☢️ Canon typical violence • angry sex • Abby is mean • angst • hurt no comfort ☢️
“Shh, you gotta keep quiet.” Abby whispered into your ear and you squeezed your eyes shut, attempting not to make a sound.
She moved her hand up over your mouth, pressing closer against you. You were breathing heavy but you couldn’t help it. At this point you were pressed together tightly. Your back was against her chest and she had one hand wrapped around your waist and one hand over your mouth.
You shuddered in her grip and she pressed you against the wall, flattening herself against you. You couldn’t stop the whine and Abby hushed you again quietly.
That was when you heard it. The ominous clicking that signaled almost certain death. You could feel your tears running down your face and along the seam where Abby’s hands covered your skin. You weren’t supposed to be here.
“It’s okay.” Abby whispered, barely breathing the words against your ear. “Relax your breathing.”
You tried your best, releasing slow, measured breaths so that you were no longer sniffling. You couldn’t relax all the way but it was better than you had been.
You barely had time to flinch when Abby released you, her knife puncturing the skull of the infected with a sickening squelch. She was back in your space in seconds, crowding you gently, her hands cupping your cheeks. “It’s okay, it’s dead. You’re okay.”
You didn’t know if it was the adrenaline still pumping through you or how closely she had held you while she protected you. You surged up on you toes to kiss her, arms around her neck. She made a muffled sound of surprise at first before moaning, her hands falling to lift you up her body.
You didn’t need instruction to wrap your legs around her and she pressed you tight against the wall of the small storage cupboard she had hidden you both in.
“You okay, baby?” She asked when you pulled away to press kisses to the edge of her jaw, ducking awkwardly to reach. “What’s going on in that pretty little head ofyours?”
“You always fucking-” you didn’t want to pause in your kisses but she freed one of her hands to grab your jaw, fingers digging in to force you to make eye contact. “You’re so fucking capable, Abs. So fucking brave and strong and you protect me so well.”
Abby knew that desperate whine that was clawing out of your throat. The babble of praise you offered up to her without shame. Usually you were riding her strap or she had her face buried between your thighs. Never like this, never while she had blood splatter on her clothes and you were scared out of your mind. “Is this some new kink?”
“I don’t know but if you don’t fuck me right now I might cry.” You whispered against her neck and she grunted when you tugged at her hair. “Please Abby, I need you. Please.”
“We don’t have time. We can’t, it’s not safe and there’s not enough time.” She whispered and sighed when you whined pathetically. While she had her usual cargos on, you had a pair of soft sweatpants because you weren’t supposed to be here. Abby was supposed to be mad at you.
“Please. I’m sorry, I know and I’m sorry. Please Abby, I can’t bare it. I need you.” You were begging through gasped breaths, dangerously close to sobbing. She wanted to soothe you, she wanted to bend you over and fuck you. She wanted to wrap you up and never let you go. Mostly she wanted to strangle you and Owen both for this stupid plan.
She pulled you closer and your head tipped back in a moan, her belt buckle pushing against you just right. It hurt, just a little. A bite of pain that only fueled your arousal. “Hurts, Abby.”
“Does it?” She asked, grinding into you more deliberately, moving her own hips so that you felt everything. Your face looked like you had found nirvana and planned to stay there. Your fingers clutched Abby’s shoulders while you hiccuped a sob this time. “You know what hurts? Coming back to an empty room.”
Abby pushed against you and you whined, choking off into a moan. She leaned forward and rested her face in the space where your neck and shoulder met. “I’m so sorry. Won’t do it again. Won’t.”
“I don’t fucking believe you.” Abby was moving with purpose now, grinding into with her belt, listening to your hitched moans. Your pained whimpers turning into groans of pleasure. She hadn’t ever wanted to hurt you, not really. But this, torturing your poor pussy while driving you to orgasm? This was something that let her exert that helplessness she had come to when Owen had told her how they’d lost you.
Scars had scattered the group, running for cover and Owen had lost sight of you. He had come straight to Abby and explained how he had stupidly brought you out and now you were lost. Abby was prepared to murder everyone that got in her way. For the good luck of everyone, none of them had tried.
You had your head back at this point, humping against her like a bitch in heat. She laughed meanly, fisting the front of your sweat pants and pulling them tight against you. “Oh fuck! Please, hurts so good. I’m sorry baby. Make me feel it. Make it hurt tomorrow.”
This wasn’t normal for you both. Sure there had been desperate moments where you both had to have each other but nothing like this. Abby was always delicate with you. Always worshipped your body like the gift it was. But there was something about you begging for the bite of pain, for the feeling of her even tomorrow. She wanted you to limp. To wince every single time you stood up or sat down. She wanted you thinking about this moments for days.
She pushed against you faster drawing small uh, uh, uh’s from you as you just took what she gave you. You were so beautiful and so precious to her. She needed to keep you safe, she needed you to know how scared she had been.
Like you could hear her thoughts you apologized again, a mess this time. Tears spilled down your face and you were sweating with the exertion of your movement. “‘m so sorry. Never again. I deserve this Abby. Give it to me hard.”
Abby circled her hips and you shuddered against her, gasping. She did it once, twice more and then you whined, high and loud and she pressed until you pushed against her shoulders. She didn’t move. “Hurts, hurts, hurts.”
“Does it?” She moved her hips slowly and you moaned, shaking your head. “Too much?”
You nodded and she circled her hips again, listening to the choked noise of pleasure you let out. There was a safe word in place. You could stop her with that. Even a firm no would do it. But you didn’t use either, hitching sobs as she continued circling her hips in exquisite torture. “You wanted to feel it tomorrow. Feel it now.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Love you.” Abby had never felt this urge before. She had never wanted to hurt you, to unleash her anger on you. Maybe it was wrong of her, to make sure that after this it wouldn’t be a pleasurable pain. You would remember that she had done this. This was the pain she had caused because of how you had made her feel.
Abby hadn’t felt helpless in a long time and she took this feeling and gave it to you, grinding harshly until you clamped your hand over your mouth and muffled a scream as your second orgasm was pulled from you. Because it wasn’t gentle, it hurt and you felt raw but the pleasure, the pleasure. Well it made it all the better.
“From now on you listen.” Abby had her hand clasped around the back of your neck, squeezing to get your attention. “When you come out you do it armed, you wear your gear. You don’t ever fucking swan off with Owen for a stupid fucking record player.”
“It was for you. For your birthday.” You mumbled, hazy in the aftermath. Your eyes were unfocused and you whimpered when Abby shifted and accidentally rubbed against you again. Abby’s breath catches in her throat and something in her just snaps. “I wanted it for you.”
“That makes it worse. So much worse. Do you know what it would’ve done to me that you died getting a fucking birthday present?” Abby gasps, the realization washing over her. She would’ve known. Owen would’ve told her.
She lets you down slowly, taking a large step back when you reach for her. You pause in place and she shakes her head. “I did this once before. I lost my important person. I can’t do it again. I can’t watch someone I love put their life at risk over stupid decisions.”
“Abby, come on.” You step closer but she only shakes her head, backing away. You swallow roughly. You knew she’d be mad. Of course you had known but it was supposed to be easy. In and out. Owen said so. “Abby, don’t do this.”
“It’s better if we stop this. Cut it off now. I can’t do it again.” Abby doesn’t wait for you to understand and turns away. You follow her and wince, the pain between your legs becoming decidedly less sexy. “When we get back to the compound I’ll move back into my room with Manny.”
“Abby. I won’t do it again. I’m sorry.” You begged, reaching for her but it was like she knew, pulling her arm away without looking. “Abby.”
“I won’t survive losing you like this. If this is what it takes for you to understand what you’ve done then so be it.”
Ok but Joel would definitely built reader a new rocking chair, to make sure she has a good one that’s super sturdy. And he’d make another one, for himself but he would be too shy at first to ask reader if he could put his with hers but when she finds out, she’s so happy and beaming and they just rock in their little (very sturdy!) rocking chairs on the porch together 🥺😂
Cat and Mouse Masterlist
Oh my god. He so would! It would probably be during the winter because reader is sad she can’t stay out on the porch with all the snow and frost. And Joel sees the chair getting worse for wear and he can’t bear the thought that it wouldn’t be able to stay until spring.
So he spends all winter on it and carves little patterns into it for her. He unveils it for her when the weather starts getting better and she’s just so full of love because no one has ever cared to pay attention to her before he came along.
He sits on her porch bench in the evening with her, just reading or talking. Sometimes Ellie calls over to hand out and reader remarks offhand that she wished he had a chair like hers and they could enjoy the setting sun side by side.
And he like blushes and reader has to almost force it out of him that he maybe made himself a matching chair and it’s been sitting in his work shop for over a month cause he didn’t want to look cheesy or anything.
Reader makes him bring it over and the pair of you enjoy your time in rocking chairs together in the summer, sitting out every evening with him.
Joel doesn’t really strike me as the groveling type. He’s more the like, acts of service kind of guy? Like he’ll make it up to you but not with empty words?
//
Oh definitely! He would feel so uncomfortable actually apologising for anything so he just spits it out and desperately tries to make up for it with his actions, in any way he can!
I loved that you immediately posted them talking about it! My hearts hurts for reader so bad🥺 and I’m so glad she can let down her walls with Joel now and that he’ll always protect her for anything and anyone 🥺
Thank you so much for reading and enjoying the story! Comments like this encourage me to write.
We all just want a big Joel Miller at the end of the day to hold us and tell us they’ll fix all our problems 🧡
☢️ Canon typical violence • shitty friends • graphic depictions of injuries • AFAB reader • size kink kinda • Abby is huge • strap sex • thigh riding ☢️
Abby Anderson Masterlist • Main Masterlist
“I mean, I feel like we may be ignoring the elephant in the room?” You leaned back on your chair and looked around at the people gathered there. “Like realistically you all have to be thinking what I am?”
“Would you like to share?” Abby asked, her arms crossed and her glare leveled at you. “Seeing as you seem to be the only one who knows what you’re talking about?”
One glance at the others assured you that she was wrong. You weren’t the only one who knew. You were the only one brave enough to say it. Mel and Owen were avoiding your look and Manny was straight up staring at the wall.
“You want to travel for weeks, during winter, on some half cocked tip that the guy you’ve been looking for, for years, might be there? And you want to round us up to do this for you?” You asked her, voice growing in volume. “You’re asking us to risk our fucking lives for you to play executioner?”
“You don’t have to go.” Abby sighed, brushing you off. You hadn’t been part of the inner circle for long. Mostly because of your antagonistic relationship with Abby. Owen usually played mediator but right now it seemed he had given up that role. “Just leave now.”
“Abby, I’m gonna say this slowly. I’m going to tell you what we’re all thinking.” You stood from your seat, well aware of Abby’s strength and her abilities. You only had speed on your side if she decided to attack you. “Your dad was going to knife up a thirteen year old girl.”
“He wasn’t going to fucking knife her up.” Abby snapped, taking a threatening step towards you. “He was trying to save everyone.”
“There was no grounds for the studies.” You told her, taking a step back. “I’ve read them. I read every single page of what he had written. It was more than likely going to be a learning curve. He wrote that himself!”
“Joel Miller shot my father in cold blood.” Abby spoke through gritted teeth and you huffed a sigh, sick of the same rhetoric.
“Joel Miller shot the man threatening his little girls life. He felt that same rage you feel now. That little girl was obviously his world and your father was willing to take that from him.” You told her, stepping back again slowly. She was inching towards you. “I know why your dad was doing that. He was a good man Abby. But Ellie was just a child. She didn’t even know what they would have to do to her to get a chance of a chance at a cure.”
“I would’ve done it.” She told you and you saw your opening, grabbing at it with both hands when her shoulders sagged.
“I would have too. But I would never have let my child do it.” You told her softly and she relaxed her jaw before clenching it again. “If it was Owen or Mel or Manny, would you let someone unknowingly kill them?”
“We would’ve-” you held a hand up to Manny, silencing him.
“Would you let them do it to your father?” You knew Manny’s father was a sore spot for him and he fell silent again. “Joel did his duty as a father to Ellie. You heard Marlene’s tapes. You know what he felt for that girl, what he had lost before. He couldn’t do it again Abby and no one should’ve asked him to.”
“It would’ve saved the world!” Abby yelled, arms out wide. You winced and stepped back again. She was a formidable force to be reckoned with and you knew your odds were low if you even tried.
“It might have. It might have just been a dead thirteen year old on your father’s hands and a guilt he would’ve never absolved.” You told her and you didn’t even have time to throw up your hands to protect yourself. She closed the distance in two steps and threw a punch.
You took the hit, head snapping back. Owen stepped in at that point and you held a hand up to your throbbing cheek bone. “She’s not wrong, Abby. You know I loved your old man. But she’s got a point.”
You could feel the swelling starting, your vision blurry from the eye that took the hit. You couldn’t brush off the tears but it was more from the shock of the impact than the pain. “I would want to kill him too. I would want him to suffer for every moment I had to grieve. But you can’t do to Ellie what he did to you. He had a damn good reason.”
