Dying is the day worth living for.

In my all of my dreams, the sound of screaming souls, crashing guns and the strange, mournful sound coming from a battlefield filled with comrades as well as enemies, they all are lost in the echo of my soul. We all must fight until we ourselves are lost within the darkness of our own soul. ✇ ✇ ✇

[yofukashiwoshita]

[ad-yoongi]

killjoy [dachuan vs seunghyun]

Fuck. Currently that’s the only thing going through Seunghyun’s mind. Fuck fuck fuck. This had never happened to him before and he’s got no clue why it’s happening now. Now is not a good time. Dachuan’s gaze is burning at the back of his neck and Seunghyun knows he’s just a very few mistakes away from allowing the soldier to draw his conclusions. The guy knows Seunghyun better than he’s comfortable with.

When he thinks back, it already started early this morning, but it seemed innocent enough for him to not pay it any attention. Just a light trembling of fingers. Happens all the time, he thought to himself, eat some sugar. So he did. He’d expected it to be over by the time he met up with Dachuan and surely, the company of the soldier was distraction enough for Seunghyun to keep his focus elsewhere. But sugar hadn’t been enough to satisfy his body’s needs and throughout their round of patrol it had started to make that very clear. The trembling of his fingers had slowly intensified, so much that right now, Seunghyun has taken to carrying his axe in one hand -clutched so tight his knuckles are white- and hides his other in his pocket. He feels weak, disconnected to his muscles and at the same time trapped in his body, as if his chest is too tight and he doesn’t get the chance to breathe as much as he should. He’s jumpy too, restless, making a fool out of himself by needlessly reacting to every tiny sound from their surrounding, a skittish animal. Not to mention the fact that he can not keep his eyes focused or his gaze steady.

All of this would be forgivable if it was something he could admit to, but his lack of responsibility and discipline that’s at the base of this weighs heavy on his conscience. Instead of admitting to his fuck-ups, he’d rather bite off his tongue and force himself to push through (doubting whether he can do that is a luxury he can’t afford; people count on him and disappointing them is not an option). Seunghyun knows very well what his body wants, what it /needs/, and he curses himself for having withheld from it in the first place. If he had known quitting meant he’d become this much of an unstable wreck he’d have never tried.

[dachuanxout]

Just what exactly the commander was up to was not known to the Chinese male, but he had his suspicions. Earlier, he had noticed that the grip Seunghyun had of the axe he was carrying wasn't as stable as it usually was, today it seemed as if it's weight was too much for the male's muscles. They had moved together nonetheless and Dachuan hadn't said a word regarding his thoughts about the commander. He had thought of it as none of his business when they had left, though as time passed and his worries grew, it wouldn't take long until he had to make it his business. Moving behind the other male, his gaze had another opportunity to observe how muscles trembled and reacted to minor movements around them. Eyebrows furrowed, deep crinkles visible in the patch of skin between them and his mouth formed a straight line. As his troubled gaze settled for the neck of the elder, they continued moving in silence. What exactly was up with Seunghyun? 

As they passed several buildings and the distance between them and the camp expanded, it became more and more obvious that the commander wasn't in his best condition. Passing another block, Dachuan decided against continuing and instead grabbed the elder's arm, bringing a sudden stop for the both of them. He didn't bother waiting for Seunghyun to turn around, surely they had known each other for quite some time by now, but treating someone superior to himself in this manner was hard. Especially considering what words that were about to slip pass his lips and the huge amount of respect he felt for the man those words were intended for. He didn't like it the least, but to put his worry at ease he had to and so he put all thoughts of that kind behind him. "What the fuck is wrong, Seunghyun?" His voice had been quiet but still the usual dark hum, a bit harsh this time, and words had not spoken between a soldier and his commander, but instead between friends. It was what the Chinese male considered them to be after all, and hopefully he wasn't alone feeling that way. 

[dachuanxout]

Kitchen-matters || Dachuan & Junsu

[junsuxout]

He looks up from cleaning some kitchen utensils in a bucket when he hears someone come in and a smile appears on his face when he recognizes the man. He says a soft hello as he keeps on washing, wanting to finish his duty first. That doesn’t change the fact he feels really delighted to see the man visiting him as it feels like that has been a very long time. He doesn’t know why but these past days seem to feel much longer, still figuring out why that is.

