yo soy la princesa

blessed with beauty & rage

[crying-cannabliss]

[crying-cannabliss]

trying on shoes, putting on glitter

[crying-cannabliss]

[girlwearied]

me and my girls

[unemployedsage]

[neptuniite]

[catladychronicles]

[stargirlangel777]

♱ ౨ৎ ⋆｡˚

[ukwheretofindme]

[filmgifs]

THE LOVE WITCH — 2016, dir. Anna Biller

[a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a]

[road0flife]

[spookshollow]

[remanence-of-love]

[chronicallyonlinesworld]

[petalsinfall]

flintlock rifle with a twisted barrel and heart shaped bore (1765)

[dead2mi]

since I’ve been gone… I filled 4+ notebooks… my hair grew out… I got a job @ a warehouse… new music/ tech equipment… I think of dying less because I’m distracted… I still haven’t spoke to my mother… I still don’t have friends but I’m less lonely than before… myself is becoming my friend.

[crying-cannabliss]

since I’ve been gone, I found all my old notebooks & am compiling a bunch of quotes.. gained bad weight.. not working but going back to school.. AGAIN.. still planning for my music.. I think of dying on a daily basis, again, but I’ve found more reason to live.. I talk to my mom sometimes & my sisters have been in state.. I have 1 friend but I’m close with family again & that’s much better.. I still hate myself.

[crying-cannabliss]

since ive been gone… I was 17/18 in the org. post picture… 19 during the 2nd text… I turned 20 recently… new job maybe @ this office type place so i gotta start dressing business casual & acting professional..lol i got this though.. Idk if i wanna go back to school for engineering or do an 8 months course for cosmetology.. Ill probably just do that 1st so i can work that ok the side while attending college… I miss having a social life.. this girl.. who was my best friend.. a couple years back… well, she hit me up recently and i had no idea what to say…I’ve been wanting to reach out and when she does im speechless.. Idk… Im gonna just save hella money, get a car and do me. 💜

[crying-cannabliss]

since I’ve been gone… shit, I haven’t updated this since just after turning 20 & im 24 now.. 25 in a couple of weeks, actually… the office job was cool. I stayed with them for quite some time. decided to work towards being an esthetician instead of cosmetology. looking into clinical herbalism & …psych, ofc… some things never change haha…

I’m still depressed but I guess that’s gonna be another constant. my brain is just the way it is. I’ve accepted it, learned to manage myself… & the frontal lobe be frontal lobe-in’ these days. so, I suppose some things do change..

things pivoted after I turned 21.. I went down an extremely self destructive path. I turned to people I believed to be friends & was disappointed & hurt. lost them again but this time I let them go. No contact since. I learned to be firm with my boundaries & how to communicate them in a healthy-ish way. I’ve always had an idea of what I wanted but I let myself get in the way more than anything… it’s gonna sound lame but I desperately wanted love from friends & partners & I finally realized I could give it to myself.

that led to me finding my current partner & a proper diagnosis. the cancer was loosely traced back to age 15/16. coincidentally (or maybe not) around the same time my mental health took an extreme plummet. weird how that works, huh?

I turned 22 in the hospital while receiving treatment. I recovered faster than expected. There were a few instances of what couldn’t be anything less than… miracles. I made it. I always will…

23 was odd.. repeating cycles when it came to new friendships & family... but I was able to correct it & remove myself from a few situations entirely. boundaries r n cool & I swear the only people they hurt are those who have something to gain from you being less of yourself… not worth it…

I turned 24 in Japan. spent 3 months in the countryside. my God, was it beautiful. the culture, the sites, the food & the people, of course. It was all an experience that I wouldn’t dare to try to describe here.. I couldn’t possibly convey the emotion.. the shift.. my mind, heart & soul.. I will say, the food was delicious. If I had to pick somewhere to retire, based solely upon cuisine.. it would easily be Japan. can’t wait to return.

I’ll update soon…

until then.. 🖤🫰