Mel:Norm

"It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

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'It's ok, they may have guns, but we have flowers.'

We have flowers. 

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26 Times Jim And Pam's Relationship Was Way, Way Too Real

The one and only OTP.

[eponis]

Everything Is Awful and I’m Not Okay: questions to ask before giving up

Are you hydrated?  If not, have a glass of water.

Have you eaten in the past three hours?  If not, get some food — something with protein, not just simple carbs.  Perhaps some nuts or hummus?

Have you showered in the past day?  If not, take a shower right now.

If daytime: are you dressed?  If not, put on clean clothes that aren’t pajamas.  Give yourself permission to wear something special, whether it’s a funny t-shirt or a pretty dress.

If nighttime: are you sleepy and fatigued but resisting going to sleep?  Put on pajamas, make yourself cozy in bed with a teddy bear and the sound of falling rain, and close your eyes for fifteen minutes — no electronic screens allowed.  If you’re still awake after that, you can get up again; no pressure.

Have you stretched your legs in the past day?  If not, do so right now.  If you don’t have the spoons for a run or trip to the gym, just walk around the block, then keep walking as long as you please.  If the weather’s crap, drive to a big box store (e.g. Target) and go on a brisk walk through the aisles you normally skip.

Have you said something nice to someone in the past day?  Do so, whether online or in person.  Make it genuine; wait until you see something really wonderful about someone, and tell them about it.

Have you moved your body to music in the past day?  If not, do so — jog for the length of an EDM song at your favorite BPM, or just dance around the room for the length of an upbeat song.

Have you cuddled a living being in the past two days?  If not, do so.  Don’t be afraid to ask for hugs from friends or friends’ pets.  Most of them will enjoy the cuddles too; you’re not imposing on them.

Do you feel ineffective?  Pause right now and get something small completed, whether it’s responding to an e-mail, loading up the dishwasher, or packing your gym bag for your next trip.  Good job!

Do you feel unattractive?  Take a goddamn selfie.  Your friends will remind you how great you look, and you’ll fight society’s restrictions on what beauty can look like.

Do you feel paralyzed by indecision?  Give yourself ten minutes to sit back and figure out a game plan for the day.  If a particular decision or problem is still being a roadblock, simply set it aside for now, and pick something else that seems doable.  Right now, the important part is to break through that stasis, even if it means doing something trivial.

Have you seen a therapist in the past few days?  If not, hang on until your next therapy visit and talk through things then.

Have you been over-exerting yourself lately — physically, emotionally, socially, or intellectually?  That can take a toll that lingers for days. Give yourself a break in that area, whether it’s physical rest, taking time alone, or relaxing with some silly entertainment.

Have you changed any of your medications in the past couple of weeks, including skipped doses or a change in generic prescription brand?  That may be screwing with your head.  Give things a few days, then talk to your doctor if it doesn’t settle down.

Have you waited a week?  Sometimes our perception of life is skewed, and we can’t even tell that we’re not thinking clearly, and there’s no obvious external cause.  It happens.  Keep yourself going for a full week, whatever it takes, and see if you still feel the same way then.

You’ve made it this far, and you will make it through.  You are stronger than you think.

(Some people have asked about making this into a poster or redistributing it.  This post is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License: redistribution is welcome as long as you attribute my tumblr.  For some background and FAQ about the post, see my follow-up post.)

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Simple reminders

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Couples Play 'Truth Or Drink.' And Yes, Things Get Awkward

What’s the craziest thing you’ve done sexually with an ex? When’s the last time you masturbated? If I was in a coma, how long would you wait for me?These aren’t necessarily the kinds of questions you might pose to your sig... 

This video is hysterical. Some of these couples make it look so much fun!

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Unexpected vistiors give crossing guard surprise of his life! Watch the brand new DUDE. be nice Project - a platform to get young people stoked on doing...

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I loved this article so much about creating new friendships as an adult (because that's hard!). I feel like I've made some of my best friends in the last few years--hallelujah for mid-20's--and I hope it is a mentality I can continue. 

Everyone wants a Christina Yang that you can call your person. 

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Looking Back on 2014

Entering year 5 of doing this survey. It is always fun to take a look back on previous years to remember little things and see the growth: 2010, 2011, and 2013.

1. What did you do in 2014 that you’d never done before? GOT ENGAGED!!! Went to Prague. Traveled in Europe with Carlton. Had a non-sit-down Thanksgiving dinner. Offered and accepted a new job at my company. Facilitated trainings and camp by myself. Bought a wedding dress! Saw Sara Bareilles, Ed Sheeran, Sam Smith, Justin Timberlake, and Blake Shelton in concert. Saw Pippin, Once, and Book of Morman at the Pantages. Went to the MTV VMA Awards at the Forum. Took a yoga class. Monday date nights J

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Last year I made a few goals: ~Go to Europe: CHECK ~Buy a new car: CHECK (used, but new to me) ~Read at least 25 books: Whomp, whomp fail. Only read 8. ~Write. Something. Sometime. Preferably often: Half-way CHECK ~Nothing about the gym. I know I can do better about my health, but I want that balance between enjoyment and health. I refuse to not allow myself dessert: CHECK (I ate ice cream AND renewed my gym membership) ~Find Balance. That illusive little bugger: Still in Progress

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do in the next year, some of which I haven’t quite figured out. But here are the ones I know for sure:

~GET MARRIED!!!!!! YAY! ~Enjoy being engaged and not let wedding planning overwhelm us (too often) ~Read 25 books ~Put down my phone: Try not to spend so much time on social media and be present ~Send people cards for no reason, remind others they are important, and show them why ~Take professional risks and look for growth opportunities ~Record moments: photos, blog, journaling ~Try more new restaurants and bars in my neighborhood

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? YES!!! Courtney had Paul Giuseppe and Mike and Julia had Lena! I love being an Auntie!

