Crying In A Stall

I use they/them

[crying-in-a-stall]

TFW your roommates refuse to understand your medical needs and insist on the dorm being kept at a cold temperature even though you literally have multiple medical issues that means cold = bad and bad + cold = worse which means cold = bad = worse = ✨ hospital ✨

[crying-in-a-stall]

Me, opening my blinds: perfect, I can get some sun while I work, I like being in the sun!

Also me: God why is it so bright on this hellish earth please somebody don't forsake me and close those blinds I cannot handle the light

[sourdough-seal]

me, struggling to write: hmm, this part is a little difficult. maybe i should check my planning document, which i created as a helpful tool for my writing process!

the planning document:

[crying-in-a-stall]

Honestly the realest thing ever- my document with my characters have "no name yet." "Decide parent sitch later" and "moms deff alive, but other than that idk yet"

The world building however? 5 pages detailing how all the cities interact with other cities and governments :)

Will they be in that city? No. But just in case anyone wants to know, I know.

[crying-in-a-stall]

My current horrors: college, homework, actual work, finding a new job, laundry, dishes, finding a house since dorms are full, constant debate on how ~distinguished~ I want my degree to go, and the constant debate of "am I lying to myself or do I actually feel this way" that many members of the LGBT community debate

[crying-in-a-stall]

I just want to listen to music with a nice candle and worldbuild my fantasy world so my two gay sons can exist with each other but instead I must be dragged by the clutches of college into doing homework for hours on end

[crying-in-a-stall]

Me, never using social media except for talking with friends and the occasional story, suddenly spamming random accounts? More likely than you might think

[crying-in-a-stall]

Sometimes you need someone to sit next to you and smack you when you get distracted because you're late on 10 assignments already and have 5 more due this week and have only completed 1 in 3 hours.

[crying-in-a-stall]

Me, seeing someone I know: oh time to take a picture!

Me, 3 seconds later: wait wrong friend group they're not part of that joke delete it- delete it!!

[crying-in-a-stall]

I wrote this non cannon fanfic between a member of my D&D party and an NPC, lol.

♰⊹₊⋆𓆣⊹ ࣪ ˖♰

Elviot stared at Lionheart from across the ship, watching as he talked excitedly about bugs towards Zed. Elviot was here on a mission to destroy the island, and was using Lionheart as a way to travel there, something it seemed like Zed was doing as well.

Lionheart and Elviot have been acquaintances for a while now, and Elviot was mostly annoyed at how loud and boisterous Lionheart could get; the leonin was completely unable to keep a secret, no matter what you threatened him with.

It was bad enough that Elviot had to travel in a small cabin, but now he was sharing with Lionheart and Zed, who he still finds suspicious. The elf had shown up out of nowhere, quite literally, and almost immediately tried to get close to Lionheart, for some reason.

“And I noticed here it mentions one of the bugs being unable to be revived, even on the island?”

“Yes! It was really quite fascinating, we studied this specific beetle and everytime it died, it stayed dead even while the rest revived!”

“Which beetle was it?”

The two seemed to be talking about Lionheart's research, again, and Elviot tuned it out, having already listened to Lionheart for months about his insects. Elviot has heard so much about insects he could recite most of their facts by heart at this point, ‘Insects are hexapod invertebrates of the class Insecta. They are the largest group within the arthropod phylum. Insects have a chitinous exoskeleton, a three-part body (head, thorax and abdomen), three pairs of jointed legs, compound eyes, and a pair of antennae. Insects are the most diverse group of animals, with more than a million described species; they represent more than half of all animal species.’

Elviot continues to read his book, listening to Lionheart’s obnoxious ranting that was secretly endearing.

♰⊹₊⋆𓆣⊹ ࣪ ˖♰

[̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]

They made it to the temple, finally, and are preparing to separate from Lionheart to continue exploring. Zed stares at Elviot and Lionheart, and decides to try and give the two some more… alone time then they’re currently getting. Elviots fussing over Lionheart this much in front Z, they decide it’s probably best to turn away, and let them have some sense of privacy for this goodbye. ‘Even though they’ll see eachother again in like, a couple hours.’

“And don’t drink this water, it could kill you.”

“Yes, I won’t”

“I mean it, don’t drink this. It is like a deadly poison.”

