to be (with you)Β β my best | choi san.
β¬ summary : If there's one thing you know about your best friend, it's that he has some questionable habits. Your self-proclaimed protector does come through to always 'save' you though, so you're not complaining. But sometimes, he has questions too.
β¬ pairing : choi san x reader (gender neutral)
β¬ warnings/tags : au: neighbours + best friends to lovers, most of this is from san's pov, reader has an elder sibling (gender neutral and chaotic), woosang very good boys, very light angst, fluff (sappy sappy sappy), happy ending.
β¬ word count : 6,119
β¬ notes : @utopianvoicesβ,Β my absolutely annoying darling, I love you and I hope you enjoy(ed) this.Β π₯Ίπ Many thanks to @delicatewerewolfsoulβ forΒ believing in me and encouraging me to finish this (I appreciate you so, so much!!!!) Also thanking @berrynxβ and @sadienitaββ, you're both very lovely for letting me blab about this. :D I hope anyone reading this enjoys~
β twenty;
To say you're annoyed would be an understatement. You don't want to do this, but it's a requirement of your coursework and thus you must counsel at least one person this semester, and it counts for 20% of your grade.
You couldn't even do it over the phone or through text, because of course, it must be in person. Confidentiality and all, even though you don't see the point when your professor is going to read through all of it anyway.
You've finally been able to take time out of your busy schedule β with all the other assignments that don't count for shit after this stupid project but hey, life β and you even had to cancel a 'friendly date' with your best friend, because he's nice and understanding, and today was the only free day in your schedule.
You set yourself up in the building, putting your stuff down on the table and sighing. Your scapegoat β sorry, lovely subject who'll be the only reason why you pass this semester β isn't going to be here anytime soon, because you yourself are here too early. You wonder if San is hanging out with Wooyoung and/or Yeosang right now, because the former is always up to hijack fun times.
You don't have time to dwell on things right now, especially things regarding Choi San, and you busy yourself by going through the list of questions that you might have to ask your subject. Perhaps they'd let you take the reins instead of going off about their life the way some of your classmates have complained of their subjects, but you're not going to hold onto any hope. Your work is to help them out, the fact that it's an assignment only gives you returns for something that you should be doing anyway.
Your eyes almost bug out when you realise who your subject is, and you want to keep your cool, but you can't help the smile that breaks out on your face. Of course, your best friend decided to help you out this time too, though you don't know why he'd rather choose being here than off catching fish with Wooyoung.
He sits on the other side of the little table, and as you prompt him to start speaking β because the questions on your lists are ones you already know the answer to, when it comes to him β you wonder why he always comes back to you, time and time again, without fail.
"Sometimes I just don't know how to express my feelings, I guess. Not because I'm bad at it, but because I just know how to express them in one way, and they're already so used to seeing that side of me that they never notice the difference. I guess I love them, but they just don't realise that."
Your lips part slightly as you take in the confession. San has never brought up anything about his love life, but that also stems from the fact that you've never expressed curiosity. It's one of the topics that never comes up between you two, because of the mutual lack of interest in said topic.
You know why you're not interested in hearing about it, because you don't want to hear the words 'San' and 'love life' in the same sentence if the sentence doesn't also involve you.
You want to know why he's never been interested in your matters, but he slides something across the table and ends your train of thought. It's a folded piece of paper, and you stare at it, head tilted.
"I've always held onto it," San smiles slightly, "it's what keeps me going when I feel low. They're strong, they usually help me back up. But when they're not around, this makes me want to be strong for them."
Something nags at the back of your mind. You can vaguely make out letters whose ink has bled through the back of the paper, and it just seems so familiar that you feel like you just know what it is.
Still, you don't pick it up despite the obvious permission, because, again, it's not something you're interested in.
"I care about them so much. I wasn't actually going to come here today, but Woo pushed me into doing so because he said this'd be much better than hanging out with him," he sighs, before laughing slightly, "he of all people told me to choose spending time with someone else over him. I don't know how much it'll really help, though."
