nom nom vom repeat @cyclicvomiting - Tumblr Blog

I ordered greasy food

I shouldn't have eaten it but I did and now I want to puke. Puking is different from vomiting.

Fitbit

I need to start wearing it again.

Did these need to be separate posts? no

A high point

I cooked today. I have no groceries and I’m too scared to leave my apartment to go get any. I made bow-tie pasta with Teriyaki sauce. I threw away: pastrami, iced tea, iced-tea-lemonade, some yogurt. Some other stuff, probably. I would like to go to the Farmer’s Market on Tuesday but I will be ~working~ so.

I probably shouldn’t have looked at the sexual offender/predator map of my new area, but I did. My cousin and I watched Rosemary’s Baby recently and it just makes me terrified of men. Not the devil, or pregnancy, or conspiracy.

But, I mean, I also have been watching a lot of Paul Rudd. So men are ok again.

Anxiety

I am anxious. I have been at my parents’ house for the past week - almost two - helping with Papa and enjoying my “summer.” After my last CV bout my dad suggested I just stay home until I have to start work. Once I decided to do that I felt less anxious about not using my apartment. I did worry that the Chinese place would stick a thing in my door again, and hoodlums would know that I wasn’t home, break in, and steal my things. I’m trying to think of what my most valuable thing is. I have jewelry and electronics but I’d be most upset if my blankets were gone.

I was supposed to have a meeting today with my new coworkers but I got an email saying none of them were available and that we’d convene on our official first day.

When I got in today I turned on my air and put food out for Bean. My orchid was thirsty. I left Bean and checked my mail. I dawdled because I want him to be ok in the apartment alone. He doesn’t like being home in the HOUSE and I feel like garbage leaving him alone at all. But I also feel like garbage when I take him somewhere because I worry that I’m inconveniencing other people.

I sorted the mail at the outside trash can and when I got back to my door, Bean was barking. He wasn’t scared or protective. It was his “Mom! Mom! Mom!” bark that he does when I have left him somewhere. I am garbage.

I think that Bean is ok being alone. He will get sad and he will play with his toys, eat, or sleep. But I feel like garbage because I’M the one who is not ok. He is just a tiny guy. Sometimes I wonder if virtual school would have been better for me. I still could have moved out, but I could stay home all day. I’d be worse though.

I am considering, with a dark and heavy heart, to ask my mom to take Bean full time. I love Bean. I feel terrible that I can’t give him the attention and home that he needs. I thought a pet would bring me companionship and peace, but instead it just turned me into a pet mommy that is constantly anxious, and terrified that her puppy will be sad or lonely.

#anxiety

One day episode

Yesterday I woke up with a headache. I didn’t take an precautions, so around midday I was throwing up. I had a headache, upset stomach, chills, shaking, and maybe a fever. Dizziness, too.

I think it may have been from a can of Cranberry Diet Ginger Ale that I had the previous night. I really liked it too. :( I took aleve and I slept a lot. My mom kept ice on my head. I went to bed really early too, but since my dog slept all day he was active around 11 pm. I slept on the couch after that.

I’m glad I was home, but i feel like such a child for getting insanely sick.

I will try tumblring again.

I am ... anxious?

I’m trying to keep things under control. Generally, the cyclic vomiting is ok. Since I was last active on this blog, I’ve finished school, gotten a job, and moved. I live in an apartment with my dog.

I guess my worry right now is financial. I have expenses and no income. I haven’t even signed paperwork yet for my new job. I know how much I’ll be paid but I don’t know what the take home will be after taxes, when I start getting paid, or even who my boss is. It’s a teaching job. Also, I didn’t really find out a lot about the job before accepting the position. I know it is 6/7/8 grade ELA. 6 periods. And that’s it.

I’ve started a budget on my computer. It feels good to be organized, but it feels bad to be spending without an income.

I’m worried about leaving my dog at home. I don’t know if he thinks this is home yet.

Since I moved I have been eating healthily. Mostly because I have no kitchen skills and I can only make salad, pasta, rice, and heat things up. When I go home, I eat junk food and feel sick.

Oh, home. I should talk about that.

My grandparents have moved in. They are in the master bedroom and my parents are in mine. They moved in because, first, my grandmother fell and broke her collar bone. With all of us taking care of her, my grandfather was finally able to look at his own ailments. That turned out to be cancer. It started in the lung and moved to his spine. He is in constant pain and is too old for chemo. We don’t know how much time he has left. I only have one grandfather. I don’t care for either grandmother. They’re pretty terrible. But he is a warm, kind soul.

07/02/15

Breakfast: Croissant with blackberry jam and coffee Lunch: Zaxbys chicken strips and fries and dr pepper dinner: Lo mein, raspberry iced tea I have a headache. I think it is heat and anxiety related.

#jamie dornan #the fall #albert camus

yesterday I hit goals

I walked my dog in his stroller today. he jumped out and was dangling from it and I had a heart attack. he's fine. my stomach feels a little better today but I really need to eat something. I've only had coffee.

I've been tracking my food on Fitbit instead of here. tonight my mom made salmon Wellington with cream cheese. my stomach feels a little unwell. I had some water and I'm going to bed.

Throwing up yesterday left me with a headache. It was still there this morning but I took a nap today and it feels better. I had a snack (pastrami on croissant) and I feel a little woozy (probably from salt and vinegar chips).

My sister is making steak for dinner. I hope it isn't too acidic or cheesy or anything that will hurt my tummy.

The fitbit is easy because i don't have to have my phone on my body at all times. Tracking food is difficult because not everything I eat comes with a barcode. I might just focus on step count and let the rest of the pieces fall where they may.

Fitbit Flex

I'm using my dads Fitbit and the app. we will see.

Breakfast

Chocolate Chip Pancakes Coffee Water

dinner

pastrami on croissant threw up in the shower. stomach feels a little better. I have an ice pack on my neck for my headache.

lunch

a slice of cheese pizza. horrible idea. plain rice diet caffeine free dr pepper

upset stomach. threw up. going to take a shower and drink water and cross my fingers.

Snack/dessert

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