I Don’t Hate My Life. I Hate Myself...

👻: teaababyy ig: cup9of5tea Talk to me, I don't sleep.

[myopressivedepression]

[ededdandeddy]

[ballszach-deactivated20130908]

I RMEMEBER LAUGHIGN SO FUCKIGN HARD WHEN I SAW THIS

[protect-and-love-animals]

Friends goals

[lhsk-sanches]

[danger]

[rowshark]

By Tiina Menzel

[cup9of5tea]

Never felt so alone, and gross and ugly and under appreciated, and lost. No matter what I do it never feels good enough. It never is. I see it. It’s not a secret I’m not doing well, but who really fucking cares anyways. Always had to keep myself afloat. 24 years hasn’t changed anything. I’m ready to fucking get hit by a bus.

[yeezy-nation]

$185

[dogpuppy]

$60

[unclefather]

$35

[cup9of5tea]

$1196 😅

[wnq-writers]

“i’m sorry that there was always a storm in my mind, even on the sunniest of days, im sorry”

— E.S., things i wont say to him

[justcallmetea]

And it's that time of year again. Where the panic attacks come back. Your smells starts to pop up randomly. The endless night of crying. The pain. Heartache. I just want all of it to go away and for you to come back.

[cup9of5tea]

I wonder if anyone i know actually wants to get to know me or they just like my fasaud of a happy Tea.

[fpsuggestion-blog]

i must be exhausting for you, and i’m sorry

[cup9of5tea]

“Some days it isn’t so bad. I can forget, but then I hear your favorite song or I see someone that looks like you, and it comes back to me. I’ll never get to hug you again. I won’t wake up to the smell of your cooking on Sunday morning. We will never laugh at ridiculous commercials or play cards together. You won’t watch me walk across the stage or be in the front row of my wedding. I’ll never get to tell you how much I appreciate you, how much I love you. You were my first friend, and I’ll hold you in my heart forever. I miss you, Dad. Forgive me.”

— your youngest (via fucked-up-but-it-is-what-it-is)

[cup9of5tea]

“I want somebody with a sharp intellect and a heart from hell. somebody with eyes like starfire and a mouth with a kiss like a bottomless well. but mostly I just want someone who will love me. when I do not know how to love myself.”

— Beau Taplin, “Priorities” (via wordsnquotes)

[cup9of5tea]

I feel empty again :)

[uneffervescent]

October 8 10:35 pm

Over and over I ask myself the same question. Why do I lead with my heart? Why do I continue to let my emotions get the best of me?

Over the past few years of my life I have learned a few things about myself.  1. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

2. I am always one to fight but not to be fought for.

3. When I let my guard down I am bound to be hurt.

Nights like tonight these things I have learned about myself become extremely relevant. My life is very much a closed book with a few people who have read it. When someone is able to open this book they have opened up a part of myself that very few people know about. In relationships this book is a very hard thing for me to open because time after time I am proven again that in the end it doesn’t work out.

I lead my actions with my heart. If my heart is in it the rest of me is as well. With that comes the fact that I fight. I will fight with every last part of me until the last string snaps. While I fight, I never get fought for. I am willing to give all of myself only to be pushed to the floor. In the end if i don’t fight for what my heart is telling me is right I will regret every single moment. 

In relationships I do not regret. I never regret letting my guard down and letting myself have feelings. These feelings are something so special to me in the moment that it doesn’t matter what the future is. I have learned from feelings that inside of me I have a heart so big to love someone so much and give them the world. Leading with my heart has hurt many times but has also provided me with so many moments that I could not trade for the world. 

At this moment and these past few weeks I do not regret jumping in with my heart at all. Being able to open up to someone so easily and tell them things you have never told anyone is something that is so special in the moment. When things feel right I go for it and I’m going for it whether it comes back to bite me in the ass or not. Its too late now to flee home for safety, I’ve already taken off somewhere far away.

[thegoodvybe]