It’s funny, because in the post that I wrote about buying "Lis2", I mentioned that we’d remember everything, including the bad parts. But when we actually play it, I confess I don't remember those things; when I see the game, thoses things dont come to my mind, i dont remember them. It’s actually kinda beautiful, in a way because... I spent way more years hating lis2 (due to all the trauma) than I did liking it(my good memories of lis2 only last till 2018-2019, the year that the game was still on, after that, things changed)… yet the memory of how much I enjoyed it is much more stronger than the memory of those traumatized years. I bet people will see this and think that it’s all so silly or immature; they probably think, "What do you mean by trauma? Getting traumatized by a piece of media/ by what people make invent about it, is so stupid."...maybe, but I don't care, I don't need people to understand,I… don't need that anymore. but I want to talk about it because I feel myself need to, because I want myself to be able to accept that those things do affected me/us in some way and that it used to hurt(still do sometimes, but i got better), all thoses years i never talk very sincere about how i felt about lis2 and why i felt the way that i felt. Well i want to talk right now. I confess I don't even know how to start, because it has so many things.
Well, I guess I have to start from the beginning. I hate to remember it, but my issue with lis2 is very tied to the Sean and Daniel pairing (which is a whole situation in itself). At the time i felt a bit thrown off by Episode 2 because the shift in Sean and Daniel's relationship felt shocking to me(is so stupid because playing it now, it has nothing!! they pretty ok, but for some reason at the time i felt weird out). And I also started questioning what I was getting myself into; I felt i was becoming attached to the game, but it was a "Life is Strange" title, I don't like Life is Strange series because i dont like the element of it: the drugs, sex, asshole teenagers and people, weird stuff etc. I dont like those type of medias and topics. Episode 2 was where I started to feel apprehensive about that and was wondering if i should distance myself from the game and that if was really safe to keep liking it. However, around that time, I came across the Sean/Daniel pairing and, for some reason, sigh, didn't think it was all that bad. I think, because their relationship had become somewhat strained in Episode 2, I feel I ended up becoming even more attached to the idea of them together, it felt like the only way to really explore the two of them and their dynamic in a more caring term.
And the things about their pairing back then were kinda "okay" and consistent with them and the game ("okay" with a grain of salt; cuz looking back, I can see it was already a bit... off... well, I was pretty naive back then). Their dynamic was soft and "cute", i used to find...cute/funny and fitting with them (ugh, I hate remembering that I liked that pairing, I was so devoted to it, but like I said, I think I was so attached because I ended up associating the pairing with their relationship as a whole). Anyway, that’s sort of where it all began; there are other factors and stories from that, but... I don’t want to bring them up. I don’t want to give attention, so lets keep it here. This pairing were kinda of what kept me in the game a bit (not only! but it made me forget a bit about my thrown off with ep2 and keep it liking lis2)
Well, I continued to enjoy LiS2 normally. Then we have Episode 4, that was a bit of a trigger for me, because I found the religious themes terrifying, and I was somewhat shocked by the behavior of both Sean and Daniel (and also very frustrated that the conflict of Episode 3 wasn't resolved). I don't like to admit it, but Episode 4 really unsettled me, cuz it scared me. I had this thought at the time related to the ending/Daniel(and I'm so sorry, Daniel, it's such a mess up impression) but goes like that "if Daniel could kill Lisbeth, that took care of him after all, but as soon as she wronged him one time he already threatens to kill her... then he was capable of killing Sean, too". It was a pretty mess up thought 💦(i bet people will think that is such nonsense cuz Lisbeth was bad and Sean is Daniel's brother, he wouldn't do the same to him, i know, but the shift of liking lisbeth to suddenly wanting to kill her was so fast, that, i dont know, i thought that the same was applied to sean...). That thought got stuck with me for a while, but eventually I let it go; For now this doesn't seem to matter much right now but will be important for later. cuz, I think this it’s linked to the triggers that I would experienced later regarding LiS2 and the future dynamic between Sean and Daniel.
