Infertility & PCOS Support

A support blog and safe space for women with polycystic ovarian syndrome (and their partners). We are here to share our stories, our struggles, our victories. We are here to support one another, no matter where you are in your journey. No hate will be tolerated on this blog. *The content on this blog has the potential to be triggering. Please proceed with caution.*

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Scared for this week because I’m telling my boss I’m pregnant. 

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Y’all remember me saying things have been a little crazy for me lately?

Well. They have.

If you aren’t familiar with ultrasounds, you don’t need to do a double-take. There are two babies there. I’m pregnant. With twins.

I’ve been waiting so (im)patiently to tell everybody, and we haven’t told anyone yet, aside from a very select, very small group of friends (literally 5 people knew before right now).

I apologize for being so inactive, for setting up a queue and just letting it ride, but my husband and I have been trying to figure things out. With the holidays a couple days away, we’ve been planning family gifts and announcements, scheduling ourselves with both sides of our family while still being mindful of covid, and to say that it’s been absolutely insane inside the walls of our home is the year’s biggest understatement.

But I wanted to share this with all of you. Because you’ve been here for my cathartic writing, for my breakdown posts, for everything. I’ve used this blog in the past to share the bad, but I want you all to be part of the good too. So, if nothing else went right in 2020, this - finally - did.

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A (couple of) small updates for those following along.

Details: 1 round of clomid (unresponsive) followed by 2 rounds of 5mg letrozole. Conceived on the second round with trigger shot.

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Is it gas pain or ovulation cramps? My new favorite pasttime (and current situation)

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It’s that time again! But updated: is it gas pain or implantation cramps?

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Is it gas pain or ovulation cramps? My new favorite pasttime (and current situation)

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I know it’s been a bit since I’ve given any kind of update, but I hadn’t had much to say until today. 

This morning, I had an ultrasound appointment, to see if my body was responding to the new drugs (letrozole) and getting ready to ovulate. 

Ladies (and possibly gentlemen?) WE’VE GOT A GOOD EGG.

I’m going back on Wednesday morning to see if it’s still progressing, and if it is, we’ll be talking about administering a trigger shot. I’m so excited and nervous and hopeful and skeptical. 

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Minor updates

Nothing huge has happened for me yet, but I figured I’d keep y’all in the loop and along for the ride.

I had a few procedures done last week. The first one was to check my fallopian tubes to make sure they were fully open and unblocked. They are. The second procedure was a biopsy of the lining of my uterus, which also looks good.

I had an appointment early this morning. I haven’t ovulated yet, and my body shows no signs of doing so anytime soon. There are roughly 20 or more follicles (cysts) on each of my ovaries, and none of the follicles look like they’re going to contain an egg, which basically means this month is a bust. The doctor told me today that pcos patients generally take longer to respond to the medication I took (clomid), so they’re going to try something else for my next cycle if there’s no change in the appearance of my follicles by Friday. 

I feel like I should be nervous or doubtful, but I kind of just don’t feel... anything. It’s very strange. 

I’m giving myself brownie points today because I had absolutely 0 anxiety when they did the blood draw this morning! If you know anything about me, you know this is literally a monumental accomplishment for me. I can’t even look at or touch my own wrists or the insides of my elbows because of my phobia of veins.

Anyway-- there’s today’s rant/update. We’re a week into pcos awareness month, and I have something pretty cool planned, I just have to get myself to do it. Stay tuned.

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I’m rooting for you!

Thank you! Second procedure in a few hours and I’m pretty nervous, but I know I’ll be okay. 🖤

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Had my first procedure this morning. All things considered, and my anxiety aside, it went well. The procedure was to check my Fallopian tubes to see if they were blocked in any way, and the good news is, they aren’t. The bad news is, it was a weird and painful experience. I’m okay now, but it felt five times worse than any cramps I’ve ever felt before. I could physically feel the saline flowing from my uterus up through my tubes.

I go again on Thursday for another procedure, this time to biopsy the lining of my uterus to make sure everything is a-okay for an egg to attach to it.

My trigger shot is being delivered tomorrow, to be administered at a later date, tbd after Thursday’s appointment.

