❝ THIA LOZANO — @cynthialczano - Tumblr Blog

❝ I DON’T KNOW WHICH IS WORSE: DROWNING BENEATH THE WAVES OR DYING FROM THE THIRST. ❞

full name: alessa cynthia lozano

nickname/preferred name: thia ; although her given name is alessa (after her maternal grandmother) she’s always been referred to as cynthia by her parents and choses to shorten that out of personal preference

age: thirty-three

birthday: 05/07/1988

zodiac sign: taurus

birthplace: paris, france

hometown: los angeles, california (birth to age 14) ⇾ heartsdale, georgia (age 14-present)

current residence: suffix mills

occupation: assistant museum curator

relationship status: single within the last year

sexuality: bisexual

TLDR // TW INFIDELITY: thia’s the byproduct of an affair her parents (a renowned film producer and, now famous, actress) had back in the day. tbh she couldn’t stand the hollywood, ‘always in the spotlight’ lifestyle and ended up moving here to live with her paternal grandparents when she was 14. didn’t really blossom into a somewhat reclusive, somewhat social butterfly until hs. eventually entered would be come her longest (and only) relationship. it lasted 8 years until they split a yr ago bc he was dragging his feet with that ring. is over it but not really. had a messy tabloid moment following the split. we don’t talk about it. has no idea how tf to tinder. will keep trying to all of our collective amusement.

#( — introducing thia lozano. )#hdintro

❝ JAMIE MASON —

@heartsdalestarters, open starter

time: evening

place: the nickleback

He wasn’t employed. Technically. He’d taken over a few shifts at the local high-school, his degree and his experience making him the ideal fill-in when the science teacher called in, usually hungover, ‘sick.’ Not that he knew a single thing about chemistry or physics, but it was a step in the right direction. Jamie loosened his tie as he strode into the Nickleback, ordering a Stella Artois the moment he sidled up to the bar. Long day? Someone asks, and he nods. That was the beginning of the end, the drunken dude garbling through a long, drawn-out, mostly pointless speech about his day, about his divorce, about the kids who refused to show up to his job’s Christmas party. Jamie’s eyes shift, looking for anything – anyone – to get him out of this tragedy he knew only all too well. The divorcee slipped away to the bathroom and he turned to the person next to him.

“You hearing this shit? God, what a way to end the night.” He drowns his frown into another swig of beer. “Lemme order you a drink –– if only to make him think I’m preoccupied when he comes back. What’s your poison?”

—

Thia found it almost comical how one person could see something as an immense burden while another saw as a blessing. “I dunno,” she mused before her lips pressed back to the rim of her glass. Whatever dregs of gin remained at the bottom were swiftly dealt with before she pushed it back across the bar, fully drained. “I think I’d much rather listen to him rant about his divorce than fend off questions about my own. Hypothetically.”

She’d never actually been married.

Your boyfriend needed to cough up a ring for that to happen, and even after eight years of promises, more promises, and a hell of a lot of waiting around her ex never so much as blinked in the direction of a jewelry store. Last she heard Devin was currently making his way through all the blondes in town. And Thia? Thia was perched on her favorite stool in a shitty little dive bar getting drunk.

Trying to, at least.

"I don’t make a habit of unloading my whole life story onto perfect strangers—” for all her confidence and easy conversation, she was notoriously private— "so make it another gin and tonic and I’d say you’re safe. From death by oversharing, at least.” Lips pulled into a slanted smile, Thia swiveled on her seat to imply his attention was otherwise occupied, just in case. “I came here on a mission tonight, so I make no other promises.”

#( — interactions. )#( ft. jamie mason. )

❝ RAIMUNDO CARDOSA —

All That Glitters

Location: Socarras Estate Date: December 31, 2021 Starter: @heartsdalestarters

It had been ten when Rai last looked at the clock, but he didn’t know how long it had been since then. As he stepped away from the dance floor–and the far too cute man he’d been dancing with–Rai straightened his jacket and surveyed the room. He didn’t immediately catch anyone’s eye, so he started toward the bar. Food and more drinks seemed to be a siren song tonight.

He gestured to the bartender as he arrived, catching the man’s eye. “Wings or rings?” he asked, leaning forward against it and turning his attention to the person sitting behind him. After another moment, Rai furrowed his brows. “Hey, why aren’t you dancing? I bet you’ve got some moves hiding in those bones.”