Of course, telling his best friend about the person who owns his heart is such a convenient thing to doβcompletely overlooking the fact that said best friend might be in love with him. You can't tell San that, though, because he's just your best friend and that's all he'll be.
The best friend who doesn't even come to save you of his own accord, and has to get pushed into it by Jung Wooyoung. You're definitely not bitter at all, come on, you're even smiling at San right now! And if he looks scared, that's definitely not because you look murderous!
You hum, trying to think of an excuse to not touch the cursed paper, and your eyes fall on the recorder set up. Of course! "What does it say?" you ask, glancing pointedly at the device to bring your point across to San. He understands, biting his lip before exhaling.
"Just a promise to protect them."
β¦That's also something he promised to you, but maybe that doesn't matter anymore, right?
β four;
San is four years old when he decides he loves you.
He's never seen someone his age in the residential area before, so of course he jumps with joy the moment he finds out you've moved into the house next door. Of course, he doesn't know who you are, he doesn't even know how old you are.
All that he sees through his window is the empty β but well-kept β house's door being unlocked, with a family standing at the porch. He doesn't even pay attention to anyone else. All he sees is the small person with them. If he squints, he can guess just how small the person is; probably smaller than him.
San is big for his age! He often gets compliments for the way he stands, the way he walks when he's at gatherings with his family. They say he's tall for his age. He doesn't know how tall one should be to be four, but he's tall. So of course if he sees someone small, there are two conclusions.
One: they're close to him in age!
Two: they're probably smaller than him!
Well, whatever your age may be, he doesn't know. But he knows that you're small, and he needs to talk to you.
He's incredibly excited, and he doesn't think twice before running out of his room and to his mother's. He asks her to take a break from her papers and come over to the next house with him, all but bouncing as he gets up in her face and squeals, "Momma, they have a baby!"
That's a bit of a lie⦠But his mother loves babies, so she'll be more inclined to share his excitement if she hears that, right?
Unfortunately, even his creative thinking doesn't convince her as she continues to flip through her file. "Give me a bit, Sanie," she coos, running her fingers through his hair as she looks at him momentarily. "Momma can't come out right now. I'll take you there later, okay?"
"But, mommaβ¦" he bends down and wiggles his way between his mother and her papers, and stares at her pleadingly. She only laughs, leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead.
He's impatient enough that the cogs in his mind are already turning even as he gives her cheek a kiss in return and sidles away from her.
Going back to his room, he peeks out of the window again, and his eyes widen. You're going to the park β the park β which means that San can go there and meet you! He doesn't even need to undertake the quest of coming up to your front door and ringing the bell, introducing himself, maybe looking around for you, and asking you to be his friend. He can just go to the park and become friends with you right away!
He leaves the house soon enough β after letting his mother know, of course β and in the short while it takes to get to the park, San has already gone through a list of potential things to say to you in order to strike up friendship.
Things don't go as planned.
He arrives at the park just in time to see you shouting at one of the kids San knows to be a troublemaker already. He's someone San used to think was a good candidate for friendship before seeing him snatch a kid's ice cream.
Absolute meanies do not get to interact with San's (hopefully) new friend!
The third kid standing there seems to hang back slightlyβno, they're trying to pull you back, San realises as he gets closer.
Still, if he wants to be friends with you, he needs to support you in whatsoever way possible, and that's what San tells himself when he steps in front of you and rams his head against the bully's chin.
Oops.
San will probably be in trouble for this with his mother later, but at the moment, all that matters to him as turning around and smiling at the two people brightly.
The bigger one β the one who'd been trying to pull you back β finally decides to step in front of you and hold out a hand to San. "Are you okay?" they ask, and San nods. Of course he isβ¦ The question is, are you and your acquaintance fine?
He asks as much, and the bigger one smiles, "Yeah, thanks. We're new here! Just got into a bit of a problem. Don't worry. Thanks for saving us!"
