I don't really have anywhere else to write this because too many people I know are on social media, but mostly none of them follow me on here. Every day this feeling of loneliness just overwhelms me. Little things start taking control over my emotions. Hearing someone doesn't like me, family members getting upset with me for things I didn't do, just little things start to take a place in my brain and soon it starts to feel like they're chanting, "no one wants to be around you!" I know I've messed up and I know I've hurt someone beyond what my words can fix. Now after they tried to give me a chance, I'm left alone. So completely alone. I wake up in anxiety attacks, I smoke to put myself out of my pain, it used to be just because I liked to smoke. Now, its to just escape these overwhelming feelings. I miss you with all of my heart. I'm grateful you're still in my life even if it's not under the circumstances that I want. I'm grateful you're still there, even though sometimes I tell myself you're only being kind. And I tell myself that one day you'll just stop altogether. I pray that day never comes but rather that one day I'll be waking up next to you again. I pray that one day I'll be able to be held by you again while we watch movies late into the night. I've taken so much for granted this year and I'm so sorry. Never again would I dream of hurting you, rather every day I dream of moments that I can love you and care for you the way you should be loved and cared for again. I pray I can be strong and that I can heal. I pray that only positive energy flows to us and that we can love each other again one day. I'll probably never stop.