—

Had it been anyone else Thia would’ve let the comment roll of her shoulders with a noncommittal laugh, but for Rai and Rai alone she indulged in a little shimmy. That was it. That’s all he got. A shake of her shoulders and a swivel of hips before that same laugh she would’ve left anyone else with quickly followed. “I may have some rhythm—” far more than she ever willingly let on— “but I’m nowhere near drunk enough to prove it.”

If Thia had her way she wouldn’t even be at the party that night. She’d be tucked away at home, buried in a book or already in bed long before the ball drop. Instead, she’d grudgingly gotten dressed and strapped on some heels to ring in the new year with half the town. Lucia refused to accept anything less. Now, best friend nowhere in sight, she was just content to whittle down the clock barside. “Between you and me, I’m only here for the free drinks, but don’t let me stand in your way back to the dance floor.” // @raicardosa

#( — interactions. )#( ft. raimundo cardosa. )#i saw he's a massage therapist at the spa and therefore have assumed a connection between them bc i've decided he's thia's fave #hope that's okay lol #also just realized i reblogged this from the starter blog vs his so... whoops lol

❝ CASEY AGARD —

delivery for: OPEN @heartsdalestarters

where: outside of freeman’s barber shop

He felt so much better after being able to get a fresh cut which was probably the first time he had gotten a haircut since he had been to Heartsdale. It was definitely needed, along with a little beard trim. He felt like he was having his movie moment after stepping out into the somewhat cold (it was definitely colder than what he was used to) and breathing in the fresh air. That was until he saw a bunch of cigarette butts and few wrappers on the ground and it caused him to sigh as he looked to the nearest person walking, “Can people at least not litter?” He asked as he bent down to pick up what was on the floor. “I was having my whole new town, new haircut moment and this ruined it.”

—

Thia’s gaze tracked between the discarded filters across the sidewalk and the trash bin not two yards away. A faint sigh parted her lips. “Unfortunately, some people were born with just as little observational skills as they were decency.” She hadn’t exactly planned to make up for that fact personally, but... one look at where he knelt and she quickly followed suit. She had time to help, time to spare, and if she could laugh a little bit in the process? All the better.

At his comment her eyes swung back in his direction, and then each corner of her mouth tugged north with a slow smile. “Allow me to apologize on behalf of Heartsdale, then. If you’d like, you can go inside and come back out for a do-over.” Cigarette butts pooled in the palm of one hand, cellphone in the other, she teased, “I’ll even get it on video for you. You know, just to make sure we really commemorate the occasion as it deserves.”

#( — interactions. )#( ft. casey agard. )

❝ SUNDAY, DECEMBER 12TH, 2021 — at her house in suffix mills with @warmshadcw.

Organized chaos— it was perhaps the only way to describe the state of Thia’s living room. Stacks of folders littered almost every available surface, papers spread in random arcs across the floor, and there in the center of it all sat an abandoned laptop, surrounded by empty mugs that’d once upon a time been coffee.

Not the best first impression.

“I’m really sorry about the mess.” The faintest wince creased Thia’s brow as she stepped aside to welcome Ira into her home. She didn’t want to admit she’d forgotten all about the plans they’d made, but... well. A sheepish laugh rolled around in her throat. “Sometimes I think I could miss entire weeks once I get lost in my work.”

Or the better half of a day, as was the current case.

The kink in her hair couldn’t be helped (she’d only just ripped it out of an unruly bun seconds before answering his knock) but she could at least be thankful she’d dressed herself that morning. A matching cream colored shorts and sweater set, thankfully without any dribbled coffee or leaky pen stains— not her worst ‘work from home’ look, by far.

Slipping horn-rimmed glasses from the bridge of her nose and hooking them onto her collar, Thia smoothed out a few wrinkles in her shirt and, figuratively, pulled herself together.

Right. Where were they?

“The bookcases I wanted you to take a look at are in the study—” gesturing down the nearest hall, she started to lead the way, then abruptly turned about-face. Toes of one foot curled behind the heel of her other, digging in against the floorboards to keep her from swaying in place. “Sorry. Can I get you anything first? Maybe something to drink?”