“You always think I’m going to eat everything you hand me, Elviot, this really hurts my heart.”

“That’s because you literally ate a cursed sandwich and needed a healer.”

“Alright, well, I won’t drink this, promise, it’s important to you, I’ll just hand it over to the researchers.”

‘God. Could they be any more gross? Just kiss already, and let’s go.’

“Are you prepared, Elviot, to continue to the next floor?”

“Yes, we can go now. I will see you later, Lionheart.”

“Yeah, yeah, bye Elviot. See you later, Zed.”

“Good day, Sir Lionheart.”

Elviot and Zed continue down the staircase, Elviot lighting a candle for Zed without saying anything. Z can’t help but to remember their conversation earlier, when they were speaking without Lionheaert around.

“He’s not my friend.”

“He’s not? You guys were quite close, are you perhaps… more than friends?”

“He’s my boss, but not, I do things for him that make him happy, and care for him.”

“Oh. That’s… nice.”

“Yes.”

Z had not realized that some sex workers could be so loyal towards their sponsors that they would travel across an ocean with them, but Z supposes they haven’t really dabbled in that part of the underground much anyways. All Z knows is that they have to destroy the fifth floor, after that they’ll probably leave these two love birds and never see them again. ‘Disappointing, that they think they cannot be themselves with each other around me.’

Elviot, not having a clue what Zed was thinking about, was focused on trying to figure out what exactly Zed was. They obviously weren’t an elf, no matter their appearance, and they had turned red when fighting earlier. ‘Perhaps, they are a _. They’re known for thinking themselves better than others, and hiding their appearance… Aren’t they similar to insects, somehow? Lionheart would probably know something, then.’

[̲̅$̲̅(̲̅ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹

The temple exploration passed quickly, and the two ‘elves’ made their way back up to Lionheart, prepared to set up camp again and rest before moving on to the fourth floor. Zed had destroyed a lot of religious symbols, and Elviot had protected his Gods from being destroyed, and protected the room from Zed's pilfering.

Zed was on first watch for the night, citing “Time for the two of you to hang out without me.” Whatever that meant. All Elviot knows is that his connection to Atheros has been strengthened, and he wants to meditate on the feeling alone for a while, but that Lionheart is staring at him, for some reason.

“Do you not have more papers to read, or rest to collect?”

“Ah, yes. I suppose I could organize a few more of these papers. But I seem to be having a bit of a struggle with it. Do you think you could look at these, and help me out?”

“I guess, although I’m not sure how much help I’ll be.”

Elviot moves closer to Lionheart, the two close enough together to be brushing against each other with every movement. Elviot takes the paper Lionheart was just looking at, and reads over it. The two spend hours together, reading and organizing papers, with Lionheart being surprisingly silent during the ordeal. This is not the first time the two of them have sat like this and worked, however it is the first time that Lionheart has been so silent.

“Is something wrong, Lionheart?”

“Huh? Oh, no. Nothings wrong.”

“Are you sure? You have been unusually quiet.”

“Yes, I’m just thinking about.. Bugs.”

“Of course you are.”

The two continue working for a while longer, this time with Lionheart talking about insects, and how interesting it is that their growth is constrained by the inelastic exoskeleton, so development involves a series of molts, and how some insects eat their own dead skin, or feed it to their children. That is until Zed comes back, ripping open the entrance of the tent, and stating how they need their “eight-” “four.” “Four hours of beauty sleep now.”

This time, Lionheart goes to stand watch, citing needing a break from work. Elviot enters his trance, deciding now was as good a time as any, just to realize that Zed was… stealing his candles? Elviot decides to leave the noble be, and question him when they go their separate ways the next day.

𖦹 *٭ 𓆣 𖢥 𓆣٭ * 𖦹

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ

The next day turns to the next week, turns to the next month. ‘Z’ has decided to follow Elviot around, for whatever reason, and they occasionally meet up with Lionheart as well. Elviot knows the leonin's time is coming up, tomorrow actually, and is trying to decide how to tell Z, who seems to enjoy Lionheart’s company for some reason, when Z declares that they should go visit him again.

“That may not be the best idea.”

“Well, why not?”

“Lionheart is… doing something dangerous at the moment.”

“Okay? And? All the more reason to visit him, you can feed him while he recovers and rests.”

