Today, I fucked up... by pranking my roommate my scrambling all his eggs, putting the scrambled eggs back in the carton, and telling him he bought "Pre-Scrambled Eggs".
My roommate goes shopping on Sunday evenings. He bought a carton of eggs. Last night after shopping he went out, and I knew he’d probably not be back that night.
So I decided to scramble every egg from the carton. I ate some of them (It was always my intention to replace the egg carton, just to get that out of the way), and the rest I stuffed the scrambled egg back into the carton. So it was just a carton of scrambled egg.
Then on the back of the carton I wrote “Pre Scrambled” in marker.
This morning I hear my roommate exclaim “What the fuck!?”
I ran into the kitchen and saw him staring dumbfounded at the carton. He kept looking from me to the carton and back. “Did you buy the Pre-Scrambled kind?” I asked.
He looked at me like I had just spoken Saturnian, so I repeated my question. “The fuck do you mean?” he replied.
I took the carton from him, acted like I was carefully examining the packaging, and then pointed out the writing on the back. Pre-Scrambled. “Yeah, you bought Pre-Scrambled Eggs,” I said.
He looked as perplexed as it is possible for a person to be. Maximum perplexness.
I put on an act of being amazed that he had never heard of Pre-Scrambled eggs, and about how I always check the back of the carton to make sure they aren’t Pre-Scrambled.
He stammered something along the lines of “But what…but why…how…why would they…what the…why…”
I was about to reveal it was a prank when he suddenly got very serious and intense, like a late-season Walter White sort of vibe, and he said “Fuck no. Not my eggs.” Then he wheeled around and marched out of the apartment. Out to his car. And he left.
I was a bit concerned. And probably should have shouted after him before he left. But I didn’t.
So like 40 minutes pass and I hear our apartment door open, and I hear “I’m banned! I’m banned from the Stop & Shop! Banned!”
I walk out to the kitchen with some apprehension. He looks enraged. “Banned!” He dropped the egg carton on the floor. “Did you fuck me!?”
He wasn’t taking it well.
“They don’t fuckin sell this shit!!! Did you fuck me!?”
At this point I admitted to pranking him. And I apologized. He just stared at me for a moment, then shouted something like “You’re buying me fucking new eggs!!” Then he slammed his bedroom door. Then he opened it and yelled “I have to drive to motherfucking PATHMARK, are you kidding me!? You go too far!! FUCK!!!” And slammed the door again. Then he opened it again and shouted “STOP LAUGHING!!!” and slammed the door again.
I do feel bad about this because it was never the intention of the prank to get him banned from the supermarket. I have already replaced his eggs and I am in the process of thinking up some way to make it up to him regarding his banishment.
TL;DR - Accidentally got my roommate banned from the supermarket when I convinced him they sold him “Pre-Scrambled” eggs.
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