Making my little sister identify random Star Trek characters (part 2)
“He’s won fifty different space awards.”
“He steals bagels from the cafeteria, but then he blames it on the space aliens.”
Her: “His occupation is the substitute captain.” Me: “But isn’t he an admiral?” Her: “His first name is Admiral.”
*gasp* “That’s Whoopi Goldberg!”:
“She designs the season’s hottest looks for the crew. She’s a talented fashion designer.”
“Ever wonder why the redshirts die? It’s because she puts stuff in the red shirts to kill them. She only gives red shirts to people she doesn’t like.”
“She attended Space Julliard.”
“He doesn’t have a lot of friends, but his favorite TV show is Friends.”
“He’s just a happy man. He doesn’t have a job on the ship. He just walks around.”
(She started to mention something about hosting karaoke nights again. She’s really convinced that every crew has someone who hosts karaoke nights.)
“There used to only be red shirts and yellow shirts and green shirts, but she invented black shirts because she’s goth.”
“She handles the computers because her right eye is a computer. She lost it in the war, and they were going to give her a real one, but she wanted a computer.”
“She’s actually from Mississippi but doesn’t tell anyone because it doesn’t sound cool.”
“Oh yeah he works for Russia.”
“Once he swallowed an apple seed, and that’s why there’s a tree growing in his head.”
“He’s actually an admiral.”
“He keeps trying to get the crew to buy him a jet pack because he really wants one.”
“If you’re blue, you’re part of the ocean division. That means that when everyone else gets off on the alien planet to look at wildlife, you go swimming.”
Me: “What does he do on the ship?” Her: “The best thing he can do for everyone is stay out of the way.”
“He’s very clumsy, but he’s good at making apple pie.”
“His favorite musical is Waitress. He’s just a nice, homely man.”
“There’s Mr. Spock finally”:
“He’s the master of the pinch.”
“His favorite show is Star Trek.”
“He’s also part of the ocean division, and his job is to look after Mark.”
“Nobody likes him very much from what I remember. He’s kind of a stick-in-the-mud.”
“He wears a yellow shirt because he’s so extra.”
“Want to know why his skin is so glowing and beautiful? If he doesn’t feel like coming to work, he takes a self-care day. He owns a massage roller.”
“He won the Miss Georgia pageant on account of his glowing skin.”
Me (trying to get more info): “Describe his relationship to some of the other characters.” Her: “Spock.” *refuses to elaborate*
“Rodney isn’t actually part of the crew. He just showed up one day. Their crew is so big they can’t tell anyone apart anymore.”
“When you apply to be a member of the Enterprise, you’re supposed to bring a headshot, but he brought his mugshot, but it’s good that he did because they found out his height, which is 8’3”.”
“He has a personal rock tumbler. He doesn’t put rocks in there anymore so no one knows what’s in there.“
“He speaks fifty languages but none of them are the right ones.”
“Wait, is that Benedict Cumberbatch?”
“He’s from the same planet as Borszhof, but he didn’t swallow a tree so his head is fine and he’s a normal man.”
“There’s a specific dress code on the Enterprise but he doesn’t follow it, because he owns better clothes.”
“His most prized possession is a wand that he bought when he went to Space Wizarding World of Harry Potter. Everyone else has special space scooters, but he made his look like a broom so he can live his Harry Potter fantasy. He’s been trying to get Spock to read the Harry Potter series, but he won’t.”
“His official job is to interpret that panel of blinking green lights behind him that only he can understand.”
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