D20 fuckability Tournament

There have been many unfuckable characters in the dome. Now that we know who's the best, it's time to determine the worst. Most Fuckable: Garthy O'Brien Most Fuckable Fairy: Nara (Orange Top Hat) (Seeding was determined by nominations, any apparent unfairness in matchups is not any bias on my part, it's purely how the numbers fell) terfs and exclus are not welcome here

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i had to cut 109 characters, but here's the unfuckability bracket!

yes it's illegible without zooming in, that's just how it's gonna have to be with a 64 person bracket. here's a link to a zoomable version

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Round One, Day One

Gilear Faeth vs Crunch Moon-Jones

Jeremy Renner vs Zaul'Nazh

Tony Simos vs Avanash

Bazathrax vs Norman Takamori (the human)

Robert Moses vs Prince Apollo

Mr Gibbons vs Telemaine Lomenelda

Buddy vs Baba Yaga

Leiland vs Cody Walsh

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Round One, Day Two

Coach Daybreak vs Basrar

Peter, the Baron of Bricks vs Laertes Astrindarius

Headmistress Boudicca Philtrum vs Captain James Whitclaw

Priya Danger vs Limon Longhalls

Vice Principal Goldenhoard/Kalvaxus vs Epona Cirillo

Helio vs Sir Keradin Deeproot

The Stepmother vs Mac and Donna Applebees

Rick Diggins vs Candlewick

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Round One, Day Three

Angwyn Abernant vs Lowell Masters

Arthur Aguefort vs Imperator Augustus Ciabatta

Loose Duke vs Charity Blythe

Pontifex Belizabeth Brassica vs Lord Calroy Cruller

Kugrash vs Stimey

Arianwen Abernant vs Prince Andhera

Prince Gerard of Greenleigh vs Gust Weatherall

Camille Brine vs Chungledown Bim

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Round One, Day Four

53\/3N vs Rapunzel

Wally Kugrich vs Alphonse

Grandfather vs The Featherless Ostrich

Cricket vs Swifty

Squing vs Plug Strutt

Plinth vs King Prilbus

Natalia Cicero Connie Lee Carter Bajar vs The American Dream

Sheriff Warner Codge vs Johnny Spells

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Round Two, Day One

Crunch Moon-Jones vs Jeremy Renner

Tony Simos vs Bazathrax

Robert Moses vs Mr Gibbons

Coach Daybreak vs Peter, the Baron of Bricks

Headmistress Boudicca Philtrum vs Limon Longhalls

Epona Cirillo vs Helio

Mac and Donna Applebees vs Candlewick

Buddy vs Cody Walsh

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Round Two, Day Two

Angwyn Abernant vs Imperator Augustus Ciabatta

Charity Blythe vs Pontifex Belizabeth Brassica

Stimey vs Arianwen Abernant

Gust Weatherall vs Camille Brine

53\/3N vs Alphonse

Grandfather vs Cricket

Squing vs King Prilbus

The American Dream vs Johnny Spells

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Somewhat related to the lost wallet - a few years ago - maybe 2017? I bought something, saw the transaction in my bank app the next day and then immediately got very concerned because I didn't remember making the purchase. Went and reported it to the bank, told them that I thought someone else must have used my card details without me knowing and they told me that they'd investigate. Walked out of the bank and then remembered that I was the one who made the purchase and was too embarrassed to go back into the bank and tell them so I sent a physical letter to their head office instead telling them it was a mistake just to avoid that interaction. The purchase was like $10? I hope this makes anon feel better?

Welcome back btw

i promise, i'm laughing because of how relatable that is. 100/10 no notes love it and you

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I think I found my wallet but I'm in a weird place where I've already canceled the cards and am applying tlfor a new I'd how do I tell everyone I found it and was upset over nothing? Lol

first off: the elephant in the room.

i've been so embarrassed and ashamed about not doing the next round of polls that i've been ignoring every notification this blog gets.

some very sweet people said very sweet things, and that made me feel fuckin worse, because i truly am so sorry that i've not done it. executive dysfunction kicked my ass about it for a while and then i was just too embarrassed to come back.

second:

i think that it is NOT a coincidence that i just posted on my main that i love getting involved in other people's drama and then received this, so good job in making me recognize this blog again lol

(addendum: if it truly is a coincidence, why are you asking me, a fuckability poll blog, this)

third:

just say it, honestly. we've all been there. if not specifically with our wallets then losing something else and then finding it only after having replaced it. maybe a tone of, like, laughing at yourself a little bit? but idk your general vibe or the people around you, so grain of salt that one.

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oh wait no you're probably the graduate, right?

congrats on the graduating and the scholarship!

but yeah, especially since someone else's wallet was stolen, it was a reasonable assumption and people will understand

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I think I found my wallet but I'm in a weird place where I've already canceled the cards and am applying tlfor a new I'd how do I tell everyone I found it and was upset over nothing? Lol

first off: the elephant in the room.

i've been so embarrassed and ashamed about not doing the next round of polls that i've been ignoring every notification this blog gets.

some very sweet people said very sweet things, and that made me feel fuckin worse, because i truly am so sorry that i've not done it. executive dysfunction kicked my ass about it for a while and then i was just too embarrassed to come back.

second:

i think that it is NOT a coincidence that i just posted on my main that i love getting involved in other people's drama and then received this, so good job in making me recognize this blog again lol

(addendum: if it truly is a coincidence, why are you asking me, a fuckability poll blog, this)

third:

just say it, honestly. we've all been there. if not specifically with our wallets then losing something else and then finding it only after having replaced it. maybe a tone of, like, laughing at yourself a little bit? but idk your general vibe or the people around you, so grain of salt that one.