San nods dumbly, a part of him wanting to say that the bully is a chronic bully and it's not the first time he's seen something like this happen. Instead, the words get caught in his throat when he notices you tugging at the bigger one's hand, communicating something nonverbally before looking at him again.
He straightens up slightly, a slight smile playing on his lips as he tries to let you know that no, he's just a good child!
"Why're you here?"
He blinks, your question repeating itself in his mind as he tries to think of an answer, and he sees the bigger one's expression turn amused.
"Are you siblings?" he asks instead, receiving a nod from the bigger one β the elder one β and an eye-roll from the smaller β younger! β one; you.
"I asked you why you're here."
"Uhβ¦" San wracks his brains for an answer before blurting out, "I wanted fresh air! I like playing here."
You still look like you don't believe him, and your next words make ice crawl up his spine, "I bet you're that rude kid's friend."
Oh.
You don't trust him.
Now, realistically, San knows that's normal. His mother tells him he can't trust strangers either!
But he'd been so excited to see youβ¦
Maybe it really would've been better if he'd just waited for his mother to finish her work.
Something inside him gets warmer, but not in a good way. His lower lip wobbles, and he can feel it jutting out. No, no, no! He's not going to show anyone he's sad! Because he has no reason to be sad! You have every right to not trust him, because his mother doesn't like him trusting strangers either!
But⦠he's not a stranger, he's just Choi San.
The boy next door!
Oh.
Next door.
"I liveβ" no, he doesn't live next door! They have moved in next door, he livesβ "in my house! You've moved into the place next to mine."
You still don't look convinced, even as your elder sibling looks excited, and the truth pours out before San can stop it.
"I just wanted to be friends with you. There's no one else our age in this area." No one worth being friends with, anyway. San doesn't like the bully. "I just wanted to get to know you."
'Sanie, don't say things you don't want people to know,' his mother often tells him, and right now, he wonders if this was something he wanted anyone to know.
But the way your stance relaxes and your eyes soften makes him think that he did, indeed, want you to know.
So, yes, San is four years old when he decides he loves you.
β six;
San is six years old when he sees you in his classroom.
You're his friend, and he thinks he is yours too, but you never told him you were going to school with him!
He makes sure to beckon you to himself, pat the seat next to him even though Wooyoung is supposed to sit there.
Jung Wooyoung is a cute and loud boy, and San loves him with all of his tiny heart, but he really just wants to sit with you right now. His mother says San has a big heart, but San tells her over and over again that he's not as big as her yet, and thus his heart can't be big either.
Wooyoung isn't happy about being replaced, but when Kang Yeosang β the boy next to whom Wooyoung has to sit β says something under his breath, Wooyoung stops throwing a tantrum and quietens like magic.
Yeosang is very cute, but San gets the feeling that he's also the scariest six-year-old he's ever met. Even though Wooyoung seethes and throws glares at you all day long from behind, San knows it's only Yeosang who keeps him from actually saying anything.
You.
You seem to warm up to San quicker now that you're in class, and he almost shouts with glee when you ask if he wants to go back home with you. He doesn't say that he's going to go in the same direction anyway, because he doesn't want you to retract the offer. You won't be mad, you're too sweet for that, but San knows that you're very prone to getting embarrassed and as a result: defensive.
So he gets to go home with you, and when you wave at him before walking to your door, San can't keep the smile off his face.
It becomes routine after that, you and San walking back. Wooyoung's mother picks him up, Yeosang takes the bus, so the other two rarely accompany San and you. It gives him enough time to listen to you talk about all sorts of things. Sometimes your elder sibling is there to open the door and let you in, sometimes they're off having big-kid-classes.
You have a bit of a temper, you fight with the other children at times, but only when they're in the wrong. At such times, you don't say much on the way back home, and San fills the silence with stories of his own. You look at him a lot when he talks, and he feels nice. It's not that no one has ever paid attention to him. He just likes it a lot more when the attention comes from you.
He wants to ask you if he's your friend, but he also doesn't want to hear you say that he's not. He doesn't really know.