“It doesn’t make it hurt any less.” Mel stood, coming to Abby’s side. “We know that Abby. Knowing why he did it might make it hurt all the more. But this is the wrong path to take on. Vigilante justice won’t fix anything.”
“It’ll fix me. There’s a giant gaping wound in me. This will fix it.” Abby’s voice had lost the passion. There was no anger now, just a hollow echo of it. She had lost her fight.
Mel left Abby’s side to check on your face. She pulled your hand down slowly and winced at what she found. “Can you see?”
You didn’t know if you could or not. The eye had begun to swell, your lid barely opening. There was a trickle or warmth down your cheek and Mel’s hand came away bloody.
“Killing Joel won’t heal anything in you.” Your whole jaw ached to talk and you wondered how she could do so much damage with one punch. “It will only make that wound worse. You’ll have no one left to pin the root of your grief on.”
“Come on, let’s get you out of here before she stomps on your head.” Mel sighed, gripping your elbow tightly and leading you towards the entrance to the aquarium. “Good luck explaining this to Isaac.”
“Don’t suppose I can tell him I walked into a door?” You asked, your voice tight with the pain that was setting in heavy.
“Not unless that door was shaped like a fist. I can see each individual finger.” Manny tried to lighten the mood, his voice coming from behind you. You could hear the others talking with Abby and you hoped they would find a way to keep her off the ledge.
“You’re braver than I am.” Mel muttered quietly when you were far enough away from the main group. “I thought no one would say it.”
“You’re all at fault here. She’s been letting that fester for years and you just allowed it?” You asked, wincing when your words muffled. How big were Abby’s hands? Your mouth felt swollen. “You let her focus on that so she wouldn’t focus on you and Owen. Cause you thought she’d never find him.”
“That’s not entirely fair. She drove Owen away.” Mel snapped and you would’ve rolled your eyes if you didn’t think you’d damaged one of them irreparably.
“Into your open arms.” You sighed. “She needed a support system more than ever right at the moment you all let it fall apart.”
///
There wasn’t much to be done at the infirmary back on base. The swelling would go down in a few days, you could see light through the barely there slit when your eyelids where pulled aparet by probing fingers. It meant you probably weren’t blind or permanently disfigured. You did have a headache that seemed to be entering migraine territory.
Mel guessed at concussion on top of a stable fracture to your cheek bone. You knew she was probably right but it didn’t stop you leaving the infirmary and sneaking back to your room, dodging the questions from well meaning colleagues.
You had expected the knock on the door a lot sooner. Mel had been gone on break when you ditched the ward. You thought she would’ve come looking for you right away.
You groaned and pushed yourself out of bed. Your head felt so heavy that it hung forward and took effort to straighten up again. You massaged your temple gently, mindful of the bruising. When the door opened though you flinched and stepped back. Abby was standing there with her arms crossed.
She sucked in a breath at the sight of you and retreated back a step, letting her arms fall limply to her side. You were aware of how you looked and you knew it wasn’t pretty.
Abby didn’t speak. She stared at you, starting from your feet up to your face. Watching you as if she could catalogue your injuries through observation alone. And who knows, maybe she could.
After what felt like hours of staring you blinked your one eye that opened right now at her and held the door open further. She looked from the door back to your face and shook her head, stalking back in the direction of her own room that she shared with Manny.
You stepped out into the hallway and watched her go before shrugging and returning to your room.
///
The days that followed were hell. You didn’t know pain until the following morning when you rolled over as you were waking up and lifted a hand to rub your eye.
You hissed and then winced at the stiffness in your jaw. In the bathroom your mirror told you everything you needed to know that the throbbing in your skull hadn’t told you. You looked way worse, the bruising taking over half your face. You almost swore you could see her imprinted hand like Manny had joked.
Everything hurt and every movement pulled against it. You showered and the water pressure hurt your bruises. Opening your mouth wide enough to brush your teeth made you actually cry. Pulling your hair back even managed to make the pressure in your skull build so you had left it down.
You were pretty sure chewing was out of the question and you had no doubt you were going to have to make a pitstop and beg for one of those good pain injections you knew Mel had on hand.
Isaac had taken you off duty while you were recovering and you were more than grateful for that fact, donning a hoodie and pulling the hood up to cover your face from prying eyes.
Mel wasn’t working in the infirmary that morning but Nora offered a pain injection and some calorie packs to be dissolved in water. You shoved them in your pocket and sat still when she jabbed you with the pain relief.
The canteen happened to have soup on and you grabbed a bowl to take with you, returning to your room to wallow in your own pain and misery. You wondered again how one person could have such strength in them.
Late in the evening a knock came to your door. You opened it, expecting at least one of your friends to visit. Instead it was Abby. You didn’t flinch this time but she did, looking you over again. You opened the door wider again but she only made her observations and left, stalking down the corridor out of sight.
///
The pattern of your days continued this way for the first week. Mel and Nora allowed you three pain injections but you didn’t bother taking the fourth, just accepting calorie packs and retreating to your room.
Abby visited very evening, looked you over and then left. Every evening you offered for her to come in to your room. Every evening she turned on her heel. You were kind of getting used to watching her walk away.
Not for the first time in your life did you wish she was in some way queer. What you would give to climb her like a tree. But unfortunately her only relationship had been Owen and the rare times she had slept with anyone since it was always a man.
Not for lack of women trying. She had shot them all down stating she was in fact straight. It had probably caused more of the antagonism between you both as a means to keep yourself from getting hurt.
On the tenth day your eye was able to open all the way again. You didn’t seem to have any damage to your vision which was a lot more than you had expected if you were being truthful.
The swelling was going down in your face. It still hurt a little to chew and you hadn’t been speaking all that much but you’d soon be fit to return to work.
That evening you waited when Abby knocked instead of answering the door right away. She shifted for a minute, stepping closer to the door and further away again before knocking a second time.
You opened the door but turned away before she could look at you, returning to your bed and pressing play on the movie you had put in just before she arrived. “If you’re coming to have your nightly stare then you better come in and do it.”
Your voice was more of a croak and you had to clear your throat twice to get the words out. It was just from a lack of use because opening your mouth still hurt.
Abby lingered outside your door for a few seconds before she stepped over the threshold and shut the door behind her. There was no light on in the room but you knew the tv was bright enough to show her what she wanted to see.
“Looks better.” She spoke for the first time since you had left her in that aquarium. You hadn’t expected her to but it made for a nice change.
“It is better. No lasting damage to my eye, the headaches are gone and I can open my mouth again.” You didn’t tell her it hurt to open your mouth. She didn’t need to know that. “Just need to be careful with pressure or impact to my cheekbone. It’s a stable fracture right now but any further damage will need surgery.”
Abby flinched in the darkness, almost standing by your bed now. You didn’t look at her, not directly. She hesitated, hand reaching out and dropping back again. “I’m-”
“You can put the clothes on my desk and bring the chair over. Manny sent this movie up for me to watch. He knows I’ve always liked these movies.” You huff and hold the box out to Abby who took it from you. It’s one of those movies that leave you with more questions than answers. You have to ask the older people in the compound about certain elements of the movie and get them explained to you.
Wild Child came out in 2008, a whole five years before the outbreak happened. Watching how teenagers experienced lives back then gave you an understanding of what had been lost.
Abby sets the movie box down and moves to lift the pile of clothes from the chair and place them on your desk as instructed. The opening scene of the movie begins and you focus on it.
///
You woke alone the clothes back in a pile on your chair and the television switched off. An extra blanket had been placed over you and you didn’t have to ask why with the temperature of the room. Winter had landed in Seattle.
Your bruises were fading, mostly just the point of impact a weird shade just off your usual skin tone. The swelling had also receded and while opening and closing your mouth caused stiffness, it didn’t really hurt that much.
Nora’s probing fingers still made you wince in the infirmary, indicating the fracture wasn’t healed enough to let you back on active duty. Something she reiterated to Isaac who ordered you take a few more days. You didn’t argue with him even though you wanted to. You knew better than that.
That night you and Abbey watched Pitch Perfect. Another movie that left you with many questions. You had a fascination with high school and college. You would’ve been facing all of it right now had nothing happened.
Right as the movie ended Abby whispered your name. You pretended not to hear her, letting your eyes fall shut to see what she would do. She eased herself from the chair quietly and moved it back to its place. The weight of a second blanket landed over you again.
Most surprising was the delicate stroke of her finger over the point of impact her fist had made almost two weeks beforehand. “I’m sorry.”
You hadn’t let her say it. Interrupting her each time. Neither of you talked besides you telling Abby what the movie would be called. And her aborted attempt to apologize each time.
///
“Boo fucking yah, baby. Back and better than ever.” You swung yourself up onto the bed of the truck and slapped your hand down on Manny’s shoulder. “Get the fuck out of my seat, big man.”
Manny grunted but shifted over to the passenger side. Owen and Nora hauled themselves up onto the bed of the truck, Alice taking her place at their feet. “How are you feeling?”
“Nora, thanks to your excellent care I am a new woman.” You pumped your fist before revving your engine and tearing out of the compound as fast as you could with shouts of complaints from the others. “I’m so fucking excited to be outside that I think I’m actually high off fresh air.”
“You’re fucking crazy, is what you are.” Manny laughed from the passenger seat as you raised a gear and hit the road, swerving around abandoned vehicles. “You know people used to just drive all over the country and call them road trips? They’d just drive all day. For fun.”
“None of them ever drive with you. Nothing fun about it.” Owen called and you rolled your eyes at his withdrawn tone. You didn’t like Owen all that much. Mostly cause he had what you had wanted and had given it all up. For Mel. A downgrade if you were being honest.
“Shut up, Owen. She’s enjoying freedom and still having sight in both eyes.” Manny cheered and you pumped your fist again. “Both hands on the wheel!”
The patrol had been successful, scouting warehouses further out of the territory the WLF owned. There was great rewards in an old movie rental place and you even got to take down two runners.
When you returned the keys to the truck and your weapons you found Abby waiting at the door to the canteen, arms crossed. She barely spoke to Owen or Nora, slapping her palm to Manny’s when he held his out. She gave you the typical once over you had grown so used to.
There was no longer evidence of your injury. Your cheekbone had healed, you were as loud as ever and yet Abby still visited your room every night to check on you.
“I didn’t know Isaac approved your return to active duty yet.” It was the most she had said to you in a month and you froze in place like a scolded child.
“Last minute decision he made this morning. The others needed an extra set of hands and Nora signed me off two days ago.” You weren’t sure why you were explaining yourself. Or why you were so nervous when Abby stepped closer to you. You didn’t retreat though, not this time.
“How did it go?” She asked quietly, another step in your direction. You swallowed your nerves when she entered your personal space, the tip of her boots barely a hair’s breadth from yours. “See any scars or infected?”
“Um, a few runners. Nothing major.” You told her and she smiled blandly, her hand raising to your face. You flinched minutely and she froze but you moved closer, granting her permission to touch you. Her thumb soothed the barely these scar from where the impact of the very hand that she was being so gentle with right now had split your flesh that day.
“What’s on the watch list tonight?” She asked softly. You were too lost in the caress of her thumb to answer her and she chuckled, letting her hand fall. “You hear me?”
“Sorry, what?” You blinked at her and she laughed again, lowly so that only you would hear it. She took a step back and you snapped back to the present instead of floating above your body. “Oh, uh. I found the fourth Harry Potter movie. So now we’ve the full set and can watch them.”
“Eight movies to watch.” She hummed and you nodded. “That’s a lot of time spent together.”
“Mhmm.” You nodded and she laughed at how distracted you clearly were.
“I’ll see you later then.”
///
You knew how it looked. It looked bad. It looked desperate. It looked like you were the unluckiest bastard on this earth. It looked like you were an idiot.
A knock sounded at the door.
It looked like you were out of time.
Abby let herself into your room while you stood frozen with your back to her. You heard the steps she took and then how she paused a little away from you. Your shoulders tensed and she took another step closer.
“If you wanted me in your bed that bad you only had to ask.” She laughed quietly and your shoulders relaxed. The broken chair no longer an omen of all things bad. You had been standing on it while changing a lightbulb and the leg had given up.
The chair had been old when you had gotten it. That had been years ago. You weren’t surprised just more annoyed at the timing. “I was changing a lightbulb.”
“Is that right? You get it changed?” Abby asked as you turned to face her. Your breath hitched. It hadn’t been warm in months in Seattle. Especially not on base in the concrete rooms without insulation.
But there Abby was in a tank top and sweatpants like it was the middle of summer. You wanted the ground to open and swallow you now because you knew you’d embarrass yourself.
Her shoulders and arms were bared to you, the muscle definition making you feel physically faint. You wanted her to pick you up and toss you around. You were half tempted to piss her off enough that she’d punch you again.
“Well, did you?” You blinked at Abby for several long seconds before realizing she had asked a question. One you hadn’t heard because you were too busy wondering if there was a position that would let you grind on her bicep.
“Did I what?” You asked her, shaking your head. She looked up to the lightbulb and back to your hand. It was an empty socket and you had two bulbs in your hand. She held her hand out to you.
