(updated) intro post yay!! (i made it aesthetic this time guys are you proud)
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Name: Claudia
Pronouns: any/all- feel free to mix it up a little bit!
I'm aroace and autistic and uhh idk what my gender is (also a minor so no weird stuff plz~)
I mostly post abt stuff i like lol
dni if: homophobic/transphobic, support trump/the current administration in the US, aro/acephobic, racist, abelist, terf, anti-environmentalist, uhhh yeah. the basics.
outsiders sideblog: @darkesthourofthedarkestnight
dps roleplay blog (one im most active on lol): @camtastic-i
ao3: czache78 (im so creative guys 🙂↕️)
letterboxd: you guessed it... czache78
i was gonna put my pinterest on here but it lowk doxxes my full name so like dm or smth if you want it LMAO
things i like!!!
(orange means ill probably yap abt it LMAO (i mean ill yap abt anything on here if the opportunity arises but yknow😭), & green means favs)
musicals: the outsiders, mamma mia, rent, falsettos, the black suits, love in hate nation, school of rock, little shop of horrors, grease, newsies, hadestown, lightning thief musical, romeo et juliette, tick tick boom, the great gatsby, sweeney todd, into the woods, les miserables, back to the future the musical
plays: the legend of sleepy hollow, the play that goes wrong, its a wonderful life, hamlet, romeo and juliet
books: to kill a mockingbird, the great gatsby, a separate peace, animal farm, lord of the flies, the outsiders, the picture of dorian gray, dear wendy, we are not free, these violent delights series, the talented mr ripley, the hunger games series, project hail mary, the gentleman's guide to vice and virtue series, a time to kill, the catcher in the rye
tv shows: bluey, modern family, smallville, a series of unfortunate events, percy jackson, outer banks, jeopardy, young sheldon, the mandalorian, ngl curious george is pretty fire too
movies: dead poets society, the talented mr ripley, gattaca, ferris bueller's day off, swing kids, back to the future, stand by me, anything star wars LMAO, isle of dogs, the boys next door, fantastic mr fox, mrs doubtfire, the truman show, forrest gump, 1990s teenage mutant ninja turtles 1 & 2, patch adams, little shop of horrors, both newsies, final destination 1, the breakfast club, the blair witch project, the shining, dirty dancing, grease, good will hunting, the outsiders, the black phone 1, both romeo and juliets, les miserables, the bourne identity
music artists: queen, david bowie, simon and garfunkel, joan baez, duke ellington, crosby stills nash and young, red hot chili peppers, fleetwood mac, the beatles, billy joel, louis armstrong, judy collins, yusuf/cat stevens, metallica, the mamas and the papas, creedence clearwater revival, abba, genesis, peter paul and mary, bee gees, jimi hendrix, ac/dc, peter fernandes, ella fitzgerald, nat king cole, bob dylan, donovan, woody guthrie, the monkees, pearl jam, nirvana, yes, the alan parsons project, dusty springfield, the byrds, nancy sinatra, joan jett, chet baker, john denver, the beach boys, lesley gore, frank sinatra, the everly brothers, sam cooke, carole king, santana, the turtles, elvis presley, michael jackson, elton john, jesse wells, the chicks, bears in trees, jim croce
other random stuff: peanuts:D
hobbies: singing, painting, crafting, junk journaling, reading, escape rooms/trivia/puzzles, collecting CD's, analyzing media but i think that fits into everything above LMAO, embroidery/hand sewing/altering clothes, making gifts for my friends/family, photography/filmmaking, writing, watching sunsets/sunrises, traveling when i can, spending time with my friends, drawing occasionally, listening to music, organizing old stuff, thrifting, going outside with my siblings, talking abt politics with my friends lol
I also am in 4 choirs in and out of school (1 SATB acapella, 1 SSAA barbershop, and 2 normal SATB... im an alto in 2 of them, lead in the barbershop one, and soprano 2 in honors SATB), and I run sound for our theatre productions!! (current show: just finished school of rock😌) also i work at mcdonalds but like who cares I fear
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so yuh
I probably wont get this popular but feel free to send in asks or messages abt any of the stuff I like :) im always happy to yap lol
dps song analyses part 3 I think - @moonyluvsmusic
(todd as the "piano man")
-- "It's 9:00 on a Saturday. The regular crowd shuffles in. There's an old man sitting next to me making love to his tonic and gin. He says 'Son, can you play me a memory? I'm not really sure how it goes, but it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete when I wore a younger man's clothes.'" --
Todd as an adult who is looking back and reminiscing on his memories of Welton and the Dead Poets' Society. He publishes a book about it and it has outstanding reviews, but at the same time his memory is fading, especially of Neil-- he can never quite remember the exact way he smiled or his voice when he practiced his lines.