4. Did anyone close to you die? Carlton’s grandmother Pearl died in August suddenly. And the beautiful Natalie Nevarez passed away on November 2nd from cancer at the age of 24. 

5. What countries did you visit? England, my favorite. And the Czech Republic by going to Prague.

6. What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014? A husband!!! <3 A renewed sense of purpose. A sense of control over cell phone addiction. A blog I keep up with.

7. What dates from 2014 will remain etched upon your memory and why? 10/25/2014: Carlton got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. That’s the only date I need to remember from this year.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? I stood up for myself, personally and professionally, and made difficult decisions. I made the choice to prioritize the people in my life over my job, without regret.

9. What was your biggest failure? I did not always speak up soon enough or in the right way. Oftentimes, I did not prioritize the right things at the right moment. I am working to balance care for myself, care for others, and work.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I tweaked my back really badly in May and it got retriggered every time I tried to overdo it. I also got sick for the first time in over a year right after Halloween.

11. What was the best thing you bought? My trip to Europe was the best thing I bought this year. It gave me perspective, distance, intimacy, and joy. I am so ready to go on another trip next year.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My family, Carlton, and my close friends. And my own.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I think everyone has moments where they are not showing themselves at their best. Everyone has trying times, times that cause stress or anxiety that cannot be managed internally, that cause them to behave in ways not typical to their character. I am subject to this as much as the next person, so I do not have cause to be upset by others doing the same.

14. Where did most of your money go? Europe. Gas. Rent. Books. Presents. Food.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Paul. Lena. I AM GETTING MARRIED NEXT YEAR!

16. What song will always remind of you 2014? Shake It Off. Say Something. Happy. Stay with Me.

17. Compared to this time last year, are:

a) happier or sadder? Happier b) thinner or fatter? About the same c) richer or poorer? Poorer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Exercise without complaining. Write. Read books. Hang out with friends sans phone. Schedule trips back home. Explore LA restaurants. Hike. Go to the beach. Go on dates. Speak my mind. Separating work and home.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Keep my feelings to myself. Direct frustration at the wrong person. Compare myself. Complain. Cry. Overanalyze myself and my relationships. (same as 2013)

20. Did you fall in love in 2014? More than ever.

21. What was your favorite TV program? Pretty Little Liars. Parks and Recreation. Criminal Minds. The Walking Dead. Orange is the New Black. Grey’s Anatomy. Once Upon a Time.

22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? No.

23. What was the best book you read? Wild, Cheryl Strayed Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn

24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Ed Sheeran.

25. What did you want and get? A new car. A job change with my company.

26. What did you want and not get? A puppy.

27. What was your favorite film of this year? The Fault In Our Stars. Mockingjay. The Hobbit.

28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 27 this year! I entered the office to silly string battles with Courtney and Michelle. It was a Friday so Carlton was working late. Michelle and I went on a birthday dinner date for the full course dinner at The Melting Pot, where we also celebrated her 3 year work anniversary at Comfort Zone. The next night I got to celebrate with some of my favorites at Pancho’s. for way too many beers, a cover band that sang me happy birthday, and lots of dancing to 80’s and 90’s music.

29. How you would describe your personal fashion concept in 2014? Simple and laidback: flannel and jeans. 

30. What kept you sane? Calling mom on the drive home. Sweatpants. Carlton and date nights.

31. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Let’s just go with Legolas.

32. Who did you miss? My family. Correy. Natalie.

33. Who was the best new person you met? Paul and Lena!

34. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2014. I learned that you have to allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable and stand up for yourself in order to live your best life. You have to celebrate the little things and enjoy the small moments. You are not defined by your job.

35. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. And, darling, I will be loving you ‘til we’re 70 And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard as 23 And I’m thinking ‘bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways Maybe just the touch of a hand Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day And I just want to tell you I am

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New Year's Resolution Remix: 15 Things To Stop Doing In 2015

Stop thinking you have to get it right on the first try. 

[wordsnquotes]

Compassion hurts. When you feel connected to everything, you also feel responsible for everything. And you cannot turn away. Your destiny is bound with the destinies of others. You must either learn to carry the Universe or be crushed by it. You must grow strong enough to love the world, yet empty enough to sit down at the same table with its worst horrors.

