the end and the beginning
So here it is. The end of the story. The closing chapter. After spending three months in the beautiful city of Prague it is weird to think of where I am going and where I won’t be going back to tonight.
Lets start by saying I completely hate goodbyes. Sure everyone hates goodbyes but you see I’m that person. Yes, I mean the person everyone hates: I am the first person to cry.
I showed up late to Marathon Café because I was having an amazing last evening helping cook Petra’s Chicken for dinner and spending time with the host family and I couldn’t bear to leave them alone yet. So it was near 11 when I got to Marathon…lets just say the reservation was at 9. There were two bottles of wine, a bottle of champagne, shot glasses covering the table, two host siblings, and 8 drunken Spolus. The only people missing were Tom (whose sister’s flight ran late that night and so he was unable to come until 11:30), and I. You can imagine the eruption of cheers as I walked into the room.
A few glasses of wine later the first person to leave was Kyle. And so the night of heavy tears began. One by one we all dispersed. After Kyle was Emily, a couple of hours later was Audrey, and not soon after her the remaining--Allie, Alex, Dan, Dora, Taylor, Tom and I had a giant cry fest outside KFC.
I woke up early today, which is weird because I never do that, and went upstairs to spend time with Petra. She made me apple strudel and her special egg breakfast. Julie and I made a blanket fort and hid from Petra who according to Julie’s instructions was always looking for us but could never find us.
Now that I’m out of Prague, it’s weird to reflect. I’ve been recalling memories over and over. Someone told me that recalling memories only makes your memories farther from the true because every time you remember something you recreate it in your mind. But for me right now it’s all too unreal. I even fall to remembering silly things like the way the apartments acoustics amplified my cracking ankle on the spiral staircase, or Julie yelling “Come, upstairs,” or going up the stairs and seeing her underneath the steps meowing at me and pawing on her back, or the sassy faces Honza makes, the quiet nature of Tonda, how Petra made me cry in the airport and I could see her trying so hard not to cry but there was that one tear slowly dripping out of her right eye, how she took me all the way through the airport instead of just dropping me off, and her last words to me: “I’m so glad I met you.” The sound of the trams saying Prieestiza stafaaka (yeah that's not the proper Czech words but I could never say it right anyway) Sparta, Every time I thank someone I still say Diki or Dekuku and every time I try to say excuse me I say pArdon. I also don’t think I can enter a home now without taking my shoes off. How Petra saves cheek kissing for momentous things like coming home from a three-day trip, or saying goodbye after hugging 4 times. How much I love all the people in my program and how they changed me, how they made my experience more then an amazing one. How Sarah Brock is a superstar and really made all the difference in our experience, how when I had to say goodbye to her and I saw tears on the tips of her eyes I ran away without looking back so I could cry on the metro with Audrey. The ridiculous lyrical changes to songs Tom makes, the creatures Allie draws, Dan’s stories, Audrey’s hugs, Taylor’s sly complements, Kyle’s energy, Dora’s shining personality, Emily’s smile and laughter, Alex’s sass and facial expressions by the end of the trip we all were picking up cues from one another. Our social norms had begun to bleed into each other.
Prague and my experiences both in the classroom learning about the history, culture, art, language of the Czech Republic, in my home-stay, and in my adventures has changed me.
I’m not saying I’m a completely new person. In fact I feel as though I have just taken in a lot of good I don’t want to let go of. While sitting in this dark airplane sick to my stomach I can’t help but realize how lucky I am. I don’t know if I can go back to the person I was 3 months ago (God was it really only 3 months?) but I wouldn’t want to. I’m still that person I’m just different. In that sense its terribly frightening to imagine that maybe just maybe no one will see how much I’ve changed. I’m afraid I’ll go back to the exact same world I left, yes time did move since I wasn’t there but will everyone categorize me? Will they notice I do little things differently? Will I notice how I really changed?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m excited to see my family, to see my friends, to be home for the holidays. I almost feel as if this experience has given me the ability to appreciate them more.
Saying goodbye to one part of your life is hard, whether we take it just in the Prague perspective or in the idea that my study abroad experience is over and when did I get so old? But it also means you get to take all that you’ve learned from these great experiences and share them. They shape who you are, they guide you. Prague has given me something I will always be grateful for. Sure this period of time in my life has passed but we have to keep moving forward. Remembering the past, while looking forward. And I know I’ll be back to Prague someday…I just know I will.
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