“Give it here.” You handed the new bulb over and she reached up, just barely stretching herself and slotted the bulb in. You reached out for the switch and grinned when the light came on just to turn it back off. It was too bright for movie night.
“You’re handy to have around, you know that?” You asked her with a smile and she laughed at you. You kicked the broken chair out of the way and crawled into the inner corner of your bed.
“I’ve got plenty more skills where that came from.” She assured you while you arranged the pillows. When you turned to look at her strained voice you found her staring at you. Or well, your ass.
You pursed your lips and tucked yourself into the corner of your bed, hitting play on the tv. Abby only hesitated for a moment before sitting down on the bed and kicking her shoes off.
She leaned back against the headboard of your bed, one long leg stretched in front of her, the other bent at the knee. Her muscle definition was apparent through her sweatpants and you wanted to ride her thigh so bad you had to bite your lip to keep yourself from saying it.
This pattern continued for the length of the eight days it took to watch Harry Potter. She sat the same way each night and each night you watched her thigh and her arm closest to you more than you watched the movie.
As per tradition at this point, Abby would say your name at the end of the movie and then usually tuck you in except this time she didn’t say anything when the credits rolled and you realized she was asleep.
You wanted to wake her, let her go back to her room. But she was fast asleep and she had slid most the way down the bed that she wasn’t going to hurt herself to sleep in that position. You turned the movie off and turned your back to her and let her sleep.
///
Warm. It was so fucking warm. Your body was melting, you were almost sure of it. You blinked your eyes open and groaned quietly. Was the compound on fire or something? What was with the heat?
Your body froze at the huff of breath against your neck. Abby surrounded you right now and you could feel her all over. She had managed to spoon you during the night, your head pillowed on her bicep, her other hand wrapped around your waist. Her big hand rested on your sternum, right between your breasts and you couldn’t help the pulse of arousal.
Her face was tucked up against your neck and her steady breathing let you know she hadn’t woken yet. So you did the cowardly thing and relaxed back into her hold, letting yourself enjoy it.
You drifted off to sleep again apparently because when you woke Abby was shifting around behind you but hadn’t actually moved away yet. “What time ‘s it?”
Abby froze when you spoke but you felt her twist to look at your clock. “Uh, early. Almost eight.”
“Got anywhere to be?” You asked, your hand moving to stop the slow retreat of her arm around your waist. She froze again and you waited for her to make a decision.
“Not until twelve. I’m headed out with Owen and Nora.” She was whispering right in your ear and you couldn’t help the shiver.
“Mm, you’re heading out with me, Owen and Mel.” You corrected her, shuffling back into her hold. “It’ll be fun, me and the love triangle that hates me.”
“Hates you? Does it look like I hate you?” Abby asked and you hummed, shrugging your shoulders. “I don’t hate you.”
“Then go back to sleep, Abs.” You huffed and she laughed against your neck, tightening her arms around you.
///
“Owen, get out of my passenger seat right the fuck now.” You pulled yourself up onto the bed of the truck and Owen looked panicked. Mel shared his look and you stared between them. “What?”
“Abby is coming with us.” Mel told you quietly like it was a secret. “We weren’t aware that you were driving.”
“I know Abby is coming?” You looked between them, confused. “That’s why I want Owen out of the passenger seat.”
Abby arrived on the scene and pulled herself up, looking between all three of you. “Am I interrupting something here?”
“We didn’t know you two had been cleared to work together.” Mel spoke up against the silence and you laughed. “She shattered your cheek bone, it’s a viable worry.”
“Firstly, it was a stable fracture. It’s all healed up and I’m not saying I deserved it but we all know why I got it.” You slotted yourself into the drivers seat. “Besides, Abby apologized.”
“Apologized?” Mel asked, dubious. Owen moved from the passenger seat, his eyes narrowed between you both as Abby took his place.
“That thing that neither of you ever did after screwing around behind my back?” Abby asked and the truck fell silent. You bit your lip to hide your smile before starting your engine.
Mel and Owen took their seats quickly and you tore out of the compound with a whoop and an accompanied bark from Shadow.
The patrol stayed quiet, moving from building to building in silence. It was driving you up the wall. You kept Shadow with you, moving around each room, checking for anything that might be of use.
“Think they might hate me as much as they hate you now?” You didn’t jump when Abby spoke but you did have to fight the urge. You turned from where you were rifling through a cabinet to find her leaning on the door frame. She took up the whole door way and you salivated just a little.
“Nope. Because you only repeated what I already called them out on.” You told her, returning to your cabinet which just seemed to hold old office supplies.
“You called them out on sneaking around behind my back?” Abby asked. You could hear her walking closer as you tossed decaying reams of paper out of your way.
“Mhmm.” You hummed, stuffing some markers in your bag. There were still in the packaging so you had high hopes they hadn’t dried out yet. She stopped behind you, you could feel her body heat.
“Why would you do that?” She asked and you shrugged, shuffling sideways to the next cabinet, she followed you. “When did you do it?”
“Like five minutes after you broke my face.” You shrugged and found bags of rubber bands that had all eroded with age. You tossed them all aside before standing up. You still didn’t turn around but you knew Abby was close behind you. She pressed closer when you were straightened up.
“Why would you come to my defense right after I had hurt you?” She asked, her large hands coming to rest either side of yours on the counter top. She was flush against you, her size difference almost overwhelming.
“Because no one ever seemed to come to your defense.” You told her honestly and you felt her huff a laugh against your hair. One of her arms wrapped around your middle, pulling you back tight against her. “I figured someone should.”
“Thank you.” You knew you probably weren’t imagining the barely there kiss to the crown of your head but a low growl from Shadow had you both spring apart.
“There’s something in here with us.” Abby muttered, loading her gun. You copied her actions and backed away from the door, maneuvering to the left of it while Abby took the right so you could both see either angle.
Whilst you and Abby had never gotten on, you were flawless patrol partners and it was evident in how you both worked, taking out two runners and a clicker with enough time for you to be sitting on a table, legs swinging and Abby to be thumbing through a magazine so weathered she couldn’t possibly be reading it.
That was how Owen and Mel found you both and they shared a look between themselves at both of your casual displays and the pile of infected between you both.
“Everything okay?” Owen asked cautiously. You looked up at him and smiled, hopping off the table. “Any injuries?”
“Nope. I got one runner and Abby got the other two.” A fact she was annoyingly proud of and you were irrationally bothered by. “You did good, Abs. I might let you be the little spoon tonight.”
Everyone in the room froze but you and Shadow who followed you out past a frozen Mel and Owen toward the truck. Soon the other three followed you, Abby slipping into your passengers seat. She was fighting a smile so you knew you weren’t in trouble with her.
///
You had gotten so used to Abby letting herself in that you had kind of forgotten that she did it. So when you stepped out of the bathroom with just a towel on and found her sitting on your bed, you didn’t really know what to do.
She gave you the usual once over before smiling at you. It wasn’t a nice smile. It was mean. Something that made your stomach fill with nerves and a wet pulse start up between your legs.
She was sitting on your bed, both legs stretched out in front of her. She patted a hand to her lap and you stared at her, incredulous. “Come on sweetheart, we both know you want this.”
You moved towards her hesitantly and paused a few steps from the bed. “You came early.”
“I did. I was hoping to talk about that little spoon comment but right now I don’t care. Sit on my lap.” It wasn’t much of a question, not the way she phrased it. You swallowed roughly again, looking back to the bathroom.
Abby wouldn’t hurt you. She also wouldn’t judge you if you wanted to retreat right now. You knew both of those things to be fact. The truth was that you didn’t want to retreat. She knew that.
It was an awkward shuffle getting onto her lap but that’s where she took over, maneuvering you so that you were straddling one thigh, one hand on her shoulder for balance and the other holding your towel together. “You don’t think I know that you’re watching me all the damn time?”
“I thought, I didn’t think you were into women.” You told her, suddenly shy in the face of this abrasive, domineering Abby. She only huffed a laugh and shook her head.
“I’m not. Never have been.” She told you and you froze in place, unsure where this was going. She bent her knee, her thigh tensing and you couldn’t help the moan, falling forward so your face was in the curve where her neck met her shoulder. “I’m sure as fuck into you though. I don’t know what it means but I know what I want to do about it.”
“Abby.” You whispered and her hands landed on your hips, pushing and pulling you into a slow grind against her thigh. “Fuck.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly it. I’m gonna fuck you.” She promised. When your hips had taken the rhythm she found acceptable her hands began to move. One travelled up the length of your back, up your neck, to cup the back of your head, holding you in place against her. The other tugged your towel free. “Gonna let you hump my thigh first like a bitch in heat. Then I’m gonna get my fingers into you, see how tight your little hole is.”
You whined against her neck, the friction of her sweatpants and the heat of her words had you burning up. “Please.”
“Yeah, you’ll beg me so pretty. Cause once you come on my fingers I’m getting down there to taste you. Cause I know you’ll be the best fucking meal I’ll ever have.” She groaned in your ear and your hands travelled to her biceps, your nails digging in. “And once I’ve done all of that? I’m gonna fuck you with my strap.”
“You, where’d you?” You were barely able to get your thoughts together enough to ask her about the strap. “Why?”
“Just cause I wasn’t fucking women doesn’t mean I wasn’t fucking anyone.” Your head tipped back when your breathing sped up. You lost the rhythm on her thigh just bucking against her as your orgasm washed over you. Abby leaned forward and the harsh bite of her teeth made you scream. “Not over yet, Sweet Girl. Just getting started.”
///
“Abby, Abby, Abby.” Every stroke of her cock had you chanting her name. She had you on all fours, her large hands on your hips and pulling you back on her forcefully. You weren’t sure if you knew words other than her name and please. She had fucked it all out of you.
One hand slid from your hip up your front and with a hand around your neck she pulled you up so your back was flush against her chest. Her grip on your neck was loose but you felt your breathing hitch. “Oh you like that.”
Her hand tightened around your neck and you gave in entirely, your orgasm washing over you and your mouth falling open in ecstasy as Abby wrung every last drop of pleasure from your body.
She pushed against you, friction from the strap driving her towards her own orgasm as she humped against you desperately. She some how managed to control the fall after coming so that you were both on your side.
“Thought you wanted to be the little spoon this time?” You asked her breathlessly and she huffed a laugh from behind you.
aaaah loved the last chapter!!! I’m glad the assholes got what they deserved. I wish Joel would’ve grovelled a bit more but it is Joel… hahaha! And I guess in the end it was a misunderstanding but man was he an asshole in the second chapter.
I would love to see Joel and the reader talk about her past a bit! Especially with his stupid comment at the end of the second chapter. She talked about it with Tommy a bit but I wanna know how much Joel knows and idk, it’s not exactly a romantic idea but still lmao! Would definitely love to read more from this little universe!
Anon I love you 🧡 Joel doesn’t really strike me as the groveling type. He’s more the like, acts of service kind of guy? Like he’ll make it up to you but not with empty words? Idk if that makes sense but here goes…. I’d also like to let you know I don’t decide what I’m writing. I just type, that’s your warning. If you don’t like smut stop reading after Joel threatens to kill them.
☢️ sexual assault (past and discussion) • panic attacks • swearing • reader is me and she gets hot for Joel Miller killing people • unprotected sex • weird version of dirty talk ☢️
Main Masterlist • Joel Miller Masterlist • Cat And Mouse Masterlist
The key caught in the lock. The hinges of the door squeaked. The floorboards creaked and groaned with each step. The ropes pulled against your raw skin. The room was quiet, your shaky breathing the only thing to be heard.
You struggled against the bindings, the dark paralyzing you. When the light came on, your bindings released and you were scrambling from your bed without thinking.
You paused on your hands and knees, the plush fabric of the mat under your fingers. There wasn’t a mat in that room. There was barely a blanket. No one would’ve furnished it. The skin of your wrists wasn’t damaged or raw. You sighed, sitting back and turning to face the bed.
Joel was sitting up with the sheets pooled around his waist. You hadn’t had nightmares in some time but you’d had lunch with Meredith today and you knew that it was good to talk about your trauma but it unlocked everything you had been trying to bury.
“You alright, baby?” Joel asked softly and you shrugged from your position on the floor. Your fingers pulled at the hem of your sleep shirt and you inhaled deeply. “Nightmares?”
“Sometimes. Memories.” You shrugged again and Joel nodded in understanding. He patted the mattress beside him but you only shook your head. Being in bed didn’t help, not after. He considered you before climbing from the bed, taking a seat next to you.
“You okay with touch, right now?” He asked and you shrugged again before nodding, letting your whole body sag against him. He shuffled a little, pulling you to sit in his lap, holding you close. He reached his arm out and dragged the sheets off the bed to drape them around you both. “Wanna talk about it?”
“That’s what caused the nightmares. I had lunch with Meredith.” You explained and Joel nodded shortly, rocking you from side to side.
