remember that adam approaches blue, asks her for her number, sends her flowers, and rings her up and asks her out. that he goes to collect her for their date, tells her she looks nice. remember how often he thinks about how he wants to hold her hand or touch her hair or entwine himself with her. remember how often he actually does do those things and how ridiculously pleased he is to be doing so. remember how, when he’s sad, he lays his head in her lap. remember how he sticks up for her when she’s cat-called, how he doesn’t really understand why she’s upset, but states that he cares about her so he wants to. remember how, when he confronts blue about hers and gansey’s deception, he’s explicitly upset because their happiness would always mean more to him than anything he felt for blue and he’s hurt they didn’t give him that chance. remember that he had severe self-esteem issues that caused him anxieties about what someone like gansey would think of him, how they would react to him or judge him, but that, despite those fears, he stopped when he found gansey broken down on the side of the road. remember that he spends much of his limited time helping gansey to fix his car, that he feels immense pride for gansey when he manages to fix something on his own. remember that he makes sure gansey gets his burger the way he likes it. remember how he distracts gansey with homework when gansey is anxious. remember how devastated he was to find out gansey’s fate, that he became hellbent on finding glendower so he can save the friend he frequently expresses his love and admiration for. remember how he thinks gansey is wonderful, that he loves gansey so much. remember that he’s happy blue and noah get on so well because noah is ignored so often, or laughed at, that he’s happy there’s someone in the group now who takes notice of him. remember his fierce defence of noah, that proclamation that no friend would ever have hurt him that way. remember that in the midst of everyone’s unease, it is adam who lifts his hand, bumps knuckles with him.
remember that the consequences for him sneaking out are violent and dangerous, yet he goes out in the middle of the night to help look for ronan. remember when he projects into ronan’s dream to help him save matthew. remember that even though he’s so exhausted and barely keeping his head above water he helps ronan with greenmantle and his sleeping cows. remember that he gets cabeswater to play ronan’s electronic music, that he revels in making ronan smile. remember how he gives opal his watch to help her feel better, that he hates the idea of her in cabeswater, that he brings her out. remember how he felt soft and fuzzy after his kiss with ronan, and describes himself as senselessly happy. remember that he’s devastated for ronan after they find his mum, that he wishes he could do something to stop ronan turning around and seeing it, to keep him safe for a moment longer. remember how he climbs into ronan’s car so he won’t be alone in his grief, he doesn’t force ronan out or to talk, because he knows that’s not what ronan needs. remember how he can’t bear to be blindfolded, hearing the sounds of ronan being unmade. remember how natural it was for him to put his fingers through ronan’s when ronan was upset, to let ronan press his face against his neck. remember how he initiates kisses, and naps with ronan, and clings to him in their mud pit. remember that he was ready to not go to college for ronan, the thing he worked so exhaustingly hard for, that he got very upset about ronan not caring what happened to him. remember that he drives ronan’s car, thinks about how it smells like him, listens to his thumping music.
remember that adam knows more than anyone what a privilege love is as he went without it for so, very long. remember that he thinks about love often, that he feels so lucky to have it and that he doesn’t ever want to lose it. remember how he feels when he does lose his first love cabeswater. remember how he feels when he loses persephone, how he likens it to a scab that won’t ever fully heal. adam parrish is so wonderfully compassionate, so full of the love he knows he’s privileged to feel and have. he’s affectionate and giving, always looking for and giving it, both physically and emotionally. the way he loves is so distinct in its thoughtfulness, like his very own language that spills out over him and onto his friends and boyfriend, similarly to the way cabeswater reaches out its branches and wraps adam up its love; fitting, given it was through cabeswater that adam realised ah, this has been what love was the entire time and im never letting it go.
