"What is it like living with BPD?"
Keep in mind that a lot of these experiences overlap with other disorders. This is my experience.
Little things like buying the wrong brand of toothpaste or having to do something you don't want to do, no matter how easy that task might realistically be, causes suicidal ideations/full blown meltdowns.
Crying/getting upset/angry all the time over things that are insignificant to everyone else.
Not always being able to tell what emotion you're feeling because it's like, six emotions morphed into one (and it's different to feeling six emotions all at once, at least for me)
Every emotion I feel is tripled in intensity compared to the people around me. Anger is violent/murderous urges, sadness is wanting to kill yourself, anxiety is feeling like you're going to die.
Losing my Favourite Person is like losing a piece of yourself because your personality literally revolves around them. The first few weeks/months/even years sometimes, spent without them is often spent trying to reinvent yourself.
It is either never leaving the house for weeks on end or overworking yourself going to social events and gatherings until you inevitably burnout.
Embarrassing yourself/having people laugh at you makes you want to die.
It is emotionally seeing everything in black and white. Someone is either all good or all bad, your day was either shit or it was absolutely fantastic, you can either only see the positives or the negatives in people/situations/things. There is no grey area, and despite what many people think, telling you over and over again that you shouldn't be looking it that way does not help!
It's feeling like the entire world is against you. Nobody is safe, nobody cares, nobody is going to help you. It's a suffocating feeling.
It's constantly feeling like everybody is recovering/moving on with their life/etc. and you're stuck at the beginning or always a few steps behind.
It's experiencing constant intrusive thoughts about manipulating/gaslighting/abusing people so they'll stay with you.
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