#( — interactions. )#( — closed starter. )#( ft. ira evans. )#have a forgetful and frazzled thia bc... well. idk why it's just what happened lol #also pls don't feel the need to match length okay

❝ SATURDAY, DECEMBER 11TH, 2021 — at bubba’s famous bbq with @nikcastillo.

"Fine dining it is not—” Thia chuckled, wiping a spot of barbecue sauce from the edge of her mouth— “but c’mon, Castillo. You gotta admit they weren’t lying when they named this place.” She had a bit of a weakness for the Suffix Mills eatery stemming all the way back to when she’d sat in a booth between her grandparents as a kid. Now, it was just a few blocks away instead of an entirely different neighborhood, but she probably would’ve made the drive out to Bubba’s even she’d moved out of state.

Call her a creature of habit, or something like that.

Making good use of an already sticky napkin she eyed Nik from across the table, that same hint of a smile never quite leaving her lips. “But seriously... how’ve you been?” She’d meant it when she said she felt sorry for losing touch as they had over the last few months. Meeting up for lunch was only one small way of remedying that. “Are you doing okay?”

#( — interactions. )#( — closed starter. )#( ft. nik castillo. )#tbh idk what this is but i give it to u anyway my darling <3

❝ FRIDAY, DECEMBER 10TH, 2021 — at her house in suffix mills with @elliotlozano.

The candles were lit, the table set— a lot of people might’ve argued that this was a bit much for just two people, but Thia believed in making even the most mundane moments special. Besides, it wasn’t often she got to cook for anyone but herself. Sue the woman, but that tiny part of her that missed having another person always around wanted to go all out.

“What can I get you?” She asked as she breezed around the kitchen, tossing her sister a quick smile over her shoulder on her way to the fridge. Dinner was nearly ready to be plated, but they still hadn’t poured any drinks. “I have sweet tea, lemonade, sparkling water, diet coke—” Almost anything Elliot could think of, really.

#( — interactions. )#( ft. elliot lozano. )#( — closed starter. )#here's something short and sweet to replace their old event thread darling <3

❝ ISA MARTIN —

Setting: Somewhere downtown, on a weekday, after-work hours (5pm+)

—

The grumbling monster, aka Isa’s empty stomach, was especially raging today. To say the day at her current temp job was hectic was merely an understatement. From the moment she walked in that morning, it was nothing but chaos. The company’s systems were down and they had a crucial deadline to make. Thus, the poor brunette spent the day practically running all over the office, attempting to help whoever she could in whatever way she was able to. It wasn’t until her supervisor told her to head home that she finally took note of the time.

Missing the food of the Latin restaurants back home in New York, Isa remembered passing by one the other day that had the same wonderful smells wafting through it, and aesthetics of places on her old block. Nostalgia guided her legs to the new-familiar place. The setup was exactly like the ones in her hometown, so she took no time ordering a meal for herself, and a few empanadas for her commute back to Kingston.

Outside the store, her hand quickly found its way into the bag of food and pulled out one of the savory pastries. However, the bite she’d taken was one of instant regret. “Oh my god—” were the words to immediately escape her lips before the food within her mouth followed. “What the fuck…” she grimaced. Maybe it was a mistake? Surely the rest of what she’d bought must be edible, right? Wrong. Her quick inspection of the bag’s remaining contents was led to nothing but major disappointment, and with an aggravated sigh, she walked over to the nearest garbage can and tossed the sum of $15 away. “God damn it,” she muttered under her breath. What she should do next was a plan she would have to come up with later, for the sight of an unknowing patron of the terrible restaurant pulled her attention.

“I’d avoid that place if I were you,” she warned the the stranger. Whether or not they had been planning to go into the establishment was of no concern to the brunette. She was so disgusted by the place’s audacity to call itself an eatery that she felt obligated to save the next poor bastard from making the same god-awful mistake she just had.

@heartsdalestarters

—

Thia’s attention snapped from the phone in her hands to the woman on the sidewalk, over to the restaurant doors, and back again. “To be honest? I usually do.” Soft laughter peppered the air before she leaned in, almost if about to share a carefully guarded secret. "I’m pretty sure at this point Mr. Lopez is half blind, but he’s such a sweet man none of us have the heart to suggest maybe it’s time to pass the torch to one of his kids.”

