sick boy

20 • he/it/taur/purr • MDNI

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

back after blog seemingly exploded

minors dni

anti fatspo, anti meanspo, pro recovery

blog content warnings: disordered eating/habits, restriction/cal counting, weight & weightloss, discussuion of self harm (never images), general venting, likely mentions of sex/kink/nsfw topics as well.

posts will be tagged with appropriate warnings

about me

20 yrs old

uni student

he/it/taur/purr (transmasc)

lsn asd, adhd, pcos, t2 diabetes

recovering from cvtting

stats

5'6"/168 cm

hw: 257 lbs (08/26/2025)

cw: 225.8 lbs (05/25/2026) (i don't have a scale atm, will be able to weigh 07/02/2026)

gw0: 199 lbs

gw1: 170 lbs

gw2: 150 lbs

gw3: 130 lbs

ugw: ???

[woodwool]

severely deficient in whatever vitamin makes u a person

[headslikekites]

don't think about your life past 9pm teto

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

i really hate purging but ive been eating like a pig and i wanna hurt myself so why not atp who cares

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

wasnt able to btw, disappointed but not surprised

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

i really hate purging but ive been eating like a pig and i wanna hurt myself so why not atp who cares

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

ive been fucking pigging out for lik3 a week now i fucking hate myself

[bitchi4mwillywonka]

overthinking should at least burn calories bc wtf

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

sometimes i need to be taken care of but i dont actually NEED it and my partner isnt physically capable of taking care of me so i just explode and die bc i know that it cant help and if i ask it will just feel bad because it has to say no

[dolliesblogg]

need a daddy who encourages me to ⭐️ve myself so I can get smaller for him :(

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

im around 220 (not using my scale, so unsure) but thats like. 30-40lbs down from my highest weight. but my stomach still looks fucking huge im gonna lose my shit. if i put all this in just to be "skinny fat" i Swear To God

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

ugggh my stomach is so huge i literally look pregnant 🤢

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

also i feel like i might be like. i dunno . pulling away from the girl i like to like. preemtively protect myself from her not liking me. yknow . i dunno. i just . ugghgff

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

guhgguh im. ugh. been feeling less actively horrible about my body. casually restricting. it's always in the back of my mind that i don't like my body, but i'm not thinking about it a ton.

it's probably good... but it makes me worried that i'm gonna slip up and gain a ton.

recently i've just been feeling more anxious about my personality and such. which. yeah, also needs work.

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

im really sad guh. like. i dunno. i just have a sinking feeling that the girl i like doesn't like me. i know it's probably just that i'm out of town and she just like. doesn't talk a lot through text. but. gah. im gonna get back nd she's not gonna wanna spend time with me.

and also like. when i get back i KNOW im gonna be so awkward and nervous because i haven't seen her in a bit and it's either gonna take forever for me to relax or i'm gonna have to drink or get high just to get back to where i was before.

i just. guh. i feel like she can tell how desperate and anxious i am and it's gross because i'm gross and i'm trying to move way too fast for where i'm at mentally.

i just. guh. i can accept liking someone more than they like me but it still Sucks.

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

eating smthn might help me feel better but frankly i would rather the social anxiety doom spiral than another "oh my god im such a pig i hate myself" doom spiral.

because being annoying and clingy and insecure is endearing if you're pretty at least

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

im. ugghgff. seeking reassurance doesnt work and i do it anyways and then i think "ah ok well now theyre gonna hate me bc im being annoying asking for reassurance" and everything gets worse and i ask for reassurance again and the cycle repeats forever.

im. im really trying to work on my social anxiety and rsd and trusting people but it fucking. Sucks.

and i feel horrible and disgusting and annoying and like. yknow people will say "oh they have a great personality!" as a euphamism for being ugly but i don't even have that

[d3c4y1ng-b0d13s]

google dot com how to feel horny without feeling like an evil gross ugly slug