Title: Falcon, Falcon, Goose!
Pairing: Sam Wilson x Reader
Summary: You were beyond done with the goose you had met in the park almost a week ago. You thought telling it that you didn't have any bread would get it to leave you the hell alone, but instead it has become your new rambunctious pet. There were reports of geese leading people to their soulmates spanning decades, and it seemed like a cool concept, but why did it have to coincide with you coming out of your writing slump?
Warnings: cursing, geese, dumbassery, Stucky bc I am but a basic bitch, John Mulaney reference
A/N: I wanted to leave an impression with my first soulmate au and a piece for and their writing challenge! The image is hopefully giving the credit for whoever came up with this au but who knows? I love it and it's wonderful. Also decided to make the reader work for SNL bc why the hell not? Hope you John Mulaney fans enjoy my little egg
It was a sunny day outside, and deciding that you had been cooped up for far too long, you brought your laptop to the park a couple blocks from your studio apartment.
Being a writer for Saturday Night Live wasn't always so peachy, what with the lack of a social life outside of your co-workers and constantly explaining your job to confused relatives. You had been in a slump for the past couple weeks, the fact most of your sketch ideas not making the cut for the next episode continuing to throw you off your rhythm.
This week, you were going to change that. Your headphones were playing your concentration playlist full volume and you were hyped to the max. With your laptop on the picnic table in front of you and a warm cup of tea beside it, you were ready to blow the producers away with your next idea.
You felt something nudge your leg, but you were too engrossed into what you were typing to care.
After getting through a few more lines, it happened again.
You couldn't hear the sound but the feeling on your leg got a little bit rougher, more demanding. You moved your headphones to the side for a minute and took a moment to look around you. There was no kid running to get their ball back or any squirrels nearby that dropped a nut.
But you put your headphones back on, trying to keep your groove alive while hoping the interruptions are finished.
"HONK! HONK! HONK!" The goose honked louder, pecking at your leg harder than it had earlier.
You were getting frustrated and a little pissed. The creativity was flowing through your veins for the first time in what felt like ages and this- whatever it was -decided that today was the best day to annoy you.
You kicked your legs out with a strange flail and when you came into contact with something large and solid you nearly screamed.
"Ow! Motherf- oh my god!"
Standing on the ground beside your table was a goose. It honked yet again with impatience (geese could do that?) and nipped lightly at your thigh closest to him. Looking to the pond nearby, it was nearly an entire gaggle of the damned things.
So here was this goose honking and nipping at you like you were supposed to know what the hell it wanted.
"I don't have any bread, dumbass. Go find someone else to bother." Thinking it would leave if you ignored it, you turned away and continued your work.
"Honk! Honk!" It continued to honk and decided to peck you before flapping its wings, landing itself on the table next to your computer.
"Get outta here, ya damn goose!" While you were trying to shop it away, it expertly evaded you. "Go! Shoo! Leave me alone!"
It just stayed on the bench, expertly dodging your attempts to get it to leave.
A few people nearby had heard your altercation with the infernal bird. One of them was an older gentleman that laughed as he sat across from you, the mirth in his eyes glinting as you give him a sarcastic side eye while trying to deal with the current issue.
"That bird won't leave you alone, you know." At his voice, the goose calmed down and waddled a few feet away from your arm's reach.
That was the first time the thing had been seemingly calm since he showed up at your little table.
"What do you mean he won't leave me alone?"
He pauses, part of him enjoying the irritation in your tone. He remembers someone talking to him many years ago like he was to you, and it made his heart smile at the idea of repaying the favor. "Have you ever read about soulmate geese?"
"Hey we're gonna go for a run, wanna join?" Steve's offer was given with a smirk. Ever since reuniting with Bucky, the two supersoldiers found so much humor in doing laps around Sam every time they went out jogging.
It annoyed the shit out of him, the "on your left" comments from Steve and the newer "on your right" jabs from Bucky. However, it also pushed Sam to work harder during his runs. Ultimately he knew his non-enhanced body didn't stand much of a chance beating them, but he enjoyed when he was able to close the gap between their times just a little bit.
"Sure, just gimme a few to eat breakfast and I'll join you guys." The blond nodded and turned back to the elevator, having woken up far earlier than Sam and therefore already ate.
He hummed Otis Redding as he laid the bacon flat into the pan, shoulders moving along with his created rhythm while changing the grounds in the coffee filter. This was how he spent most of his mornings, barring the occasional hangovers and missions where he couldn't afford the distraction.