Not that they’d stuck around for their inevitable ‘inheritance’. Last she checked, Xavier was in Houston and Val in L.A.

“There’s a little place a few blocks from here that I usually go to after work. Pricier, but way easier on the stomach.” She’d mentioned it to her supposed ‘date’, but he’d seemed put off by her attempt to help decide their plans. That was red flag number one. Red flag number two? The fact that he was almost thirty minutes late and still hadn’t called.

“I was supposed to meeting someone, but—” another look at her phone confirmed no new messages— “I think that ship has sailed.” And with it, any desire to open Tinder again. “If you’re hungry I can you show the way to Antonia’s? I promise it’s worth walking a few more blocks.”

#( — interactions. )#( ft. isa martin. )

CYNTHIA LOZANO | HOUSE TOUR.

Thia's 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom craftsman in Suffix Mills was built in 1905. Since taking over the keys it’s been a true labor of love slowly bringing its old bones back to their former glory. To her, it’s very important to honor the home’s history and embrace its natural charm.

She’s taken great pains to salvage as much of the original woodwork as possible and nothing about the floorplan has changed. Instead, she’s added her own touch through paint, updated fixtures (most notably, in the master bath), and décor sourced during her travels.

The restoration process is nowhere near finished but that’s fine as far as she’s concerned. For her, the house is like a puzzle without a picture on the box. She’s truly enjoyed discovering which piece will reveal itself next and isn’t in any rush to finish.

#insp tag tbd.#( — headcanon. )#i'd say icb she still doesn't have her tags made but... it's me. so. i absolutely can believe.

❝ VANN RICHMOND —

where → his house in suffix mills when → mid-afternoon who → @heartsdalestarters

knock knock knock – It was a very heartless knock, almost nonexistent if he wasn’t a light sleeper, but any noise at all during his midafternoon nap was basically cannon fire. What also didn’t help was the knocks awoke his dog as well, who immediately started on barking. He ignored it the first time, hoping it’d go away, but again, there it was, and the dog barked even quicker–with a long, slow sigh, the man found his feet, and a shirt off the ground, “hold on.” He drawled across the house, as he slowing made his way tot he door, pulling the shirt over his shoulder’s as he did so before opening the door, “where’s the god damn fire? Jesus.”

—

It’d all started with blueberry muffins.

Thia never thought she’d be the type of woman to show up at a stranger’s door with baked goods, but there she’d been some two or three months ago: stood on Vann’s porch with a fresh dozen and an apology on her lips. By now the construction on her porch was well past finished, no longer an unwanted alarm clock at six in the morning for half the street, but somehow a habit formed, anyway.

Or, more specifically, she kept showing up with new food and a request that he try it out as her unofficial guinea pig. The jury was still out on whether or not Vann ever actually agreed to the deal.

Still, Thia was all smiles when his surly countenance peeked out from behind the front door, and she met his curse with a quiet laugh. “Not my in my kitchen, otherwise I wouldn’t be dropping off these.” An army of festive cookies decorated the plate in her hands, trial one of what would likely be many batches before the Christmas party at work in a few weeks. “I refused to ask Helen for her recipe, so... bite at your own risk, Richmond.”

Then, making note of the pillow crease still indenting his cheek, she arched a brow. “You do realize it’s after one, right?”

#( — interactions. )#( ft. vann richmond. )#dirt girl 2.0 strikes again lmfao #but at least this time she's brought cookies

❝ ALARA KOZEN —

“It’s a beautiful dress,” Alara commented as they hugged. “You look insane—” She pulled away in awe, looking down at Thia’s outfit and smiled. “I cannot believe how incredible you look,” Shaking her head she clocked the eyes that looked in her friend’s direction and slipped into the booth with a light chuckle. “I think everyone knows now, which is a relief…” For the first time, she was glad for Heartsdale’s loose lips, helping to drive the news of Wesson’s death around town. The funeral was private, a small and intimate ceremony carried out by those who served alongside him. Wayne and Colt had been at the front, Alara hung near the back so as to not see too much. She mourned quietly behind them all, then headed to the wake afterwards. “I— Yeah, I’m okay.” She nodded, waving the air between them with her hand. “I mean, no but… Uh, I don’t know.” So much had happened in the days leading up to Wes’ death, she didn’t really know where to begin. “Complicated, yeah. That’s a good way to describe everything, at the moment.”

