Love E=Squared
Wow, it’s a been a long minute since I’ve been here. I’ve been having these thoughts, for a while, and I'm starting to feel like I’ll go crazy if I don’t get them out, ... so here it goes. (this will be the 1st time I’ve written about this person, and honestly I can’t believe I'm doing so.)
So if you don’t know, I’ve be polyamorous for a while now, and the only mainstay in my life for the last 7 going on 8 years has been Kimberly Langford. (Don’t get me wrong that hasn’t change, so don’t get weird, LOL, Kimberly is still very much the center of my romantic life, and I’d truly be lost with out her.)
In 2019 I met two women, that were uniquely different, one woman shall remain nameless, as she didn’t pan out to be the person she claimed to be. This isn’t about her. The other woman I met was Erica Benjamin (Evans). She’s a couple older, but has in many ways has lived a hundred more lifetimes that I have, while remaining balanced and grounded in who she is, has been, and who she wants to become.
Our relationship started out extremely slow, as this was really the beginning of the dynamic that allowed me and Kim to date outside of one another, and with Kim not yet moving to Atlanta yet, I was still very much finding my way in the poly-verse. I hadn’t really found my footing that would allow me the ability to Love Kimberly the way I needed to, and yet cultivate another whole relationship that was more than something physically sexual. In the beginning, I’m sure she thought I wasn’t really interested, but that wasn’t the case. I wasn’t ready or sure how I needed to move, to create the balance I needed. I had a good understanding of the theory in my head, but had yet to effectively execute it in a real world setting.
The universe wasn’t really giving me time to figure it out though, the nameless person, was pushing for time, attention & sexual satisfaction, and chose to push her physical bounders before cultivating the love, and friendship needed to honestly exist in this world.
Erica and myself, really spent time getting to know one another, becoming friends. She help me understand the value of consistency, and communication. Something that I likely had become and likely still lacking with relations to Kimberly. She helped me understand how planning, is a real thing, and really sets up a space in life, that allows less worry, and simply more fun. I’ve also learn the essence of execution, of said plans to effectively create and/or control the desire energy I wish to have with myself and my partner(s).
While I generally being the caring about people I share both time and my body with, something different has taken root, and grown into a things that feels like Love. I’ve found myself in a space that feels like fear. I’m scared (I have to tell myself that fear is a liar, more often than I have had to in the recent past)
I can't believe I’ve found someone that I love like this, while truly and honestly having the same essence of love for Kimberly. I’ve long looked ahead into the future for me and Kim, but I’m now in a space, that affords me a glimpse into a Future with Erica as well. She makes me want to double my efforts in becoming a better man. Better for Kim, and Better for her as well. They’re uniquely two different people, and thus I stand in front of a challenge that say, “ you no longer have comfort zone, you should always be looking for a way to grow “
There’s def. more to discuss, and I need to clean up the grammar, so I’ll be back.