-- "Sing us a song, you're the piano man. Sing us a song tonight. Well, we're all in the mood for a melody, and you've got us feeling alright." --
People asking about his book and about all the details of what happened, because they think it's a great story, but it was all too real to him.
-- "Now John at the bar is a friend of mine. He gets me my drinks for free. And he's quick with a joke, or to light up your smoke, but there's someplace that he'd rather be." --
Either someone reminding him of Neil, or just the memory of Neil existing in his mind. Either way, he seems like his life is perfect all the time-- he's quick to make friends or crack jokes as if there's not something nagging on his conscience-- that he'd rather be performing in the theatre.
-- "He says, 'Bill, I believe this is killing me,' as a smile ran away from his face. 'Well, I'm sure that I could be a movie star, if I could get out of this place.'" --
-- "Now Paul is a real estate novelist, who never had time for a wife. And he's talking with Davy, who's still in the navy, and probably will be for life. And the waitress is practicing politics, as the businessmen slowly get stoned. Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone." --
Cameron has a high-paying job that he's busy at, but he doesn't have time for anything outside of that. He doesn't have time to think about his own wishes or dreams or reflect on his past.
Meeks joined the army because if he couldn't understand how to help Neil despite his good grades, then at least he understands how to help by doing this. He dies there, and will never leave the army, not truly.
Pitts, after Meeks' death, is trying his best. He decides, eventually, to focus his life more on helping people, as much as he can. Both he and Meeks wanted to help others because they couldn't do the same for Neil, but he's the only one who succeeded.
Charlie and Knox both land well-paying jobs in the business world, but neither of them get over Neil's death, not really, so they turn to other things to drown out the pain, especially in Charlie's case.
They all are lonely, now, after the one place they truly felt they belonged to was disbanded. They have lives past that now, but nothing will be the same as reading poetry in that cave surrounded by their friends in their own small act of rebellion.
-- "It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday, and the manager gives me a smile. 'Cause he knows that it's me they've been coming to see to forget about life for a while." --
People read and enjoy Todd's books, and they can use it as an escape. Todd can't.
-- "And the piano it sounds like a carnival, and the microphone smells like a beer. And they sit at the bar and put bread in my jar and say 'Man, what are you doing here?'" --
People act like they can understand Todd and what all has happened, and he gets money from people buying his books, but it will never amount to the internal chaos he felt waking up to the news that his roommate is dead.
-- "Sing us a song, you're the piano man, sing us a song tonight. Well, we're all in the mood for a melody, and you've got us feeling alright." --
The people at the bar, his friends, all want somewhere they can forget about life, what it turned out to be for each of them despite coming so close back in high school. And, when Todd sends out copies of his books to each of his friends after searching painstakingly for their addresses, they find that in his writing, and the small collection of poetry at the beginning of each chapter. They may not be forgetting about Neil's death, but they can forget about everything else after, and at least pretend like they are back in high school, living their lives to the fullest even though they aren't now.
I don't understand why people will die on the hill of shipping chameron cause its like,,, a psychological fact that it's very hard to be close to someone who doesn't share your interests/dreams/etc / conflicts with your personality traits. like yeah their dynamic is very interesting because of that conflict and i'll interact with the ship sometimes because of that but i don't get why they're some people's end-all
I don't understand why people will die on the hill of shipping chameron cause its like,,, a psychological fact that it's very hard to be close to someone who doesn't share your interests/dreams/etc / conflicts with your personality traits. like yeah their dynamic is very interesting because of that conflict and i'll interact with the ship sometimes because of that but i don't get why they're some people's end-all
i keep seeing misinformation about this, so: queerplatonic relationships do not have a set definition. the name comes from the idea that it's "queering" the platonic relationship, tailoring it to the individual relationships' own desires. it isn't necessarily romance lite, but it also isn't necessarily whatever definition you want to impose on it. the point of queering the platonic relationship is to break away from strict allonormative views on friendship, romance, and sex, not to make a new categorical box to fit in.
the answer to "what is a qpr?" is "whatever you want it to be." sometimes that is romance lite. sometimes it's a deeply committed friendship. sometimes it's friends who have a sexual relationship. sometimes it's based on an entirely different mode of attraction. sometimes it's fluid and impossible to put into words. it's whatever you want it to be. it's queer.
