i donāt want to feel feelings anymore

Love Begins

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@damienss
i donāt want to feel feelings anymore
How are you?
i wanna die sometimes but iām fine
āThere is a corner of my heart that is yours. And I donāt mean for now or until Iāve found somebody else. I mean to say that whether I fall in love a thousand times over or never again, there will always be a small quiet place in my heart that belongs only to you.ā
ā Beau Taplin ⢠T h e Ā C o r n e r Ā
When your heart cries, but your eyes stay dry. I think thatās the worse it can get.
Sigh...
Letās just have a night out all night, just talk and I mean get into each otherās mind again. Like the old days, like the first day me and you had feelings for each other. Letās go back to the simpler times cause life is too hard to go alone.
Iām back? Well...for now
Man life is going so well now like everything is falling into place which is great and Iām happy to finally feel like things are moving along, but I have no home...nothing/no one to consider my home a place to feel at ease. Life itself is great but I do want āmyā life back Iām missing apart of my life along time ago, so far my heart is empty without it like my life is moving and going places but itās filling my heart. Itās hard still like it was gone yesterday but i miss you everyday still, I hope youāre great and I really need you but I donāt like to bother. Iāll suffer in silence with an empty heart that canāt be filled.
Things changed
Idk what or how I should really feel about everything that happened in my life right now, everything is well and great but I still feel something is missing I don't think of much but it comes up from time to time. I guess I still feel my love is with her "Mary" what I dumb thing to think about right? I still miss her and everything it sucks to feel this way sometimes but also good. Becoming the man I am now I wish I can sit down and have a talk with her like adults, I want to know if she is well, how is her family, just want to know about her life that I missed cause I do care and I care more since I learn to become a better person then I was when she left. I'll probably never will get that chance in my life but I hope she is well and everything is going great for her, one day I hope she have the heart and courage to come talk to me I want you to know I changed a lot and I want to tell you everything cause I feel like you're the only one I can really talk too cause no one else can fit in your shoes.
Been doing well...
I been doing well lately, been pretty okay but it's always one time no matter what I feel so alone. I know it can't be helped but now I truly know the feeling of being heartbroken even after a year.
I still ask about you.. I dont why i do it but i always want to hear about you still, even if things didnt go well for us. i canāt stop me from asking people Iāll smile and say to themĀ ā Iām glad she is goodā hearing you are doing well makes my heart feel better knowing youāre doing well. Iāll never find a girl like you again or Iāll never feel the way i felt when we fell in love, i just wish you a happy life but with me i donāt wish for anything but you. Everyday wishing for you makes me hate myself more and more itās a bad habit...
1
Every now and then I go from smiling to complete sadness, I feel like something is missing is my life that have me empty and soulless. I wish I stop but nothing seem to help not even all the alcohol I drink and the weed I smoke can hide the loneliness in my heart.
Sigh...that was hard
Seeing you in person and it been awhile but I managed not to cry or tear up, I'm growing but not healing I still do love you but I know you are happy, it will haunt me until I forget your face. I am happy for you I'm glad you are happy I hope you stay that way cause I want nothing to ever make you feel the way I made you feel. I love you girl and you'll always in my heart maybe one day we can talk it out in person like we use too but until then goodluck and I wish you a happy life.
I want you to be weak. As weak as I am.
Milan Kundera, Ā The Unbearable Lightness of Being (via wordsnquotes)