“He’s dead. I don’t know if it helps but he won’t ever do it to you again.” Joel promised, his voice barely a whisper. “You’re safe with me. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
“It wasn’t Nolan. It was before. It was the room. God I hated that fucking room.” You shuddered in Joel’s embrace and he held you tighter, still rocking. “I spent five years staring at that fucking ceiling. I was allowed out of bed to go toilet and that was it. My fucking muscles started wasting away.”
Joel paused in his rocking only momentarily but it was enough that you drew away from him, blinking at the shock on his face. You had just assumed Tommy had told him everything. “You didn’t know?”
“No. I didn’t know anything about before you came to Jackson. Nolan and Abdul, they hinted at something happening. Says you got roughed up a couple of times.” Joel admitted and you laughed without humor.
“Couple a times.” You shook your head. “That explains your shitty comments.”
You leaned back against him again. Too tired to drag up the anger you had felt at his comments. Joel had apologized over and over with his actions. He had made you feel impossible secure in yourself and he held you every night so that you could sleep.
He hasn’t known any different before and when he had learned the truth he had been right there for you. It was still exhausting having to explain everything again.
“The QZ broke down. FEDRA left with their tails between their legs and people left. There wasn’t enough food or supplies to live on. Those that didn’t leave found themselves at the mercy of the mercenaries that had run FEDRA out. You had to have a use.” You told Joel, pulling one of his big hands into your lap, tracing the lines of his palm to calm you. “They found a use for me. There was thirteen in total. Took me a while to figure out it wasn’t just one man with incredible stamina.”
Joel didn’t laugh at your joke. You knew it wasn’t funny. Nothing about it had been funny. “I couldn’t see a lot of the time. They covered my eyes with something. Thought for a while I was just blind or something. Thought they had done something to me. The cloth slipped eventually. One of the new comers liked eye contact.”
“Was it close? The QZ?” Joel asked, his voice barely contained the rage you felt.
“It don’t matter.” You told him with a sigh. “I know what maybe two of them looked like. There would be no way of knowing who had done it.”
“I’d find out. You find me those two and I’d find out.” You pulled back to stare at him and found him red faced in his anger.
“I’m, fuck. Jesus.” You swallowed and Joel inhaled deeply, schooling his features because he thought he was scaring you. “No, I’m scary fucking turned on right now. You saying that? Telling me you’d kill them for me?”
There was more of the story to tell him but you didn’t have time. You shuffled around in his lap and pushed at him until he was lying down. He seemed confused with the change of pace but let you take the lead.
There wasn’t time for preamble. You hadn’t put underwear on while sharing a bed with Joel in a long time. He wore only boxers and you shuffled around to pull them down before pausing. “Can I?”
“Please.” Joel exhaled and you took him in hand, holding him while you lowered yourself down his length. Joel grunted, his stomach tensing in an effort to restrain himself.
“Say it again.” You urged when you had him fully inside, pushing against you in all the right ways. You moved your hips in a slow grind and sighed happily. “Please.”
“I’d fucking kill them all.” He grunted, one hand on your hip and the other pulling you down from the back of your neck, so close you were sharing air. “Slowly and fucking painfully. They’d suffer every bit you did in those five long years in a day.”
Your eyes rolled back in your head and you moaned, pressing you lips to Joel’s. It was sloppy, gasping into his mouth when you began to bounce your hips shallowly. “I ain’t ever had a man take care of me like you do.”
“I said it before and I’ll say it again. I’ll promise you anything baby, especially when you got this tight pussy squeezing my cock like a fucking vice.” He groaned and you straightened up, one hand in the center of his chest for support.
“You killed Nolan for me.” You told him and he nodded, hand on your hips. Every time you lowered yourself he pulled your hips forward in a grinding move that had you seeing stars.
“I’d fucking do it again. Beat him with my own hands. He wasn’t getting the easy way out of a bullet.” You whined, rolling your hips in an effort to chase your release. You needed to cum, needed him to fill you up. His thumb pressed against your clit, rubbing in tight circles just how you liked it. “Come for me baby. Need it.”
You bounced shallowly, keening with his touch. When your orgasm washed over you Joel grunted, your pussy clenching tighter around him. “That’s fucking it, sweet girl. I’ll fucking kill ‘em all.”
You collapsed against his chest as he pumped into you, shuddering with his own orgasm. You rested your head in the crook of his neck as you both caught your breath.
“Lou escaped. She had been newer to it than I was. She still had some fight in her. She got me out, had to near carry me. But we got out. We got here.” You whispered against the skin of his neck. “I made it here to find you.”
I know you’re supposed stagger your posting to increase engagement or whatever put honestly I just write and post. So enjoy this spam 🤷♀️
☢️ sexual assault (past but there’s flashbacks and discussions) • victim shaming • description of injuries • blood • panic attacks • swearing • ☢️
Main Masterlist • Joel Miller Masterlist
This is part 2 of Cat and Mouse. You should really read that first unless you enjoy not understanding the narrative. Unfortunately this fic has a mind of its own and is gonna have a final third part. I know, I know. I hate myself too. It should be out by tomorrow night, yes I said that last time. No, I’m not lying this time. Thank you to everyone who has read, reblogged and commented so far. I love you all.
“It’s stupid. Isn’t it?” You asked Lou, pacing her living room. She had listened to you explain the whole date to her and now she was weighing up her opinion of what happened and you couldn’t take the silence. “I’m stupid. He’s fucked half the town. Why am I surprised he played me?”
“Like you played him?” Lou asked and you stopped your pacing to stare at her. She didn’t hide from your stare like most people tended to, meeting you dead on. You clenched your jaw before taking a seat and nodding. “Look, I love you. When two people have been through what we’ve been through, there are repercussions. We were items of use. We weren’t people. We didn’t get to have names or belongings or even autonomy. That way of living is going to leave a scar.”
“I don’t want them to have me any more. I don’t want to hide and just do as I’m told. I don’t want to have sex with a man just because he wanted it.” You told her with a sniffle, wiping your face. “But they all do it. They all do something and then they make it my fault, like I’m the crazy bitch.”
“Hear me out?” Lou asked and you nodded. “You keep picking men that make you crazy. Like Nolan right? He used you for sex. He wasn’t open about it but once you figured it out, you let it continue to happen. Abdul, had a reputation for having more than one woman on the go. Aidan was a misogynist from the word go. Luca wanted a housewife, not a partner. Every man you’ve tried to date has been really fucking shit.”
“They have to be. They need to be awful. There aren’t any good men.” Lou held her hand out to you and you took it, letting her draw you into a hug. You hadn’t realized that it was you that was sobbing. “There was so many and none of them tried to help. If there was good men they would’ve helped.”
“Those men weren’t banded together because they were good. They banded together because they were like minded individuals.” Lou told you, rocking you both from side to side. “You knew Joel Miller was a slut. You’ve heard more stories about him having sex than there are single, age appropriate women in the compound.”
“He was nice. He was nice and I slept with him and we, he made me laugh. No one ever bothered to do that. He offered to go home. He would’ve left if I didn’t want it.” You whispered and Lou shushed you again. “For the first time since Nolan I had sex on the first date. I wanted it this time.”
“While I’m sure Joel Miller is a great guy, that’s the bare minimum. I know you’ve never received it but respecting your right to withdraw consent is basic human decency.” Lou told you and you wondered what it meant that having your basic human rights respected felt like winning the jackpot.
“He didn’t mean it though. He got what he wanted by filling my head with false promises. Then he sent his kid, who wasn’t even suppose to know about us, to bail him out. He had expected me to give in.” You cried against Lou’s neck and she shushed you gently. “It felt good. For the first time. When I told him I had an ache the next morning he didn’t insist I just push past it. He was gentle with me.”
“Those are some more of those basic human rights. Absolutely no one should be trying to push you to agree to sex that will hurt.” Lou sighed and you blinked at her.
“It’s bad that I don’t know that, right?” You asked and she only shook her head, kissing your forehead.
“You were in that room for a long time. There was so much you missed, so much to learn. I’ll help you.”
///
Joel stayed to the rear of the group out on patrol. He was fixing to give Tommy a peace of his mind but heading out to kill a bunch of runners wasn’t the time. Tommy and Joel never argued on a patrol because they needed to have each other’s back.
So Joel didn’t give in to the temptation, keeping his distance from his brother who clearly didn’t see anything wrong in his actions. That just made Joel even more mad.
Ellie was on his shit list too because she knew better than to listen to Tommy. She knew better than to come looking for him on a night he said he wasn’t available to her. Boundaries were important between him and Ellie and he was pissed that she ignored him.
“I know that face.” Joel inhaled deeply because right now Nolan was the last guy he needed to see. He had been pissed enough to find him on the patrol but so far he had stayed well away. “Black Widow sunk her fangs into you, huh?”
“Do I look like I’m in the mood?” Joel asked, barely tilting his head in Nolan’s direction. Tommy looked back at Joel when he heard him speak and winced but turned and kept his face forward.
That pissed Joel off even more. Tommy had probably had something to do with Nolan being on the patrol. Joel clenched his jaw.
“She ended things?” Nolan asked and Joel stared resolutely ahead. “You said something bad, didn’t you? It was a joke or a throw away comment but little miss took it to heart.”
“Nolan, fuck off.” Joel warned, eyes facing forward. He couldn’t help but be relieved when Abdul heard the tension in his voice and dropped back. Abdul was a good guy and it might deter Nolan.
“Always ends it once she gets what she wants. Bet every conversation left you wrong footed. Had to feel like you’d make it up to her?” Joel inhaled deeply and stared at Tommy. He was willing to bet Ellie’s life there was no pack of runners.
“You can go and fuck yourself too.” Joel warned. He took measured deep breaths and remembered that he was liable to get in trouble if he hurt any of them unprompted. It wasn’t the same lawless land in Jackson. He couldn’t just punch people that pissed him off.
“Man, we’re trying to help you here. We’ve all been through it. This is what she does as some sick fucking revenge.” Abdul told Joel and he swallowed roughly. “She had some bad times outside the wall, got a little roughed up once or twice before Jackson.”
“When she got here she decided it was our fault. Let’s it look like our decision, you know? To pursue her. Happened to be in our line of view at the bar, we chose to talk to her. We didn’t choose anything.” Nolan piped up and Joel furrowed his brow. “Let’s you feel like you’re playing her then leaves you high and dry. Like you need to go looking for her.”
“She’ll bump into you a couple of times. Each time she’ll cause an argument or make you out to be an asshole. The next time she sees you she’s already forgotten about it.” Abdul spoke again and Joel felt his chest tighten. “Tells you all about her three date rule.”
“She doesn’t do one night stands.” Nolan scoffed and Joel looked over at him sharply. “She never does it, makes her feel dirty. Until she’s crawling into your lap like a damn bitch in heat.”
“That’s enough now.” Joel warned Nolan when his tone changed from conversational to direct anger.
“Safe, you made her feel safe.” Abdul finished and Joel realized that without a shadow of a doubt, he’s been played.
///
“Joel isn’t a dick.” You jumped, the rocking chair jolting with your movements. You raised your sunglasses off your eyes and found Ellie Williams standing at the top of your porch step. Unlike the times you had pretended with Joel, you genuinely hadn’t heard her coming and it sort of unnerved you. “It seems like he is but he ain’t.”
“Ellie, I’m sure he ain’t.” You sighed and set your sunglasses back down over your eyes and tilted your head back to continue absorbing the last of the Summer sun. “Don’t you worry about what I think about your daddy.”
“Okay firstly, that’s weird. Don’t say that. Joel isn’t my dad.” You lifted your head up again to look at her. “He and I went through a lot together but I only met him like two years ago.”
“Okay. My point still stands. I’m sure he’s a great guy. Don’t worry about me. I was just in a bad mood the other day, ‘s all.” You assured her. You didn’t want her to think bad of Joel, father or not.
“Cause I made you think that. I shoulda known better than listen to Tommy. Joel was having an off-duty night. We’ve got boundaries. Boundaries are important.” You sighed and sat forward in your chair. You knew that your relaxing had come to an end.
“Honey, I was mad at him before you knocked on that door. People like me, well, we got issues. I’m tryna work on them but I don’t always do that good.” You told her and she nodded, listening earnestly. “I had some rough things happen and now I play games with people. I can’t help it. I’m trying to find someone that can put up with me, pass my tests.”
“Joel can put up with anyone. He crossed the country with only me for company. I’m annoying as fuck.” Ellie told you with a grin and you huffed a laugh. “You should give him another chance.”
“I don’t think it’s in the card but you’re real sweet for tryin’ to fix things between us. It isn’t his fault really. I shoulda known better.” You explained and she frowned, crossing her arms.
“Is this cause Tommy says you dump men to punish them?” You clenched your jaw and wondered if you were going to have to have a word with Tommy. Tell him to mind his own business before you minded it for him. “I was taken by a man who wanted to hurt me before. I killed him.”
“Not all of us are that fortunate, kid. But if I ever see him again I’ll have a go. See if it fixes me.” You assured her. You ignored her comment about Tommy and leaned back in your seat again.
“I think that you’re making a mistake. Punishing Joel. He’s the only person I know who doesn’t deserve punishment.” Ellie spoke quietly.
