to the highest degree of disorder

[curiouscapybara]

[Unsent Letter to the One I love dearly].

If by chance you decided to visit me in my safe space, this is for you.

Tonight it rained on my way home. The clouded eyes could no longer keep the rain. I just want to see you. So bad. I miss you and it hurts. I LOVE YOU, and I pray that my love can reach you. I can see you everywhere, I can see you smiling in the corners of my room. I can hear your voice.

When you asked me why I love you, i coudnt answer you. I know you took it the wrong way. Im sorry if my silence made you feel unloved. But the truth is, I cannot find the words that will answer you.

There are many reasons why you should be loved. Your eyes, your lips, the way you laugh. The way you tease. Even your grumpiest and moodiest face. I love how you fit exactly in my arms everytime I hug you. Small hands that warms and softens my dry and cold hands. I love hearing you talk about the things you keep. Your fascinations to the vast cosmos reminds me of the child in me who used to go out everynight just so can see the constellations I just read.

"Mag didiet na ako" and then i find you eating your cravings again. Your addictions to anything sour reminds me of you everytime I see mangoes or karamay. I can see you still on the papayas served from our canteen. I abhor pink, but look i bought pink dish and cup specially for you.

I have planned things already, have a home somewhere peaceful and then travel alone. But you came and things started to spin differently. I want a farm with a flower garden, i hate roses but for you I'll plant pink american roses in the middle of the red and white one. Daisies and tulips too. Maybe i'll consider sunflowers.

You'll also have your own vegetable garden. Green houses full of lettuce and salad ingridients. I'll make you fresh ceasar salads everytime you crave for it. We'll gave farm animals but Im sorry you cannot have my cows for your favorite beefsteak. We'll just have their milks and turn some to white cheese. I hope you help me water them. Dont worry there will be trees for shade cause I know you hate the sun.

I want to see the world with you. I want to share my first times with you. I love you because it is you. I wont ask for anyone else in this life time.

But if God decided to exist and ask fate to keep us apart. I'll find you. I will wait for you no matter how far you wander. You'll be my first and my last. 🫡

Hugas well ng pinagkainan. My cutie patotie😻

[curiouscapybara]

Hi love,

I am here again instead of reaching out to you. You know I did, i justd didnt recieve any reply. So Hi, I needed someone so badly to just hear me out today. No advises just pure safe space I can rant to and well some one who will rant to me too. But I remember I drain your energy away.

I will just rant here anyway fooling myself into thinking that it is same as ranting to you.

Work has been draining me lately, you know I am not a quiter. I face challenges head on. I will yap but would get the job done. But for just a month I am already burnt out. I wish I could stay longer, but another door opened. the path is uncertain but atleast it promises warmth and guidance. I am lost and broke. I wanted to bawl my eyes out. I wanted to smash things and throw away whatever i can hold. Love I am angry, I am frustrated and I need hands to hold me and tell me its ok. But I am scared. I know you will not accept me like this.

[curiouscapybara]

Why does it feels like I am slowly being replaced by the very person who promised me that seat. Or I am just scared of not being needed anymore.

[curiouscapybara]

The urge to dis appear

[curiouscapybara]

Missss youuuu so bad.🥹🤗

[curiouscapybara]

Natatakot akong mag isa, baka biglang lumakas loob ko.

[curiouscapybara]

Hanggang kailan ako mabubuhay para sa iba?

[curiouscapybara]

So sad June 1

[curiouscapybara]

Here at 2 am. No one to talk to. No one to unleash the guilt bottling up.

No one talks about the guilt of leaving home to earn a living. I know you'd probably say there are options and I am not just looking hard. But if what I did was not looking hard than I dont know what lookinh hard enough for opportunities means. Maybe im desperate to breathe, I am drowning on piled up bills. That is why I cling to branches offered as long as it pays.

How can I talk to you about the sadness and guilt of movinh far away from you again. Im tired too. I just want to come home to you everyday, cook you meals sleep besides you argue with you laugh with you too.

But I couldnt also talk about the guilt and embarassment of being broke with you. Seeing you empty your wallet for the both of us.

I love you, I'll do it differently this time love. You will be my peace and home.

[curiouscapybara]

[vexheart]

[ramenagiii]

Tumblr feels like a quiet escape, almost like visiting a small town where no one knows who you are. It’s a space where you can just be yourself, away from the constant noise and pressure of big social media platforms like Facebook. It’s refreshing, a break from all the judgment and chaos. You can relax, share what you want, and not worry about people from your real life seeing or judging it.

That’s why, no matter how many new platforms come out, we always find ourselves coming back to Tumblr. It holds a special place in our hearts and always welcomes us back, no matter how long we’ve been gone. It’s like coming home to a place where we can be our true selves, and that feeling never really fades.

[curiouscapybara]

Waw, what a day. Rejection emails are coming. Thank you still for the closure. So mag mukmok muna tayo bago mag attend ulit interview

[wordfather]

cant wait to go home so i can go be horizontal. all this vertical stuff sucks

[thoughtkick]

“We try to hide our feelings but we forget our eyes speak.”

— Unknown

[qvotable]

“I just want to know… if you’re going to stay.”

— Vance Joy

[curiouscapybara]

i want to know

[curiouscapybara]

Tell me, do you also think of me?

Sometimes I wonder on days we dont talk, do you also think of me?

do you also open your phone and keep on refreshing all social media apps just in case I have connections issues thats why your messages are not recieved.

Do you also think of me when you close your eyes, do you also wonder how I have been.

I dont require much, just a little hi or have a day or good night or good morning will be enough. It wont take a minute to send one.

Sometimes I wonder do you STILL think of me?