He ate, got dressed, and told FRIDAY to let Buck and Steve know he was ready to go. He had his water bottle in hand, giving his body a pep talk in preparation for the run. When they arrived to the common room where Sam was waiting, the trio was off.
He knew it was gonna happen, but for some reason it was sooner than normal. Either they were trying really hard to mess with him today, or he was off his game. But regardless, he pushed his body harder than he probably should have because when there was something obstructing his path, he didn't pause. No, he charged it straight on through and fell hard.
Steve and Bucky had seen this from a distance and immediately rushed to get to their friend.
Sam rolled onto his back, exhausted and now in terrible pain from the fall. He closed his eyes and just let it all sink in. When he opened his eyes at the sudden foul smell flooding his nostrils, he could feel the palpitations, thinking he was about to have a heart attack.
"Holy shit!" Sam sat up like a rocket despite the way his body was throbbing from the fall.
The goose stared at him curiously and turned its head toward the pounding footsteps from the approaching Brooklynites.
"Sam! What happened?" Steve was concerned, inspecting Sam while Bucky noticed the bird. The brunet bent down to meet the goose eye-level and was somewhat surprised that it didn't run away at the close proximity.
"Did you trip the dumbass? Was it your fault Sam landed on his face? Huh, little guy?"
"I thought so. Good job, man." Bucky pats the animal on the head gently before turning to help Steve get Sam off the ground.
"Nothing's broken but there's probably a sprain, can't really be sure until we get to Cho." Steve and Bucky lift their friend from the pavement and they have no problem supporting his weight.
They began the walk back to the Tower in silence. Well, almost silence. There was a faint pitter-patter of tiny, webbed feet behind them that Sam and Bucky weren't paying attention to.
Steve noticed the goose slowly waddling behind the trio and looked at Sam with a smile. Sam responded to Steve's happy face with a glare, not enjoying any of the situation he found himself in.
Both men took turns looking behind them and see the goose waddling behind them patiently. Sam wasn't particularly happy about the culprit from moments before trailing behind him, but Steve thought it was phenomenal.
"Do you know what this means?"
Sam rolled his eyes because he thought the blond was about to make some sort of poetic comment about one thing for another.
Bucky had paused to think about the implications of a random goose for a moment before gasping. "Dude," Bucky nudged Sam softly, being conscious of his friend's injuries. "You're gonna meet your soulmate, man!"
"A soulmate goose, man are you out of your mind?"
"We had our soulmate geese back in the day, when we were kids. I think we know a bit about it."
Sam had only heard vague reports of soulmate geese throughout his life, but now that he thought about it, it did make sense. The goose showed up randomly in the middle of his routine, completely throwing him off, and was now refusing to leave him alone.
"Well if this is my soulmate goose, someone has to tell Tony about the latest Avenger." Everyone laughed, viciously eager to witness Tony's reaction to the newest resident of Avengers Tower.
Spoiler: it was not a pretty sight.
It has been three days of dealing with your goose, and you were now teased at work as Bird Lady, walking into your office to see several loaves of bread covering the desk. Your goose, that you had named Piper once you got home, was excited at the prospect of more food, but you planned on donating most of the bread to local shelters, keeping a couple loaves for the house and Piper.
The guest host that week was Mick Jagger, and he had practically emerged into the room I Dream of Jeanie style, startling both you and Piper, who honked at him in irritation.
It was time for you to work on the song for your little sketch with him, and you had only two more days before performance night (it was Thursday) to finish writing it.
After settling down and getting into the right mindset, the writing process had begun.
"Alright let's see," Mick murmured. "Let's all go to the picnic, let's all have a drink. What rhymes with 'drink'?"
You thought for a moment and said quietly, "Think?"
You weren't prepared for the absurd response you received from the man, his accent making him sound vicious as he barked out a loud "NO!" with an unnecessary hand gesture.
Piper just about lost it. She was honking and flapping around your office in a tizzy (but staying away from Mick because the man was seen as a stranger she wasn't comfortable with).
You racked your brain for another solution, something else to rhyme with 'drink' and you eventually found it: "Sink?"
Mick thought about it for a moment before replying with a much lighter "Yes!" also paired with unwarranted pointing.
'Motherfucker, is this how you write songs?!'