Elviot sighs, nodding his head. He supposes it would be easier for Z to just realize Lionheart died when they go to visit him, rather than for Elviot to explain his connection with death.

That was the plan, at least. However, when they arrive at the location where Lionheart was to die, the leonin seems, not fine, but also not dead.

Lionheart is still alive, even though he was supposed to die the day before. He is hugging Zed, ‘as Z has not revealed their -changeling- status to Lionheart yet, for some reason,’ but Elviot is standing a ways back, staring. He hears Lionheart describing the battle he experienced the day before, and how he barely survived the encounter, playing the action up for storytelling purposes, likely trying to get Zed to perform it later. Elviot draws his sword, and the two look over to him at the noise.

“Elviot?” Z asks, looking around. “Is there something coming? What's up?” Elviot is glad that Z has started to speak less formally around him, even though they will likely hate him after this.

“You were not supposed to survive that encounter, Lionheart.”

Z looks confused, but Lionheart seems to come to an understanding. Elviot had explained his connection to the leonin late one night, after he witnessed Elviot murder a random civilian for seemingly no reason.

“Oh, so you’re the one who makes sure the dead stay dead?”

“Yes. Sometimes people will survive their fated deaths, somehow, and that is not acceptable. I make sure they can’t interfere with the fate of the world with their lives.”

“It was my time, then?” Lionheart.

“Yes. And you… survived.” Elviot.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Z.

“You should head inside, Z. Unless you want to witness Lionheaert die.” Elviot.

“You’re going to kill him?” Z.

“Yes. My God requires his death, it was fated.” Elviot,

“It is alright, Zed. I knew that Elviot would likely be the one to kill me one day.” Lionheart.

Z stares at Lionheart, before staring at Elviot. Something in their mind seems to click, as they suddenly nod, mouth ‘forbidden love type shit’ and heads inside. “I’m going to take your gold, Sir Lionheart.”

“Feel free to have it all, Lord Zed.”

Then, it is just the two of them, alone. Elviot walks up to Lionheart, his sword firmly grasped in his hand. Lionheart smiles at him, and removes his armor, making it easier for Elviot to kill him.

“Go ahead, Elviot. I know I have no chance when it comes to you and your God.”

Elviot nods, finding it difficult to speak for some reason. He lifts his sword, and sets it atop Lionheart's heart. Lionheart smiles at him, remorseful, and with a hint of something Elviot cannot, could not name, inside his eyes. He pulls the sword back, and lunges it into the leonin's chest.

The sword gets stuck, tearing through the muscles and hitting the heart, but not coming back through. The squelch of skin splitting has never been this loud to Elviot, and he can feel the slight shift of the sword as Lionheart heaves. Adrenalin is always hard to fight against, no matter how prepared you think you are for death. You always try to fight it. It is why Elviot is needed. It is why Elviot has a purpose. Lionheart squeezes his eyes shut, he is heaving, and one of his hands has grasped Elviots, but he neither pulling nor pushing it. He is holding the sword in place, simply, with a smile on his grimacing face. Blood starts to dribble out of his mouth, and he seems to be trying to say something, but Elviot finds himself unable to hear it, for some reason.

The two stand like that for what feels like a lifetime. Lionheart dying on Elviots sword, smiling. Suddenly, his body lurches forward, his eyes vacant, and Elviot is able to remove the sword. He stands over the body of Lionheart, simply staring at him it. He goes to sheathe his sword, moving on autopilot, before a hand stops him. Z is standing next to him, holding a cloth, and frowning at him.

Right. Blood is on his sword, and if he doesn’t clean it, it could rust his sword. Z takes his sword from him, and seems to be asking him a question, but his ears are still buzzing, for some reason, and they seem to realize he can’t hear them. They move him away from Lionheart, his boss, his friend, the body and hand him a waterskin. They move out of Elviots view for a while, before coming back holding a small viol filled with something, and his sword cleaned.

▬▬ι═══════ﺤ

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

Elviot stares at the viol of blood. Z had bottled it for him, without saying anything, and placed it on a string. “A necklace,” they said, “He’ll be with you forever, this way.”

