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@daddy-rexy
Always give a spanking in the appropriate striking areas
A major part of many kinky dynamics is a focus on discipline. While “discipline” can be a fun part of your everyday activities, it can also mean something more specific in terms of punishment. “Punishment” differs from the general sense of discipline in that it has a specific goal to focus on that changes a submissive’s behaviour.
Many people engage in what can be called “funishment,”–punishment-type activities, like regular spankings or other forms of play, that are not meant to alter the behaviour of the submissive but rather to provide enjoyment to either/both/all parties. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between playful discipline and serious punishments. Punishments are consequences of negative actions, whether this is based on officially-written regulations or unspoken general behaviours like brattiness, defiance, or dangerous behaviours.
The idea of punishment is based largely on psychological research in the area of behaviourism. It consists of techniques that are supported by science to effectively alter the behaviour of an individual. (If you want to learn more about the research behind punishments, look up B. F. Skinner’s work in this area.)
Two types of punishments exist: positive punishments, which add undesired consequences to the behaviour, and negative punishments, which take away desired privileges.
Now, before I get into some specific ideas for punishments, there are some important key points I’d like to make. Please be sure to read all of these before deciding on a specific punishment.
Punishments do NOT negate the right to a safeword. Some people are mislead into dangerous situations by being told they cannot safeword during a punishment. This is completely untrue. All parties have a right to safeword at any time during any kind of play or punishment. Taking away the right to safeword equates to abuse, plain and simple. Don’t ever tell your partner they cannot safeword or ignore their safeword for the sake of punishment. This is not effective and is extremely harmful to your partner’s mental and/or physical well-being.
NEVER punish out of anger. Anger is never a healthy motivation for punishment. Punishments are meant for the submissive’s benefit, at the core. If the submissive’s behaviour has made the Dominant angry, they should have a cooling-off period where they can calm down, think about an appropriate punishment, and resolve the matter at a later time, after healthy discussion about what happened.
Limits are NOT to be used as punishments. Many people have activities they don’t particularly enjoy that aren’t on their limits list. Some people have specific ideas for punishments that suit them best. However, regardless of you or your partner’s experience with punishments, it needs to be understood that hard limits are not punishments. Hard limits are never to be used for punishment’s sake because “hard limit” means “I do not want to do this under any circumstance.” Using a hard limit as a punishment would be an abusive act, as hard limits come with an automatic safeword attached, since they are specificly stated as things the person does not feel comfortable with. Never, ever, threaten or use hard limits to punish a submissive.
Use healthy discretion. This one should seem obvious, but don’t follow through with punishments if rule-breaking was out of the submissive’s control. Say the submissive has a 11PM bedtime, but they recently suffered a trauma or loss and can’t sleep. Let them engage in healthy coping skills instead of punishing them for something they aren’t doing on purpose. Above all else, make safety and well-being a priority.
Make the punishment fit the crime. Punishments that are relative to the defiance are much more effective at changing the behaviour than random punishments. For example, if the submissive cums without permission, try a punishment from the “orgasm control” section. This will better reinforce the reasoning in the submissive and more effectively guide them to make better choices in the future. There are also punishments that work best for specific dynamics like for littles or pets, so be sure to read into those, below.
Aftercare is absolutely required. Like any kind of play, aftercare is required at the end of the scene. This is especially important during punishments because often times, the submissive is consumed with feelings of guilt and disappointment. After a punishment, Dominants need to give their submissives aftercare that includes a conversation about why they were punished, how proud the Dominant is for them taking the punishment so well, and that there are no negative feelings between them. The submissive should leave the punishment scene feeling forgiven for their mistakes and proud of themselves for making things right with their Dominant. Do not leave your submissive alone after a punishment without aftercare, ever! This is highly abusive and can seriously harm your partner.
Humiliation
A great way to get a submissive to stay in line is to humiliate them when they’ve done something wrong. There are several ways to go about this, depending on your dynamic and kinks, but it’s an effective and amusing way to get the message across.