-- "I never meant to make it such a mess. I never thought that it would go this far. So I just stand here sorry, searching for something to say. Words fail, there's nothing I can say." --
Cameron blaming himself for not only Neil's death but for breaking up the rest of the poets. He never thought telling the administration would turn into all of this, he thought telling would help save his friends. He can't explain himself.
-- "I guess I thought I could be part of this-- I never had this kind of thing before. I never had that perfect girl who somehow could see the good part of me." --
Cameron thought he could be part of the Dead Poets Society, because he's never had friends or been part of a group before. And he never had the people who seemed like they could see the good in him despite all the bad that takes the forefront of his mind.
-- "I never had the dad that stuck it out. No corny jokes, or baseball gloves. No mom who just was there 'cause mom was all that she had to be." --
In addition, Cameron never had parents who seemed like they actually cared. His dad worked a lot, and his mom was busy. He didn't have friends or family to turn to.
-- "That's not a worthy explanation. I know there is none. Nothing can make sense of all these things I've done. Words fail, there's nothing I can say." --
Cameron knows nothing he says will make up for it, for him snitching on the Poets or for Neil's death, and now that he thinks about it, there is no logical reason he can give for why he did it, despite how much he relies on logic already.
-- "Except sometimes you see everything you wanted, and sometimes you see everything you wish you had, and it's right there in front of you. And you want to believe it's true. So you make it true." --
Everything Cameron wanted was friends. Somewhere to belong. And he was so close-- he was almost there, for a while, until Neil died. Additionally, alluding to his future. His future is so close, and a good one at that, and this would ruin his chances. Despite him losing belief in his future, he has to make it true because something has to be.
-- "This was just a sad invention. It wasn't real, I know. But we were happy. I guess I couldn't let that go. I guess I couldn't give that up. I guess I wanted to believe, 'cause if I just believe then I don't have to see what's really there." --
Cameron is starting to believe his inclusion in the group was just all in his head-- things weren't as perfect as he thought. But he swears he remembers them being happy, and him being happy, and he can't let go of that, even if it means them all hating him in order to protect them. He wanted to believe in the fact that he is actually included, because if he does that then he can ignore the truth, which is that nobody likes him all that much and he is close to nobody.
-- "No, I'd rather pretend I'm something better than these broken parts-- pretend I'm something other than the mess that I am, 'cause then I don't have to look at it, and no one gets to look at it, no, no one can really see..." --
Cameron would like to pretend he isn't broken. Pretend he is a normal kid his age who has friends and is included in things and who doesn't have the entire school holding a grudge against him for just existing. Pretend he doesn't spend the first period of every new class worrying over where to sit. And the Dead Poets Society let him do that.
-- "'Cause I've learned to slam on the brake before I even turn the key, before I make the mistake, before I lead with the worst of me." --
Cameron has learned to isolate himself from his peers before they can learn to hate him. He'd rather be quiet and not reaching out at all then reaching out and messing things up so everyone hates him more than they already do. He's learned this the hard way from school.
-- "'Cause what if everyone saw? What if everyone knew? Would they like what they saw? Or would they hate it too?" --
Cameron worries over if everyone else at the school knew his true self, close enough to him that it means the ugly parts of him aren't hidden away anymore. Would anyone, even his friends who he's got the closest to being vulnerable with, still want to even be his friend? Or would they hate Cameron, just like he does?
-- "All I ever do is run. So how do I step into the sun?" --
Cameron has learned to run from true connections even though that's all he's ever wanted, because the "worst of him" always seems to come out sooner rather than later. How does he possibly fix this between him and his friends, or make connections in the future after all of this happened?
