So here's something that has been mulling about in my brain for a while.
Noone is obligated to teach you how to be a good friend.
What does that mean? Well I am glad you didn't ask. So, in this ever changing world of wants and needs and mental health, sometimes, we find people that we get along with, some we don't. Sometimes we learn to like a person over time, sometimes the opposite. And it can be sad if a friendship dissolves and it can be confusing when it suddenly ends.
Someone I thought was my friend suddenly doesn't want to talk to me and I am unfriended or blocked or whatever. What did I do?
First instance would be to ask the person, right? In some cases yes.
So perhaps I send ONE message through some medium. "Hey, I think you blocked me, if I did something I would be willing to talk about it if you are able, that would really help me be a better person."
One of three things could happen. They could tell you why they blocked you. They could send you a torrent of hate.
Or. They could ignore it.
You could never find out why.
But I was their friend and I deserve to know why!
Actually no. That person is not obligated to tell you why. They could, and it might be helpful. But they don't have to. Noone has the job to teach you how to be a better person, you do that yourself. With books or articles written for that exact reason, with therapy. And if you choose to change behaviour or the way you think about the world it needs to be for you and not for someone else.
But that is for another day.
Where does this leave us though? I've been blocked and I don't know what I did! What do I do now?
You get on with your life.
Yeah you can talk about it with friends about how bad you feel. Your feelings are valid.
What is unwise to do, and something I do not recommend is to stew on it. To contact a dozen of that person's friends and demand answers. To try and message that person they blocked you and harass them into answering your questions. This reaction is not valid.
What if my mental health is being damaged because they stopped talking to me?
Sorry to say but your mental health is not their problem. They are not your therapist, they don't have a duty of care. They have to look after their mental health, and noones is more important than anyone elses. That means you don't get answers just because you feel bad.
Don't get me wrong. This sucks. It is a shitty feeling. It's awful. But unfortunately you gotta deal with it.
Self soothe, watch a movie, play a game, get off the internet. Talk to other friends.
If you really want to frantically post and talk to people to get sympathy or try and convince others you didn't deserve it, or that the other person is a bitch/jerk, I mean sure... You can. But does it really help? Or does it make you more anxious?
Trying to find out what caused a rift, sure that's understandable, but dragging others into it and making drama and demanding they tell you why so you can be a better friend? Noone is obligated to teach you how to be a better person.
Just this: shitty things happen. Sometimes you never find out why. Sometimes you don't get closure. Sometimes you never get an answer.
So sometimes you just have to deal with it. In whatever way is best for you, and preferably without causing harm to yourself or others.
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