You Always See Right Through My Masquerade

18+ please (16+ if I followed you first). BYF. He/him trans masc. Trigger warning for this whole blog. I am a bad person and you won't like it. This is my safe space for venting about my mental illness/melancholy, including but not limited to: homicidal ideation, suicidal ideation, BPD, Derealization, ASPD, Haltlose PD, PTSD, Autism, Pychosis (DM me for specific diagnosis), ADHD, [others]. All but one professionally dx'd. If you think you know better go ahead and tell me which ones were correct and which ones were misdiagnoses. Fuckwit. Anyways DNI if you're just trying to shit on me because I'm THIS close to snapping and I'll put your url in the manifesto before I hand the rightwing a perfect scapegoat for an evil queer. Try me. Cult "survivor". I love drugs and alcohol.

[2103lovexx]

People don't realize how much strength it takes to pull your own self out of a dark place mentally. So, if you've done that today or any day, I'm proud of you.

[d0l0r0us]

#it’s okay if you can’t, I've been there

#and I feel you

[carnivoroustomatoes]

Bitches with demonized personality disorders be like: I want the world to be a better and safer place, including for people like me :3

Then empaths be like: I believe your very existence is detrimental to society and that just by being you are a horrible person. I'm so in tune with other peoples emotions and am such a great person <3

[borderlinebadger]

I can't stand myself to be honest

[clusterb-itch]

reading thru ur diary after a bad episode

[folie--maniaco-melancolique]

Me: erase the stigma around mental illness and stop demonizing diseases!

Everyone: yeah!

Me: this includes aspd and npd too!

Everyone: no!!

[the-one-under-your-bed]

Hoes always willing to destigmatise only the "UwU nonproblematic" disorders.

[folie--maniaco-melancolique]

Me: erase the stigma around mental illness and stop demonizing diseases!

Everyone: yeah!

Me: this includes aspd and npd too!

Everyone: no!!

[bored-er-line]

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, just someone trying to get better. Info for this post comes from: Marsha M. Linehan, "DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, 2nd Edition" (New York: The Guilford Press, 2015), 151-53.

[anti-social-hades]

[npdsafe]

Others will say they support people with mental illness and then they’ll see something they don’t perfectly understand or relate to and just

[animeblgging-deactivated2021110]

[d0l0r0us]

Nobody likes me!! Yayyy!!

[toadallybpd]

My brain at 2am: here’s a traumatic memory bb 😍🥰💖

Me:

[jiujiuwarm-deactivated20210505]

Agreed, fuck y'all.✨

[cluster-b-ullshit]

I really can’t stress enough how uninterested I am in people telling me that I’m actually secretly capable of empathy. I’m not interested in people trying to discover the empathy “hidden away” in those of us with certain personality disorders. I don’t want anything to do with those conversations and I don’t think they’re worthwhile to have in the first place.

It’s ironic to me that in order to be seen and treated as fully-formed human beings by others, we have to secretly have empathy. Empathetic people are so keen to psychoanalyse us and tell us that no, actually, we do have empathy, because we are good people, really! It’s just locked away because of trauma or illness! It’s still in there, we promise!

People need to acknowledge and accept that some people do not have human empathy, and never will, and that empathy isn’t actually a reliable metric to decide whether someone is a good or bad person. Empathise with us, if you will - isn’t that a funny thought. Accept that our brains are the way they are and that our treatment needs to allow for this. 

[kaunisbaby-deactivated20251113]

bpd be like:

who am i. who am i. WHO THE FUCK AM I

boundaries? I don't know her

if dressing slutty is the only way I can get men to look at me, then So Be It

a new person? THEY'RE A THREAT YOU'RE GONNA BE REPLACED

this is all a dream. it feels so distant it's a DREAM

I'm a burden and everyone is just pretending to like me

either I'm perfect or I should die

I'M SO FUCKING ANGRY AT MYSELF I NEED TO TEAR MY GUTS APART

eating disorders

second guessing EVERYTHING

overthinking EVERYTHING

obsessions. not being able to enjoy anything in moderation

being jealous of everyone who's sicker than you

wanting to hurt yourself and end up at the hospital just to see who will pay a visit

I'm not even that sick, I'm probably just faking it all

your mood depends on other people ENTIRELY

I'M SO HAPPY AND JOYFUL I RADIATE LIGHT

I've never been this suicidal in my life

alcohol abuse

drug abuse

I'm not good at anything but I'll be a perfect sex object to whoever is desperate enough to want me

being terrified of love

splitting on the most important people in your life

this is a movie. things aren't really happening YOU'RE WATCHING A MOVIE

feeling drained after feeling one (1) emotion

overwhelming loneliness

guilt. guilt all the fucking time

you're a subhuman. die. no one cares about you anyway

embarrassed? more like humiliated, TIME TO SLASH YOUR SKIN OPEN

feeling like you don't belong anywhere. you never really fit in

I HAD THE BEST IDEA OF MY LIFE then hating it two hours later

taking everything personally

being unable to tolerate uncertainty and criticism

anxiety 24/7

I can control my emotions if everything is strictly under my control 24/7 right??

being impulsive and fucking everything up

hyperempathy

not knowing where others finish and you begin

I N S T A B I L I T Y

[guiltyiove]

Nobody should have to experience googling their disorder for help and support and exclusively find articles about how neurotypical people can “deal with them”

[toadallybpd]

[d0l0r0us]

Can I dissociate again please?

[npdsafe]