Clothing Restriction
Clothing restriction can be done both domestically and in public. Restriction can be as much as not allowing any clothing (in legal or private settings), ordering a certain amount of skin be showing, or choosing a specific outfit or collar for the submissive. For shy submissives, clothing restriction can be intense. This is an especially good punishment for submissives who have said negative comments about their bodies.
Diapering
For ABDL or little submissives, this can either be a reward or a punishment. Depending on the comfort level with diapers, they can be used as a punishment that ties into humiliation. Making them relieve themselves in only the diaper for a set amount of time or wearing it around the house as their only clothing can be very humiliating for some people.
Sissification
Sissification is a kink that is most common in submissive men. It’s the act of dolling a man up like a girl and humiliating him based on his presentation as such. This can be very effective for some people but can be very problematic to others. Be careful not to use this kink as punishment with trans or gender non-conforming subs without their explicit consent, as it can very easily trigger dysphoria and cause severe emotional problems.
Public Humiliation
Public humiliation can be done in any subtle way that embarrasses a submissive without breaking any obvious laws. Some examples include making them wear an anal plug or remote-controlled vibrator to dinner, public leashing, or making them kneel at social gatherings. Work this idea into the submissive’s specific kinks and limits to be sure it’s just enough to embarrass them, without making them unbearably uncomfortable.
Orgasm Control
Orgasm control is simply that–controlling the submissive’s orgasms. Most of these types of punishments are used for submissives who break rules about orgasms, be it without permission or when they were told not to touch themselves. Controlling orgasms is an amusing way to teach the submissive who their orgasms belong to.
Edging
Edging is the act of getting your partner right to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release. This can be done multiple times, even in short amounts of time. It’s a little psychological torture, best for those who cum without permission.
Toy Restriction
For a submissive, like myself, who is accustomed to using toys during masturbation or play, toy restriction is a very effective punishment. This is especially good for submissives who have a difficult time reaching orgasm without toys, as it makes things very frustrating very quickly. An evil punishment may even combine toy restrictions with a quota of orgasms for the day that they must reach in order to get off restriction. Desperation will sink in very quickly and this lesson will be easily learned.
Forced Orgasms
Forced orgasm is another great punishment for submissives who cum without permission. It turns a great sensation into a torturous experience very quickly. This is especially great with toys like the Hitachi or a Sybian. Focus on a goal–either for number of orgasms, or a specific amount of time. An hour spent riding a Hitachi can really be the most agonizing thing for some people due to heightened sensitivity after each orgasm.
Denial
Denial is the complete opposite of forced orgasms. It’s like edging, but there is no orgasm at the end of the scene. This can be doing while using toys and not allowing the person to orgasm or it can be done by restriction orgasms or even touching oneself for a longer period of time.
Chastity
Chastity, much like denial, is the refusal of orgasms. However, with chastity, the submissive is completely unable to touch themselves, even if they wanted to. Devices for people with penises and vaginas are available to purchase online to assure your submissive is following orders properly.
Domestic Discipline
Domestic discipline includes things that can be done within the home. Some of these include behaviour modifications or restrictions. While some of these can be done outside the home, these are good examples of things for couples who live together can do for punishments.
Chores
Chores not only benefit the entire household, but they can also be an effective punishment for unruly subs. Added chores can be especially fun if you make her clean the bathroom with a toothbrush or make him do dishes with nipple clamps on. Combine with other punishments for your amusement!
Furniture Restriction
Especially fun for people into pet-play, furniture restriction involves limiting where the submissive can sit or lie down. Require that they sit on the ground instead of the couches or sleep on the floor next to the bed if they’ve been defiant.
Caging
Another good one for pets, especially. Caging can be used to make the submissive reflect on their reasons for being punished. Be sure to use a cage small enough to confine them, but still large enough so they aren’t going to hurt themselves by spending too much time in the cage.