She frowned, lips pursing as she finally chose a drink from the menu to order. “My dad died seven years ago, it brings back a lot of really awful, painful memories.” The woman admitted with a shrug, “My father-in-law is really sick too, so the last couple of weeks have been hard.” She had been preparing for Wayne to die, much like she had her own father all those years ago. Nobody saw Wes’ death coming, though. “He was like my brother, he was our best man at the wedding and… We were the same age, like, it’s scary.” The details of his death were classified, but Alara, Colt and Wayne had been given some of them. “They’re not doing very well, Colt and his dad.” She shook her head, “I’m just trying to help out where I can.” Wherever they wanted her, whenever she could. It was the least she could do for Wayne, especially now. “Your go. How have you been holding up?” She asked, crossing one leg over the other.

—

Hands loosely gripping the drink menu, but eyes locked on Alara, she listened intently while she worked through her response. The divorce, moving home, seeing Colt again, Wesson’s passing— “You’ve been dealing with so much. If you tried to say you were genuinely fine right now I’d call bullshit.” But despite the harsh word, sympathy softened her gaze. “It says a lot about you as a person that you’ve managed to be there so much for them when it has to have been hell for you, all things considered.”

She didn’t have personal experience with that sort of loss - for better or worse, Thia’s entire family was still alive and well enough to infuriate - but she didn’t feel like she needed a comparison to offer advice. “I imagine Colt and Wayne are really grateful for you support right now, just— don’t forget to look after you, too, okay? I don’t think anybody would resent you for needing to take a step back and breathe, and if there’s anything I can do to help... say the word.”

New friends though they might’ve been, Thia meant it. It’s not like she had much else going on in the meantime.

“I’m... still exactly where I’ve been for the last year, I guess.” She paused, ordering herself a vodka soda with lime, and then let a moment of silence linger while she gathered her own thoughts. “I think I finally need to accept that Devin’s not coming back. He’s not going to wake up one morning and realize he wants what I’ve spent the last nine years waiting for, you know?” Watching her ex move on around town with a new date every Saturday night made for a good reality check. “So, I guess this is my turn to say I’m not okay, but... eventually, right?” It had to get better eventually.

“I’m just trying to keep in mind that what we want and what we need are rarely the same thing.” She wanted the future splashed so vividly across her dreams, but needed to let go of a relationship that no longer served her. “I did finally donate his old shirts, though, so that’s progress I think. One year behind schedule, sure, but progress.” Thia firmly believed that nobody else had a right to dictate how somebody processed and healed in the face of heartbreak or tragedy. Nobody else got to decide what was or wasn’t an appropriate timeline.

#death tw #( — interactions. )#( ft. alara kozen. )#can u believe i deleted 3 paragraphs from this to shorten it and this is still what we're left with lololol #i hate myself

nathaliekclley

©

#visage tag tbd.

❝ SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 13TH, 2021 — at the gold room in atlanta with @natcdavis, @halimeadem, and @luciasocarras.

“Alright, bitches. Time to make ‘em weep.” All four crushed together to fit inside the frame, Thia snapped a picture for her stories. Maybe it was a bit of a shock to have her lead the charge - she was much more the type to sit back and sneak a few pages on her kindle app than throw herself into party mode - but ever since Halloween she’d been running full speed ahead toward any and every distraction. That goal in mind, what could be a more worthy pursuit than celebrating Nat’s 30th? It didn’t take much convincing to get Lu and Hali’s help arranging the surprise trip out of town.

Now they were off on a girls weekend and dressed to impress, nothing but good music and a great time on the horizon. “Alright,” she turned to @natcdavis after pocketing her phone. “As the birthday girl, you get first pick. Are we drinking or are we dancing, Davis?”

#( — interactions. )#( ft. natalie davis. )#( ft. halime adem. )#( ft. lucia socarras. )#this is both the shortest starter i think i've ever written....#and yet somehow still longer than i intended with 4 of us in one thread lmfao #i'm also DYING bc i set the date before even thinking about nat's birthday #and then i remembered she's a scorpio so i checked and choked at the coincidence lol

❝ SELIN TURAN —

“I’ll be sure to scream loud to cheer you on.” Selin said with a smile as she watched many couples enter with costumes that were both impressive and sleazy. These sort of things reminded those single that they were painfully alone. Sure it could be used as an excuse to hook up but no one wanted to go home with Spider man only to pull the mask up and find themselves with someone they’d unmatched from Tinder.

