Losing my brother @kristoffstjohn it still feels like a bad dream... The thing that eventually strikes you about the death of someone you love is the permanence. When that hits, there is an overpowering sense of loneliness and aloneness. Those wounds do not remain raw, not forever, but they do remain. You never get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. I've thought a lot about death recently, the finality of it, the argument ending in mid-air. One of us hadn't finished, why did the other one go? And why without warning? Even death after long illness is without warning. The moment you had prepared for so carefully took you by storm. I cannot say, and I will not say That he is dead. He is just away. With a cheery smile, and a wave of the hand, He has wandered into an unknown land And left us dreaming how very fair It needs must be, since he lingers there. And you—oh you, who the wildest yearn For an old-time step, and the glad return, Think of him faring on, as dear In the love of There as the love of Here. Think of him still as the same. I say, He is not dead—he is just away. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. We both know that’s bullshit; it comes from people who have nothing comforting or original to say. Sadly enough, the most painful goodbyes are the ones that are left unsaid and never explained It hurts when they're gone. And it doesn't matter if it's slow or fast, whether it's a long drawn-out disease or an unexpected accident. When they're gone the world turns upside down and you're left holding on, trying not to fall off. Never take life for granted. Savor every sunrise, because no one is promised tomorrow…or even the rest of today KSJ...You lead me brother on this race..And as you handed me the baton..Me and @shemarfmoore will finish the final laps till we see you again waiting for us on the finish line...This is not the end but to be continued..I love you my brother now forever always Photo by @shanamangatal Follow 👉🏿@dteflon (at Westlake Village, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bve8IDaFCbaoIxKZd8dVHSWkMWNDx6j4EowfcY0/?igshid=h2t62qkg7mx2