another vent blog

god this is so stupid

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Genuinely what is stopping me from cutting myself right now. It’s not like anybody ever wants to see me naked, no one would ever know.

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I think the last person who actually cared about how I’m doing was that anon who said I was being abused a while back

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I crave romance so badly that I’ve recently started crying at ship edits on tiktok. Surely this is a sign that my partner loves me

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Genuinely why the fuck do I even keep trying. They don’t want me. They’re not attracted to me. I just need to die

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Also, about this: it’s been two weeks since we last were intimate. It used to be roughly every week, and now it’s lessening and lessening. It’s getting really hard to not fall into a spiral about this. They just clearly, blatantly do not want me. It’s excuse after excuse. It’s okay if they don’t want to, but FUCK. Why can’t they just be fucking honest about how disgusting they find me? Just be fucking upfront so I can kill myself and get it over with!!!

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You know, I think there’s a pretty extreme gap between how they view themself and how they actually are. Earlier I told my friend that it was okay to miss out on stuff because his wife wanted to cuddle, and that a good knight would do as his wife commanded (there’s a joke that he’s very knightly, so it was fitting)

When my partner saw that, they declared they would have done the exact same thing for me, which is just straight up false. There have been MULTIPLE times where I’ve asked them to cuddle me instead of going on call to do the a session of the same TTRPG my friend missed out on, and they sighed and said “no, I gotta join…” each time. So they were just 100% lying about being willing to do that for me.

They always say they want to be knightly and honorable and shit, but they’re just straight up not. I don’t get why they think they are. “Oh, what would Himmel do!!” probably not cheat on his partner? Or jerk off to futa scat NTR vtuber hentai? And continually lie about both of those things?

I wish I could humble their self image, but I don’t want to hurt their feelings. I love them a lot, but I definitely wish they fit the whole romantic knight image they have of themself better.

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Genuinely why the fuck do I even keep trying. They don’t want me. They’re not attracted to me. I just need to die

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When youre just barely holding it together and then your partner is Kinda Rude to you and now you gotta kill yourself

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Theres no fucking reason to get snippy and aggressive with me when youre the one who didnt warn everyone about your new schedule

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“I can’t work overtime because I miss you :(“ me when I lie

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I just started crying over a cute muppets fanart comic I saw because it was so sweet and romantic and I’m sad that I don’t have that in my life. I am so pathetic I need to die

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Yeah man you can get your female coworkers number before you quit. On an unrelated note, I am going to kill myself

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Sometimes I ache so badly to just be a baby. I want to be little and be taken care of. I want my partner to do that for me, but it’s something I’m not sure they’d want to try. Sometimes I spend hours scrolling through agere sites with a yearning pain in my chest.

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THEY DONT WANT ME THEY DONT WANT ME THEY DONT WANT ME THEY DONT WANT ME OMFG IM SO UGLY AND GROSS!!!!!!!!!!

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Is it a fucking crime to fuck me? Whats the fucking problem!!!!!!! I just want to be desired and fucked!!!!! Holy shit

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They keep making it blatantly obvious that they want me to leave them alone for a while. Probably so they can cheat on me

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I wish the Wanting to Die would go away

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Okay man i get you’re stressed about this but lose the fucking attitude omfg