“Me keeping my distance is the opposite of a punishment. I can assure you that.”
///
The key got caught in the lock. The hinges of the door squeaked. Every floorboard creaked and groaned. You were able to map the steps taken right up to the edge of the bed. The rattle of a belt buckle. Your arms ached from being tied above your head. “You just been waiting for me, huh?”
You gasped, springing up in the bed with a hand over your racing heart. The room was black with darkness and you fumbled for your lamp, knocking it over in your haste. You ignored the shatter of glass in an effort to get to the main light switch.
You fell against the wall, your panic urging you on. When your fingers closed around the switch and the light came on you could finally breathe.
You were in Jackson. You weren’t there anymore. You were safe and you were home. When your breathing was under control you looked down, unsurprised to find footprints of blood. You had walked on the broken glass.
You let yourself slump against the wall, slipping down to sit and take the weight off your damaged foot. There was no pain to feel yet, your nervous system still on high alert. You sighed heavily, head tilted back. As the adrenaline wore off and the pain kicked in there was no point in fighting the tears.
There you sat against the wall, sniffling and blinking while attempting to get all the glass out of your foot. Swiping at your eyes angrily when you couldn’t see and breathing deep through the sobs trying to fight out of you.
It was exhausting, feeling this way. There were tricks you had learned to make it better. When you had arrived to Jackson every night was spent like this, sobbing in your room cause you were scared of the dark.
Then you had met Nolan. And sure he was a little forceful in his come on but you found the nights easier with him by your side. You had felt safe from the nightmares that plagued your mind. Putting up with sex you didn’t really want was a small price to pay. He never took it forcefully, just spent his time convincing you and wasn’t that easier than what had already happened?
It wasn’t until you found out he had been enjoying your deep sleep a little too much that you had to call it all off with him.
You hadn’t ever told anyone that. Nolan was a valued member of Jackson. He was big and strong. He worked the patrol routes and fixed up houses. You just helped around wherever you were needed.
Nolan hammered home two harsh truths. The first was that there were no good men. The second was that you unfortunately couldn’t keep away from them.
So you played them at their own game. You got a warm body to sleep next to and they got their dicks wet. You made them work for it. You didn’t hand yourself over in a way that made you feel that skin crawling filthy, the way Nolan and all the men before him made you feel.
There was the introduction of your three date rule. You teased them. Made them want you with a desperation that made sure that they’d tell you all their dirty little secrets. The men of Jackson didn’t want to kick you out because you had dumped them. They wanted you out because you held their worst secrets close to your heart.
They feared the monster of their own creation. You wanted them to fear you. Every cheating, lying scumbag among them.
Joel had been different. He had risen to every single challenge you had offered. He had gone the extra mile for you. Sure he had said stupid things but never out of cruelty. Never to hurt you.
Ellie had told you that Tommy had orchestrated the bail out so maybe he hadn’t expected you to do whatever he wanted. Maybe he had been as much a victim of outside sources as you were.
You had wanted him in a way you had never actually wanted a man before. You hadn’t broken your three date rule in years, never since Nolan. But you couldn’t help yourself, crawling into his lap in a way that made you feel like the games were over.
You wanted them to be over. You wanted to be wrapped in Joel’s embrace, wanted him to fend off the nightmares and hold you when they broke through anyway.
You wanted him on top of you, gasping against your neck, pushing into you slowly. He had been so gentle with you, taking his time with you. He had been bashful about his size, almost apologizing until you had been begging him to fuck your harder and deeper.
You sniffled again and probed the skin of your foot, checking for any pain that could be caused by glass still being inside. When you found none you pushed yourself up, limping out of your room and hitting each light switch on the way, bathing your house in the golden glow.
You found your first aid kit in the bathroom and patched your foot up. The tears had stopped for the most part and you took advantage of that to clean up the broken lamp and the blood.
You’d have to visit the clinic tomorrow and get it checked out but for now the bandages would do. When you looked at the clock you found it to be a little after four. Acceptable enough to get up and start your day.
You wouldn’t be getting any more sleep with those images in your mind and the phantom ache in your arms.
///
“Joel it isn’t that big of a deal.” Ellie sighed, trying to shake the grip he had on her shoulder. He didn’t answer and she rolled her eyes at him, wiping the blood out of her face. “Shimmer is gentle usually, she just spooked.”
“She ain’t broken yet. I told you not to ride her.” Joel huffed, pushing her towards the clinic. She had slapped a piece of gauze over her injury and called it a day. He had half a thought to kill her when he had peeled back the gauze and found the deep wound. “Could’ve died.”
“You’re being dramatic.” Ellie sighed, shaking him at last when they pushed through the door. She let him talk to the receptionist, looking around. She blinked when she spotted you dozing in a chair, bandaged foot elevated on a table. Ellie looked over to Joel who hadn’t spotted you yet and grinned, moving to drop into the seat next to you. “Hey.”
“Fucking- Jesus Ellie. What the fuck?” Your eyes flew open and you almost bolted out of the chair. It was then Ellie took in how exhausted you looked. “Gonna put a fucking bell on you.”
“You just reuse all your lines like that?” Joel asked with a scoff and your eyes widened, turning to look at him and back to Ellie. “Got nothing original, huh?”
“What are you talking about?” Ellie asked him, wondering why Joel had his ‘I shoot people for fun’ look on his face.
You were saved from the conversation by your name being called. You pushed yourself up, ignoring Joel’s comments and barely took one step, limping heavily, before Ellie slotted herself in under your arm.
“I’m fine.” You assured her and she shook her head, resolute in helping you.
“She said she’s fine, Ellie.” Joel grunted. Ellie ignored him and supported you walking toward the treatment room.
“Thank you.” You lifted your arm from around her shoulders and supported yourself on the door handle.
She was in the treatment room by the time you had gotten your stitches. You were hoping not to see them again but just as you were receiving a pack of gauze and bandages Ellie stepped out, prodding her own stitches against Joel’s advice.
“What’s the verdict?” Ellie asked, slotting in beside you at the counter. You had been given a pair of crutches and you propped them under your arms.
“Four stitches, no pain meds and the threat of brute force if I’m caught working or walking on my foot.” You told her with a sigh, ignoring Joel’s glare. You felt sort of off balance having him this mad at you. It wasn’t anything you weren’t used to but you weren’t blackmailing Joel. You had gotten mad at him for a proper reason.
“I got four stitches too!” Ellie cheered and bumped her shoulder into your arms. “And I’m not allowed nap today. Just in case it’s a concussion. Joel probably won’t let me on a horse ever again.”
“Sucks to be you, I guess. I’m gonna nap all day.” You told her with a shrug, smiling when she laughed at you and shook her head.
“Yeah yeah, you’re a dick. You gonna be okay to get around? I can call by and help?” You frowned at Ellie, eyebrows furrowing at the effort she was suddenly putting in. “What?”
“Thanks for the offer, Honey. But it’s just a little cut. I’ll be fine.” You ruffled her hair before grabbing the gauze and bandages off the counter. “Stay away from them horses, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.” She sighed and you rolled your eyes before shuffling towards the door, your crutches clicking loudly in the silence that followed. Just before the doors closed behind you you heard it.
“She ain’t your friend. Stop acting like it. She’ll just let you down too.”
If there was one thing you wouldn’t let happen ever again, it was letting a man be right about you.
///
You spent a lot of time out on the rocking chair on your porch over the next few days. The summer was winding down and you were enjoying the last of the warmth before Jackson turned into the frost bitten, snow covered town it was in Winter.
Your foot hurt something awful but it showed no sign of infection which you were grateful for. Without pain meds the best you could do was stay off it.
Reading on the porch seemed to be the best way for it. And so you spent all of your time out there, watching the comings and goings of Jackson. The days were peaceful, allowing you to nap in the chair to avoid the fact you weren’t sleeping at night.
It wasn’t until the creak of your garden gate sounded on the fourth day that your peace was interrupted. Ellie had a large plaster slapped haphazardly on her forehead and a larger grin on her face.
“Shouldn’t you be in school?” You asked her with an eyebrow raised. She only shrugged, tossing her book bag down at your front door and taking a seat on the bench on your porch.
“Told them I had a headache. They sent me home. Except Joel is out all day on a patrol and I’m bored.” Ellie explained and you nodded, rocking yourself with your good foot.
“And you can’t call over here while Joel is around cause he told you not to.” You offered. She shrugged instead of denying it and you had to laugh a little.
“Like I said. Joel isn’t my dad. I don’t have to do what he says.” Ellie explained and you rolled your eyes at the pure teenage attitude that poured off her. “He’s afraid I’ll get attached to you. I once got attached to a book full of puns so he’s probably right.”
“Well I mean, you’re only talking to me cause I spent a night with your father figure and you feel bad for interrupting.” You teased and Ellie laughed.
“Nah. I heard about you way before Joel. I take note of women that men hate. It’s important to be feared by men.” Ellie told you honestly and you laughed, shaking your head. “I read a book about feminism. It was in my room in Jackson when we moved in. It’s important to have good female role models.”
“I’m not a good female role model. I’m the opposite of a role model. I sleep with men to get their secrets. That’s not exactly inspiring.” You reminded her and she shrugged.
“Well I ain’t gonna go copying you if that’s what you’re afraid of. Not like I’ll be sleeping around with the men of Jackson.” Ellie scoffed and you tilted your head at her.
“Is that right?” You asked with raised eyebrows. “I’m sure the women of Jackson will have as many secrets.”
Ellie flushed a deep red and sat up on the bench, her jaw hanging open. “I never said that.”
“Didn’t have to. I’m very observant.” You told her, letting your head fall back again. “I ain’t gonna tell anyone.”
“Ellie!” You winced and Ellie groaned loudly. It seemed Joel had gotten home early. You continued to rock your chair and took a deep breath. He was just as in the wrong as you were. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“More importantly, what are you doing here?” Ellie asked, laying back down on the bench. “It’s way out of your way.”
“Looking for you. I get back early and hear you’re suffering headaches and can’t find you anywhere.” Joel snapped, pushing in your garden gate. “I told you I didn’t want you hanging around here.”
“She ain’t doing no harm.” You sighed, you hated to get involved but she was shrinking in on herself, away from his anger. “Every kid played hooky once.”
“I didn’t ask you. Last thing she needs is to be hanging around you. She’s a kid, no games to be played with her.” Joel snapped and you huffed a laugh.
“That’s right. I’m the only one who plays games.” You told him, pushing yourself to your feet. You winced, reaching for a crutch. “You know what you did. All the games I played was to prevent you doing that.”
“Oh yeah, the same games you played with damn near every man in this town, huh? I heard it all, Nolan and Abdul had a lot to say.” Joel scoffed, grabbing Ellie’s backpack and waving her forward. She looked between you both before shuffling towards him. “We all had it tough outside Jackson. You don’t gotta punish everyone for it.”
“Is that right? They told you all about me, huh? That’s a silly game for them to have played.” You leaned against your porch railing and grinned at Joel, wide. “Get off my property, Joel.”
Loved this update even if I still kinda hate Joel and I don't want to but omg he's such an idiot, I love it so much lol Nolan is a creep tho, I hope the Millers find out the truth soon because I get the feeling they won't stand for it.
Also this is the most on-brand Ellie paragraph I've ever read -
“Nah. I heard about you way before Joel. I take note of women that men hate. It’s important to be feared by men.” Ellie told you honestly and you laughed, shaking your head. “I read a book about feminism. It was in my room in Jackson when we moved in. It’s important to have good female role models.”
I could just picture it and I was laughing my ass off hahaha
☢️ we got some canon typical violence babyyy • karma doing her thing except karma is the reader • swearing • sexual assault (past but not just reader) • little men get their feelings hurt • Tommy and Joel redemption arc • nothing explicit but we got some sexy words • return of soft Joel☢️
Main Masterlist • Joel Miller Masterlist • Cat and Mouse Masterlist
This is part three of Cat and Mouse. I hope you all are as ready as I am for the big finale (if it sucks don’t tell me) thank you for all the reading, commenting and reblogging 🧡
You were sat in your rocking chair when you got your first visitor of the morning. You didn’t look up when your gate slammed open but the distinct sound of loading and cocking your shotgun made the footsteps pause in place.
Abdul was breathing heavy, his hands clenched into fists. You raised an eyebrow at him, still rocking slowly. The shotgun was pointed at him but he took another step forward. You stopped rocking. “We had an agreement.”
“That you broke.” You reminded him. You weren’t quite sure why the men you had slept with thought you would just forget their plights. The horrible things they had done. “You ran your mouth so I ran mine.”
“I didn’t fucking say anything to anyone!” Abdul spat at you and you leaned forward in your chair, steadying yourself and the shotgun when he took another step. He retreated slowly and you leaned back again. “You never had a problem with me talking to the other men before.”
“I never had to hear it back before. You took a risk. Silly. I know if I had a secret like yours then I wouldn’t have risked my place in Jackson.” You winced and he stalked forward again. Before he could reach your porch you were on your feet, gun aimed. He paused again. “Get off my fucking property and start packing. Cause I know ain’t no one gonna take too kindly to you for being the reason Jack never came back from patrol.”