As a nurse, money had always been an oddity for Selin. She didn’t have the time to spend any of the money that she made but she’d also seen individuals who’d lived their lives on the street die alongside those who’d vacationed on yachts every summer. Everyone reached the same end. “As someone who’s seen many people during their last moments, I couldn’t agree more.” Not that it had changed much in Selin’s life because she chose, and continued to choose, a life that she’d come to loathe.

August was an old friend. Someone who’d been integral in her being who she was. They hadn’t quite dipped their toe past the line of friendship until a few years ago and it continued to happen. “Occasional.” She replied with a laugh. “Occasional friends and occasional lovers.” A combination of both was the best way of putting it.

—

“And yet there are people in the world who honestly believe women are too catty and too competitive to actually support each other in the end.” With a playful roll of her eyes, Thia finished off her drink. “The next time the three of us all have off, we should grab Alara and finally go out for that girls night to keep proving the wrong.” Leaning on friends - even those she’d only just met, like Selin - would likely be the only way she’d somehow forget her real issues at hand. At the end of the day it was romantic woes, not hypothetical opinions, that lost her sleep.

Thia signaled the bartender hired on for the night with a subtle lift of her hand, then turned back to face the room alongside Selin. “We all end up in the ground someday, right?” Maybe she didn’t work in the medical field, too, but before she made the move to museum work she’d unearthed ancient bones for a living. Kings, Queens, peasants, and thieves— one way or another they all turned to dust. She’d rather have a life worth living for herself than for money, prestigious titles, or worldwide acclaim.

Her mind veered from such heavy thoughts, though - just as surely as her attention drifted back to the younger man and his impressively accurate costume, right down to the pencil thin mustache. She hadn’t felt a genuine pull or even an inkling of interest in anyone since Alex, but he looked fun and was undeniably attractive— she’d give him that. “Good for you.”

Attention diverted back again, Thia fixed her with salacious grin. “If half of my friends weren’t also friends with my ex, I might’ve been tempted to pull a page from your book.” Try as she might to hold it in, a sigh fell from her lips. “Instead, I’m slogging through the disappointment that is Tinder and regretting the day I even downloaded the damn thing.”

#( — interactions. )#( ft. selin turan. )#( — event. )#( — halloween 2021. )#( — maynard manor. )

❝ LUCIA SOCARRAS —

“Don’t mind if I do,” Lucia said upon finding a drink pushed into her grip. While her eyes remained on her best friend, she opted to empty her glass a bit slower, taking a handful of sips rather than two gulps. It was too fruity and sweet for Lucia’s tastes. She wanted her drinks to be harsh, dry, spicy— anything to make her feel that burn. Because that was life.

There were very few people Lucia genuinely cared about and Thia was at the top of a short list, so her affection wasn’t so surprising when she reached out and gently wrapped her fingers around her friend’s slender wrist. “Babe, what’s wrong? You got drunk off your ass last night— yeah, I did see you talking to Alex, and you look like hell,” not that her makeup didn’t hide it to the casual observer, but Lucia knew Thia better than most, “now you’re drinking even more like you’ve found the fountain of youth.”

Her eyes drifted down to her Poison Ivy costume and a slow smirk pulled at one corner of her mouth— the world could be coming down around Lucia and she wouldn’t easily show distress. Though, things were relatively calm at the moment. Or, perhaps she was just too calculated. “You know, it probably would.” She smiled and lifted her eyes back up to Thia’s. “Fuck if I let anyone or anything let me look like less than— but shut the fuck up, Thia… you look like a fucking goddess.” As always.

—

“You do realize telling me I look like shit sort of cancels out the whole goddess compliment, right?” She got it, though. After hours spent on the Pilates mat, and meticulous attention to her costume, Thia physically looked stunning as usual— but there was something soft and slowly decaying on the inside, fit to burst like a bruise on over-ripe fruit. You only had to look past the winning smiles and charming banter to see that steady decomposition of self reflecting out in her eyes.

