Have you got hcs for main 3 with a s/o that is extremely skilled in melee and unarmed combat, but they find out that its to make up for their sheer incompetence with a firearm? Sorry it was so specific...
And I fired, and then I missed, then I fired again. And I missed—
Can’t Even Hit the Broadside of a Barn
Main 3 and Melee!Reader
He knows that you’re very skilled and a capable fighter, able to no-sell and deal with people way more armored and armed with you. He’s also, absolutely in sheer disbelief at how much of a lousy shot you are. Like, seriously, how???
He, at first, thinks you’re pranking him.
But then it turns out, no matter what firearm you’re given, you just. Can’t hit anything.
“Are you seeing this shit, Sanford?” “Still working on believing it.”
He’s met new recruits that can’t hit a bottle at 5 feet, but somehow, you manage to not hit anything at all, no matter what you aim at.
It doesn’t matter how close or how far, you somehow manage to shoot 90 degrees while looking forward.
He ends up trying to science it (I.E. Writing it down, and screwing around, which is pretty much science) and ends up giving up 2 hours in.
It’s okay, he still loves you a lot. Please leave the shooting to him while you go crack skulls together.
So, the Number One Bastard of Nevada™ finds this fucking hilarious. If you’d been anyone else he would’ve laughed in your face and then executed you so goddamn fast. But! As his SO, you are very dear to him, so he’ll just laugh all wheezily and watch the chaos unfold.
He keeps handing you guns.
They really shouldn’t be, but whenever there’s a lull in the fight you can bet like, 3 dollars that Hank’s gonna find some rifle or a shotgun and plonk it into your hands.
Please keep trying to kill things, this is the best entertainment he’s had since Deimos accidentally lit Sanford’s pants on fire.
You have like, 0 accuracy. If you aim at something, someone else will die.
He really thinks it’s funny that some poor unsuspecting bastard gets kneecapped or body-shotted by the worst gunperson in the history of Nevada.
They take little notes on the things you’ve hit accidentally.
(40 windows, 33 cars, 16 light poles, etc, etc)
Hanks likes to show it to Doc so the guy can let out the most aggrieved sigh.
Hank prefers to watch you fight anyway, and with you not shooting and fighting purely on melee and hand-to-hand, it allows him to have more bloodshed when it comes to his targets as he’s an all-rounder sort.
The lack of accuracy on your side of things is just a really funny bonus.
Like Deimos, he’s pretty much in disbelief.
He loves you a whole lot, but seriously, this whole situation is bonkers. At least you keep a lot of melee weapons on your person and can fight back with your punches and kicks, it eases the anxiety..
At least you have good trigger discipline, but at the same time, you are just a walking hazard if you have a gun.
Will you hit a wall? A vehicle? Himself? Yourself? He doesn’t know! You don’t know! The moment you pull that trigger, anyone’s a potential casualty.
In terms of sheer chaos, you with a gun lives in his nightmares rent-free.
It’s also funny as fuck, but he’s only laughing until after he gets to a safe cover and doesn’t need to worry about getting accidentally murdered.
He wonders if “A weapon that fires projectiles” counts as a golf club. You can use it as a melee weapon, but what if you tried aiming a grenade at someone?
—The grenade ricochets off two walls.
—It blows up a transport vehicle.
He’ll give you a consoling pat, but just plainly asks that you never pick up a gun ever again, please, and thank you.