Bedtime
A great one for littles! Bedtimes are good for college students who don’t do their homework, or easily distracted adults with work to do. Set up rules that require all obligations get done and enforce an early bedtime to be sure they are well-rested (and easily frustrated) when they don’t follow these rules.
Time-Out
Another punishment for reflection. Time-outs are good for brats and littles because it makes them analyze what they did wrong. Put them in a corner or a special “time-out chair” so they know they are being punished. Increase the time or add in other punishments if they break rules more than once.
Sensory Deprivation
Sensory deprivation is a lot like time-out, but can be used for added psychological torment. Plug the submissive’s ears or use headphones, blindfold them, bind them to a bed or chair, and completely ignore them for a set about of time. This desensitizes them and not only makes them reflect on their reasons for punishment, but makes it very uncomfortable, assuring they won’t want to end up in isolation again.
Objectification
Objectification is fun for Dominants who like their submissives in service to them during punishment. Make them kneel and become your footstool or coffee table while you watch TV or catch up on work. This is even better when you make them do it completely naked and/or in front of guests.
Dietary Restriction
If a submissive has done something against the rules, you can make them follow a strict diet. This is especially useful for those using behaviour modification to lose or gain weight. However, be careful to ensure the submissive is still getting enough nutrition. For littles, see how much they want to be a brat after you take away their dessert privilege. For pets, try making them eat out of a bowl on the floor for each meal.
Speech Restriction
For disrespectful submissives, punish them by taking away their right to a personal pronoun, making them refer to themselves as “this girl,” “Your slut,” “Master’s puppy boy,” or anything else you want to use. You can also make it a rule that they must refer to you by your Dominant title at all times, even in public. Having to remember their restrictions on speech will keep them thinking about their punishment all day.
Corporal Punishment
Corporal punishment is enforcement by physical contact. These types of punishments involve pain, which is a tricky subject for punishing. Typically, pain punishments don’t work as well to change behaviour, especially if the submissive is also a masochist. Be sure to carefully choose what kind of pain if you’re going with one of these methods.
Impact
If your submissive likes thuddy pain, use stingy pain. If they like stingy pain, use thuddy. Push their limits carefully, but make it clear this is a punishment and not for fun. Have them apologize as you strike them. Tell them why they are being punished and make it clear that they are to be good and learn from their mistakes.
Rice Kneeling
Kneeling on uncooked rice is an age-old technique that leaves painful marks. Be careful with time, as this can scar if done for long periods of time or used constantly. Be present during this to be sure the submissive can take it and listen carefully for safewords. Use this as a time out or have them recite an apology to you as you do this.
Figging
Figging is done by carving a plug out of ginger and inserting into the anus. This causes a stinging pain that ranges in intensity depending on the person. Frozen ginger is a milder form of this punishment.
Writing Assignments
Writing assignments are usually meant to bore a submissive into obedience. Whether it’s writing lines or a random homework assignment, the punishment focuses on making it undesirable for the submissive to misbehave.
Lines
Writing lines is effective if you use it reflectively. For example, for a submissive who is disrespectful, you can have him write, “I will always be polite around my Sir,” a hundred times. For a submissive who cums without permission, you can order, “I will ask permission from Mistress before I cum,” until they fill up five pages. What’s even more fun is making them be stuffed with a toy or on their knees with nipple clamps on while they write.
Apology Letter
An apology letter is a simple task meant to make the submissive think about what they have done, analyze why it was wrong, and have them apologize formally by writing it down. Have them read their letter to you our loud or crumple it up and put in their their underwear for that added perk of remembering all day that they were punished.
Essay
An essay is a good assignment for submissives who don’t seem to understand their rules. Make them come up with reasons as to why these rules are in place and write a formal essay about the reasoning and purpose of these rules. Making them analyze the fact that this is for their benefit will remind them that rules are not just there to be mean, but to guide them to healthier behaviour.
