Welcome to The Locked Tomb! Here are some guidelines to make your stay more comfortable:
CONTENT WARNING: Ianthe Tridentarius. Just, like, in general. At all times.
Wait, was that a reference to [your mama/studied the blade/left pizza none beef/ariana grande/etc/etc]?? Yes. Yes it was.
Look up "unreliable narrator" in the dictionary. You will see four images: Gideon Nav, Harrowhark Nonagesimus, John Gaius, and Nona.
Nobody even cares about Babs.
Hang on, am I....meant to be getting turned on by the scene?? Yes. Yes you are. (See: HtN, Ch. 27)
We don't talk about Dulcinea.
It is best to not consume soup while reading TLT.
Gideon is always drawn in fanart with bare arms. No, her arms are never uncovered in the books. Yes, we are all very okay with this.
Do not (DO. NOT!!!) start reading Harrow the Ninth until you have secured an experienced TLT reading buddy. If you cannot find one, one will be appointed for you. Contact them every 5 minutes while reading.
Gideon the Ninth is the only normal book in this series. Enjoy it. ENJOY IT.
While reading HtN, there will be many times when you will want to burn the entire series, want to die, to murder the people who recommend this series to you, and will generally question all your life choices and wail, "why are you doing this to me??? What did I do wrong in my life to deserve this??" This is normal. See rule 9.
Nona is a gift.
Upon completing Nona the Ninth, you will be granted entry to The AlectoPause, where we all sit in a circle and rock back and forth, letting out occasional wails of pain and suffering, as we wait for the "final" book in the series. We all enjoy this; it's great.
And finally: Frontline Titties of the Fifth is not a real publication. I'm so sorry.
...WELCOME, AND ENJOY!! <3 <3 <3
