DaisyboosDiary

I'm a 1 year old mini Dachshund who loves adventure and blogging my tails/tales.

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Dear Diary, Its Sunday and I have been playing with my new squeaky ball since 4am.  Let me start at the beginning, I wanted a new squeaky ball that I saw at the Pet shop last week when we were there getting my bum tablets.  I really, really wanted the squeaky ball, but mum said she’d spent too much on the bum tablets and I needed to wait until Christmas.  I said I didn't mind having worms in my bottom, but mum ignored me (as usual).  So the cheap skate bought me a new $3 ball from Target.   She said she was really busy with crappy Christmas craft for the kindy kids and she needed some peace and quiet.  So,  she got the stupid ball out the Target bag slowly like it was some awesome, amazing present.  Big freaking deal, I thought.  I can get a hole in that in 20 seconds.  It actually took on 17 seconds.  I know this, because mum repeated the story to every person who cared to listen.  Today (Sunday) I got my new ball.  It was from Coles and Its really squeaky. I love it!  I can squeak it on repeat for around 4 minutes before taking a breath.    I can get it under most couches and beds, which is so much fun as mum and dad have to dislocate their shoulder to get it out. They use really bad language whilst doing this.  

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Soooo, its been a while since I wrote my diary.  Mums been busy travelling and I was sent on ‘retreat’ to Nanna and Grandads.  I put on 2kg in the 3 weeks I was on ‘holiday’ eating supposedly ‘thumb nail’ sized treats (grandad gave me foot sized treats) and mum put on 5kg eating everything she could get her hands on, me thinks.  Anyhow, my huge fan pool of 5 asked if I would post again, so here it is.  My day.  Had a run down near the river with the ball.  Met a fluffy dog called ‘sparky’ who liked to be chased - no judgement here, and then we had brekkie at Little Stove.  The humans got at the nice stuff, I got the usual crap in the little container that mum gets excited about.  Who cares about your shitty liver biscuit, I say.  She ignores me and forces me to sit so I can have it.  Big whoop.  The we went to a crappy Christmas craft market.   Mum loves that shit, but dad and I pretend to be interested.  It got really boring so I thought I would liven up things with a sneaky vomit in front of the handmade bags stall.  twice.  Mum was chatting to the nutty lady in the tent and dad was getting excited over the vomit and waving excitedly to mum.  settle down old man, I thought.  He collected the chunky vomit up in the poo bag to keep for later.  Dad’s weird like that.  So this is me sleeping it off on the couch, I might get a bonus lunch off of the vomit incident.  fingers crossed.

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Dear diary, it’s Friday and my day started great! I found an old sock at the park that smelt brilliant and a disposable glove a druggie left behind. Mum chased me for it, but kept it. Just can’t find it now I’m home🤔Sam came home from work with a lamb bone!!😆that’s me with it. That was a pretty big f$&ing lamb. The other photo is me stalking Mum while she ate a custard cannoli. I love custard. I gave Mum a bag for Mother’s Day. I told dad she’d like a grey one but dad got the black one, so today we’re going to swap it for the grey one😏Mum went out with her friends last night. She came home after bed time and she snuck into bed with dad. She didn’t even say hello to me. I waited a while then barked continually til Mum got up and and gave me a cuddle. She’s a bit grumpy this morning 😡

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Dear diary, it’s Friday and Mum knitted me a new jumper. It’s pink and itchy and I hate it. I wanted a Black Death metal one🤬she made it without a pattern hence the weird shape. A million patterns on the web and she wants to wing it😩Mum wanted a nice photo for nana but I did my stupid pose then ripped a hole in the stupid jumper. Mum got mad but I like the vintage look.

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Dear diary, it’s Sunday and I’m bored. I woke up early with the loud thunder. Actually, it was Mum yelling “f$&k” every time it went BOOM that kept me awake so I woke up in a bad mood😡I decided to gut mr monkey whilst waiting for my walk. I left the fluffy guts in mums couch so she could see how good I am at gutting. you’re welcome mum😊then we went out for lunch. We had chips and a seagull kept staring at us eating the chips. I kept barking at the seagull and Mum and dad kept yelling at me to keep going so I did. Then we had to leave. That seagull made dad really mad. I’ll bark more next time i think...

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Dear diary, it’s been a busy few days. I went to my aunties how’s to entertain the new baby granddaughter. She smelt like wee and milk which was fantastic as I got away with my usual stinkbombs. She thought I was funny and I thought she was hilarious too, I mean, she had no teeth! Eddie and me played chased and he stole my chewy stick and bickie but I didn’t mind as I didn’t really like it. I helped dad at work building some steps out of wood. My barking at his rake really helped him. Lucky I went... God I’m brilliant ...