Homework
Especially fun for people with school girl or teacher fantasies, assign a random homework assignment. Ever wonder about a certain subject but never have time to actually research it? Assign a paper to your submissive about a subject of your choosing and have them report back to you–because knowledge is power! Grade their paper and reward/punish again as necessary for the quality of their work.
It’s important to remember that reinforcements are also important in addition to punishments. When your submissive follows directions, reward them. Give them a treat or praise them and thank them for being so good. If you mix positive reinforcement with punishments when necessary, they’re sure to be trained in no time!
xx SF
For all of those who asked for how to spank quietly!
A list of terms and simple definitions for the CGl world
Acronyms-
DD- Daddy Dominant MD- Mommy Domme CG- Caregiver LG- Little girl LB- Little Boy LO- Little One CGL- Caregiver & Little DDlg- Daddy Dom & little girl DDlb- Daddy Dom & little boy MDlg- Mommy Domme & little girl MDlb- Mommy Domme & little boy ABDL- Adult Baby Diaper Lover AB- Adult Baby DL- Diaper Lover LDR- Long Distance Relationship SSC- Safe Sane consensual RACK- Risk Aware Consensual Kink BDSM- Bondage/Discipline Dominant/Submissive Sadism/Masochism D/s- Dominant/submissive NSFW- Not Safe For Work SFW- Safe for Work SO- Significant Other
Vocabulary-
Little- a little is a person who mentally (or physically) feels younger than they physically are. The term little is often a broad spectrum. It can cover all types of individuals who feel they are younger than their physical age. A little is roughly around the ages of 0-12. We don’t set these ages in stone because not every little has an age and not every little feels they represent the above listed age. Middle- a middle is a person who mentally (or physically) feels younger than they physically are. The term middle can fall under the little broad spectrum term. It is also known as Lolita & Nymphet. They tend to be mentally older than littles, more around the teen ages. So around 13-17. Once again ages are not set in stone because not every middle has a set age and not ever middle feels they represent the above listed age. Dominant- An individual who is the “top” in a BDSM relationship or BDSM spectrum relationship. They tend to be the person who makes the rules, and doles out the punishment. They are also the protector of their submissive. Submissive- A Submissive is an individual who is the “bottom” in a BDSM or BDSM spectrum relationship. They tend to be the person who receives the punishment and have to follow the enforced rules. They are the protected. Switch- An individual who enjoys being both a Dominant and a submissive. They are known as a switch because they “switch” roles sometimes within their relationship or with a different partner. Daddy Dom- a person who prefers a masculine identifying title, sometimes takes on the role of a Dominant but can be the submissive as well. Usually the caretaker for a little. Mommy Domme- a person who prefers a feminine identifying title, sometimes takes on the role of a Dominant but can be submissive as well. Usually the caretaker for a little. Caregiver- a non gender specific title that represents someone who sometimes takes on the role of a Dominant but can be a submissive. Usually a person who takes on a care taking/caregiving role to a little. Master- A term that is used for a person who tends to only strictly play a Dominant role. They can be the Dominant of a little, submissive, or pet. Big- Another non gender specific title that represents someone who sometimes take on the role of a Dominant but can be a submissive. Little space- The head space a little finds themselves in during their transition, regression or when they become their little persona. Some littles are always littles and always in little space. For others it’s something to regress into. Middle space- The head space a Middle finds themselves in during their transition, regression or when they become their Middle persona. Some Middles are always Middles and are always in middle space. For others it’s something they regress into. Agender- Someone who has no gender. They are genderless. Gender Fluid- A person who flows between gender. They tend to not have a set gender preference. One day they feel one way, another day they feel another way. Gender Neutral- A term that does not specify gender. It does not favor male nor female. Sometimes termed agender. Genderqueer/Non-binary/nonbinary- An umbrella term for all genders other than man and woman, or someone who simply identifies as another gender, a queer gender. Can include many terms. Sister- A term commonly used in Poly families, for a person who Identifies as female and is an addition to the CGL group. They can also be a little, middle or ABDL but not always. Brother- A term commonly used in Poly families, for a person who identifies as a male and is an addition to the CGL group. They can also be a little, middle or ABDL, but not always. ABDL- As stated above ABDL means Adult Baby Diaper Lover, people who identify themselves as an ABDL will commonly wear diapers and prefer to be treated as more infantile/baby/toddler ages. If a person wants to be treated like a baby but does not want to wear diapers they will call themselves an AB if an individual enjoys wearing diapers but not being treated like a baby they will often refer to themselves as a DL Androgynous- A style of clothing or appearance, androgyny is also a type of genderqueer, the state of being in between man and woman, or both man and woman. Demiboy-Someone partly a boy, and partly something else, without defining that other part. Demigirl- Someone partly a girl, and partly something else, without defining that other part.