So then we have the final episode, and together we have the endings. This is where things change... well, where do I begin, because the endings are related to a lot of my traumas with Life is Strange 2. To begin, when the endings came out, especially the Blood Brother, everything changed. Suddenly everything revolved around the endings, which okay because it was the newest thing about the game at the time. But then everything about Sean and Daniel was only related to their versions of the endings, and unfortunately I didnt had absorbed that version of them that much (because they were quite different from our usual Sean and Daniel), but I didn't had disliked them! especially Daniel, I thought teenage Daniel seemed pretty cool, and he seemed very sweet! but I felt that i still needed more time to absorb everything... But the change was so fast; suddenly everything was about the endings, and the first trigger was the fact that a lot people used to get very horny with bb daniel...and i used to get trigger by that(daniel was my fav character(still is!) so i used to get anxious with people enjoying him that way) is funny cuz i had already noticed when watching the endings that Daniel was...hot, but i didnt want to admit cuz i was afraid of what that could lead to, well, for my unfortune the first thing that people had to say about the endings was that Daniel was hot...and he turn them on...(i hate admit it that nowadays i understand why people like daniel in that way…his vibe... is very attractive indeed)
The shift happened so fast; suddenly, everyone was talking only about the endings, all the idea were revolved around them. People hardly paid the attention to Episode 5 itself(when sean and daniel were still them from the journey) because the focus was entirely on the ending. People were going wild over the "Lone Wolf" number, wondering if Daniel had a girlfriend or if he was still a virgin, and coming up with all sorts of theories and ideas etc etc. And as I said, since I hadn't really absorb Sean and Daniel from the endings, I was easily swayed by other people's ideas, even the ones that I didn't like and that hurt me… I felt so lost.
Well, that’s what was happening in the more normie part of the fandom. Now, let’s move on to the side involving the Sean/Daniel pairing. the vibe was pretty much the same: everyone focusing on the endings, especially the "BB", people having crushes on Daniel. But… in the Sean/Daniel side of the fandom, there was a specific event, that is our biggest trauma, and I think that’s where everything regarding this pairing really started. I hope I can explain this without getting too much details. Back then, there was a Sean/Daniel story, of course, it was about Blood Brother. The tag had those typical dark fic topic, but it didnt specify much exactly who. You’d naturally assume it was about Sean acting weird toward Daniel (which is already not very nice, but it seemed the most plausible). But when I actually read the story, it turned out to be the other way around: it was teenage Daniel abusing adult Sean. That caught me completely off guard; that idea had never crossed my mind, I’d never imagined it happening in reverse. I was shocked and weirded out by it, I’d never pictured that. And the way people portrayed teenage Daniel was so weird; he was so disgusting and nasty. I remember hating that story… yet everyone else loved it. Everyone I knew who liked the pairing—even those who’d been enjoyed since Episode 2, loved it. I felt betrayed and, at the same time, bad with myself. Everyone who liked the pairing adored the story, but I was the only one who didn't. I felt like I was the one in the wrong and that I was an asshole for not liking it.
And I also felt a bit hypocrite too, since i got weird out by that, but i didnt used to get weird out when was sean the "nasty" one, like, " isn't weird with Sean too? and is not like liking Sean with daniel wasn’t already "nasty" either, so why are you complaining?" All those thoughts used to come to my mind, so, i felt like i didnt had the right to dislike that scenario... (ugh, glad I don’t like that pairing anymore; it freed me from so much suffering and anguish).
After that story, everything involving this pairing started to shift into that direction; even the people who used to create "coerent"/"ok" content of them in the past began portraying them that way too... I felt so betrayed and deeply guilty because I had engaged with their content—not heavily, but I used to give attention/praise. I felt like I had given them power, and now they were the ones defining the Sean/Daniel content now, i gave them power to ruin them, i felt so foolish. People were also really nasty toward anyone who didn't like this new version of the pair, and I felt super triggered because… well, I didn't like it! and I didn't understand why things had suddenly turn that way. It made me feel awful; I was really afraid of the people—for real, they were pretty nasty(almost bully like…which i feel it used to get on my oldest trauma...). Everyone loved it, and anyone who were against were humilated and hated. I used to get scared; I didn't want to be the only one, I was afraid of being the only one… but nowadays, I’m not afraid anymore, i dont have afraid to be the only one.