She wasn’t sleeping, barely eating, and working herself down to the bone.

There was only so much concealer that’d keep those lilac bags beneath her eyes hidden, too. “I’m fine.” Thia insisted despite all evidence stating otherwise, and she made a point to fix Lucia with tilted grin. Maybe they’d talk about it, eventually, but not here. Not now. Not tonight. “I ran into Alex last night and we had... an uncomfortable conversation, so I drank a little too much before I went home. Now I’m feeling it, and regretting everything. That’s all.”

It wasn’t. Not even close. She thought a year after their breakup she would’ve felt better, at the very least less lost, but each new day only seemed to reinforce the fact that she missed him. Missed him, missed their life, and couldn’t have it back. She’d already thrown a pity party for one and rued last year’s impatience and last night’s reckless tongue, though. Now, she just wanted to forget about it all. “Everything’s fine.” Fake it until you make it, right? “We should go have a look around,” another sip, another bright smile, “see if we can catch a killer and come out victorious tonight.”

#( — interactions. )#( ft. lucia socarras. )#( — event. )#( — halloween 2021. )#( — maynard manor. )

❝ ALEXANDER BROWN —

He stopped breathing. “So I’ve been told,” Alex finally replied with a careful move that avoided her getting the check mate. He swallowed and cleared his throat, watching the crowds stumble around as the air between him and Thia remained stagnant. To pass the time he sipped on the cider, once, twice, half a damn cup — anything to release the tension from his jawline. A year’s worth of unspoken emotion choked at the bottom of his throat, unable to release itself from a countering battle that raged beneath his skin.

Alex didn’t want to hurt her, but did he owe her an apology? Yes. The venom of which she oozed tonight though wasn’t being satisfied with one, not now that he had lost count of the number of ciders he had consumed. He was exhausted, he didn’t want to fight. That wasn’t something special about tonight, but his life as a whole. Alex hated the weight of their break up, but he hated even more how she managed to push down on it further.

If she wanted to break him, she was going about it the right way. “For someone who doesn’t care, you have an awful lot of opinions. Not just about me, but my parenting too.” It was the little jabs that stung the most, the ones that put into question his skills as a father. Purposefully pushing her away, or her decision that Rosa would stay with her. He needed to put his foot down at some point, but tonight wasn’t the time. “I don’t know what hurts more, Thia.” The male opted for a calmer, more adult approach. “The fact that I know you’re lying, or the way you keep bringing Rosa into this. Every time we see each other, you pull her in—”

Lowering his eyes meet hers, Alex caught the inside of his cheek between his teeth to slow down the speed at which his mind wanted him to talk. “We did this to protect her, so why do you keep taking these shots?” Alex asked, breathing out slowly. “I’m tired, Thia.” He whispered, rubbing his eyes. “I can’t do this anymore.” Rosa was leaving with Carmen, they had already hung out. Alex’s plan tonight hadn’t been to be here, but at the request of his daughter he made the effort.

Thia wouldn’t know that though, because she had already drawn her own conclusions. Her mind wandered to the most callous of places, thought the lowest of him and it hurt. Even the cider wasn’t enough to fully paralyse the pain he felt being around her, “For the record, you look incredible. You always do.” Alex wouldn’t lie to her, not anymore. “And I miss you, but I don’t want to do this anymore—” Swallowing through the burn in his chest, he shifted his weight to the other foot and nodded towards the manor. “So I’m going to try and enjoy myself with some colleagues.”

—

There wasn’t much capable of breaking through to Thia when she’d worked herself up into a tangled, insecure mess of jealousy and thriving resentment, but Alex’s accusation— that did the trick. “I wasn’t—” trying to question your parenting... but she had. Rouged lips hung wide open to let a shaky inhale pass as that realization sank in. Intentions be damned, with each careless jab she’d done exactly that.

And for what? No matter how she felt about Alex, about their breakup, about his aversion to actual commitment, she believed to the depths of her soul that he was an incredible dad. It’s one of the many reasons why she’d fallen so helplessly in love with him.

Which meant maybe he’d been right. Maybe she was like Carmen. Selfish and impulsive to everyone else’s detriment. Maybe she was like her own mom. Because striking out where it’d cut the deepest, where it’d hurt the most? Nobody pulled that off better than Sofia Morales. She’d all but invented emotional warfare and trademarked the victim card.