Well, Wooyoung ends up clearing that up for everyone by asking you why you spend time with San. Wooyoung also ends up receiving a glare from you that's cold enough to freeze anyone and anything, and San allows himself to laugh.
Two years pass, and San takes up martial arts. He doesn't mean much when he tells you he'll protect you, because he's not that strong in the first place, but your response almost makes him pity anyone else who's ever been the target of your sass.
You just smile at him, tilting your head as you land your shot, "You say that, but you need me to protect you half the time. How can I believe you?"
He ends up writing it down on a piece of paper and handing it to you. You make him write the same thing on another piece, again, and tell him to keep the second one with himself.
He doesn't see the point of keeping something like that with himself, especially when it has neither his name nor yours, and it's addressed to you rather than him.
Still, he folds it and slips it into his schoolbag.
When he gets home, he unfolds the piece of paper and spends a while just staring at the words, 'I'll protect you whenever,' with no idea as to just how much gravity each of them hold.
β eleven;
San is eleven years old when he gets hurt trying to stand up to someone twice his size.
But at least he saves you from getting in danger's line of sight. That's what he tells himself when he turns around to see your face, and what he tells himself again when you give him a flat look.
"I told you I'd protect you."
You say nothing, and San feels the fight as well as the bravado leave him. Of course, maybe he should've thought things through before running in like a knight. Maybe he should've known that you won't really take his promise seriously. Maybe he should've known that it just wasn't as big of a deal as he thought, even if it'd nagged at the back of his mind for the last three years.
"What is it?" the question slips past his lips as he fights the urge to fidget. Oh shit, is he really droolingβ
"Your lip is bleeding, dumbhead."
Oh.
Well, at least he's not drooling.
He just gives you the brightest smile he can muster, but even with a split lip it comes a lot easier than the facade from moments ago had. In fact, just smiling makes his heart soar, the resulting brightness on your face making him smile harder, even though you say nothing.
He thinks he knows you well enough by now to know that it's the expression you have when you're trying not to admit that you're happy.
β fifteen;
San is fifteen years old when he hears you telling Yeosang something.
It's not on purpose, it's totally an accident, but it still feels like someone has pulled the ground out from under his feet. He can feel himself trembling slightly, and for the first time in a decade he's really hit with the realisation that he does, indeed, love you a bit more than he is supposed to love a friend.
And from what he understands, you're into Wooyoung. There's definitely talk of Wooyoung and a date, but San doesn't stop to hear more. He can't.
And you just won't stop avoiding San.
No wonder. You're probably aware of his stupid crush on you that he wasn't even aware of himself. Maybe it's not even a crush. The more he thinks about it, the more it seems like he's been in love with you all along but just been too stupid to see it.
It's when he's crying about you for the third time in two weeks β outside the safety of his room, because inside is a different thing altogether β that someone catches him. And it's Wooyoung of all people.
Wooyoung, the same boy who San has known for half his life and absolutely adores, the same boy who's grown up to be even louder than he was when he was young, and the same boy who you have a crush on.
San tries calming himself down, he really does, wiping at the tears hastily and willing himself to smile, but Wooyoung is a lot more perceptive than he gets credit for. Maybe that's why you care about him, because you've always had a bit of a soft spot for the ones that aren't appreciated enough.
"I will break the bitch that hurt you," is the first thing Wooyoung says, eyes flashing with anger, and even with how pathetic he looks, face all wet with tears and nose slightly runny, San can't help but crack a smile.
"Really, San-ah," Wooyoung asserts, agitated, "tell me what happened. Heck, Y/N will break 'em. Who made you cry? Just tell me."
The smile slips off his lips as he stares at Wooyoung wordlessly. He knows he's sulking and probably looks like a petulant five-year-old who didn't get his way, but he can't help it. It's just not fair! He's known you much longer than Wooyoung has, and yet you choose to give your heart to this loud little ass who's completely lovable and the target of San's anger right now. And San knows that things like these have nothing to do with the time spent, but he can't help it. He doesn't want to be reasonable.
