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Home for Christmas (Part 2 of 4)

Summary: Every year Dan goes to a ballet performance of the Nutcracker around Christmas (he even starts to enjoy it after a while), but what he’s really waiting for is the nights he gets to spend with one of the lead dancers after the show.

Rating: M

Word count: 9K (13K total so far)

[A/N] This is going to be over 20K words long, so be prepared. Hope you enjoy my Christmas mini-series!

<-- part one -- part three -->

Eleanor sat leaned against the bedpost, a plate of pigs in blankets on her lap and her phone in her hand. Behind her, Dan was lying on his back on the bed.

It was the day of Christmas Eve, mid-afternoon. After a hefty lunch of pre-Christmas Dinner foods every member of the Howell family had retired to their own spaces, awaiting the four o’clock crafts session. Dan’s mum had gingerly offered Eleanor some more pigs in blankets to bring upstairs with them and Eleanor had eagerly taken the whole plate. She had just stuffed one in her mouth when Dan’s voice came from above her, “You haven’t said anything about last night.”

When she didn’t respond right away she heard him sit up, “El? Are you angry?”

She turned around and shook her head, gesturing at her full mouth. “No, of course not.” She said a few seconds later. “I’m happy for you. What is there to say, really? Unless you want to talk about it, of course.”

He let out a relieved laugh as he lied back down.

“I mean, I’m assuming you pulled, yeah?”

“Yeah. I mean, kind of. We didn’t- you know.”

“It’s cool, mate.” She waved it away. “So, are you like, into guys?”

“I guess. I don’t know, really. Like, I’m into Phil, that’s for sure.”

“That’s enough then, right?”

“I think so, yeah.” He rolled onto his side, leaning down to grab a pig in blanket off Eleanor’s plate. “It’s just a bit confusing, is all.”

“I get that. I mean, yesterday afternoon you were straight.”

Dan laughed, “Supposedly. Who even knows what I am anymore. All I know is that I wouldn’t mind another round with him.”

“Go on then, lad.” Eleanor said, laughing along.

--

Dan didn’t think himself much of a crier, but that year seemed determined to prove him wrong. On their last day of school Dan, Eleanor, Sophie, Alex, and some of their other friends sat together in the cafeteria for the last time and ate one of those hotdogs that were probably a health hazard of some sort. They were uncharacteristically quiet, some choking back tears while others were just trying to take in these last moments together in this place. Before they went home that afternoon they all shared a big hug, and Dan cried. He tried to hide it, but of course Eleanor saw, and she quickly pulled him down to her height and kissed the side of his head.

He cried again on the night after their last exam, when the group sat at a pub and toasted to the past few years in secondary school and the coming years in university. When they teased him about his tears he tried to blame it on the alcohol, but really, he knew he’d have cried without it too. He was going to miss this bunch of idiots.

On the day of his A Level results he cried because Eleanor did. They both got into their first-choice universities, and Eleanor hugged him tightly as she wiped her tears on his shoulder. It was only a matter of time from the second he saw her eyes get glassy, because as all those years of friendship had taught them: when she cried, he cried.

The worst sobbing-session came the day Eleanor left for York. This time he didn’t even bother pretending he was just crying because she was; they both knew full well that they were going to be split up and it was going to hurt like nothing had hurt before. It was like breaking up while they were still in love.

Dan went with Eleanor and her dad, squeezing himself into the backseat with the suitcases. Neither the discomfort, nor the four-hour journey could deter him from going to say goodbye to his best friend. Their universities weren’t that far apart and they were going to visit each other whenever they could, but going from seeing each other every single day to seeing each other once a month was a difficult transition.

They made for a funny sight stood in front of her university house holding onto each other for dear life while sobbing and blubbering about how much they would miss one another.

Dan moved to Manchester two days later, into a small room where he would have to learn how to cook and do his own laundry. His parents saw him off and walked around campus with him for the afternoon, but after they went home he was fully left to fend for himself. Three of his flatmates had already arrived, and the four of them cooked pasta and watched a football match in awkward silence in the evening.

He cried again that night on the phone to Eleanor.

--

Rosie Crawford moved in the next day, with her long blonde hair and freckly cheeks. From the moment she walked into the lounge Dan wanted her. As they cooked dinner together he kept glancing over at her and catching her looking back at him. They smiled at each other before looking away.

When she backed him against his bedroom door and kissed him two days later, his mind for some reason drifted to Christmas Eve Eve nine months before, when that ballet boy had done the same. He shook the thought and put his hands on Rosie’s chest.

--

For someone who hadn’t been in a relationship in over a year he slipped back into it quickly. Rosie was easy to get along with and even easier to have sex with. She was good in bed, making his head spin as she played him like an instrument when they were alone together. They spent pretty much all their alone time naked.

During the third week of term one of their housemates suggested they put a rule in place of not trying it on with anyone at their house, and Rosie burst out laughing and told him it was a tad late for that. The boys congratulated Dan on his catch.

He laughed along and said, “I’m punching above my weight, I know. I’d like to think I have a few redeemable qualities to bring to the table though.”