“They’ll kill me, you know? He’s got two brothers and they’ll kill me.” Abdul told you and you smiled. “You’re a sick fucking bitch.”
“I didn’t murder anyone who wasn’t trying to murder me first.” You shrugged, pulling a face. Abdul was pulling at his hair now, staring you down. “You should also know I had to tell them about Aidan’s involvement. So he’ll probably kill you too.”
“I’m gonna fuckin-” A warning shot stopped him in his tracks and you were loading and racking the shot gun again in seconds, staring him down.
“You’ve done enough. Get off my property.”
///
You sat on your porch all day, rocking slowly in your chair. You had many visitors call by, not all of them as hostile. You hadn’t shared anything from the men who hadn’t deserved it. No one needed to know Luca had some weird kinks or that Nick had accidentally set the barn alight last year while smoking in there.
Neither of those things were bad, just frowned upon in general and enough to embarrass them. But the others, you were done keeping secrets that were harmful for the others. You weren’t letting them keep their good reputation while dragging yours through the dirt.
Jack’s brothers called by to confirm your rumors. You had told them everything you knew and apologized for not telling them sooner. They were mad, understandably so but they thanked you for telling them and not letting them wonder forever.
Abdul, Aidan and Jack had been patrolling together in the nearest town. There had been a fight, something petty and Abdul had knocked Jack’s head. He’d died on impact but of course they couldn’t leave his body there to be found. Aidan had helped bury Jack and together they concocted the lie of a group of runners taking Jack out.
“You got the whole town on fire.” Tommy Miller stood at your gate but he didn’t dare open it. You appreciated that much, your shotgun resting on your lap. You stared at him, waiting for the verdict. “Can I come in?”
“You gonna kick me out of Jackson?” You asked and he shook his head. “Then come in.”
Tommy pushed in the gate and made his way up onto your porch. He took a seat on your bench and wiped a hand over his face. You watched him for a second and noticed the exhaustion on his face. His knuckles had been split and scabbed on his right hand.
“I didn’t have anything to tell when it came to you.” You felt the need to defend yourself to a man who had no problem discussing you with half the town.
“Maybe you should.” He sat back and stretched his arms out along the length of your bench. You blinked at him, unsure if that was supposed to sound like a threat or the Miller men were terrible at voicing things. “You probably know Joel and I, we used to be raiders.”
“Everyone knows that.” You agreed and he nodded his head slowly, releasing a sigh. “We’ve all done things we regret before Jackson. Before we knew there was a version of civilization left.”
“Yeah. We never hurt kids and we only killed women who tried to kill us or who wouldn’t walk away.” Tommy explained and you nodded, rocking yourself slowly. “Learned some pretty terrible skills during that time. If information was needed, the Miller brothers were guaranteed to get it.”
“No offense but this ain’t news, Tommy.” You reminded him and he nodded. He lowered his right arm, looking at his busted knuckles. “And I’m waiting for someone.”
“He won’t be coming.” Tommy sounded so definite. So sure of himself. You blinked at him and he flexed his busted hand. “You know I keep asking myself, what if it was Maria or my daughter or Ellie? And I shouldn’t be thinking like that. It shouldn’t have to be someone important to me personally for it to matter. And it doesn’t, I want you to know it doesn’t.”
“I don’t understand.” You sighed and Tommy nodded again, a distracted sort of movement like he wasn’t even aware he was doing it.
“When you came to town I heard some of what had happened to you. Women talk, you know? Maria had told me half a story about how you had been hurt.” You recoiled away from him and he nodded again. “Yeah, I ain’t proud of it. I knew some of that but I still let the men talk the way they did. I didn’t get all that involved until it was my brother. I didn’t want you taking revenge on him because I knew he would never do that to a woman. He didn’t deserve your ire.”
“I never wanted to-”
“It don’t matter. Even if you did. I should’ve kept my mouth shut, stirring the shit. I brought Joel out a week or so ago with Abdul and Nolan. Let them talk to him. I thought it would help him get over this little fling you had.” Tommy scoffed before sighing heavily. “I should’ve been in your corner. Not your opposition. I made a mistake. Nolan was a good friend of mine. I let him hold my daughter, you know? I ain’t afraid to admit I was sick last night when I heard. Physically sick. And if I felt like that then how the hell have you been feeling?”
“Was.” You repeated and Tommy tilted his head, the confusion plain to see on his face. “Nolan was a good friend of yours. That’s what you said, past tense.”
“Well he ain’t anyone’s anythin’ anymore.” Tommy promised you, his right hand splayed out for you to see. “You walked into the Tipsy Bison and you whispered your little stories last night. Just over an hour later Nolan left Jackson. He went home, he packed his things and he left. He didn’t get far.”
“Tommy, maybe you shouldn’t tell me.” You hesitated and Tommy laughed without humor. “I got a big mouth, you know?”
“I know and if you want to tell people there ain’t much I can do to stop you. But I talked enough about you to know that you deserve the upper hand here. If I get kicked outta Jackson for it then that’s on me.” Tommy admitted and you nodded slowly. “Well, Joel and I used those special skills of ours. We got him to tell us what he had done and then we left him so mangled that his own momma wouldn’t know him.”
You stopped rocking the chair, shotgun forgotten in your lap as you stared at Tommy, jaw dropped. “You killed him?”
“You think he deserved to live?” Tommy asked, eyebrow raised. “He was a threat to Jackson and he was a threat to you. I let it go on too long and I won’t lie that I did it to ease my own conscience a little bit. I don’t want you worrying about the creatures in the dark no more. I don’t want you hurting yourself to feel safe.”
You stared at Tommy in silence, absorbing his words. Nolan had obviously told Tommy everything, including what you had been getting out of the whole arrangement. You couldn’t help the tears that gathered on your waterline, sniffling pathetically. “Five years.”
Tommy didn’t speak, waiting for you to clear your throat. “I spent five years chained to that bed and most nights I wake up thinking I’m still there. I got aches in my shoulder that won’t ever go away. I could barely walk when Lou and I got out.”
Tommy winced and you inhaled shakily, sniffing again. “I don’t get nightmares when there’s someone there with me.”
“I’m sorry you had to go looking in the wrong places for that comfort.” Tommy sighed, clasping his hands together. “We shoulda been helping you since day one. You just seemed so put together from the moment you arrived.”
“I didn’t mean to be like this.” You wiped at your tears. “I wasn’t, not at first. I was happy to have escaped and Nolan was so sweet at first. I thought it was just my hang ups that made it so he needed to talk me into things. I didn’t have nightmares so it couldn’t have been bad, right? I guess he got sloppy, didn’t wait ‘til I was all the way asleep one night.”
Tommy winced, his knuckles on his left hand white with the pressure in his grip. His right hand bled again from his injuries. “I’d kill him again.”
“Joel wasn’t like them. It was so infuriating.” You told Tommy and he looked up from his hands. “I gave him every challenge. He just kept getting better each time I saw him. I put some distance between us because I knew I didn’t want him to tell me anything. Didn’t want that power over him. I wanted him in the way that I haven’t ever wanted anyone.”
“He’s a good guy. My brother. He ain’t perfect but he lives and dies for the people he loves. And I hear he got a little fan of yours on his hands. She once told me she’d cut my foot off and shove it up my own ass if she heard me talk bad about you again.” Tommy told you and you laughed wetly, wiping away the last of your tears.
“She’s a good kid. Scary but good.” You told Tommy who nodded in agreement. The pair of you stayed on the porch another while. You didn’t speak but together you watched the Sun begin to set.
“You won’t be getting no more visitors looking to wish you harm. It’s safe to go inside.” Tommy promised when the streetlights of Jackson flickered to life. “If anyone gives you any hassle you can come to me. I wasn’t in your corner before but right now I’m helping you outta the ring. Your fight is over.”
“Will you see him?” You asked Tommy when he stood, stretching his arms out. He looked out over your view of Jackson before answering you.
“Not before you do, I’d hazard a guess. I heard the little monster is chomping at the bit to get over here. Joel just managed to stall her into tomorrow morning.” Tommy laughed and you nodded, still rocking yourself slowly. “Abdul left along with Aidan sometime mid afternoon. About ten minutes later Jack’s brothers headed out to bring their brother home. There ain’t anyone here a threat to you anymore. Get some rest.”
///
You had slept the whole night through. It wasn’t until impatient knocking on your door sounded through the house that you woke up. One glance out your window found Ellie standing back with her hands on her hips, squinting up at your bedroom window.
You rolled your eyes and pulled on your robe, trying the belt tightly. You would’ve preferred a chance to get ready before being forced to endure company. When you opened your front door you found Ellie, almost tapping her toe in annoyance.
Just Ellie. No Joel. You couldn’t help being a little disappointed.
“I have a crush on you.” Ellie announced and pushed inside, heading for your sofa to drop against the cushions. “Reject me so I can move on with my life.”
“You’re a literal child. I’m an adult. Never going to happen.” You assured her and she sighed, clutching her heart. “Sorry, Kiddo.”
“I needed to hear it. I’ll never emotionally recover but it’s better it happened now.” Ellie sighed despondently and then laughed loudly, sitting up.
“Seriously. You’re fucking awesome. You gave those fuckers everything they deserved.” Ellie grinned, tossing her feet up onto your coffee table. You stared at them until she let them back down again. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” You assured her before taking a seat on the armchair. “It’s public knowledge, huh?”
“What they did to you and Jack is. I don’t think everything else is. I heard Joel and Tommy talking last night.” She explained and you nodded, crossing your arms.
“He was supposed to come over this morning, later than this. But he got called to fill Abdul’s patrol shift.” Ellie explained and you nodded slowly. “Not even gonna pretend, huh? You got it bad for him.”
“Joel was different.” You explained and then blushed. This was a fourteen year old girl you were talking to.
“That’s why you pushed him away. What you meant when you said you wouldn’t punish him. You didn’t want to learn anything about him.” Ellie sighed as if all the puzzle pieces were clicking together. “But he thought it was all just a big game. Oh my god, why can adults never just talk?”
“Because where would the fun be?” You asked and she laughed, shaking her head. “I didn’t do much talking before this week. Think it’s time I start.”
“Once it ain’t any more secret telling. Think Jackson will fall apart.” Ellie sighed.
“I don’t have any more secrets to tell.” You shrugged and Ellie looked up at you almost shyly. “I would never betray you. You’ll tell people when you’re ready.”
“Joel doesn’t know.” She told you and you nodded. “We don’t talk about those things. He wouldn’t be mad. I just can’t walk right up to him and say it.”
“You can, actually. You can walk up, tell him you both have the same taste in women and then walk away again.” Ellie’s heavy mood fell apart and she laughed loudly. “I’d pay to see it.”
“Well it’s certainly an idea.” Ellie sighed and you grinned at her. “Now why don’t we make breakfast. I didn’t eat cause I wanted to get here sooner.”
///
Joel called round for Ellie when he got back from patrol. Like his brother he waited at the garden gate, calling attention to himself by clearing his throat.
“Why don’t you head on home. Let me and Joel have a chat.” You encouraged Ellie and she nodded, closing the book she had been reading and hopping up off the bench. “You can come on up.”
He watched Ellie pass him, barely nudging him with her arm and a hissed whisper you probably weren’t supposed to hear. “Don’t fuck this up.”
You chuckled at her and waved when she shut your garden gate behind her. She waved back and took off while Joel slowly climbed the porch steps.
“Think I owe you an apology.” Joel muttered quietly and you raised your eyebrows, waving your hand to the bench. “I know I owe you one.”
“Well it’s a good thing you called by today. Yesterday my visitors were greeted with the business end of my shotgun.” You told him as he took a seat. “I’m feeling a little more receptive today.”
“I took their word over yours. I was rude and I was just like every one of those assholes.” Joel listed and you nodded at him. You wouldn’t deny it to help his hurt feelings. “But you let me believe it.”
You drew up short and blinked at him. He looked up from his boots to meet your eye. He didn’t look away when you stared at him. “Excuse me?”
“I have a lot to apologise for. I’ll spend a long time tryin’ to make up for it all.” Joel promised. “But you were playing a game. At least in the beginning. How was I to know that changed?”
“You lied to me to get me to sleep with you.” You accused and he only shook his head. “You said it yourself. You would’ve promised anything.”
“Yeah, I would’ve. And I would’ve come through on those promises. I didn’t phrase it all that great but I meant it. I usually fuck a woman and head home. I don’t wait around for mornings.” Joel explained and you deflated. “You were the first one I wanted to wake up next to. I got scared. It’s been a while, we don’t know each other all that well.”
“Oh.”
Oh.
“So I reckon if you’d like to, we do it properly this time. We go out for dinner, we laugh and drink and I drop you off at your door and kiss your cheek goodnight. I get to know you first.” Joel spoke softly.
“What if you don’t like me once you get to know me?” You asked quietly and Joel breathed a laugh.
“I don’t think that’s possible, Sweetheart.”