"It doesn't matter," he forces the words out eventually, cursing at himself for sniffling right afterwards. He doesn't meant to, but his mouth betrays him yet again as he asks, "What's the deal with Y/N? They've been avoiβ"
Wooyoung winces, and San realises that there's a lot more to the situation than just his realisation of a dumb crush.
His eyes narrow as he looks at Wooyoung expectantly, and contrary to expectations, the latter does not force his secrets out first. He simply schools his features into an expression of nonchalance as he shrugs, "I kinda ruined a date for them."
"Youβ" San blinks, "you what?"
Is that Wooyoung's way of confessing that he tried to pull a movie-esque move and stop you from going out with anyone else? Is this his way of saying the feelings are mutual?
"Soβ¦ Y/N told me not to tell you thisβ"
"Why?" San breathes, and Wooyoung gives him an infuriated look. Funny, coming from him.
"I'm telling you why! It's because you have that stupid thing in your head, about being their protector or somethingβ and I found out and they got mad at me and threatened me into silence. And because I'm not scared," Wooyoung looks proud of himself, "I'm spilling the beans."
San stares at Wooyoung wordlessly, before pulling him into a hug, burying his wet face in the other boy's neck and proceeding to sob more. The other complains about snot and thrashes a lot, but he still swoops in to press a kiss to San's cheek later, wrinkling his nose at the salty taste of tears.
San learns a lot that day, from the knowledge that Wooyoung cares more about him than he'd ever think, to the fact that you went on a date meant for your sibling, just to give the other person a figurative beating up.
That's right, he ends up asking your sibling while internally begging them to not catch onto his stupid thoughts, and they do. They ask him why he's so curious, looking like the cat that got the canary the more San starts losing his ability to lie and gets flustered, andβ
He confesses his crush on you to somebody for the first time, and that somebody is your elder sibling. The neighbour who has grown up seeing San follow you around like a lost puppy, as well as drag you around like an overeager puppy. They're another person he's known almost forever, and he doesn't even know what he feels at that moment.
He feels grateful to have someone who looks out for him even when he's never made an effort to be too nice to them, just thinking of them as your sibling rather than someone on their own.
They just laugh when he stutters out a 'thank you,' declaring then and there that they'll get you together with him. Face burning, he lets out a few protests, but his heart feels like it's about to burst from all the emotions, cheeks hurting from turning to hold back his smile.
β seventeen;
San is seventeen years old when he's scrolling through the list of hottest celebrities, courtesy of Wooyoung.
He's seventeen and completely uninterested in the faces on his phone screen when he remembers someone much prettier than all of them.
You.
He's ashamed that you're the first person he thinks of, but when he soundlessly mumbles your name, the excited messages from Wooyoung still in front of his eyes, all he feels is warmth. He feels happy.
Your smile is prettier than the prettiest flower, and when his eyes slip shut, it's all he sees.
He wonders when his love changed from that of childhood friends to the kind that sends stars shooting through his whole body when he so much as thinks of you. Hell, you are a star. The brightest star in his galaxy.
When he sees you every morning, waiting for him before school and rolling your eyes when he's even a bit late, and then yawning because you never sleep but still wake up on time, he just wants to pull you close and never let go.
He gets random urges to cling to you and hold you from behind and hide his face in your neck when you're talking to Wooyoung and Yeosang, content to just be in your presence and bask in your warmth. And if you'd throw your head back and hit his nose, it'd be worth itβ
He wants you so much, and it's just embarrassing at this point. And he's completely used to it. It's an everyday thing to wake up and think about your smile, before the realisation catches up to him that you're going to judge him yet again for being even a second late, because you're always too early for no reason, it's an everyday thing to poke at your sides and then slip away at the last moment, but still get smacked by you because you know no one else would dare to do that to youβ
You're an everyday thing.
Your sibling has taken it upon themself to play out their secret agent fantasies and provide information about you to San all the time, and San feels like he doesn't really need to know everything they tell him. He already knows all of it from you, and hearing it twice only makes the magic of knowing it from you wear off.