He stares at the viol, and feels the connection of his God growing in strength. It seems like he was put through a test, and he passed. He does not know why his God felt like this test was needed, nor why he was so affected by Lionheart's this one's death. But he does not question his God. He just serves him, as he loves to do. He is told to do something, and does it, simple as that. He puts the viol around his neck. While Z does not know about the fact he collects things of those he kills for his God to wear, they still did this for him. Maybe they are aware, they are rather observant, and it isn’t like Elviot hides what he does very much. He tries to ignore the fact that this is the first time he’s killed someone for his God in front of Z, and so they wouldn’t have known of this tradition.

Elviot closes his eyes, preparing to trance, and finds his memories dragging him into their depths.

ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

༺🕷𖤐🕷༻

They were both camping. They were roasting marshmallows, and Lionheart- he was talking about how the total number of insect species vary considerably, suggesting that there are perhaps some 5.5 million insect species in existence. This was one of the first memories Elviot had of him, where he had not yet realized how endearing- annoying Lionheart- him discussing insects could be. He still remembers the way the fire had reflected off his eyes, making them have a honey like sheen. The way Lionheart’s- his voice was lilting and would occasionally rumble when he got excited.

There was another time, when they were simply meeting up after a month apart. They were walking towards each other, and Lionheart- he had this giant grin on his face. Elviot remembers feeling himself smile, however small, back at him. That smile had stayed on his face the whole time they were together that day.

He was sick, another time. Elviot barely remembers that day. All he knows about it was that he was sick enough that he was unable to meet Lionheart- him like they were planning to. He remembers fleeting moments, blurry moments, where he could have sworn he felt Lionheart’s hands brushing his hair, and Lionnhearts face smiling gently at him.

Memories pass through Elviots mind as he rests, and he feels something wet sliding along his cheeks. He remembers that night. Many instances of him and Lionheart hanging out together. Then he remembers a conversation him and Z had, back when they first met each other.

“He’s not… he is not my friend.”

“He’s not? You guys seem close to each other, are you… more than friends?”

“He’s my boss, I do things that make him happy, and I care for him.”

He remembers instances where Z would try to leave the two of them alone together, and has a sudden realization.

“And perhaps it is the greater grief, after all, to be left on earth when another is gone.”

[crying-in-a-stall]

Incorrect Sanders Sides

Virgil: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Roman: >:O language Patton: Yeah watch your fucking language Janus: OKAY WHO TAUGHT PATTON THE FUCK WORD? Roman: 'The fuck word'. Logan: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Roman: Oh my god they censored it Remus: Say fuck, Logan. Virgil: Do it, Logan. Say fuck.

Virgil: Well, aren’t you all a rag-tag group of adventurers with unclear goals and good hearts! Oh, let me guess: you’re out to save the world! Roman: Well, actually, that sounds like a pretty fair assessment. Janus: More or less, I guess... Patton: That sounds awesome! Let’s do that! Remus: I’m new here, but I am open to the concept. Logan: I thought that’s what we were doing, guys, come on!

Roman: Hewwo. Patton: Hihiiiiii! Logan: Greetings, Humans. Janus: Three kinds of people. Virgil: I want pudding. Janus: Four kinds of people. Remus: WHAT’S UP FUCKERS? Janus: Five kinds of people.

Logan: Just be yourself. Virgil: 'Be myself'? Logan, I have one day to win Roman over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me? Patton: Couple weeks. Remus: Six months. Janus: Jury’s still out. Virgil: See, Logan? Virgil: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

Virgil: Croissants; dropped Roman: Road; works ahead Remus: BBQ sauce; on my titties Patton: Shavacado; fre Janus: Miss Keisha; fuckin dead Logan: Logan, grumpy: I didn’t understand a single word of that and I hate every single one of you.

Patton: We need to distract these guys Remus: Leave it to me Remus: Centaurs have six limbs and are therefore insects. Discuss. Logan, Roman, and Janus: *Immediately begin arguing* Virgil, watching in horror: Oh this. I don’t like this. I don't like this at all.

Virgil: Rules are made to be broken. Logan: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Patton: Uh, piñatas. Remus: Glow sticks. Janus: Karate boards. Roman: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Virgil: Rules. Logan: …

Logan: Dumbest scar stories, go! Roman: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Patton: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Remus: I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Janus: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Virgil: … Virgil: I have emotional scars.

