you don't own me

[nightmarebees]

favorite veronica lodge looks

casual faux fur for manhunting in 1x12 “anatomy of a murder”

[cristiana-rivero]

riley-dunn​:

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

You know what? Maybe I’m not that humble. 

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

I had a feeling. 

[cristiana-rivero]

riley-dunn​:

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

You don’t have to thank me for anything. You care about him. If you believe in him then, I do too.

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

No? Then I guess I don’t have to propose a thank you shower. They’re a really special, non crying kind of shower. You may not have heard of it. 

[cristiana-rivero]

riley-dunn​:

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

I don’t think the trauma we live has an expiration date. Especially when we’re forced to relieve it. Trust me, I know what it’s like to bury it under the rug and pretend its not there. But that doesn’t make you a hypocrite. You’re just trying to survive, plan or not plan. And when you talked to me you didn’t need to find an excuse to do it, you just did. You could do the same with her. I’m sure that she’ll appreciate talking to someone from her own sire line after all that time in a coffin. I even promise not to make any Dracula jokes about that either. She doesn’t seem to be nearly as… Psychotic as those four.

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

She said he never hurt her. I keep just wondering why. I don’t know why I want reasons for it all so badly. But I always do. With him, with everyone. Anyway -- can we change the subject for real now? I swear it’s not -- I can’t wallow in this anymore, Riley. I think it’s going to make me nuts. And I still haven’t thanked you properly. For finding Thomas when you did... and for being so patient with him. I know he’s volatile. I hate... asking people to make excuses for volatile men. But I think he’s different. I think he can be. If given the chance. Guidance that isn’t Nicholaus. 

[cristiana-rivero]

riley-dunn​:

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

Don’t be. If you hadn’t asked all those questions, and encouraged me to talk about what was on my mind, I think I would’ve never been able to do that. Care. About you or about anything or anyone else. You already know about my feelings. We don’t have to take a detour to examine mine. Yours are important too and I’d like to hear about them. Because you’re important to me.

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

Sorry. You’re -- it just feels a little silly, I guess. Being so bothered about something that happened so long ago. And how fresh it all feels. And I can’t die -- and I’m not in any danger. This is four hundred year old damage. The kind of stuff I well and truly thought I had parsed a long time ago. And it very suddenly feels new. With finally telling Thomas, with talking through stuff with you, with fighting Silas, with -- that new vampire was sired by Robert too, you know. Carmen. I feel like I want to talk to her more but I have no idea where to begin. Part of me feels like a broken toy and part of me feels like a liar for pretending that hasn’t been the case all along. And then I feel like a hypocrite because if you ever said those words to me I’d tell you exactly how ridiculous they are. I just don’t feel like me. I usually have a plan and have the answers and understand emotions pretty well. I think it’s just one of those get to the other side things, honestly. 

[cristiana-rivero]

riley-dunn​:

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

That I hadn’t let myself care about someone in a really long time, and then I did and you almost died. I was scared. Even though I knew you’d be fine, every time I thought about it –… I kind of lost a grip on my emotions.

Can you tell me something instead? Why is it that every time you start talking about how you feel, about what’s making you hurt, you want to veer the conversation to someone else’s feelings instead?

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

I’m sorry. For scaring you. If it means anything, I think your willingness to care about someone that much... now, after everything you’ve been through is really brave. I don’t take it lightly. 

I like talking about other people. I like .. asking questions. It makes me feel comfortable. I think when I start talking about me too much r when the topic in general gets ... to be a lot. It’s an instinct. That and I start to think about my feelings and almost immediately want to know yours. I’ve always been an open person. I don’t play games. I like communication. But I do think vulnerability is something I only give certain people. Because it’s something important to me. And as such I might be .. a little out of practice.  I’ve always been better at taking care of other people.

[cristiana-rivero]

riley-dunn​:

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

Yeah I wasn’t – particularly subtle.

Its not about responsibility. I care about you, you know? If I didn’t want to be around you because some psycho like Silas did all of that to you then what kind of person would I be? Especially after you put up with all my crap when we weren’t even supposed to be talking. You deserve good things, Cristiana. I wouldn’t even know how to put someone back together, let alone where to begin, but I’m a learn-by-doing kind of girl so, the least I can do is give you a place to put the pieces. 

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

Will you tell me why? I mean.. what was gong on in your head?

For someone who doesn’t know what she’s doing, I’d say your hands are pretty steady. There’s this horrific feeling that’s hard to explain. When helplessness mixes with overwhelming pain. It was Robert’s favorite thing to find. When he wasn’t playing twisted games of other kinds or putting everything back together before some fancy relative of his came with needs to satiate. So much of it had felt buried and yet Silas found it .... so fast. I think that’s the part that frightened me. Knowing how easy it is to bring back. No matter how long it’s been. How are you feeling? I mean with everything and with this and with ... us? I can’t imagine you’re without ... feelings of your own to relive in all of this. 