I am nervous six ways from Sunday, but today is the beginning of PCOS awareness month, so be on the lookout for cool things from this blog 💙

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Sending you a big support hug! Hope everything goes well!

thank you, my dear 🖤

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I'm rooting for some success regarding the baby plan 💞

Thank you 🖤🖤 we’re still very early on in the process, so there will be more to come within the next few weeks

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Sending you big hugs, Taylor!!! I hope all goes well at the appointment. 💙💙💙💙💙

Thank youuu 🖤 they basically said we’re all clear to move forward, so it wasn’t a super pivotal appointment but it’s a stepping stone in the right direction, and I didn’t cry or get lightheaded when they did the bloodwork and that is the biggest victory I’ve had in a very long time.

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I'm so proud of you for doing this, for taking this risk! You're an inspiration even if you don't know it. I can see how strong and caring you are. Don't give up and don't doubt yourself!

Thank you 🖤🖤 I’m doing my best to stay hopeful about everything, and admittedly it’s kind of hard sometimes, but I’m sticking it out. 

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Glad you are trying. Never give up like I did no matter how hard it is on you. I never really thought of trying IVF and I just put it off i thought it would just happen one day, until they told me I had Uteran Cancer had to have a hysterectomy and now I can't have kids. Never got tested still not sure if it was me or him. I sometimes tell myself its a good thing I have no responsibility, did I really want them. But until now I really did. Now I wouldn't be able to physically care for one.

Kids have been my dream since I was like 12, and when I started having hormonal issues in my teens, I figured I’d have to prepare myself for the worst, hope for the best, y’know? 

Like I said, we’ve been trying for over two years (they define infertility as 1 year of unprotected sex with no pregnancy), and I told my husband that it started becoming physically painful for me to take a negative pregnancy test every month, so we started asking around and trying to find a way to make things happen. 

I’m so sorry you didn’t get your chance like you thought you would. It’s hard, and it’s painful, but you have to find joy in getting to watch the children who found their way into your life grow up. Nieces, nephews, cousins, friends’ kids. You get to be the cool aunt who sneaks them sugar and has sleepovers when they want to get away from mom or dad. 

Keep your chin up, love. You’ve always got a support system in me. 

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Tomorrow is my follow-up appointment for my baseline hormone level tests. They’re also doing and ultrasound to check my ovaries and uterus to make sure everything is moving along with all of that, since they induced a period last week. 

I start clomid on Friday. They’re most likely going to give me a trigger shot to force me to ovulate ten days after I start on clomid, as long as everything looks good with my eggs. 

Y’all. This is actually happening. I want to cry.

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About the blogger -

I’m Taylor. I’m 25 years old, married for two and a half, ttc. 

I’ll start at the beginning. I’ve been struggling with hormone imbalances since I was 16 years old. It took three separate rounds of blood work over the course of 8 years for me to finally be diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome at the age of 24. 

They said birth control would alleviate the symptoms, which would’ve been fine, if my husband and I hadn’t already started trying to have a baby. Instead, they told me to limit carb and sugar intake. No meds, no suggestions, nothing but a new, restrictive diet (as if I hadn’t been dieting on and off since the age of 9 when my aunt called me fat for the first time in my life). After a few months of eating keto foods only, I asked about metformin. They gave me the prescription and I spent the next four months running to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes. That drug is hell encapsulated. So I stopped taking it.

We’d been trying for a year and a half by the time I was diagnosed. Of course, I told my husband and his brain immediately shot to IVF as our only (and very expensive) option. This has been the truest test of our marriage, and I’ve second guessed myself more than I ever thought I would  - whether or not I was fit to be a mother, if I could handle all of the testing and exams and procedures that come along with fertility treatment, if my husband was looking for an out and kids would make it too real for him and he’d actually be stuck with me for the rest of his life, whether or not he truly wanted children with me; my list goes on and on.

Here we are, almost a year after my diagnosis, and I’m about to start my first round of clomid on Friday. I’m trying so hard to be hopeful, but I’m part of a support group on facebook, and when I posted in there looking for support from other women who are struggling the same way I am, I was met with pessimists and people telling me “don’t get your hopes up, it almost never works,” and things like that. 

That’s why I created this blog. This will be nothing but a safe space for women who are going through anything regarding reproductive health. The inbox for this page will always be open, and anon will (almost definitely) always be on. I will always support you and never knock you down. Share your stories - heartaches, victories, highs, lows - tell me you’re pregnant, tell me you took another negative test and you’re devastated, tell me you’re trying to conceive, tell me you’re 5 weeks postpartum with clomid twins! Tell me whatever you want to tell me. I know the struggles, and soon, I hope to know the victories as well. I am here for you.