Logan: Anyone d- Virgil: Depressed? Roman: Drained? Patton: Dumb? Remus: Disliked? Janus: Distrusted? Logan: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people …

Patton: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life Virgil: Self-esteem, haven't seen you in years! Janus: Oh wow, my childhood innocence! Thank you for finding this! Roman: I knew I lost that potential somewhere! Remus: My moral code, is that you? Logan: ... Patton: I was just gonna show you this cool trunk my mother left me but do you guys need a hug?

Janus: Nothing in life is free. Patton: Love is free! Roman: Adventure is free. Logan: Knowledge is free. Virgil and Remus at the same time: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

Patton: What does 'take out' mean? Logan: Food. Roman: Dating Virgil: Murder Remus: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD.

Remus: I’ve done a lot of dumb stuff. Janus: I witnessed the dumb stuff. Virgil: I recorded the dumb stuff. Patton: I joined in on the dumb stuff. Logan: I TRIED TO STOP YOU FROM DOING THE DUMB STUFF!!!

Janus: What did you guys get in your yearbook? Roman: 'Prettiest Smile' Patton: 'Nicest Personality' Remus: 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Virgil: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Logan: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do? Virgil: Have everyone stand. Patton: Bring three more chairs! Janus: The most important ones can sit down. Remus: Kill three.

Logan: Good morning. Patton: Good morning. Roman: Good morning. Thomas: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit. Virgil: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

Patton: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything? Remus: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies Janus: Socks are Feetie Heaties Virgil: Forks are Stabby Grabbies Remus: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties Virgil: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies Janus: Stamps are Lickie Stickies Logan, annoyed: You are disappointments Roman: Why isn’t the statue smirking at me? Logan: It isn’t smirking at anyone, they’re all just imagining it. Patton: Three of us saw it, Logan. How do you explain that? Logan: *points at Janus* Sleep deprivation. *points at Virgil* Paranoia. *points at Remus* Delusional personality disorder. And you just believe everything, Patton.

Janus: Favorite horror movie? Remus: It Logan: Saw Roman: Annabelle Virgil: High School Musical. After watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

Virgil: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends. Remus: ... Your what? Virgil: My friends. Janus: Are they saying “friends”? Remus: I think they're being sarcastic. Janus: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Virgil! All of your friends are in this room. Virgil: I have other friends! You asked me to make new friends, I made new friends! It was a task. I complete tasks.

Patton, trying to convince Virgil to join the group: You know... I thought it'd be good to have someone come along who's really... strong! Roman: And grumpy! Logan: And oblivious to reality! Virgil: …

Roman: You lying, cheating, piece of shit! Virgil: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD Roman: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING PATTON WITH ME Logan, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

*Patton is cooking* Roman: Any chance that’s for me? Patton: It’s for Logan. I’m planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need them on my side. Virgil: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

Patton: Hey, is Roman sleeping or dead? Virgil: Hopefully dead, I hated their guts. Logan: Yeah, so did I. Roman: Okay first of all, fuck you-

Virgil: Is stabbing someone immoral? Janus: Not if they consent to it. Remus: Depends who you’re stabbing. Logan, who was dragged into the dark sides meeting: YES?!?

Janus: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. Patton: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! Logan: Self-care is any necessary human regulatory function which is under individual control, deliberate and self-initiated. Janus: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Virgil: Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Roman: Self care is the fear in your enemies’ eyes!!! Remus: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting. Patton: If you touch my birthday cake I’ll make you eat your hands.

Roman: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of Nachos. Logan: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard. Virgil: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any Nachos? Patton: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

Roman, banging on the door: Virgil! Open up! Virgil: Well, it all started when I was a kid... Logan: No, they meant- Patton: Let them finish.

Janus: Come on, I wasn’t that drunk last night. Virgil: You were flirting with Remus. Janus: So what? They're my partner. Remus: You asked me if I was single. Virgil: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

Store Worker: Would a ‘Janus’ please come to the front desk? Janus, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem? Store Worker: points to Remus and Virgil Store Worker: I believe they belong to you? Remus and Virgil, simultaneously: We got lost :( Janus: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

Janus, driving Remus and Virgil: So how was your day? Remus: We almost got surprise adopted! Janus: What? Virgil: We almost got kidnapped. Janus: Oh, okay. Janus: *slams on the breaks* WAIT WHAT?!