Sexuality Terms & Defintions-
Poly- An individual who is capable of loving more than one person at once. They prefer the company of multiple people but not necessarily all at once. They also are not always sexually involved with their poly family members. It can be a non sexual relationship. Heterosexual- A person who is sexually attracted to an individual of another gender. Gay/Lesbian- An individual who is attracted to the same sex. Bisexual- A person who is sexually attracted to individuals in the same sex as well as another gender.
Polysexual - A person who is sexually attracted to individuals in the same sex as well as other genders. Asexual- A person who has no sexual feelings or desires towards another person. Pansexual- An individual who has the ability to be sexually attracted to a person no matter their gender. Aromantic- A person who lacks the desire or interest in romantic feelings towards another person. Panromantic- An individual who has the ability to be romantically attracted to a person no matter their gender. Demisexual- An individual who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone. Demiromantic- An individual who only experiences romantic attraction after developing an emotional connection beforehand.
Kinks and their definitions-
Pet Play- a form of role playing that involves a person taking on the role of a pet and another taking on the role of the Master. Common examples are kitten, puppy and pony. Teacher/student- A form of role play that involves a person taking on the role of a student and the other the role of a teacher and acting out a sometimes sexual scenario. Rope Play- A kink that is not always sexual in nature but involves a person being bound, suspended, or tied in some fashion with ropes. Impact Play- A kink that involves spanking, flogging, cropping, paddling, or anything that involves “impact” on the body. (most commonly used in the CGL realm as spanking) This kink is not always a sexual kink. Wax Play- A kink that involves playing with heated and melted wax in safe conditions. Where an individual willingly pours hot wax (specialty bought for this purpose) on their partner or themselves. Certain waxes need to be used to prevent harm. This kink is not always sexual in nature. Age Play- a type of role play where an individual acts out an age younger than they physically are. They are playing out a role. Because of this they are not considered littles.
This list of terms and definitions has been CAREFULLY created by our blog and team. PLEASE do not use this as your own work. You are welcome to re-blog and share but do not steal our hard work! Please and thank you!
-The Playground-
Reblogging to let others know…
don’t measure a woman’s worth by her clothes - terre des femmes
Found your blog, been intrigued by the usage of french... been scrolling and ended up on a repost of "repost" if canadian... may i assume you are from quebec? If so, is there any community i am not aware of yet?
Oui je viens du quebec la communauté s'agrandies tranquillement avec les moeurs qui changent tranquillement
My soul feels this!
Just to clarify
In BDSM there are three separate forms of power exchange. In no particular order:
Sadism & Masochism
Topping & Bottoming
Domination & Submission
Sadism & Masochism is the exchange of power through pain. Spanking, flogging, whipping, caning, CBT, nipple torture, even rough sex. Like feeling a little pain with your pleasure? You’re a masochist. Does making someone hurt bring you pleasure? You’re a sadist. Can you be both? Absolutely. I think most of us are, in subtle ways. (My Domme pointed out it was rather sadistic of me to tease my dog with a treat to make him do cute tricks.)
