Double Dactyl Classics

Translations and adaptations of the western canon into comic verse forms

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A Brief Summary of Robert Walton's Extraordinarily Long Fourth Letter to Mrs. Saville, England

Frankenstein, Frankenstein,

Student of unhallow’d

Arts, builds a creature

From charnel bits gleaned.  

Vic runs away from his

Hideous progeny,

Good until misery

Makes him a fiend.

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Fun Couple

Higgledy-Piggledy Baucis and Philemon Treated their visitors Just like they should;

Now in return for their Hyperphiloxeny Jupiter's done all he Could, and they're wood.

Diane Arnson Svarlien

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Worms

Jiggery-Pokery

Robert F. Kennedy

Junior, political

Health freak so firm:

Vermeological

Scholars were baffled--his

Neural grey matter was

Gnawed by a worm!

A. Blaine

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Some advice from Horace

Mortally shortily,

Leuconoë, my dear,

Don’t ask how long til

Death takes us away.

  While we sit talking here,

Co-hibernational,

Time runs away from us.

Let’s seize the day.

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Euripides’ Medea

Grabbity stabbity! Jason Aesonides Ditches his witch for a Princess who’s rich. Vengeance Medea brings Pediacidally. Why would you piss off a Murderous witch?

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Titus Andronicus (double dactyl summary)

Bloodily floodily

Titus Andronicus

kills a Goth captive, so

his children die.

 He plots his vengeance and –

ha – singlehandedly

fakes that he’s bonkers and

bakes guys in pie.

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Archilochus 5 (double dactyls)

Aspidy claspidy One of the Thracians is Sporting my shield that I Tossed by a bush.

What if I left it there Anticourageously? I'll get another one. I saved my tush!

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Horace Odes 1.5 (-ish)

Pyrrhic-ly lyric-ly What silly optimist Woos you with roses in Some pleasant cave?

He’ll get a lesson in Oceanography. Me, I gave thanks to the God of the wave.

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Aeneid Proem (double dactyls)

Duteous route-eous Pius Aeneas sing, Fleeing from Troy to make Italy home.

Juno, the goddess, quite Supermalevolent, Made it a bitch to found Nation of Rome.

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Odyssey Proem

ἄνδρα μοι ἔννεπε Wily Odysseus Suffered a lot as from Troy home he came.

He led his men all through Pseudogeography; They didn’t make it, but He’s not to blame.

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Iliad Proem, Double Dactyls

Rage-ety page-ety, Wrath of Achilles, oh Muse, is my topic, which Killed lots of Greeks,

Starting from when he was Antagonistically Dissed by the king and then Pouted for weeks.

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Sappho 1 (Double Dactyl)

Poikily throikily Venus Cytherea Answer my prayer and now Golden, come down.

Say, “What’s the matter? Sound Lesbianology Proves she who spurns you will Soon wear a frown.”