He gets looped into joining your family for dinner, and he tries so hard to tell your sibling to stop doing that. They're also disrespecting their bond as a sibling by siding with him and being so ready to support him in his endeavour to win your heart. (It's going slow, he will never have the courage to confess but hey, thoughts still count.)
"I don't want perpetual reports on Y/N," he mumbles the moment he gets your sibling alone, but he miscalculates. His voice echoes in the hallway, and you round the corner just to hear your own name in the midst of a tense atmosphere.
San tells himself it was the only way they'd stop, but when he watches the two siblings argue he feels like he could've chosen a better time. You're mad, rightfully, but you shouldn't be that mad, right? San's still your best friendβ¦
"As if Wooyoung doesn't do the same?" your sibling asks incredulously, and the way they look triumphant at the same time as your face falling makes San want to wrap you up in his arms.
"Wooyoung has never told me anytβ" San stops as he realises that yes, Wooyoung had indeed thrown you under the bus one time.
It doesn't help that you get increasingly uncomfortable, your sibling crowing as they add on, 'Not to you~' which does absolutely nothing to help the situation.
He is confused, looking at you questioningly and wishing you'd just clear everything up. But you refuse to; you refuse to even look at you as you scowl, irritation obvious. It's when your sibling refuses to stop grinning that he wonders if you're genuinely mad. Maybe you're not, maybe it's just thatβ¦
San is seventeen years old when he thinks that maybe β just maybe β he might have a chance.
It's the same hope that stays with him even when he's eighteen, nineteen. It's in the way you sometimes zone out while he's talking, looking at him but not paying attention till he leans in and boops your nose. It's in the way you jump when he does that, eyes widening as your breath hitches before you're putting distance between the two of you. It's in the way Wooyoung and Yeosang seem to have too much fun acting like a married couple in front of San, but only when you're around.
It's in the way you sometimes loop your fingers through his, not meeting his eyes but dragging him around, making his heart thud wildly as a smile uncontrollably blooms on his face.
It's in the way he can see your smile too, even though you resolutely keep your head turned away from his.
β back;
"I'll always protect you, you know. So why don't you tell me for once? All I need is the truth, please."
Maybe it's stupid for San to have come here and done this. It's just an assignment for you, you probably won't even care, and perhaps it'd affect your grades if you were to put down his stupid antics in your paper. Sometimes he's allowed to think for himself, though, right? Without thinking of you?
He knows he's being greedy here.
You sigh, and San prepares himself to hear you reject him. There's no way you don't know by now, when San has almost poured out his entire heart to you. All that remains is telling you in express terms how much you mean to him. But it's pretty much obvious by now, and you would have to be frighteningly oblivious to not know.
But you're kind, and perhaps you'd never actually reject him. It's certainly crueler, but maybe to your mind, it's the best thing to do. Isn't that why you've always been so receptive to him, giving back just as much affection as he gives you? Maybe you think the best thing to do is lead him on and twist his heart over and over again instead of doing it one time and ending things, once and for all.
"Isn't it fine just knowing I'm foolishly whipped for you? Do you really have to repeat what everyone's done already? Make me confess and laugh at me for being head over sneakers for you?"
'For you.'
For⦠San?
"For me?" The words leave his mouth without his permission, too low to be heard. But you're paying attention too closely, and you pick up on them right away.
"Uhβ¦" you stare at him blankly, not saying anything else. Of course, he's probably misheard you! Maybe you said 'For Woo!' Maybe you are stupidly in love with Wooyoung after all. It'd make sense, he's the embodiment of sunshine and the life of the party, even if the party's just made up of four people.
San keeps looking at you expectantly, and it makes you sigh. He wants to apologise for bringing you discomfort, because he never wants to make you feel that way, but you speak again, "For you, yeah."
"Oh."
"Yeah, San," you say, gulping, "now I'd appreciate if you stopped acting like someone dropped the whole sky on your head. It's not that big of a deal."