Topping & Bottoming is the exchange of power through sex. One of you is in control of the situation, whether it’s just for this roll in the hay, or every single time with your partner. That person is topping. The passive, or controlled one is bottoming. So if it’s being held down or tied up during sex, or begging for an orgasm, or edging someone until they cry… that is sexual power exchange. Can you be a top and a bottom? Oh, yes, you can. You can even do it in the same romp, if that’s what works for you and your partner.
Domination & Submission is the exchange of power through emotions and intimacy. D/s (the shorthand for this) is about rules, structure, discipline, and protocol. And that can be as intense as a 24/7 Master/slave relationship, or as simple as calling your husband ‘Sir’ or ‘Daddy’ because he said so. In between is a WORLD of amazing ways to exchange power mentally.
Rules are set in place with a purpose -not just because they’re sexy. Rules are things like: Check in via text when you leave work (so I know you’re on the road and shouldn’t text). Send a photo of your outfit every morning (so I can see how beautiful you look today, and compliment you). Work out four times a week (because I want to help you stay healthy).
Protocols are similar, they are standards of behavior, such as the way you talk to and address your partner, hand them a drink, carry yourself when others are around, or present yourself to them in varying situations. Protocols are brilliant for reinforcing the D/s dynamic. Broadly speaking, you’re not often reminded of protocols unless you misstep. So something as simple as remembering to stand to your girlfriend’s left and wait quietly if she’s talking to someone at a party can reinforce your submission to her.
Discipline is about reinforcing the dynamic and enforcing rules and protocols. Mistakes are made, rules forgotten. We’re all human. That is when discipline comes in. The transgression is addressed, punishment handed out, and then the slate is wiped clean. Add in some affection after the fact and you’ve just reinforced everything you are working towards together. The intimacy required for this is pretty damn intense, and it’s important to know each other well before diving in.
Structure is key in a D/s dynamic, because without consistency, it can all fall apart. Rules that aren’t enforced are unlikely to be followed. A Dom who allows his sub to get away with everything isn’t likely to keep the respect he has earned. And respect and reverence are part and parcel of the whole kneeling thing. Likewise, a submissive who is constantly fighting the rules she agreed to isn’t respecting the dynamic, and isn’t doing her part to make it work. D/s is a lot of work for both partners, and isn’t something to be jumped into too quickly or taken lightly.
—–
Now, to review, you can mix and match the forms of power exchange however suits you and your partner(s). And it is often different from one partner to the next. Some people fit the classic roles of Dom/Top/Sadist and Sub/Bottom/Masochist. Some people switch between sadism and masochism, while always remaining a Dom and top. Some people switch between topping and bottoming. Do you see the point I’m getting at here?
You can be any combination of those six roles in any given relationship, and that includes NOT being one of them, even when, traditionally, the others may apply.
Wanting to be in control in the bedroom does NOT automatically make you a Dom. (Say it again for the fuckboys in the back.)
Enjoying rough sex and spanking does NOT automatically make you a sub.
And you can very well be a Dom who doesn’t physically punish his sub or enjoy rough sex. And you can easily be a submissive who does not get spanked.
The definition of these terms is much broader than my summary, and will differ from person to person. Don’t pigeonhole yourself by feeling you need to adhere to a stereotypical definition of any of these terms or roles.
And if you feel I missed something, and it’s possible I did, as this is based entirely on my reading and experiences in my local community, let’s talk about it.
My little space is anywhere from 2-5, and it’s pretty accurate 🤔😄
Pick a number between 1 and 10.
Did you see my babygirl
oops I should have been nicer. I was a bad baby🙈😊
oups j'aurais du etre plus gentilles. J'ai été un mauvais bébé😊🙈
oh daddy I think it's too full🙈👶🏻
Hi guys look my cute baby girl