///
“Now what sort of a date is the Tipsy Bison?” Joel asked with a laugh and you blinked at him. You hadn’t ventured out much in the last few days, scared of the reception that awaited you. No one treated you any different so far and you had remarked to Joel that you were hoping it would be the same in the bar.
“I mean, the only one?” You offered with a look. Jackson was a life saving town, a different world. But a commune didn’t exactly keep cute dates in mind when they were building amenities.
“If you’re unimaginative, maybe.” Joel sighed like the weight of the world was on his shoulder. “But me baby, I’m imaginative. So you wait right here, I’ll just be a second.”
He dipped inside and you looked around, wary of being on your own. You knew rationally there wasn’t anyone left to harm you. You hadn’t ever claimed to be rational though.
“Oh, I was hoping I’d see you.” Jackson was a couple hundred people big these days. You wouldn’t ever lie and say you knew everyone. You certainly didn’t know the woman that had appeared by your side. She was young, maybe her early twenties and she had big doe brown eyes. “I don’t usually come out of the shop often but I’ve been coming down every day to see if I could catch you.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t, I can’t seem to-” you struggled with your words, trying to find a phrasing that wouldn’t hurt the young woman’s feelings.
“No one knows me, not really. I’m the newer seamstress. I’ve only been here a couple months but I tend to stay in the shop. Still getting used to the crowds.” She explained with a shrug. “Jackson can be a lot when you grew up with the world outside.”
“It’s a lot even if you didn’t.” You assured her and she laughed, almost self conscious. You stared at her, eyebrows raised and hoped she’d get to her point.
“I uh, well I don’t know. I was dating Nolan. Maybe not dating? We didn’t go out much. Stayed in, that’s how he liked it.” She explained and you felt it, the plummet of your heart down into your stomach. You knew what was coming and something told you that you were going to cry.
“Please don’t. Please don’t tell me he hurt you.” You begged. Your knees threatened to give out and your hands went slick with sweat. You had waited, you had kept his secret and he had done it to someone else.
“I could never prove it. I never caught him. It would just hurt in the morning.” She explained, almost shyly. You stared at her, your eyes brimming with tears. “You made sure it stopped.”
“No I didn’t. I let it happen.” You whispered and she shook her head, her hands waving in front of her as if to try stop your tears. “I knew. I knew and I didn’t stop it.”
“You stopped it when it was time.” She assured you, her hand reaching out to clasp yours. “I didn’t tell anyone either. There’s more of us, none of us told. Some from before you, even. Who’d believe the disposable women?”
The weight of it crashed into you and your hand clenched around hers tightly. “I don’t even know your name.”
“Meredith. My name is Meredith and you saved me. I would never have talked about it. I woulda just keep letting it happen until he got sick of me.” She explained and you nodded slowly but you couldn’t stop crying.
“I’m sorry I didn’t do it sooner.” You whispered and she only laughed kindly, pulling you close. “I should’ve stopped him.”
“You did. You were braver than we were.” She assured you, wrapping you in a hug. You held her tightly, this young woman who had suffered at the hands of the same man of you.
The door opened and you pulled away from Meredith, wiping your eyes before turning back to face Joel. He looked between the two of you warily, a bag in his hand. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah, we were just talking.” You assured him and he nodded slowly, a hand reaching out for you. The knuckles of the hand you took were still healing from Nolan and you ran your free hand over them. “He won’t be back. You know that?”
Meredith looked over Joel and focused in on his hand. She shut her eyes and exhaled heavily. Relieved. “I’m glad of that. Thank you. Thank you both.”
///
“You’re not gonna just kiss me on the doorstep, are you?” Joel had taken you for a picnic down behind the greenhouses. You hadn’t even known the grassy patch existed, right in the way of the setting sun. He had been the perfect gentleman, offering you wine and fruit to go with the food he had coerced Seth into putting together.
You wanted to jump his bones. You wanted to hear those moans again, whispers of how good you felt and grunts as he came, his fingers tightly gripping your hips. It was all you could think about while he had told you stories from a past life. Making you laugh while you throbbed between your legs.
“You don’t want a kiss?” Joel asked, your hand clasped in his as you approached your house. He was smiling gently and you wondered how you could have this after all the bad you had done.
“I want more than a kiss.” You told him and the smile disappeared, his eyes darkening. “I want you to hold me and fuck me and make me breakfast in the morning.”
“We should take it slow.” Joel tried and you inhaled deeply, nodding a little.
“If that’s what you want then okay. I can wait. But I’m ready when you are.” You told him and he groaned. You paused with him at your garden gate and you looked down at your clasped hands. “You can go home. And we’ll wait until you’re ready.”
You knew he was trying to be a gentleman, trying to backtrack and keep to your old rules but you didn’t want him to. You wanted him in a way you had never felt for anyone before.
“I can just take care of myself.” You shrugged, reaching behind you to unlatch the gate. You took a step back when Joel blinked at you. You let his hand go and stepped back again. “Just me in my room. My hand between my legs and-”
You couldn’t help but scream when you were suddenly airborne, landing over Joel’s shoulder with a loud laugh. “Alright alright. I get the picture. You need it bad. I need it bad.”
“You’re an animal.” You laughed as he pushed in your unlocked door. He chided you for it just barely and when you only laughed at him he swatted at your ass.
“That’s a delicate position you’re in, baby. I don’t want no sass.” He warned and you couldn’t help the giggle. It seemed he was the only person who made you laugh these days and you relished in it, swatting his own ass in return.
“Seems we’re both in a delicate position, Mr Miller.” You reminded him. He took the stairs two at a time and your laughter bounced off the walls.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Honey.” He dropped you unceremoniously onto your bed and you stared up at him with a soft smile on your lips. “Well, what are you waitin’ for? Get those clothes off so I can get a taste of what I been missing.”
You never moved as fast, shedding your clothes while he pulled his off. There was clothes thrown everywhere and you were panting, taking him in. He was glorious. Broad and tanned, he wasn’t cut with muscles like you would see in a movie. He was solid, he had real strength that made him broad and soft.
“I believe you wanted a taste?” You raised an eyebrow and he snapped from his staring.
“Oh baby, I want more than a taste. I want you as a meal every damn day for the rest of my life. But sure, I’ll start with a taste.”
I feel like I could continue this universe. If anyone has any like short drabbles or blurbs feel free to request them maybe? Just little scenarios you want to see this couple face.
☢️ sexual assault (past but discussed) • reader plays manipulation games • Joel is a slut • miscommunication as a plot device • depictions of injury and bleeding • blackmail☢️
☢️ sexual assault (past but there’s flashbacks and discussions) • victim shaming • description of injuries • blood • panic attacks • swearing • ☢️
Main Masterlist • Joel Miller Masterlist
This is part 2 of Cat and Mouse. You should really read that first unless you enjoy not understanding the narrative. Unfortunately this fic has a mind of its own and is gonna have a final third part. I know, I know. I hate myself too. It should be out by tomorrow night, yes I said that last time. No, I’m not lying this time. Thank you to everyone who has read, reblogged and commented so far. I love you all.
“It’s stupid. Isn’t it?” You asked Lou, pacing her living room. She had listened to you explain the whole date to her and now she was weighing up her opinion of what happened and you couldn’t take the silence. “I’m stupid. He’s fucked half the town. Why am I surprised he played me?”
“Like you played him?” Lou asked and you stopped your pacing to stare at her. She didn’t hide from your stare like most people tended to, meeting you dead on. You clenched your jaw before taking a seat and nodding. “Look, I love you. When two people have been through what we’ve been through, there are repercussions. We were items of use. We weren’t people. We didn’t get to have names or belongings or even autonomy. That way of living is going to leave a scar.”
“I don’t want them to have me any more. I don’t want to hide and just do as I’m told. I don’t want to have sex with a man just because he wanted it.” You told her with a sniffle, wiping your face. “But they all do it. They all do something and then they make it my fault, like I’m the crazy bitch.”
“Hear me out?” Lou asked and you nodded. “You keep picking men that make you crazy. Like Nolan right? He used you for sex. He wasn’t open about it but once you figured it out, you let it continue to happen. Abdul, had a reputation for having more than one woman on the go. Aidan was a misogynist from the word go. Luca wanted a housewife, not a partner. Every man you’ve tried to date has been really fucking shit.”
“They have to be. They need to be awful. There aren’t any good men.” Lou held her hand out to you and you took it, letting her draw you into a hug. You hadn’t realized that it was you that was sobbing. “There was so many and none of them tried to help. If there was good men they would’ve helped.”
“Those men weren’t banded together because they were good. They banded together because they were like minded individuals.” Lou told you, rocking you both from side to side. “You knew Joel Miller was a slut. You’ve heard more stories about him having sex than there are single, age appropriate women in the compound.”
“He was nice. He was nice and I slept with him and we, he made me laugh. No one ever bothered to do that. He offered to go home. He would’ve left if I didn’t want it.” You whispered and Lou shushed you again. “For the first time since Nolan I had sex on the first date. I wanted it this time.”
“While I’m sure Joel Miller is a great guy, that’s the bare minimum. I know you’ve never received it but respecting your right to withdraw consent is basic human decency.” Lou told you and you wondered what it meant that having your basic human rights respected felt like winning the jackpot.
“He didn’t mean it though. He got what he wanted by filling my head with false promises. Then he sent his kid, who wasn’t even suppose to know about us, to bail him out. He had expected me to give in.” You cried against Lou’s neck and she shushed you gently. “It felt good. For the first time. When I told him I had an ache the next morning he didn’t insist I just push past it. He was gentle with me.”
“Those are some more of those basic human rights. Absolutely no one should be trying to push you to agree to sex that will hurt.” Lou sighed and you blinked at her.
“It’s bad that I don’t know that, right?” You asked and she only shook her head, kissing your forehead.
“You were in that room for a long time. There was so much you missed, so much to learn. I’ll help you.”
///
Joel stayed to the rear of the group out on patrol. He was fixing to give Tommy a peace of his mind but heading out to kill a bunch of runners wasn’t the time. Tommy and Joel never argued on a patrol because they needed to have each other’s back.
So Joel didn’t give in to the temptation, keeping his distance from his brother who clearly didn’t see anything wrong in his actions. That just made Joel even more mad.
Ellie was on his shit list too because she knew better than to listen to Tommy. She knew better than to come looking for him on a night he said he wasn’t available to her. Boundaries were important between him and Ellie and he was pissed that she ignored him.
“I know that face.” Joel inhaled deeply because right now Nolan was the last guy he needed to see. He had been pissed enough to find him on the patrol but so far he had stayed well away. “Black Widow sunk her fangs into you, huh?”
“Do I look like I’m in the mood?” Joel asked, barely tilting his head in Nolan’s direction. Tommy looked back at Joel when he heard him speak and winced but turned and kept his face forward.
That pissed Joel off even more. Tommy had probably had something to do with Nolan being on the patrol. Joel clenched his jaw.
“She ended things?” Nolan asked and Joel stared resolutely ahead. “You said something bad, didn’t you? It was a joke or a throw away comment but little miss took it to heart.”
“Nolan, fuck off.” Joel warned, eyes facing forward. He couldn’t help but be relieved when Abdul heard the tension in his voice and dropped back. Abdul was a good guy and it might deter Nolan.
“Always ends it once she gets what she wants. Bet every conversation left you wrong footed. Had to feel like you’d make it up to her?” Joel inhaled deeply and stared at Tommy. He was willing to bet Ellie’s life there was no pack of runners.
“You can go and fuck yourself too.” Joel warned. He took measured deep breaths and remembered that he was liable to get in trouble if he hurt any of them unprompted. It wasn’t the same lawless land in Jackson. He couldn’t just punch people that pissed him off.
“Man, we’re trying to help you here. We’ve all been through it. This is what she does as some sick fucking revenge.” Abdul told Joel and he swallowed roughly. “She had some bad times outside the wall, got a little roughed up once or twice before Jackson.”
“When she got here she decided it was our fault. Let’s it look like our decision, you know? To pursue her. Happened to be in our line of view at the bar, we chose to talk to her. We didn’t choose anything.” Nolan piped up and Joel furrowed his brow. “Let’s you feel like you’re playing her then leaves you high and dry. Like you need to go looking for her.”
“She’ll bump into you a couple of times. Each time she’ll cause an argument or make you out to be an asshole. The next time she sees you she’s already forgotten about it.” Abdul spoke again and Joel felt his chest tighten. “Tells you all about her three date rule.”
“She doesn’t do one night stands.” Nolan scoffed and Joel looked over at him sharply. “She never does it, makes her feel dirty. Until she’s crawling into your lap like a damn bitch in heat.”
“That’s enough now.” Joel warned Nolan when his tone changed from conversational to direct anger.
“Safe, you made her feel safe.” Abdul finished and Joel realized that without a shadow of a doubt, he’s been played.
///
“Joel isn’t a dick.” You jumped, the rocking chair jolting with your movements. You raised your sunglasses off your eyes and found Ellie Williams standing at the top of your porch step. Unlike the times you had pretended with Joel, you genuinely hadn’t heard her coming and it sort of unnerved you. “It seems like he is but he ain’t.”
