I really love bjj. I get to see my old friends and I really love fighting ever since I was a little girl (whether it's punching, grappling, or wrestling) and I often strive to become good at it too but I worry that I'm not going anywhere. I'm also insecure and have a low self esteem(for things I'm good at too)and people have told me to do a tournament and that I've been getting really good including from my sensei. He knows I have a low self esteem too. Is there any way I can bring up my esteem?
The Mental Game of Competing.
Hey! I’m sorry this took forever to reply. >__< I’ve had low self esteem in my BJJ for a really long time so maybe you can take a lesson or two from my story.
I won my first tournament as a white belt but went on a epic losing streak after. I literally lost all my matches over 5 tournaments in 2 years (that’s about 18 matches in a row: gi weight and absolute, no gi: weight and absolutes).
It was a horrible feeling.
Why the heck am I doing this? Surely I’m not that masochistic to constantly subject myself to such mental anguish.
And maybe deep down inside, I just really suck ass in BJJ.
Anyway, I decided I was going to do the Malaysian Abu Dhabi Pro Trials and if I lose my first match, this was going to be my last competition. I approached my Coach (Marcos Escobar) for some advice. He said I had a mental block and needed to have more confidence in my abilities (I lost most of my matches by points or advantages). But building confidence is tough esp if you’ve been losing all your matches for the past 2 years. One of my Heroes in BJJ (Kristina Barlaan) mentioned about Hypnotherapy for Sports Performance. Intrigued, I Googled more on the subject then booked a session with one of the best Hypnotherapist Clinics in KL. My Hypnotherapist Sheila is amazing. She helped me fixed my mental attitude towards competing and gave me the self-confidence I was so sorely lacking.
Come Pro Trials, I’m happy to say that I won most of my matches. I got Silver in weight and then eventually fought my way back to close out the Absolute division with my team-mate and get a ticket to Abu Dhabi. That was in 2012. Since then I’ve consistently won most of my matches. I’ve won the Asian Open, was ranked #9 in the world for a while and even made it to the Quarter finals of the Mundials in 2014.
Anyway what I learned on my journey is that:
1. Being technical in BJJ doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll do well in competitionPeople need to understand that competing and BJJ technical skills are two totally different things, even though they may appear to be the same. Competing is an art form by itself. That’s why you have guys that are beasts on the mat but choke come competition day.
2. Learning how to compete is a mental game. I’ve seen less technical fighters beat really skilled technical ones because their mental game was really sharp. I’ve beaten opponents who I know deep down are more skilled than I because of my mental game. Up to today, I’m still quite leery of my BJJ skills but am absolutely confident of my Mental Game.
3. How do I improve my mental game? This is a tough one because different people have different issues when approaching competition. For me my two biggest issues was lack of self confidence and anxiety. So my hypnotherapist gave me some home exercises that help with self confidence, music therapy to control anxiety (binaural tracks rock) and a 8 step process using affirmation statements and trigger songs to help get into my ‘zone’ before my matches. Using this 8 Step process I feel absolutely confident and most importantly calm before my matches.
4. Learning how to lose (and not let it define your BJJ):In the past I use to cry all the time because I felt like I didn’t perform well. Nowadays I hardly bat an eyelid when I lose because I know through my 8 step process, mentally I’ve done all I can to win. If my Opponent beats me, it’s cause she was technically or mentally superior to me during that match. Most importantly, I don’t let my losses define my BJJ journey. It comes from the understanding that competing and being good at BJJ are two separate things. I hope my story gives you some things to think about. Good luck on your journey and remember, if competing isn’t fun….. don’t do it!
At the end of the day, you aren’t defined by your medals.
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