Where her mother did it simply for the sake of it, though, Thia lashed out in response to her own crippling pain. It was hard being around him. Harder to watch time move on and realize that each day, each lonely week only solidified the obvious: they were over. Their future gone, and yet— with Rosa between them there was no actual escape. Some days it felt impossible to contend with that truth - especially when Alex seemed fine while she was slowly dying inside.

Thia wanted him to hurt as much as she still did. She wanted to see him seethe, wanted to see him break... if only so that she could believe what they used to have did mean something.

Didn’t make it right, but she never claimed to be.

Her mouth finally closed around a heavy swallow. Eyes cast for the ground, hands shaking, she did the one thing she swore she wouldn’t anymore: she opened her heart to let him another step in, to recognize his pain instead of dwelling on hers, and she apologized. “You’re right. That was uncalled for, and I’m sorry.”

Thia wanted to reciprocate his admission, too, but she couldn’t bend that far. To admit she missed him in a way that suffocated, to admit that attraction was still there, even through a surface level compliment to his ever-disputed-costume hit too close to the truth. She made to finish off her drink instead, but, realizing she’d already drained it dry, she just wrapped arms beneath her chest - crumpled cup and all.

“Go and enjoy your night, Alex. I shouldn’t have stopped you in the first place. You deserve to be having fun, not... dealing with... this.” With me. Her jaw clenched tight, all in an effort to button up the breakdown looming over her head like an ominous cloud. She was halfway to drunk, but she would not cry. Not in front of him, not again. “I’m just— I’m gonna—”

She never finished that sentence. The ability to speak with any shred of composure or dignity had already fled. Dampening her lips, ignoring the burn in her eyes, and nodding more at the packed dirt beneath her feet than Alex, himself, Thia just turned foot and headed into the crowd.

#( — interactions. )#( ft. alexander brown. )#( — event. )#( — halloween 2021. )#( — ghoul's night. )

❝ ALARA KOZEN —

starter for @cynthialczano …

“Hi—” Alara was a couple of minutes late, accounting for the shock that her legs were feeling with a pair of heels strapped to them for the first time in over a year. These days she opted for comfort, but unpacking the last of her wardrobe had revealed some neglected pairs that deserved to see the light of day. “I’m so sorry for cancelling on you last week,” The woman sighed as she pulled her friend into an embrace. “I don’t know if you knew, but my brother-in-law passed away.” News travelled fast in Heartsdale and with the funeral already done, she was hoping the whispers would disappear to allow Colt and Wayne to mourn in peace. “It’s been awful, so I really need this. Thank you.”

This was something she had been wanting for a while, but the swirling rumours and endless opinions from strangers and friends alike had overwhelmed her. Alara wanted space to breathe, but that no longer meant hiding away in her apartment. “Talk to me, catch me up on everything. I’ve been out of it the past week —” Browsing the menu, she looked through their list of mocktails and gave Thia a small smile.

—

“Please.” Thia’s arms wrapped tight around Alara - in part because it was so good to see her, but also because she had a feeling she needed it. That they both needed it almost as much as they needed this night out. “Postponed or not, I’m just happy to finally have an excuse to take the tags off this dress.” It’d been hanging in her closet since before her split with Alex, and that was well over a year ago. At the time, she’d bought it for a surprise weekend away. Given that they never did make it to California, it’d remained untouched.

If she was being honest with herself there was a reason for that, but...it’d been a year. Closer now to a year and a half. The relationship she gave eight years of her life to probably wasn’t coming back.

So— Thia ripped off the price tags. She slipped on the dress. The only way she’d ever feel better, ever move on, is if she forced herself to until the decision actually felt right. For Alara’s benefit she shimmied her hips, just to let the club’s light catch off the silver little number, but her smile sobered shortly after. “I did hear about that, actually. I couldn’t get off work for the funeral or the wake, but I did send flowers.” Not nearly enough to express her condolences, but the best she could do. “We’ll get to me in a minute.” With a claim on the seat opposite Alara at two-top along the wall, she studied her with a worried frown marring her brows. “Are you alright? I know— I know things are complicated there, but Wes was your family, too.”

#( — interactions. )#( ft. alara kozen. )#death tw

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

❝ THIA LOZANO —