And pretty much keep it being like that—everything about them was like that, and it kept getting heavier and heavier (some stuff was really bizarre, almost on the level of those controversial or problematic movies). And it was always about Daniel being really weird. Well imagine how it was for me, being very attach to fiction things, to see my favorite character being… that (remember Episode 4? Well, the fact that I myself found Daniel kinda creepy + imagined a scenario where he was capable of doing something cruel to Sean made me feel like, somehow, all those scenarios were… possible, or that Daniel really could do… that). And worse than the ideas, were the people; some of them had a weird energy, kind of… malicious and jerk! Seriously, it was heavy.
And more and more people started to enjoy them in that way and more and more content of that started to exist(I’ll admit,sometimes i find bit weird how fast and popular sean and daniel pairing had become on that phase, like, was very fast, all of the sudden had a lot of people invested on them, everyone wanted to know about the game and was creating content about their pairing, being that the game was always right there, but before the endings nobody cared about Sean and Daniel, being that you could already invented things about them together already before. Sometimes, I think there was some outside influence; like, maybe someone promoted this pairing to influential accounts and this boost its popularity). And it was almost everyday, every single day, there was someone new liking them and making things about them, and every day there was something even more heavy explicit about this damn pairing.
And those things used to get stuck on my head; even the "normie" contents of them gave vibes that reminded me of those other content. I felt like Life is Strange 2 as a whole had turned into that, and I didn't understand. I didn't understand why, because I didn't remember Sean and Daniel being like that; they weren't like that to me, Are we talking about the same game? Even the normal content?!! Because of this, I was afraid to actually see/play the game; it used to triggered me the simple thought of it, cuz i was scared, i was afraid that somehow, those ideas might have sense, and do somehow combine with the game, and that watching lis2 could lead to me noticing and getting triggered to a point that i would feel the need to say goodbye to it forever…
People had no idea how much those things affected me; I couldn't even watch anything without getting triggered: movies, games, cartoons, songs, anything that reminded me of it would make me so anxious. I would get so stress that sometimes I’d end up crying; some days, I used to lock myself in the bathroom, because anything could send me into a state of distress where I felt like crying/getting super triggered cuz it remind me of those content. I was also so numb during those phases of 2020 and onwards; I felt like nothing made me happy and i was extremely depressed. I couldn't draw anymore, couldn't think about Life is Strange 2, and couldn't come up with any drawing ideas, like anything; the things that used to make me happy made me feel nothing, i felt nothing, I had no desire to do anything. I felt like I had lost everything; I lost Sean and Daniel, I lost my creativity and I lost myself; I felt nothing but sadness and hatred toward everything. i hated those content and the people so much, they ruined everything
And felt it was all so unfair, was so unfair! they're ruined lis2, they ruined lis2 for me, they ruined them,especially Daniel character, they ruined him💧they ruined my head, and they didn't even cared about sean and daniel or lis2, for them it was all just another media to play with and invent their fantasy into it, but their content was so highly and praised regardless, even by the normie, everyone was so ok, nobody disliked these ideas or version of them, those people shaped what lis2 were/the fandom and still do, till these days, people still remember them, still liking their things, still looking out for them, they are the one that molded lis2 fandom, those people are the ones that people remember when they think of lis2 or Sean and Daniel…they are the ones…not me, i used to get very sad with that, but nowadays i learn to accept…but i used to get very sad cuz i always wanted and thought that i would become the artist that i always wanted with lis2, i had so many ideas, but they never had the chance to see the light, because i couldn't think about lis2 anymore and i had lost my drive to draw(i just wasn't the same anymore) and even if i didn't had lost my creativity, now i accept that it wouldn't work out cuz i not what people are looking for for lis2, i just not…and also kinda glad, at that phase i wanted to do ideas related to sean/daniel pairing too, bleh, no way, sometimes i fell the world knows what its best for us...it wasnt meant to be, it wouldn't make me feel better afterward, but still sad... i feel sad that it wasn't meant to be lis2…
In a way, I wanted to "save" Lis2 and do something for Sean and Daniel, especially for Daniel. His character had been completely twisted; people portrayed him so nasty, being that to me, he was so sweet, funny, cute, fiercy... and kind. Unfortunately, I couldn't even remember the real Daniel anymore—whenever I looked at him, I only saw that distorted version of him(especially when was him from Blood Brother, i couldn't even look). I found what happened to Sean and Daniel/ Life is Strange 2 was so sad and unfair! Sean and Daniel deserved better... but sadly, I couldn't "save" them… Sometimes I still feel sad about it; I feel like i fail them… (so silly but why do i feel like crying?)