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Dear diary, it’s Saturday and I’m at the WA dachshund fun day. I met heaps of friends and and a few frienemies but mostly is was great to see other dogs eye to eye. I met my brother and sister and remembered why i was glad to leave them 😩the black dog was my best friend. She liked me too. I wanted a sausage sizzle but Mum said no. I got a peanut butter biscuit instead which a big bully stole off me shortly after the pic. Mum said I could have another at home but that didn’t happen. I’m wearing a Gwen stefani outfit but didn’t win the comp. the judge needs glasses. The winning outfit was sooo last year…

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Dear diary, auntie ang came over today. I barked at her cos she scared the shit outta me when she came in. Auntie ang had chicken which she gave me as a bribe. I took the bribe and pooed in her shoe. It’s her birthday, she’ll love that surprise ....thanks auntie Angie xxx

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Helping build LEGO with dad by secretly eating the bits on the floor😆 (at South Lake)

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Dear diary, is Tuesday and I’m helping dad and Sam build a lego rocket. I’ve eaten a bit so hope they don’t need that little door…and the pilot…and the s from USA……met Blackie dog down the park. He had a frisbee and he wouldn’t share. Wanker😡

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Dear diary, today is Sunday and me Mum and dad are sleeping in. It’s lovely but boring so I thought I’d shift their lazy arses outta bed with a fake vomit. Jeez I can dry retch good and they are up in a flash!!😁we went to south Perth markets for a look-see and got a heap of attention. This is me down the foreshore eating old seagull poo and checking out the jumping fish! After these photos were taken, I jumped into some super stinky seaweed which made Mum mad and I had to sit on mums new pants in the car on the way home. They look better on me, just saying……

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Dear diary, it’s Friday and this is a photo of me just before I got in trouble for eating dads prosciutto. 😡Boy, can I run!! The day didn’t start well as I was in bed with Mum putting up with her rotten morning farts when I needed to poo quick! So, as I’m sooo courteous and thoughtful, I found a nice quiet spot on mums cream carpet to do a poo. It was a bit runny, a lot runny, but I did I where she could see it, not like before when it was on the wooden floor and Mum stepped in it just before she went to work. I THOUGHT I was being considerate🤬. Well, wait til she puts those sneakers on tomorrow....🐒

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Dear diary, it’s Wednesday and it’s the first day of my new job- out picking up a lawnmower in cowramarup. Took 2.5 hours in the Ute to get there and had to listen to country music the whole time. Met a new dog who digs for truffles. He liked me a lot. I think he was a little bit scared of me too...I like that! Got chicken for a treat and Mum packed me a boring lunch. I wanted the sausage roll the blokes had not my shitty mince and biscuits again🤬. Rosie slept over last night 😁and I woke her by sticking my tongue up her nose. She likes that. I’m wearing my new handmade steampunk necklace. It’s from America and I hate it.

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Dear diary, it’s Sunday and we’re down the river looking at a crappy craft fair. Nothing for Me as usual! I wanted a bacon sandwich but dad said no thanks😡WTF. Then we went for a walk and I was stalked by swans a pelican and a dolphin. Leave me alone wilya! But I found an old Bandaid(see photo) and mum fought me for it but I won! I was super stinky. Then I found a prawn no one wanted. It was missing its head. And was squishy but it tasted fantastic. Stick ur bacon up your date old man! That’s a pic of me at the pub with a cider.

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Dear diary, it’s Saturday and me and oldies went to East Perth today for a brekkie and a walk. The highlight was the bonus bacon from the old man🤪. You can see the stadium in the background. I had to climb a mountain with my little legs going so fast I had a tiny vomit in my mouth which was nice as I got to eat that bacon a second time!

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Dear diary, it’s Friday and I’m doing yoga to start the day. I’m doing ‘backward dog’ ‘pretzel’ and ‘croissant’ moves. I just wish Mum would respect my chi and f$&k off with the bright flashing light!😡she looks like she could do with a bit of yoga too.

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Dear diary, it’s Saturday and I’m sick with a cough. I went to nan and grandads but no chicken treats today. I don’t know what ‘over feeding’ is but they say it a lot. Went to Nan’s park which was kinda fun. Eddy wasn’t at Nan’s either. I left a message for him in the lounge room but nan cleaned it up. I hid the new message behind the couch, I hope he gets it....