[cristiana-rivero]

riley-dunn​:

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

Because you had a rod sticking out of your abdomen, almost bled to death, and I cried for three days in the bathroom after it happened. I’d like to pretend I’m nothing but a bag of dry humor for a little while. 

But just for the record, you’re not miserable company. You took care of me once when I almost died, remember? I’d like to do the same for you. Especially knowing what he made you relive again…

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

I’m also glad you’re finally admitting to the bathroom crying, so I can stop pretending I couldn’t hear you for the sake of respecting your privacy. 

I do remember. I just feel like I’ve been a little heavy to carry. Even for myself and I don’t want to make you responsible for putting me back together either. I really didn’t ... expect that fight to take the toll it did. 

[cristiana-rivero]

riley-dunn​:

@cristiana-rivero​ [ PRIVATE F2F ]

Not to be sincere and emotional but, I’m really glad you’re sticking around. Even Thomas, as much as I feel like kneeing him in the crotch…

[ PRIVATE F2F ]

Why not be sincere and emotional? I’m glad to be sticking around. More glad to have had you here. I know I’ve been fairly miserable company the last few days. But I guess this vote means I’ll have to learn to wash that man out of my hair, get my good heels back on and face the music for real sooner rather than later. One mild appearance in the kitchen in your sweatpants doesn’t exactly count for the same effect, I don’t think. 

[cristiana-rivero]

aemiliablack​:

I will abide by the council’s decision to let you and Thomas remain here. But I assure you, there is nothing else I am putting behind me. You have a big responsibility now, Cristiana. I’ll be watching your friend’s moves through a microscope. I do hope he can live up to your high expectations of him… let alone mine.

No offense, Miss Black but I have to imagine there are more important matters to fix your microscope on than me and Thomas’s presence. You’re entitled to whatever feelings about all of this that you may have. But I won’t continue to talk in circles with you about my desire to not have any more trouble. 

[cristiana-rivero]

aemiliablack​:

The results of the voting by the council are as follows: Four counts in favor of the pact made with Cristiana Rivero to let her and by extension Thomas remain here, and one vote against. The mercy deal stands. Not unanimously, but I digress. The vampires are to stay under our protection. As they say, what’s done is now done. Now we must live with it.

I’m glad we can finally put that little dance behind us. 

[cristiana-rivero]

carmendleon​:

A… hybrid? So she’s a werewolf and a vampire? How is that possible, if werewolves are supposed to be the anti-thesis to our very existence?

That I don’t know. Are you alright? I mean all curiosity aside. I can’t image that many centuries in a coffin didn’t make things strange at minimum. Difficult at best. Do you need anything?

[cristiana-rivero]

carmendleon​:

And they got themselves killed in the process? Perfect. Gideon always had a talent for siring psychotic vampires. Men and their pursuit for power always leads to their untimely deaths fortunately. I’m glad you were smart enough to find a way to escape him before it was too late. Are there any other vampires in the house aside from you and Thomas?

Me and Thomas and the witch Nicholaus sired on his way out. A woman named Noah. Along with a young girl, hybrid -- Alex. Thomas sired her by mistake. He was giving her blood to heal a wolf bite. The vampire populous has become much less traditional and much more rag tag recently. 

[cristiana-rivero]

carmendleon​:

Only what witches know. I assume its not the full story.

Then I’m sure you know about the hunting. Most vampires were destroyed. Gideon was the only first left. And thus, his line the only surviving. He lost everyone he sired, Robert included. Except for Nicholaus and Sabina. They took me in. We all traveled together for years. But the immortal magic created by Thierry Astor tapped into Gideon’s source. It depleted our resources and now there’s a shortage in vampire magic that no one knew existed. Nicholaus led his family here to get back the magic they lost but his sadism got the best of him -- as it often does. And the witches and I allied to take him and his lineage out. Except for Thomas, his childe that we shared. 

[cristiana-rivero]

carmendleon​:

No. I believe the term used nowadays is girlfriend. I was his girlfriend. For about ten years while I was human and fifty more after he turned me. And then I left him. He had gone mad way before I decided to leave, but that does sound like him, staking a claim and trying to ruin another pretty, young girl’s life.

God. Of course -- okay. So we... actually have the same sire. Sorry, I think my head just needs a second. You’ve been staked this whole time? You know nothing of what became of our kind?

[cristiana-rivero]

carmendleon​:

I am… so sorry. For whatever he might have done to you. But I’m glad that you were brave enough to do what I should have done years before I gave him the opportunity to sink his claws into someone else. 

Robert found me on a merchant ship on his way from Mexico back to Europe. I was fifteen. I spent a decade as his claimed human. Did he -- were you once claimed by him too?

[cristiana-rivero]

carmendleon​:

My name’s Cristiana Rivero. Robert sired me too.