He gets distracted from his thoughts when the other man asks him that and he looks up again. “I, uhh, I’m doing pretty well… I guess, what about you? I haven’t seen you around here much the last couple of days..” He has a little worry in his voice, caring for his friend, even though he’s not sure he can already call him a friend yet, is very careful with that here. He knows that this clan should be a tight family, or well that is what Junsu wants them to be, but he feels they are still not there. But to have this guy, that looks pretty harsh from the outside (even though he’s handsome) to make friendly small talk with Junsu makes him happy and giving him hope to have this place feel like a home very soon. From the way the man is sitting in the room he reads he will stay here a little longer than just asking about how he’s doing and thinks about preparing something nice for the man. Nothing spectaculair as that is not possible here, but sometimes something small can brighten up someone’s day. 

[dachuanxout]

The answer made his lips twitch just slightly, maybe they wanted to form a smile he simply didn't have the energy for. Though he had to admit that the confused tone in the male's voice both surprised and interested him, at some level he wanted to know the cause of it. He dismissed the thought, simply blaming the past days of missions, if one wondered about anything it had to be voiced, or else one would continue to live in uncertainty. The weak smile finally made its way to his lips, a soft curl making him seem just not as hostile as he usually looked. Or so he supposed at least. "Glad you're doing well, Junsu." Eyelids fluttered open, and his exhausted gaze set on the other male. Another sigh left him right before continuing to speak in the tired voice. "Missions are tiring, these were no exception. Especially considering I merely got back before given another one." Dachuan got silent for a few seconds, lids shut once again at the same time as arms folded. "But I survived, so all is well. Just need some rest."

Sitting there, finally being able to relax with the somewhat familiar sounds coming from the varying places in the kitchen, as well as from the outside, it was a hard task not letting in to sleep. He was sleepier than suspected it seemed, but he couldn't allow himself the privilege of doing that. It would have to wait until later. Forcing his eyes open once again, he focused entirely on the male across the kitchen. He was the reason to why he was there, so it would only be the decent thing to do. A few minutes into his newly found interest for watching the male doing the dishes, ears absorbing every sound, a somewhat embarrassing sound echoed. His stomach had made some noise, implying he was hungry. The last meal he ate had been the day before, so maybe it wasn't very odd.

[chanyeolxout]

sharing is caring :: chanyeol & dachuan

      Being lost was uncommon. Needing to find shelter was unusual, too, at least to Chanyeol— he’d learned to pick up trails and tracks and follow them back, but this time they’d been completely erased from his senses.

      Runs that lasted days was another thing he rarely went through; he was usually back in camp before sundown, and left again for another run before the sun came up. Supplies and resources were now hard to find, and the amount of people popping up on camp only grew; being one of the few seekers in the clan also meant great responsibility, and lucky for him, he had nothing else to occupy his time with.

      With a strong kick to the door, Chanyeol makes his way past the entrance and carelessly lets the floor soak, water dripping down from his figure to land on the wood. It’d been raining for a while, he was lucky to have found shelter: a house not far from the road, nicely kept despite the four years since the outbreak.

      He leaves the door open; a way out in case of emergency. With slow steps, he makes his way further into the house, crossbow neatly pointed ahead whilst he clears each room after the next. That is, until he comes across a closed door in his way.

[dachuanxout]

He had only been out for a couple of hours when the sudden rain started falling from the sky. It was only some kilometres outside of his clan's borders and so, he knew the area fairly well. As heavy raindrops had started to fall, staining his clothes and hair, it hadn't been very hard to realise they'd only grow heavier. The thuds as drops hit the fabric of his would only become louder with each hit, and it wouldn't take long until the sky would open up completely. He did run when realising that, to a house in remarkably nice condition considering the circumstances he had seen before. It didn't take long until he reached the entrance, and kept the door open just in case. Searching through the facility with his MARK23 up and ready if someone or somthing were to attack him, he didn't find a soul in any of the rooms. And so he closed the entrance door before stepping back inside again.