After those years, my stress began to turn into bitterness and deep hatred toward the game—especially the endings. In a way, i used to blame the endings for how the things turned out; it felt like the endings killed the Sean and Daniel that I knew, and placed them with this version of them. I felt that if the endings didn't existed, this version of Sean and Daniel wouldn't exist too (or at least wouldn't be as strong) and those people wouldn't have got interested in the game. Which is kinda true, I think if the endings wasn't in the way that them were, especially the "BB", i think that none of this would happend, those ideias wouldnt exist and those people wouldnt got into the game. I hated the endings so much, especially Daniel from the endings (especially blood brother Daniel, and a bit of Lone Wolf), but beneath all that anger, I think there was only sadness....
I used to hate Life is Strange 2 and i felt that liking was a mistake; I wasnt a fan of Life is Strange series, and the people that used to like Sean/Daniel at that time werent very welcoming with those who disliked this new version them or had any issues with it, like, you were the one wrong, and should get used to it or get lost. Those things used to make me feel like i really didn't belong; it felt like was wrong for me to like LiS2, like it wasnt for me indeed, it was a mistake. But playing the game now, after all those years, I didn't fell that way.... I feel I fell in love with Sean and Daniel in the same way that i felt when i saw the game for the first time, i like they a lot, i like lis2 a lot. And i dont feel it was a mistake, never was…even after all thoses years, after everything, i get found of they in the same way, just like the first time, and now i see that i do enjoy lis2, and that i actually like it! and i can see why i like it, i really enjoy sean and daniel(in a funny way i feel that i am a bit similar to both) and i also enjoy a lot of elements of lis2!…it wasn't a mistake, and now i know, now i finally embraced lis2 and see that i do enjoy the game! (Even not liking "life is strange", I really like the second!)
...And i dont regret, even with those situations, trauma… even with my relationship with them/the game ending up very badly…i dont regret anything, i really enjoyed getting to know sean and daniel, and they made me very happy during 2018-2019, i had plenty of fun enjoying the game, it will always feel special, sean and daniel will always be special to me, because they are and still am
In a way, I feel that playing LiS2 is a way of ending this whole story, to let it be exactly as it was meant to be. No "Sean x Daniel" shipping, no others people ideas consuming my mind,none of that; just they, as they are, exactly how i know and liked them. It’s even funny to think that I was so afraid to play the game back then; little did I know I’d end up loving it a lot. But I think a lot of things had to happen to get to this point. I feel like if I hadn't gone through my own journey: getting to know Sifu/Her, playing Sonic Unleashed again, finally discovering what i am and who i am, this wouldn't been as enjoyable as it was. I don't think I could have reached this state without all of that. Now, I feel I’m finally at peace with LiS2. I finally found Sean and Daniel again
I finally found them again, and now those things about them don't consume me. It’s a bit sad cuz now that I’ve found peace with lis2, they aren't my main focus anymore. Just like with "Unleashed" sometimes i wish i could stay on it forever... I wish i could stay forever on lis2, I wish it were still they, but other duties are calling me. Things are different now, and my life is different too, but one thing that hasn't changed is how much I love these two. Gosh, I miss those two so much. Sometimes I wish it were still they, but I have other priorities now, and is not lis2💧... Haha, I talk as if I’ll never speak about or do something of Lis2 ever again, but its sad that they're not my focus and it wasnt meant to be... but who knows? Maybe in a few years I’ll make some cool arts of them, haha... who knows? But one thing for sure is that Sean and Daniel are very special to me. Even though I don't focus on Lis2 as much anymore, I always remember; and they’re always with me, and I love they so so much... And i promise that one day i will make something for them
(its a bit sad that i still didn't get much of my creativity back, i thought that play lis2 would help on that(but who knows, sometimes, the effects work a bit later) but its ok, i found something way special, i found sean and daniel again and that's already enough. I will figure out something for that oneday)
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