Janus: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container. Remus: The cow??? Janus: What? Virgil: Remus, W H Y?

Roman: Virgil, my old arch enemy. Remus: ... I thought I was your arch enemy? Roman: I have a life outside of you, Remus.

Remus: How's the sexiest person here~? Janus: I don't know, how are they~? Remus, flustered: I- Virgil, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

Patton: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? Virgil: I'm a knife. Roman, from across the room: They're the little spoon.

Roman: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Logan does? I mean, what if they jumped off a cliff? Patton: If Logan were to jump off a cliff, they would’ve done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Logan jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff. Roman: You jump off a cliff! Patton: Gladly. Provided Logan did first.

Janus: I know you snuck out last night, Remus. Virgil: Play dumb! Remus: Who's Remus? Virgil: NOT THAT DUMB!!!

Roman: Fitness tip, never stop pushing yourself. Logan: Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Virgil: Why not 9? Why not 10? ]Janus: Strive for greatness. Roman: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Patton, from the background: Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Remus from the background: Burn your ex’s house down. Roman: You can do it. I believe in you. Thomas: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

Remus: I can’t believe you live nearby, and you won’t let anyone crash at your place. Virgil: You people already know too much about me. Janus: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won’t let any of us crash at your place.

Virgil: Janus, can I talk to you for a second? Janus: Yeah, what’s up? Remus: Lemme guess. You and Roman are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss? Virgil: What? No, stop that. I know how to kiss. I’ve read books.

Remus: In my defense, I was left unsupervised. Janus: Wasn't Virgil with you? Virgil: In my defense, I was also left unsupervised.

Remus: Okay, help me please! Virgil: Got two words for you. Janus: I bet they won't be helpful. Virgil: Your problem. Janus: I was right

Virgil: So are we flirting right now? Roman: I AM LITERALLY STABBING YOU Virgil: That doesn’t answer my question

Patton: Where are you going? Remus: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there Patton: Can you get me a strawberry cone? Janus: Can you kill Virgil? Virgil: Can you kill Roman? Roman: Can you kill Janus? Logan: Can you not commit a felony?

Logan: It’s dark in here Patton: Don’t worry fam, I got this Patton: *Stomps their feet* Patton: *Sketchers light up*

Logan: So what do you do? Janus: I work in genetic research, and I'm currently trying to eliminate all Cancers. Logan: Wow, impressive. Janus: Then I'll move on to Leos.

Remus: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve. Roman: I think you mean cards. Remus, pulling knives out of their sleeves: No, I do not.

Virgil: We went through an entire character arc during quarantine Janus: We all became more evil if you’re curious Patton: We're still in quarantine, don't worry, there's time for a redemption arc still! Remus: I’m going to get worse on purpose

Patton: Am I in trouble? Logan: Take a guess. Patton: No? Logan: Take another guess.

Patton: Oh just so you know, it's very muggy outside Roman: *holding in a laugh* Logan: Patton, I swear, if I step outside and all of our mugs are on the front lawn... Virgil: *Sips coffee from bowl*

Virgil: You kill people for money?! Virgil: Can I pay you? Janus: Virgil no- Remus: And all this time I’ve been doing it for free like a chump!

Roman: What are your goals? Thomas as Patton: To pet all the dogs. Logan: No, fitness goals. Thomas as Patton: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

Patton: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them. Virgil: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

Virgil: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my paranoia. I'll wait. Patton’s Card: FAM - ILY Virgil, tearing up: Okay.

Logan: I actually have a black belt. Roman: In what, karate? Logan: No, from Gucci.

Remus: Am I going too far? Janus: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

Patton, motioning to a Halloween display: All these ghosts! All these ghosts! I still can’t find a boo. Logan: Babe, I’m right here.

Remus: You think I really give a fuck? I can’t even read.

Virgil: Okay okay stop asking me if I'm straight, gay, bi, whatever. I identify as a FUCKING THREAT. Roman, from across the room: You tell ‘em, babe!

Roman: You can de-escalate any situation by simply saying, 'Are we about to kiss?' Remus: Doesn't work for getting out of speeding tickets, by the way.