Entering one of the rooms that holds nothing but a small bed and a desk, he sat down on the bed after thoroughly making sure nothing was inside the room nor underneath the bed. Freeing himself from the damp coat, he hanged it on the side of the bed, spreading it out so it'd dry faster as he waited for the rain to stop falling. But the bed wasn't the optimal place to sit, the view wasn't what he wished it to be and so, he had moved his body so it instead sat on the floor. His back rested against the wall and he was facing the door with his pistol right next to him. His eyes had closed for a few minutes and his hearing became sharper for each passing minute. He was able to hear pass the thuds against the windows and roof, and instead focused on hearing as much sound as possible coming from the house. He didn't hear much, only what seemed like maybe mice or rats beneath the house was detectable. 

But, as his ears caught the sound of the front door creaking just slightly, his eyes opened and the pistol was soon loaded and in his hands. He waited, sounds of someone moving in the same manner he had earlier became louder, and when it grew quiet, Dachuan knew the seemingly human creature was outside of the door. Moving along the wall in the direction in which the door was opened, he wouldn't be seen just as quickly and maybe he would have the upper hand. Standing up, towering 189 centimetres above ground, he usually had the upper hand in these kinds of situations. The door creaked open and a man, not much shorter than himself, pointing a crossbow became visible. Having his pistol already pointed at the male, his voice sounded a couple of seconds after their gazes had met. Dachuan's voice even sterner than usual though in its usual low tone. "Who are you?" 

[dachuanxout]

New acquaintances || Dachuan & Ahyoung

A heavy sigh would have left Dachuan's lips if he had been alone, but seeing as he wasn't, he kept it inside. The soldiers had been given their tasks for the day, and some had been paired up to bond, as the commander had expressed it. Never before had he been paired up with someone, probably because the commander knew that he was more than capable to get by alone, but that wasn't the case that day. He and a girl he had greeted briefly a couple of times before had been teamed up, and he didn't exactly know how to react. It could be a positive thing, he knew he could use some work on cooperating with someone during missions and they could maybe learn something from each other. Which would benefit the clan. But this could also lead to frustration if she was very inexperienced dealing with what they had been assigned. The sigh finally left him, though not as heavy as it had been from the start. He merely supposed he were to find out about this girl. 

He was dressed in his usual clothes, almost every piece in varying black shades with a pair of black boots completing the look. Some usually gave him a doubtful gaze when they saw the boots, probably wondering whether or not it was possible to run in them. It was, and any other type of shoes would probably feel unnatural on his feet, he had worn the exact same type of shoes since joining the Lotus clan after all. Walking over to the girl when the commander had left, his height got more and more obvious as he got closer, and as he stood beside her, he felt like a tower. He didn't know if it was a positive thing or not, many things would be found out about this task lying ahead of him. Did he feel excited about it? He couldn't answer himself, it was merely the same feeling filling him as every other time the soldiers had been assigned new tasks. Glancing down at the girl, the features visible to him were pleasing to his eyes, as well as the expression. He tried to get rid of his usual expressionless look and replace it with something at least a little more friendly, they were to work together so he could at least try. Nodding, his voice came out as the usual a dark hum. "I'm Dachuan, but you can call me Jin."

[dachuanxout]

Kitchen-matters || Dachuan & Junsu

The life of a soldier wasn't easy, but then again, who in the clan had it easy? They all looked after each other and after all these years, it somewhat felt like home to Dachuan. It would probably be the closest to home he'd ever have again. The Chinese man had adapted quickly to the small country and it's culture as well as language, the differences from his birth-country weren't remarkably big after all. All that lingered was the slight accent, only noticeable when he tried to pronounce certain sounds. No one had ever made a comment about it though, especially not one of the cooks in the clan. Dachuan had liked him from an early stage into their friendship, and enjoyed spending time with the male when he was free from any missions. 

The last couple of days had been hectic, and the previous night had not brought him many hours of rest. Exhausted but yet not sleepy, he stumbled into the kitchen where Junsu currently was. His weapons were already in the artillery storage, though the small bag with nails around his hips had stayed on. They didn't belong with his guns after all. Also, the guns could scare the male he was visiting, something he didn't want. Fear was not something he felt necessary in that moment, especially not in their own camp. Giving out a short greeting to the working man, he looked around and noticed a stool standing in one of the corners. Dachuan took it out and placed it not too far from the standing male. A heavy sigh left him as he rested against the nearest wall, closing his eyes right as a question left him. His voice might have sounded tired, but he was curious nonetheless. "So how has it been?" 

[timeininfinity]

- 福, 安, 愛