Thursday and Friday came and went, and soon it was time for your piece to be performed by Mick. Due to an accidental ankle twist, you were forced to perform a skit live for the first time in your career. It would have been great, but there was one teensy problem:
Piper blatantly refused to leave your side. When it was time to perform, she would honk and bite anyone that tried to keep her from you onstage.
Even poor Bobby, who she had grown find of, was taking the brunt of it. She was not allowing you to be more than a couple feet away from her, and it would've been endearing if you weren't being broadcast on national television.
Apparently, Piper would also be making a guest appearance on Saturday Night Live.
Saturday had arrived, and it was Sam's day of rest. He spent the day doing the bare minimum, eating junk food and watching almost everything on TV and Netflix he could find.
He didn't stray too far from tradition, not really. It was just that now he had a goose accompanying him the entire time, honking at this and that and eating occasional pieces of popcorn that Sam didn't want to share.
He didn't mind his feathered companion, he was actually quite fond of his goose at this point. Whitewing (not to be confused with Redwing) was the most calm goose any of them had seen, no biting or nipping and especially no honking at ungodly hours of the night.
Steve was perplexed. "Are you sure Whitewing hasn't done anything bad? No waking you up at night or bites when you don't feed him soon enough?"
Sam would chuckle and shake his head, proud to have such a calm goose. "Why are you so keen to see him misbehave? Aren't all soulmate geese like this?"
"Sam, for lack of a better word, most geese are assholes. I don't know how Whitewing is so well behaved," Steve balked at the very idea of all geese being so mellow and decided it was story time.
Steve and Bucky's geese from the century before were the most rambunctious pair the soldiers had ever seen. There were playful stories about Bucky's goose, Dot, being louder than the car horns and waking the neighbors on several occasions. Not to be outdone, Steve recounted the first and several occasions following where his soulmate goose, Jimmy, fended off the blond man's alleyway attackers.
Sam was extremely grateful that Whitewing had not behaved like that. He was extremely well behaved and had an almost human way about him, the way he honked in reply to Sam or the rest of the team when they talked to him.
It was late in the evening when Clint decided to plop down onto the couch and flick the channel to NBC, where tonight's host was Mick Jagger.
"Why are we watching this?" Sam was enjoying his sitcoms before the other bird man had showed up.
"I haven't watched it in ages, plus Mick Jagger is on tonight."
"Alright, whatever you want."
The intro played like usual, and Whitewing was perfectly complacent. They laughed in the right places with the occasional honking from the bird, and everything was great.
"Hey man, look!" Clint interrupted, keeping Sam from being able to hear the punchline. "I think that's a goose!"
"Why is there a goose? The skit has nothing to with- oh my god."
Sam and Clint seemed to come to the same realization at the same time as Whitewing, the goose beginning to honk. Not just the quick, simple honks like he normally would do. No, he was going berserk, flapping his wings and hopping off of Sam's lap and onto the coffee table, occasionally pecking at the TV where he saw the other goose.
He was going absolutely bonkers.
"Whitewing! Whitewing, no! Calm down!" Sam scrambled to calm down his goose, but he was having none of it. The whole entire skit, Whitewing was honking and flapping and being a general nuisance.
Whitewing kept at it until the screen went to a commercial, his soulmate off of the screen.
"Y'know," Clint spoke around a slice of pizza. When did he get pizza? "If you hurry, you could go to the studio and meet your soulmate. The show's only about halfway over."
Before Sam could think over the proposition, Tony's voice was heard from the corridor. "Somebody shut that damned bird up before I pay Ramsay to cook it! I am not about to have Pep bitch at me about me not being in bed! She'll end up dragging me!"
"Tone, don't worry. I'm gonna go find my soulmate."
With that, Sam heads to the armory to get the wings with Whitewing on his tail. Once he's equipped, Sam heads to the window and jumps, immediately setting his course for studio 8H and his soulmate.
You're released to go back to your office once you finish the skit alongside Mick and Piper, the show almost over. You're gathering your things lazily, knowing that you have no other responsibilities for the night.
Just as you lock your office and Piper is waddling beside you without a care in the world, you see Kyle running towards you with a look of fear in his eyes.
"There's another goose on the set! No one is safe!"
You were going to try and help your friend but one look at Piper sent him off the rails, the lanky man nearly falling on his ass in an attempt to skid the corner.
