I'm Moist and Ready

[moistmailman]

Pyrrha, to her students: Sorry class, I'll have to leave early so I can pick up my daughter at daycare.

Student: Wait, if Professor Arc has a kid then that means....Nurse Arc, my man 🤝😂

[superiorsturgeon]

Jaune: *calling Pyrrha* …Pyr, do you have any idea why students keep trying to fist-bump me in the hallway today…?

[moistmailman]

“Batman is a billionaire who beats poor people.” is still a baffling stupid and factually wrong take on Batman. People act like his villains somehow dont have enough money to build the most weirdest fucking contraptions known to man. They also forget that the penguin is one of his most powerful villains due to his complete wealth and status in Gotham. Let’s also not forget he takes down corrupt cops as well. And also rich corrupt people in general.

Also, do people expect Batman not to beat up a bunch of thugs trying to merk a bunch of innocent people? Gotham is Chicago on crack. Their thugs aren’t really just normal gas station robbers. You could look at someone wrong in Gotham and have a gun pulled on you.

He also uses his billions of dollars to funds organizations that he believes will make Gotham a better place because he knows punching bad guys wouldn’t solve the problems that are engraved deep in the roots in Gotham.

And one of the main reasons why Batman doesn’t kill is because he actually believes in redemption. He wants his villains to become redeem. He doesn’t want them to die, he wants them to be fixed. There are times where he showed his villains compassion, rather it’s mr freeze, killer croc, Grundy, baby doll, even the fucking joker.

Batman is a billionaire that wants to help Gotham but is also a realist who knows that throwing money into a burning pile won’t solve a single thing unless someone extinguishes the flame.

[moistmailman]

Pyrrha, to her students: Sorry class, I'll have to leave early so I can pick up my daughter at daycare.

Student: Wait, if Professor Arc has a kid then that means....Nurse Arc, my man 🤝😂

[moistmailman]

(At the beach)

Nora, in a bikini: Come on Pyr-pyr. You gotta show them girls already

Pyrrha, in her swim suit while wearing a beach jacket and a sun hat: (blushing) The sun doesn't really agree with me all the time. I burn easily.

Nora: Come on, it's summer. You gotta get your summer tan before it's too late, girl. You can't look like a marble statue forever.

Pyrrha, blushing: I don't know. I've never really been this exposed in public before. I feel practically naked under here.

Nora: Nonsense. Now come on and get that jacket off so we can tan.

Pyrrha, sighing: Okay, I guess I can try.

(Pyrrha stands up and takes off her beach jacket, revealing a red bathing suit underneath)

Nora: Hell yeah!

Pyrrha: (blushing)

Jaune, who was playing volleyball: (staring and blushing at Pyrrha)

Yang, spiking the ball: COMING IN HOT!

*the sound of a ball hitting something hard followed by a "oh shit!" is heard*

Pyrrha: Did someone just get hurt?

Blake: HOW DID YOU BREAK THROUGH ALL OF HIS AURA?!

Yang: I DONT KNOW!

Ruby: Is it bad that the volleyball grooves got imprinted on his face?

Sun: How many fingers am I holding up, man?

Jaune: J

Nora:....I'm sure everything is fine.

[moistmailman]

The funny thing about the drama with the odyssey is seeing the cope from the movie being successful.

They went from how this movie is going to flop bad to "Of course it's making bank! A bunch of NPCs who love slop are the targeted audience!"

[moistmailman]

This comment has done more damage to Elliot Page's reputation than any transphobic person could ever dream of

[moistmailman]

The fact America is dealing with an explosive diarrhea problem and news sites are actually calling it explosive diarrhea is hilarious.

[moistmailman]

Polyphemus, eye poked out: WHATS YOUR NAME!?

Odysseus: ODYSSEY!

Polyphemus: ODYSSEY IS-

Odysseus: ODYSSEY THESE NUTTZ!

[moistmailman]

Au where clumsy !Knight Jaune goes to !Princess Pyrrha for sword training late at night, since the girl was actually one of the best swordswoman in the kingdom and didn’t judge him for his lack of skills. Although one day someone asks him why he was meeting up with the princess every night, and coming back tired and sweaty. Jaune, who was embarrassed that he needed training from the woman he was supposed to be protecting with his life, lied through his teeth and avoided the questions.

Too bad everyone took his nervousness and embarrassment the wrong way and rumors started to spread that one of the princess’ knights was having sex with her.

[moistmailman]

Yang, sitting down: So? You and the princess huh? *Wriggles eyebrows*

Jaune, nervously: Huh? W-what are you talking about? The princess and I aren’t doing anything!

Yang, smirking: Oh come on, man. Don’t lie about it. Everyone knows about it.

Jaune, blushing: W-what?! E-everyone?!

