d-e-q

i've been informed that the latin still works in reverse.

[d-e-q]

Neutralizing a gremlin

[timotaychalamet]

Dakota arriving in Venice

[d-e-q]

Bye

[deletadoo0-deactivated20210304]

[emmyrussum]

Carrie (1976) dir. Brian De Palma

[03josten]

it IS a phase, mom

[pr0jection]

show me a permanent state of the self, mom

[faceheightknifefight]

Impermanence does not mean insignificance, mom

[filthychonga-deactivated2019120]

The key to a happier life is being in a constant state of change and acceptance, mom

[d-e-q]

Happy thanksgiving from my loving family to yours

[jumex]

due to not wanting to. I will not be

[d-e-q]

Having a normal one

[d-e-q]

I “inherited” some of my grandma’s things, which seems like too strong a word for a pile of cashmere sweaters and some jewelry (pearls, real gold chains, lots of broaches). At first I thought it would be creepy but I’ve been wearing it to work this week and I have to say that dressing like an elderly woman absolutely rules.

[d-e-q]

My grandfather, looking at a calendar: July 26 is a Friday

My grandmother: Well, I don’t believe that.

[d-e-q]

Grandma died on the first. She was so stubborn and also always right even when she was wrong. You could do a lot worse!

[d-e-q]

I logged into Twitter for the first time since 2012 (hold your applause, I occasionally read individual feeds without being logged in so it’s even more depraved than you’d think) and found out that my old Philly therapist follows me? Logging off again!! But also I should go back to therapy so maybe I should DM them.

[d-e-q]

Can an Atlanta-based therapist help me? Thank you, no.

[d-e-q]

I was watching Midsommar last night and about midway through (right after the scene on the cliff I shit you not) my dad called to tell me my grandmother had decided to die. She is tired and sick and sick of being tired. The tumor has taken over her metabolism and steals all of her nutrients. She hasn’t left the house other than to go to dialysis in weeks. She isn’t sleeping. So she’s ready.

I called her right away because she was going to start hospice this morning, and some of the drugs they were going to give her to ease the pain might take away her mind, too. I probably won’t make it to Minnesota in time for any good time. So it kind of felt like last night was my last chance.

So I talked to her and told her I loved her and started crying and she was very matter of fact about it all, told me that she was so happy to see me raise her great-grandchild and that she wasn’t worried about me at all, and then she started telling me stories to make me laugh. And I did laugh! And she said that it was a gift to be able to say goodbyes, and that seems right.

And then I hung up, and I sat on the porch swing for a bit, and I felt better, so I decided to finish Midsommar. It was an enjoyable movie. I didn’t find it scary.

[d-e-q]

last warm day for awhile

[workingitinportland-deactivated]

When I was young I believed in intellectual conversation:

I thought the patterns we wove on stale smoke

floated off to the heaven of ideas.

To be certified worthy of high masculine discourse

like a potato on a grater I would rub on contempt,

suck snubs, wade proudly through the brown stuff on the floor.

They were talking of integrity and existential ennui

while the women ran out for six-packs and had abortions

in the kitchen and fed the children and were auctioned off.

Eventually of course I learned how their eyes perceived me:

when I bore to them cupped in my hands a new poem to nibble,

when I brought my aerial maps of Sartre or Marx,

they said, she is trying to attract our attention,

she is offering up her breasts and thighs.

I walked on eggs, their tremulous equal:

they saw a fish peddler hawking in the street.

Now I get coarse when the abstract nouns start flashing.

I go out to the kitchen to talk cabbages and habits.

I try hard to remember to watch what people do.

Yes, keep your eyes on the hands, let the voice go buzzing.

Economy is the bone, politics is the flesh,

watch who they beat and who they eat,

watch who they relieve themselves on, watch who they own.

The rest is decoration.

-- Marge Piercy

[d-e-q]

I’m taking my co-workers’ repeated questioning about whether I’m “ready for another one” as an excuse to show up drunk every day

[d-e-q]

The associate I’m training has decided that it’s his job to bring me breakfast in the morning? And like? Do I correct him?