"Oh." San knows he looks stupid right now, jaw dropped and eyes wide and cheeks flushed, but he can't help it. He knows his best friend well enough β if not details about their love life β and he knows that you're not cruel enough to lie to someone about your i-interest in them. If that person is San, thenβ¦ "Oh."
You make an agitated sound, evidently waiting for him to say something else, but all he can do is stare at you, looking like someone stamped the stupid flushed emoji on his face. He can't think of anything to say, his whole life having been spent looking forward to this moment, but right now he's drawing a blank.
You like him? Him? You like San? And the fact that you said it's not that big of a deal is a dead giveaway to the fact that you do find it to be that big of a deal but are doing your best to appear unaffected.
"I-I justβ¦ Youβ¦ meβ¦ I'mβ" San mumbles, still looking at you before leaning forward and banging his head against the desk, effectively hiding his face. That makes it worse, because he knows your eyes are still trained on him, and he groans. Never in a million years would he have expected this when he walked in today, he's just not prepared. He straightens up again, pouting slightly as he looks at you, before repeating himself. It's a lost cause, he's still stuttering, except now he's a lot louder and looks like he's on the verge of a meltdown.
"Why are you the one losing your mind, idiot? I'm the one who should be flustered!" You're practically yelling as you regard him, and if he had even a hint of control within himself he'd have smirked at how keyed up you look. Truly, a part of him likes having you so flustered for him, but the bigger part of him knows that he's undeniably dying right now because you β someone he's loved for ages, someone he's always wanted in every way β care about himβhim!
"You like me? Me? What? Why?"
"Well duh?! What do you mean why?"
"But I like you," San whines, still too loud and almost wailing like a cat, and something completely dumb goes through his mind. He's got two stars; Byeol and you.
"What?"
"Iβ You know I lβ I like you, right?" he mumbles, waiting for confirmation. You stare at him wordlessly, and he clears his throat awkwardly, "Theβ¦ umβ¦ Iβ¦ have for a while now. And theβ" his eyes flit down to the piece of paper, and you finally get the memo to pick it up and unfold it.
It's fascinating and endearing watching the various expressions cross your face as understanding dawns on you. You recognise the handwriting. It's all too familiar, practically your own considering you've been seeing it for your whole life. It's still the same, cutely loopy letters running together.
'I'll protect you whenever' is not something that'd ordinarily strike someone as romantic, especially between best friends, but nowβ¦
"Ohβ¦" you breathe out, looking absolutely beautiful as your fingers tremble, the note fluttering slightly from the action. "Ohβ¦ Iβ waitβ youβ"
You mimic San's gesture from moments back β which feels like an eternity while being one long, frozen moment at the same time β as you thump your head down and groan loudly, kicking at the leg of the table as you curse at your obliviousness, and San giggles.
"Shut up," you wail into the table, "it's your fault. Who says something like that? It's not even as romantic as alwaysβ How would I have knownβ¦"
"Now you do," San smiles softly, choosing to just lean forward and bring you to himself as you raise your head again, and you hide your flushed face in his neck, allowing yourself to smile.
Sometimes, life is good.
β whenever;
San isβ¦
It doesn't matter how old he is when he's with you, he realises. All that matters is that he spends time with you, and he'll always be happy.
San is happy when he watches you dozing next to him, without a care in the world. Your eyelashes flutter slightly against your cheeks as you frown imperceptibly, the space between your eyebrows creasing before the skin smooths out and you sigh. San moves closer, trailing a finger down the slope of your nose as he holds back laughter, and he ends up tapping the tip of your nose before pulling his hand back.
You stir, and he stops breathing for a moment. For someone who barely sleeps, you hate your rest being interrupted, and San does not want to incur your wrath when he's feeling so soft and vulnerable.
You don't wake up, though.
He's the best he can be when you throw your arm over his midsection and pull him closer, and he lets himself be pulled under the lull of sleep too.
βΒ finΒ β
β¬ end notes : Thanks for reading! I hope it was nice! c: Lemme know your thoughts, feedback is appreciated.Β β‘