Yang: Yeah, everyone. It’s the gossip of the day in the castle.

Jaune, hiding his face in shame: Oh my gods. This can’t be happening.

Yang: Oh cheer up, man. It’s not the end of the world.

Jaune: It’s so embarrassing though.

Yang: So embarrassing? Dude, it’s amazing! You should be thanking the gods right now!

Jaune: What? Really?

Yang: Yeah. Really. Hey, is she any good?

Jaune: Well yeah she is. She’s absolutely amazing. She doesn’t even look exhausted afterwards. Not even a little sweat. Meanwhile I can barely breathe afterwards.

Yang: Daaaaaang! Really? That’s impressive on her count. She really rides you, huh?

Jaune: Yeah, that’s one way to put it. We sometimes have to take breaks during it so I can get a breather. That girl can just keep going though, none stop if she needs to.

Yang: Yeah, that’s not surprising. She is Pyrrha frickin Nikos. She could probably exhaust anyone.

Jaune: Yeah, that’s most definitely true. She keeps telling me that it’s alright and that she doesn’t mind though, but it still makes me feel terrible. Like, how am I supposed to last that long? She’s like….a goddess that cant get tired.

Yang: Just think about baseball during it, you’ll last longer.

Jaune:……….

Jaune: How the fuck would thinking about baseball help me in this situation?

[moistmailman]

Maga, who doesn't understand how the government works, are demanding for Trump fire Vance because of his comments on Israel.

That's not how that works. Trump cannot fire Vance. Although, Vance can fire Trump.

[moistmailman]

The pal world vs Pokemon fights are hilarious since two things can be true at once

Palworld absolutely copied the designs of a bunch of pokemon and it's obvious. Denying this is just baffling. That whale pal boss fight is literally just kyogre.

Also who gives a shit too? Pokemon haven't been doing anything good in years. I'm not going to be defending a multi billion company over this. And Nintendo has been filing lawsuits and takedowns for years so the fact they can't do anything about Palworld is amazing

[moistmailman]

The Courier is a funny fallout protagonist because they got shot in the head twice at the prologue and all this managed to do is pissed them off.

[moistmailman]

The Wastelands desperately wants the courier dead but the fucker has their luck set to ten.

Shot twice in the head and survived.

Got their brain, heart, and spine removed

Forced to go through saw like traps with a bomb collar strapped to their neck

Be the only survivor of an ambush by simply traveling to Utah

Survived multiple hits squads

Received a footjob from Benny

Was right in the middle of a 3 way war and came out on top

Survived getting bombed by the boomers

Courier is built different

[moistmailman]

Fallout 3/New Vegas are getting remasters (the obsidian remastered was consider a remaster to them)

Bethesda finally remembered that they can also remaster games that aren't in the elder scrolls

[moistmailman]

Government: We've noticed that people tend to steal things with their hands so to combat thievery we are now going to mandate that we cut off the hands of everyone. We are doing this to help you actually

[moistmailman]

Idiots are attacking movie reviewers for simply liking the Odyssey. They're accusing them all of being paid shills.

We're living in a world where just liking a movie made by an acclaimed director will make people angry.

[superiorsturgeon]

Pyrrha: *arm in a sling after narrowly escaping death in Beacon Tower* …okay, that’s enough for tonight!

Jaune: *lowers his sword and wipes his forehead* Wait, really…? I’m sure I can go a bit longer, Pyr!

Pyrrha: Ah-ah-ah, mister! Regular rest is a critical part of training, and overtraining to exhaustion will hold you back no matter how hard you push!

Ren: …well, I for one think that sleep sounds-

Pyrrha: Not until you finish your food! You need calories and nutrients to fuel muscle growth! And Nora, don’t try to hide your vegetables and load up on sugar, I’ll be watching!

Ren/Nora: 😓

Ruby: …was Pyrrha like this back at Beacon…?

Ren: Only with Jaune. This “whole team personal trainer” thing is new.

Nora: Ever since the doctors put her on extended rest, we think she’s training vicariously through the rest of us.

Ruby: Well, since I’m not officially part of your team-

Pyrrha: Ruby, why don’t you join Jaune for post-workout stretches!

Jaune: *upside-down and straining* 🙃

Ruby: …uh-oh… 😨

[superiorsturgeon]

Cardin: Oh, you think you’re so cool because you have a well-endowed girlfriend who’s a world-famous athlete and top of the class and has an awesome caring personality and helped you progress to the level of professional huntsman in only six months and deeply values you as a person and helped you become more confident as a man?!

Jaune: …I mean…yeah…?

Cardin: Oh yeah?!? Well…the evidence definitely does support that conclusion!!!

Cardin: You’re really making it difficult to properly bully you right now! I feel like I’m doing all the work here!