“Ellie, I’m sure he ain’t.” You sighed and set your sunglasses back down over your eyes and tilted your head back to continue absorbing the last of the Summer sun. “Don’t you worry about what I think about your daddy.”
“Okay firstly, that’s weird. Don’t say that. Joel isn’t my dad.” You lifted your head up again to look at her. “He and I went through a lot together but I only met him like two years ago.”
“Okay. My point still stands. I’m sure he’s a great guy. Don’t worry about me. I was just in a bad mood the other day, ‘s all.” You assured her. You didn’t want her to think bad of Joel, father or not.
“Cause I made you think that. I shoulda known better than listen to Tommy. Joel was having an off-duty night. We’ve got boundaries. Boundaries are important.” You sighed and sat forward in your chair. You knew that your relaxing had come to an end.
“Honey, I was mad at him before you knocked on that door. People like me, well, we got issues. I’m tryna work on them but I don’t always do that good.” You told her and she nodded, listening earnestly. “I had some rough things happen and now I play games with people. I can’t help it. I’m trying to find someone that can put up with me, pass my tests.”
“Joel can put up with anyone. He crossed the country with only me for company. I’m annoying as fuck.” Ellie told you with a grin and you huffed a laugh. “You should give him another chance.”
“I don’t think it’s in the card but you’re real sweet for tryin’ to fix things between us. It isn’t his fault really. I shoulda known better.” You explained and she frowned, crossing her arms.
“Is this cause Tommy says you dump men to punish them?” You clenched your jaw and wondered if you were going to have to have a word with Tommy. Tell him to mind his own business before you minded it for him. “I was taken by a man who wanted to hurt me before. I killed him.”
“Not all of us are that fortunate, kid. But if I ever see him again I’ll have a go. See if it fixes me.” You assured her. You ignored her comment about Tommy and leaned back in your seat again.
“I think that you’re making a mistake. Punishing Joel. He’s the only person I know who doesn’t deserve punishment.” Ellie spoke quietly.
“Me keeping my distance is the opposite of a punishment. I can assure you that.”
///
The key got caught in the lock. The hinges of the door squeaked. Every floorboard creaked and groaned. You were able to map the steps taken right up to the edge of the bed. The rattle of a belt buckle. Your arms ached from being tied above your head. “You just been waiting for me, huh?”
You gasped, springing up in the bed with a hand over your racing heart. The room was black with darkness and you fumbled for your lamp, knocking it over in your haste. You ignored the shatter of glass in an effort to get to the main light switch.
You fell against the wall, your panic urging you on. When your fingers closed around the switch and the light came on you could finally breathe.
You were in Jackson. You weren’t there anymore. You were safe and you were home. When your breathing was under control you looked down, unsurprised to find footprints of blood. You had walked on the broken glass.
You let yourself slump against the wall, slipping down to sit and take the weight off your damaged foot. There was no pain to feel yet, your nervous system still on high alert. You sighed heavily, head tilted back. As the adrenaline wore off and the pain kicked in there was no point in fighting the tears.
There you sat against the wall, sniffling and blinking while attempting to get all the glass out of your foot. Swiping at your eyes angrily when you couldn’t see and breathing deep through the sobs trying to fight out of you.
It was exhausting, feeling this way. There were tricks you had learned to make it better. When you had arrived to Jackson every night was spent like this, sobbing in your room cause you were scared of the dark.
Then you had met Nolan. And sure he was a little forceful in his come on but you found the nights easier with him by your side. You had felt safe from the nightmares that plagued your mind. Putting up with sex you didn’t really want was a small price to pay. He never took it forcefully, just spent his time convincing you and wasn’t that easier than what had already happened?
It wasn’t until you found out he had been enjoying your deep sleep a little too much that you had to call it all off with him.
You hadn’t ever told anyone that. Nolan was a valued member of Jackson. He was big and strong. He worked the patrol routes and fixed up houses. You just helped around wherever you were needed.
Nolan hammered home two harsh truths. The first was that there were no good men. The second was that you unfortunately couldn’t keep away from them.
So you played them at their own game. You got a warm body to sleep next to and they got their dicks wet. You made them work for it. You didn’t hand yourself over in a way that made you feel that skin crawling filthy, the way Nolan and all the men before him made you feel.
There was the introduction of your three date rule. You teased them. Made them want you with a desperation that made sure that they’d tell you all their dirty little secrets. The men of Jackson didn’t want to kick you out because you had dumped them. They wanted you out because you held their worst secrets close to your heart.
They feared the monster of their own creation. You wanted them to fear you. Every cheating, lying scumbag among them.
Joel had been different. He had risen to every single challenge you had offered. He had gone the extra mile for you. Sure he had said stupid things but never out of cruelty. Never to hurt you.
Ellie had told you that Tommy had orchestrated the bail out so maybe he hadn’t expected you to do whatever he wanted. Maybe he had been as much a victim of outside sources as you were.
You had wanted him in a way you had never actually wanted a man before. You hadn’t broken your three date rule in years, never since Nolan. But you couldn’t help yourself, crawling into his lap in a way that made you feel like the games were over.
You wanted them to be over. You wanted to be wrapped in Joel’s embrace, wanted him to fend off the nightmares and hold you when they broke through anyway.
You wanted him on top of you, gasping against your neck, pushing into you slowly. He had been so gentle with you, taking his time with you. He had been bashful about his size, almost apologizing until you had been begging him to fuck your harder and deeper.
You sniffled again and probed the skin of your foot, checking for any pain that could be caused by glass still being inside. When you found none you pushed yourself up, limping out of your room and hitting each light switch on the way, bathing your house in the golden glow.
You found your first aid kit in the bathroom and patched your foot up. The tears had stopped for the most part and you took advantage of that to clean up the broken lamp and the blood.
You’d have to visit the clinic tomorrow and get it checked out but for now the bandages would do. When you looked at the clock you found it to be a little after four. Acceptable enough to get up and start your day.
You wouldn’t be getting any more sleep with those images in your mind and the phantom ache in your arms.
///
“Joel it isn’t that big of a deal.” Ellie sighed, trying to shake the grip he had on her shoulder. He didn’t answer and she rolled her eyes at him, wiping the blood out of her face. “Shimmer is gentle usually, she just spooked.”
“She ain’t broken yet. I told you not to ride her.” Joel huffed, pushing her towards the clinic. She had slapped a piece of gauze over her injury and called it a day. He had half a thought to kill her when he had peeled back the gauze and found the deep wound. “Could’ve died.”
“You’re being dramatic.” Ellie sighed, shaking him at last when they pushed through the door. She let him talk to the receptionist, looking around. She blinked when she spotted you dozing in a chair, bandaged foot elevated on a table. Ellie looked over to Joel who hadn’t spotted you yet and grinned, moving to drop into the seat next to you. “Hey.”
“Fucking- Jesus Ellie. What the fuck?” Your eyes flew open and you almost bolted out of the chair. It was then Ellie took in how exhausted you looked. “Gonna put a fucking bell on you.”
“You just reuse all your lines like that?” Joel asked with a scoff and your eyes widened, turning to look at him and back to Ellie. “Got nothing original, huh?”
“What are you talking about?” Ellie asked him, wondering why Joel had his ‘I shoot people for fun’ look on his face.
You were saved from the conversation by your name being called. You pushed yourself up, ignoring Joel’s comments and barely took one step, limping heavily, before Ellie slotted herself in under your arm.
“I’m fine.” You assured her and she shook her head, resolute in helping you.
“She said she’s fine, Ellie.” Joel grunted. Ellie ignored him and supported you walking toward the treatment room.
“Thank you.” You lifted your arm from around her shoulders and supported yourself on the door handle.
She was in the treatment room by the time you had gotten your stitches. You were hoping not to see them again but just as you were receiving a pack of gauze and bandages Ellie stepped out, prodding her own stitches against Joel’s advice.
“What’s the verdict?” Ellie asked, slotting in beside you at the counter. You had been given a pair of crutches and you propped them under your arms.
“Four stitches, no pain meds and the threat of brute force if I’m caught working or walking on my foot.” You told her with a sigh, ignoring Joel’s glare. You felt sort of off balance having him this mad at you. It wasn’t anything you weren’t used to but you weren’t blackmailing Joel. You had gotten mad at him for a proper reason.
“I got four stitches too!” Ellie cheered and bumped her shoulder into your arms. “And I’m not allowed nap today. Just in case it’s a concussion. Joel probably won’t let me on a horse ever again.”
“Sucks to be you, I guess. I’m gonna nap all day.” You told her with a shrug, smiling when she laughed at you and shook her head.
“Yeah yeah, you’re a dick. You gonna be okay to get around? I can call by and help?” You frowned at Ellie, eyebrows furrowing at the effort she was suddenly putting in. “What?”
“Thanks for the offer, Honey. But it’s just a little cut. I’ll be fine.” You ruffled her hair before grabbing the gauze and bandages off the counter. “Stay away from them horses, okay?”
“Yeah, yeah.” She sighed and you rolled your eyes before shuffling towards the door, your crutches clicking loudly in the silence that followed. Just before the doors closed behind you you heard it.
“She ain’t your friend. Stop acting like it. She’ll just let you down too.”
If there was one thing you wouldn’t let happen ever again, it was letting a man be right about you.
///
You spent a lot of time out on the rocking chair on your porch over the next few days. The summer was winding down and you were enjoying the last of the warmth before Jackson turned into the frost bitten, snow covered town it was in Winter.
Your foot hurt something awful but it showed no sign of infection which you were grateful for. Without pain meds the best you could do was stay off it.
Reading on the porch seemed to be the best way for it. And so you spent all of your time out there, watching the comings and goings of Jackson. The days were peaceful, allowing you to nap in the chair to avoid the fact you weren’t sleeping at night.
It wasn’t until the creak of your garden gate sounded on the fourth day that your peace was interrupted. Ellie had a large plaster slapped haphazardly on her forehead and a larger grin on her face.
“Shouldn’t you be in school?” You asked her with an eyebrow raised. She only shrugged, tossing her book bag down at your front door and taking a seat on the bench on your porch.
“Told them I had a headache. They sent me home. Except Joel is out all day on a patrol and I’m bored.” Ellie explained and you nodded, rocking yourself with your good foot.
“And you can’t call over here while Joel is around cause he told you not to.” You offered. She shrugged instead of denying it and you had to laugh a little.
“Like I said. Joel isn’t my dad. I don’t have to do what he says.” Ellie explained and you rolled your eyes at the pure teenage attitude that poured off her. “He’s afraid I’ll get attached to you. I once got attached to a book full of puns so he’s probably right.”
“Well I mean, you’re only talking to me cause I spent a night with your father figure and you feel bad for interrupting.” You teased and Ellie laughed.
“Nah. I heard about you way before Joel. I take note of women that men hate. It’s important to be feared by men.” Ellie told you honestly and you laughed, shaking your head. “I read a book about feminism. It was in my room in Jackson when we moved in. It’s important to have good female role models.”
“I’m not a good female role model. I’m the opposite of a role model. I sleep with men to get their secrets. That’s not exactly inspiring.” You reminded her and she shrugged.
“Well I ain’t gonna go copying you if that’s what you’re afraid of. Not like I’ll be sleeping around with the men of Jackson.” Ellie scoffed and you tilted your head at her.
“Is that right?” You asked with raised eyebrows. “I’m sure the women of Jackson will have as many secrets.”
Ellie flushed a deep red and sat up on the bench, her jaw hanging open. “I never said that.”
“Didn’t have to. I’m very observant.” You told her, letting your head fall back again. “I ain’t gonna tell anyone.”
“Ellie!” You winced and Ellie groaned loudly. It seemed Joel had gotten home early. You continued to rock your chair and took a deep breath. He was just as in the wrong as you were. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“More importantly, what are you doing here?” Ellie asked, laying back down on the bench. “It’s way out of your way.”
“Looking for you. I get back early and hear you’re suffering headaches and can’t find you anywhere.” Joel snapped, pushing in your garden gate. “I told you I didn’t want you hanging around here.”
“She ain’t doing no harm.” You sighed, you hated to get involved but she was shrinking in on herself, away from his anger. “Every kid played hooky once.”
“I didn’t ask you. Last thing she needs is to be hanging around you. She’s a kid, no games to be played with her.” Joel snapped and you huffed a laugh.
“That’s right. I’m the only one who plays games.” You told him, pushing yourself to your feet. You winced, reaching for a crutch. “You know what you did. All the games I played was to prevent you doing that.”
“Oh yeah, the same games you played with damn near every man in this town, huh? I heard it all, Nolan and Abdul had a lot to say.” Joel scoffed, grabbing Ellie’s backpack and waving her forward. She looked between you both before shuffling towards him. “We all had it tough outside Jackson. You don’t gotta punish everyone for it.”
“Is that right? They told you all about me, huh? That’s a silly game for them to have played.” You leaned against your porch railing and grinned at Joel, wide. “Get off my property, Joel.”
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