Andrew Boyd, Daily Afflictions: The Agony of Being Connected to Everything in the Universe (via thesoutherly)

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Young man had sign saying, “free hugs”, at a Portland Ferguson rally. This cop took him up on the offer. This child is moved to tears from being shown kindness by a cop. That means that this boy did not expect to be shown this simple kindness by someone that has sworn to protect and serve him. Someone that he is supposed to trust. 

[tatianamaslnaymoved-blog]

[thatfunnyblog]

Literally me

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This is life.

[other-wordly]

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My new favorite word

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And, darling, I will be loving you 'til we're 70 And, baby, my heart could still fall as hard at 23 And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways Maybe just the touch of a hand Well, me—I fall in love with you every single day And I just wanna tell you I am

So honey now Take me into your loving arms Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars Place your head on my beating heart I'm thinking out loud That maybe we found love right where we are

[observando]

There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human- in not having to be just happy or just sad- in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time.

C. JoyBell C. (via observando)

[belzhar]

What is your own pain? What is the place you go to inside yourself? Other people may not consider it as objectively painful as you consider it, but the only thing that matters is how you feel about it, how you deal with it.

Meg Wolitzer on Belzhar for Everyday eBook (via belzhar)

[tskhaze]

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2014 Europe Vacation Rewind: Day 7, Tuesday 4/22

First of all, I need to share a picture of our amazing hostel.

This day was begun with free breakfast (Amen for free breakfast) at the hostel. After getting ready, we joined the free walking tour from the hostel led by Phillip. Prepare to have your mind blown by awesome facts. We began the tour in Republic Square at the Municipal House. Eh. 

St. James Basilica brought the best story of the tour: the beef jerkey hand of Prague! The legend says that there was a man that was attempting to rob the church. He hid until the church was empty and then walked up to a sculpture of Mary, with a dead Jesus lying across her lap. When he went to grab some gold from the sculpture, the statue came to life and grabbed his arm. When the priests arrived the next day and saw the man being held by the statue, he repented and said he would never steal again if they would help him get unstuck. The only way to do so was the cut him from the statue by cutting off his arm. When he was free, he ran from the church and the statue came to life to throw his hand to the ground before assuming its original position. Did I mention the church still has this several hundred year old hand hanging from the ceiling?

We walked from the church to the Town Square. Phillip told us of the church that was given as a gift to the Protestants from the Catholic church as a peace offering. The inequality in the towers represent Adam and Eve, but the Catholic church took the church back as its own. They even burned down a gold emblem to turn it into the Virgin Mary. 

We walked over to the Astronomical Clock next, just in time to see the pieces move. Philip told us that the clock was SO FAR  ahead of its time when it was built in the 1400s; the pieces moved! Crazy! The builder was being propositioned by another city to build another clock so city officials cut out the eyes of the builder so that Prague could remain unique. The builder, incredibly angry, asked an apprentice to place a wrench in the gears to keep the clock from working. He then told the city officials there was a curse on the city for what they did to him. The officials believed him!! It wasn't until centuries later that someone found the wrench, removed it, and the clock began to work again! The four figures on the clock represent the four fears of medieval times: Vanity, greed, death, and mass innovation. 

Next on the tour was Franz Kafka Square. Hearing about the cockroach story made me even more glad I never read the book.

Next stop: Jewish Quarter. This was also known as the Old Jewish Ghetto. Hitler personally chose to preserve the Jewish Quarter in Prague and had Jewish artifacts from all over Europe sent to Prague. He was hoping to use Prague as an example of the existence of the Jewish race after the war. The cemetery, which is the oldest Jewish cemetery in Europe, contains between 2-5 thousand bodies and is upwards of 15-20 feet taller than the street. The only working synagogue, the Old New Synagogue, is also the oldest synagogue in Prague.

After finishing the tour at the National Theater, we walked across the Charles Bridge to grab lunch. Potato peels and a sausage: even for the vegetarian! 

We then walked back up the hill to the St. Vitus Cathedral and Prague Castle again. This time we went inside the cathedral (gah...BEAUTIFUL).

We walked through the courtyard of the castle, past where we had traveled the day before, and found a small square of restaurants, stands with beer and snacks, and the front gates of the castle. We took in the view while enjoying some Czech beer and a Czech snack, Trdelnik, which is a baked dough covered in cinnamon and sugar.

Here's our view from the top on our walk back down into the city.

Once at the bottom of the hill, Carlton bought us tickets to walk through St. Nicolas Church. The sculptures and statues and artwork was crazy! 

On this day our nap took place between the hours of 4:00-8:00pm. Granted, yes, I do understand this is horrible when in a beautiful new country/city, but it was very much needed. We woke up and watched a documentary on TV and stretched. We didn't want to leave, but realized we should eat something and take in the city one last time before leaving in the morning. The plan was to grab a snack and dessert, which was destroyed when a fast food place gave me fries smothered in mayonnaise. I almost threw up and threw them away instead. In its place, we ended up in a restaurant on the water where I had some amazing pasta and we split a few desserts. A meal of this quality at home would have easily cost us at least $75 dollars and we instead paid the equivalent of $25 after tipping generously.

We walked along the water for one last view of the castle, then went back to the hostel to shower, pack, and watch Jimmy Fallon. Goodnight Prague.