tiring and end up walking out on the other.

I’m afraid that in the case of a cyclone, one of us will choose to save the ship and everything in it instead of the other.

I’m afraid that even through the ups and downs of sailing we may lose sight of exactly why we were sailing/ The Purpose, and end up parting ways.

I’m afraid that we may sail for so long only to forget our way back incase we need to redefine why we’re sailing or why we chose to sail only the two of us - together.

I’m afraid that while sailing, we may safely end up on the other side only to discover I was all alone.

So, it’s not really love I’m afraid of but the people that get to do this love thing together.

Ms. UnspokenThoughts

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Overtime, I've actually come to realise that it's not love I'm afraid of; it's a beautiful thing. Rather,

I'm afraid of sailing in it with another - only to end up on the other side alone.

I'm afraid of sailing through this sea with another and end up losing sight of one another in the middle of a wave or storm - simply because the sailing got rough.

I'm afraid that in case the ship capsizes, one of us might be trying to save the other only for the other to find a better someone to save her/him.

I'm afraid that while we've sailed for too long, one of us might decide to call it quits because it's tiring and end up walking out on the other.

I'm afraid that in the case of a cyclone, one of us will choose to save the ship and everything in it instead of the other.

I'm afraid that even through the ups and downs of sailing we may lose sight of exactly why we were sailing/ The Purpose, and end up parting ways.

I'm afraid that we may sail for so long only to forget our way back incase we need to redefine why we're sailing or why we chose to sail only the two of us - together.

I'm afraid that while sailing, we may safely end up on the other side only to discover I was all alone.

So, it's not really love I'm afraid of but the people that get to do this love thing together.

Ms. UnspokenThoughts

Ms. UnspokenThoughts

When thoughts become too loud to hear, they're instead 'sprinkled' down on any platform... 😁

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Disconnected

I thought life would let me be

I thought life would fight my battles

I thought I’d never regret some stuff

But all that was to be surpassed by one single ‘story’

A story that remains imprinted in their minds and worse still in their hearts

A story that kept my sanity questionable in an 'un-understandable’ way

A story that interjected what I had to say

A story that kept fingers raised and pointed towards an already broken girl

A girl who couldn’t stand up for the truth in her own story, far from the one already narrated to multiples

A girl that shields her broken soul by opting to shut down

A broken girl that got disconnected from the reality

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“Sometimes we can become so busy looking for reasons why we are loved that we fail to embrace the fact that we are loved. My relationship with God has become less about me wondering why He loves me and more on enjoying the fact that He does love me. When you begin to truly expect and trust the love of God, it significantly changes your paradigm.

I want you to live in a place of expectation. You must begin to expect that everything in your life, good or bad, has been divinely assigned to help God manifest the divine purpose and intentions He has for you.

(When you’ve experienced disappointment in the past, living with that level of expectation can be scary.)”

~Sarah J

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Disconnected

I thought life would let me be

I thought life would fight my battles

I thought I'd never regret some stuff

But all that was to be surpassed by one single 'story'

A story that remains imprinted in their minds and worse still in their hearts

A story that kept my sanity questionable in an 'un-understandable' way

A story that interjected what I had to say

A story that kept fingers raised and pointed towards an already broken girl

A girl who couldn't stand up for the truth in her own story, far from the one already narrated to multiples

A girl that shields her broken soul by opting to shut down

A broken girl that got disconnected from the reality

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If you neither trust your mind nor your judgement , how will you trust the fact that you love me...

If you cheat on the basics, how will you be true to a whole new commitment which is not just basic...

MsUnspokenThoughts

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Sometimes...

Sometimes you really have to love it with the same intensity you hated it to believe in it

Sometimes you have to put it into test and trial just so you could be sure if it's really worth it

Sometimes you have to let it occupy a place in your shattered heart so you could feel it one more time

Sometimes you have to look beyond the scope of bitterness if you really would like to figure out how to embrace it

Sometimes you've got to lose yourself and decide to never find that lost version of you so you can recreate another stronger being that you never knew existed in you

Sometimes you've got to remind yourself that you could give it another trial without heading into it with that same old mentality

Of which all these 'sometimes' are the rare times...

~MsUnspokenThoughts

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"I laid my speech and awoke my heart so I could feel more and talk less. With time, I realized how easy it was to reconnect to my 'lost self' by being in touch with the feelings that yearned to be felt deep inside. I became the perfect match for my once shattered heart! I found myself in the middle of NOWHERE and repositioned myself SOMEWHERE I needed to be."

-MsUnspokenThoughts

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"If you happen to capture my heart in the midst of all my mishaps, make sure to capture the 'fragmented' heart as well but ignore the emptiness.

P. S: Please bring along a quality camera, you'll need it! "

-MsUnspokenThoughts

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What is truth if what is said is doubted? What is trust if all I ever gave was trashed? What is happiness if what you held onto vanished? I'm not sure I know anything yet...

-MsUnspokenThoughts

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Whenever I took time to stare at the stars and the moon, I got reminded of what I'd never achieve. However, you came through for me on those nights and dark days and made me believe I could achieve everything and anything I'd set my mind on. Today am at it again... Staring into the dark waiting for you to come through for me as you had sometime back, but I guess that was meant to be the first and the last time. I wish it was as simple as you made it feel... 😔

MsUnspokenThoughts

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In order to have self discovery, we've got to have PRIVACY. We need moments of reflection...

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I've drowned a gazillion number of times and forgot to resurface and even gasp for breath. I've fallen a million number of times and forgot to dust myself after getting up. I've hit rock bottom a thousand number of times and got hurt till I became numb yet I've never forgotten how it feels to be at your lowest point in Life's rollercoaster. Again, I've been on the wrong a hundred number of times, but owning up to my mistakes and taking responsibility without playing victim is what I'll never forget. I'll always be brave enough to utter the five letter word which is 'sorry'. For I've realised, life's too short to always be on the right even when you're sincerely on the wrong. Life's also too short to right your wrong for time will catch up with you as you go on and about righting the 'flawed' wrongs!

-MsUnspokenThoughts

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Here's to the cast memories in my life that came crumbling right before me. Here's to the tears shed but here's to the crust that formed and toughened my heart. So, let's toast to the growth that was initiated... For in the midst of mishaps, I grew through it. Cheers 🍻!

-MsUnspokenThoughts