You hoped that someone would help calm your panicked friend, seeing as you were literally the worst person for the job at the moment.
Without further incident, you are able to say goodbye to Cecily and Aidy before you're stopped in your tracks by Michael, who gives Piper a funny look.
"Wait, so the goose that attacked Kyle wasn't Piper?" You shake your head in confusion. "Dude, your soulmate must have come to the set!"
Piper must have either understood what your co-worker had said or she could sense a change in the studio, but she began to honk erratically and run away from you.
"Piper! Piper, come back!" Michael laughed as you chased after your goose. While you were running, you nearly died when you heard a honk that you knew wasn't from your Piper. Hers were carved into your brain, and you were positive that you could pick hers out of an entire gaggle of geese, so there was indeed a second goose in the studio.
To your dismay, Piper did not stop and wait, she just kept on honking and flapping and scaring people in pursuit of the other goose, poor old you having to chase her.
There was another voice you assumed was yelling at his goose since you didn't know of anyone naming their kid Whitewing. Your eyes were not looking straight ahead when you suddenly bumped into someone, immediately stumbling a bit before regaining your balance.
Piper had stopped her honking and that scared you. Did someone hurt her? Was she-
Her and another goose were making muted honks to each other. They sounded like affectionate honks, which is one of the weirdest sentences you ever constructed in your head. But it was true! They were cuddling close to each other and making really quiet honking noises at each other.
So if Piper found her soulmate, that means yours was-
"Hi, I hope comin' to your job was okay. Whitewing wasn't gonna give up until I left the Tower, so here we are." Your eyes were dragged from the touching scene of Piper and her special goose to a pair of dark brown irises.
You were dumbstruck. Your mouth was unable to form coherent words, so you decided to take in the appearance of your soulmate. He was wearing a soft grey tee and sweatpants, and socks without shoes. Did he realize how unsanitary the streets of New York were?
But upon further investigation, you realize that he probably didn't walk to the studio. On his back was what you would normally call a jetpack, but when you recognize the face your mind completes the puzzle: your soulmate is Sam Wilson, otherwise known as the Falcon.
Holy shit, your soulmate is an Avenger!!!
"Uh yeah of course, I guess you flew here? No sane person in New York would walk around barefoot in the street." Did you really just say that?!
Sam nodded and then remembered that he was in his pajamas in front of his soulmate without any shoes. "Yeah, he wasn't gonna stop attacking the TV once he saw uh…"
You realized he was asking for your globe's name, and so you hastily gave it to him.
"Yeah, once he saw Piper show up on screen, he went nuts!" Sam was starting to relax more. It must be because be just met his soulmate, but who cares? As long as he isn't stuttering and looking like a fool, he is perfectly okay. "Should have seen him when he knocked the popcorn bowl off the coffee table, got it absolutely everywhere!"
You laugh, the nervousness falling away as you recount the story of you first meeting with Piper.
People are staring at the pajama-clad Avenger and his soulmate, their geese finally satisfied. After all, it wasn't every day so many people were able to watch soulmate geese (and their people) meet for the first time.
Sam gently took your hand, his thumb smoothing the skin on the back of it, just listening to you talk. You asked him a question about Whitewing and he was in the middle of telling you when he cut himself off. "I just realized I don't even know your name!"
Normally someone would be put off by this, but you didn't have an issue. If he weren't an Avenger you wouldn't have known his, and no one really pays attention to the little rat writers. "It's Y/N Y/L/N, nice to meet you, soulmate."
"Sam," he replied, despite his superhero status. Not introducing himself just didn't sit right with him, no matter how famous people said he was. "Sam Wilson. It's nice to meet you too."
Piper and Whitewing both honked at the two of you, telling you to hurry up and leave.
"Do you want to fly back to the Tower, or can I drive you?" It was a risk to ask him such a question, but you were genuinely concerned. You hoped he wouldn't think you were trying to jump his bones only minutes after meeting him so you used humor to show your intentions. "You shouldn't fly so late at night without headlights, no matter how high up you get, I think."
Sam's laughter was infectious and soon you joined him, your geese about to get more irritated with their humans.
"Yeah, I'd like that. Lead the way, baby girl." Piper and Whitewing honk as the two of you head to the lobby hand in hand, the birds waddling behind you just as happy as a goose could be.
permanent taglist (open even tho i forget it a lot): @gennyld @some-person-somewhere @x-deviant-hunter-x