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The American Dream vs Johnny Spells

"he’d only fuck u if u were white upper middle class, plus too much mousse in that hair"

"Magically bound to not fuck. Physically incapable by magical law can not fuck in the slightest."

Who is LESS fuckable?

The American Dream (The Unsleeping City)

Johnny Spells (Fantasy High)

Voting ended onMay 21, 2023

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JOHNNY WINS

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Squing vs King Prilbus

"narsty"

"so wet and sticky (but not in a hot way)"

Who is LESS fuckable?

Squing (Coffin Run)

King Prilbus (A Starstruck Odyssey)

Voting ended onMay 21, 2023

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PRILBUS WINS

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Grandfather vs Cricket

"Look nothing against birds but he is canonically made up of the worst part of every bird so he definitely has a corkscrew penis like a duck."

"too dry to do anything about anything"

Which of these Miserable Old Creachers is LESS fuckable?

Grandfather (A Court of Fey and Flowers)

Cricket (Neverafter)

Voting ended onMay 21, 2023

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GRANDFATHER WINS

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53\/3N vs Alphonse

"he wont fuck you hes too busy trying to get you to buy into his new crypto currency like some sort of pyramid scheme"

"cowardly, self-serving and cringe. somehow got even less fuckable after turning human"

Who is LESS fuckable?

53\/3N (The Unsleeping City, The Unsleeping City: Chapter II)

Alphonse (Neverafter)

Voting ended onMay 21, 2023

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53\/3N WINS

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Gust Weatherall vs Camille Brine

<There is no official art for Camille Brine>

"He's a terrible person and he'd talk about himself the whole time"

"She’s transphobic do I need to say anything else"

Who is LESS fuckable?

Gust Weatherall (A Starstruck Odyssey)

Camille Brine (The Seven)

Voting ended onMay 21, 2023

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CAMILLE WINS

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Stimey vs Arianwen Abernant

"he'd give you stds no one's even heard of"

"the only non-milf in elmville"

Who is LESS fuckable?

Stimey (Pirates of Leviathan)

Arianwen Abernant (Fantasy High, Fantasy High: Sophomore Year)

Voting ended onMay 21, 2023

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STIMEY WINS

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Charity Blythe vs Pontifex Belizabeth Brassica

"As a dyke it pains me to say this about an evil woman, but she has just absolutely no swag."

"Annoying kind of Christian"

Who is LESS fuckable?

Charity Blythe (The Seven)

Belizabeth Brassica (A Crown of Candy)

Voting ended onMay 21, 2023

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BELIZABETH WINS

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Angwyn Abernant vs Imperator Augustus Ciabatta

"he’d probably want the lights off and tell you to stop making noises, so that he can make the experience as brief and efficient as possible. his behavior is rancid. unfuckable!"

"god i hate the bread man. he’d fuck like shit then stab you to steal your valuables. he doesn’t care about you he just wants to get his bread equivalent of rocks off. also he’d go all gross and weird if you got anything on him or got him wet"

Who is LESS fuckable?

Angwyn Abernant (Fantasy High, Fantasy High: Sophomore Year)

Augustus Ciabatta (A Crown of Candy)

Voting ended onMay 21, 2023

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ANGWYN WINS

(angwin)

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sorry for disappearing yesterday, i'll call saturday's polls now, and round three will start tomorrow!

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if you're publishing unused propagandas, i'd love a "best of" of propagandas for characters who didn't make the cut pretty please

Here are my 13 favorite things y'all said about characters who didn't make it into unfuckability:

Aesop: Sorry but that keep it simple shtick really pisses me off. Get an appreciation for ambiguity you prick

Veritas Sword: Black and white morals ass.

The Gander:

1) This is a goose. 2) The goose is an asshole. 3) The goose has atrocious fashion sense (that fucking bonnet).

True Clown: It would honk.

Sexy Rat: Only an illusion :(

Oliver Onionpatch: Green onions become wimpy after truly 2 days and I think it would take him even less time

Mayor Hopps: full of goo but not in a sexy way :/

The Hangvan: I'm not the guy on my strange addictions who fucks his car sorry

The Night Yorb: Speak not, fuck not

Hork: Gollum Kinnie

Pib: he would bite you and not in the sexy way

The Briars: Owie

The Tornado Full Of Gold Coins: Thrilling in concept. Deadly in practice.

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im so curious about the cody anon hate thing. you should make a patreon and one the tier rewards is getting to see what weirdness goes on in your inbox

as much as i do deserve financial compensation for some of the things people have made me read, i've deleted all of the negative shit i've gotten

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SHIT I forgot the masterlist

I have to get my blood stolen really quick, I'll make it when I get home. So sorry!!

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i may be a little freak in that. i kinda thinkg johnny spells being not allowed to fuck is the ONLY fuckable thing about him. like oogh im too hot i make him break his vows ;) and then regret it bc of Literally Everything Else About Him

No that's fair, and big picture I'm with you on corruption being hot. (Ties in nicely with my priest kink lol)

But yeah he's The Worst and there are better characters that could apply to