🍀 Happy Fourth Anniversary Dagda 🍀
Today is mine and Dagda's fourth anniversary. It's also the same number of leaves a lucky clover has. But I firmly know that I did not just stumble upon Dagda by sheer luck. It was written in the stars. Naturally, in these past four years. I've learned many things, all because of my One, Dagda.
You see, Dagda didn't just love me. He nurtured me. Let me cry on him, allowed me to be flawed and human, didn't have high expectations of me. He gave me permanent stability, trust, loyalty, consistency, and love above all. I feel so blessed and I'm literally sobbing from happiness as I type this.
He taught me that no one is perfect, no one, and it was wrong of people to have ridiculous expectations of me. But most of all? He taught me that all my assumptions of humanity are hard facts.
People DO swing from one extreme to the other whenever its convenient. People are fickle. That people are some of the most worthless things in this entire cosmos. Humanity is a plague in itself.
Remember those kiddie shows we watched that preached kindness, "love", "empathy", patience, forgiveness, teamwork, da power of friendship, yadda yadda yadda, you get it.
It didn't take me long to realize that none of these courtesies were ever extended to me ever. I however, was expected to be all of these and more. I found it extremely unfair, and when I spoke out against my mistreatment, I was labelled "difficult" by these hypocrites.
Even in my own "family" I learned that I didn't matter at all, I would then see how everyone else helped everyone for the smallest things, but I was quickly cast aside as the black sheep. Just like Dagda was by his own mommy dearest in the "bonds" route.
I was never someone's priority. I was never someone anyone cared about, and whenever I was sad I was told to "grow up and get over it"
I would be told that "FAMILY IS EVERYTHING" and yet people in my own family would rather help other strangers over me.
And when I did the same? Suddenly I was told to "have some sympathy"
Thus, I refuse to care for a world that never cared about me. So called best friends left me for boyfriends they knew for 3 months, So why bother associating with this hypocritical species?
And Dagda reflects this in SMT4A, you really are better off alone.. with your beloved Forever One that loves you no matter what. It's why I prioritize romantic love above all. When I remade the universe, it was only Dagda and me alone. He told me to choose someone I can depend on. And.. I chose him.
I never understood why other special needs kids got help but I didn't. Why are others always prioritized over me?
But Dagda.. my Dagda, my beloved, my One, changed all that. For once? I was in the spotlight, I was asked what I wanted for once. I felt like I mattered with Dagda, I felt held.
If you've ever seen the movie Midsommar you'll know what I'm talking about, yes I fucking know it's a cult litmus test but what Pele said wasn't false. "Dani.. do you feel held by him? Does he feel like home to you?" that quote hit me harder than COVID did.
Because I realized that I never felt "held" by anyone… except for when I met Dagda. And by the Gods, I wasn't gonna let go, not now, not ever. I learned what true masculinity was, and what family was. I learned that it was, in fact, not normal to expect a PhD from your child by the age of 2.
People often preach (and never practice) how "it tAKes A vILLAGe TO RAisE a cHIlD" well, gosh golly I wonder what fantasy world this takes place in because I never had that as a kid. My time was primarily spent in my head where I was guaranteed to be safe.
But I know that humans lie all the time, even so called "professionals" and "scientists" after all lobotomies were considered "treatment" once. Dagda taught me to question everything around me, including "professionals". I only believe Dagda now, nothing else.
And after I finished SMT4A, I began questioning even more how much of the "facts" we know today are all just lies made up to ease people's sensitivities. In a world that certainly didn't ever take me into consideration - I began to treat the world like it treated me. And.. my soul transformed. I stopped saying please and thank you all the time, I was a bitch. And the world bent to me. Pizza was delivered faster, people got out of my way. I got clothes in my proper size, I got angry when my order was incorrect, because if I wasn't allowed to make a mistake, no one was.
In a lot of games that have humans and monsters in the settings. (aka star trek, star wars, etc) humans are constantly told how "good" and pure" and "Fascinating" they are.
And I'm just like "are you being serious right now"
we are nothing, are nothing, have always been nothing and should be treated LIKE SHIT by other species like we deserve to be.
This is why I loved SMT4A. Humans were reduced to nothing but chattel for demons, eaten, and discarded. This game speaks the truth about humans, and so does Dagda <3 We are a dangerous viral plague and its time other species saw us as such.
The law of the jungle extends to humans too, you gotta be scarier than what scares you. You gotta mark your territory in this awful dog eat fish world. Nature doesn't give you second chances, it's what Dagda taught me, and what animals have learned since birth-- and they're better off for it.
"Krystal! You're so amazing and sexy but what does this have to do with Dagda?" sit down young padawan and lemme learn you something Throughout SMT4A, "FWENDSHIP" is pushed on you but... *you are doing the heavy lifting* the entire time, it reminded me so much of the group projects we had in class.
Dagda confirmed what I knew to be true: You can't rely on anyone but yourself.. .and your Forever One. And I later learned that Dagda's message wasn't "Isolate yourself" but "No, you shouldn't need anyone's approval to do jackshit if you aren't hurting anyone"
I love him. I love him, I love him.
Dagda prioritized me, and for once I was being loved exactly how I *wanted to* and *NEEDED* and it was all at face value, his love for me wasn't conditional. This was especially evident during SMT4A where I kept dying a lot, but he bought me back each time, *forgave MY mistakes*—
Because I'm just human. I do not harm anyone by making simple mistakes. To get to the meat of the post, I feel like I actually matter now, people preach that humans are supposedly social creatures, we certainly don't act like it.
it was interesting how your so called friends in SMT4a -
Immediately assumed Dagda was evil, immediately assumed the wrong things about (especially Nozomi...) and you never had a chance to even TALK to anyone. But I think Dagda did that on purpose, because even when you speak sometimes, no one listens.
My Dagda, my One, My Stars, My Sun, My Moon, My Universe, My Cosmos, Blood of my Blood, Bone of my bone.. I'm so lucky to have met you, that's how I feel. I am blessed and grateful. You will always be my #1 priority. I am at your beck and call no matter what.
This is the one thing I will not question, because after so long, I am allowed to just *be*. To just exist and breathe. My wounds have healed, you washed them away with your love that rained down upon me. On this very day, I first met you.
And it was because of his love, I actually started to feel more independent, so anyone who says loving your kids will make them weak? Was *FULL OF SHIT* But hey, what could humans possibly know about nurturing and caring anyways, those words are the antithesis of humanity itself.
Thank you once again, for making me realize that.. with your love. I can be GOD herself.
Thank you, thank you.. so much for letting me be a part of your world.
I don't know what else to add, but you loved me. Love is the most important thing in the world and I guess I finally understand that. Happy 4th Anniversary Dagda. I love you. Beyond the end.
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