--

“I do like her, I told you she’s cool.”

Dan rolled his eyes and propped his feet up on the headboard of his bed, “Then why don’t you want to come with us?”

“I don’t want to be a third wheel, Dan. She’s your girlfriend.”

“And you’re my best friend. Who’s to say you’ll be a third wheel and not her?”

“I don’t want anyone to be a third wheel, that’s the whole point.”

“No one needs to be. We can all be friends together.”

“Just go with her, okay? I’m not upset, I promise.”

Dan was still hesitant. It was supposed to be the fifth year in a row that he and Eleanor would spend a weekend in November in some city in Europe, but the dates they’d set months before just happened to be the same days as Rosie’s Centre Parks trip with her secondary school friends that she really wanted to bring Dan to. When he’d explained the situation to her and asked if he could bring his friend she’d shrugged and given him an unenthusiastic yes. He didn’t blame her, obviously. The two girls barely knew each other and really, there was no good reason for Eleanor to come along on that trip. But a yes was a yes so he’d invited her.

“Can we do our Europe trip some other time?”

“I suppose we can, but my teaching assistant job starts in two weeks, so I don’t know how much time I’ll have. We’ll talk about it later, okay?”

He sighed, “Alright.”

--

The November trip didn’t happen.

Eleanor was busy with her new duties and after asking a few times Dan felt rude to push more seeing as he’d been the one to blow off their original plan. Besides, he had more things to worry about. Rosie had been acting distant since Centre Parks and he was desperate to make up with her before she left for Christmas break. With the days passing quickly, filled up with seminars, coursework and student union activities, her departure date was sneaking up on him.

She was set to leave about week into their break, on the 21st of December, which meant he had a few days of free time to figure out what was bothering her. She seemed to be avoiding him. She was never in her room when he checked, and his messages went unanswered.

“Has Rosie said anything to you?” Dan stuck his head into his housemate and friend Davis’s room.

“A few things on multiple occasions. We’ve been living together for a couple of months, you know.”

“Ha-ha. Very funny.” Dan said, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. “I mean about me. About our relationship.” He let himself fall onto Davis’s bed and dramatically looked up at his friend, who was sat at his desk playing a game of online poker.

“Why would she say something to me? You should be asking Rasha about stuff like this. I don’t get involved with your love lives.” At least he had the decency to shut his laptop and put his feet up against the bed, giving Dan his full attention.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m just hoping she’s said something to someone. Or I’m hoping she hasn’t said anything to anyone because there’s nothing to say and I’m reading too much into this. I don’t know which one I’d prefer.”

“What’s going on between you two?”

“My question exactly. If only I knew. I haven’t spoken to her since Wednesday.”

“Mate, you are fucked.”

“I know.” Dan whined.

“If I see her I’ll tell her you want to talk to her.” He narrowed his eyes, “Wait, is that what you want? I don’t know what’s going on.”

“Yes, that’s what I want. She’s leaving soon, and I want to sort this out. I don’t want to spend Christmas being miserable over her.”

“Talking to her might make you even more miserable.” Davis said.

“Don’t say that.”

--

When Rosie still hadn’t show up the next day, Dan messaged Eleanor and asked her if he could come over. An hour later he was on a train.

At least someone was excited to see him. Eleanor darted through the masses on the platform to meet him and pull him into a bear hug, “I missed you.” She exclaimed.

“I missed you too.” He responded, managing a genuine smile for the first time in days.

They walked out to the Uber hand in hand, and Dan felt at peace. If there was any stability in his life, any constant which he knew he could count on at all times, it was Eleanor. “Have you spoken to Rosie?” She asked as they got in the car.

“No,” He said, “let’s not talk about her, okay? I’ve spent enough time worrying about it. I’ve sent her a message saying where I am, and that if she finally wants to speak to me she can call me.”

Eleanor grimaced, “That doesn’t sound very promising for your relationship.”

“I know.”

They were both eager to change the subject and fortunately Eleanor had plenty of stories to tell about boys she’d hooked up with over the past few months. She was really getting around, and Dan was proud of his best friend in some way. When they walked into the hall her room was on twenty minutes later a boy smiled at her and said hi, and the moment he was out of earshot Eleanor whispered, “That’s Nicola,” with a meaningful grin.

“Nicola, huh?” He was about to make a witty joke when his phone rang. They both froze, and the caller ID confirmed their suspicions. “Hello?”

“Hey Dan, it’s Rosie.”

“Yeah, hi.”

“I’m sorry for avoiding you these past few days. I’ve been staying with some girls from my course because I needed some time to think. Can we talk?”

Eleanor had opened a door and was pulling Dan into her dorm. To privacy.

“We’re talking right now.” He said.

“Face to face.”

“If you’re going to say what I think you’re going to say, I don’t think it’s worth me taking the train back to Manchester for.”

It stayed quiet on the other end.

“Hello?”

“Sorry.” She just said.

“Why?”

“Our sex was great, but I just never felt like you were in it emotionally. I found someone who can offer me what I need in every way. Maybe you should just be with Eleanor, seeing as she’s always the person you go to first anyway.”

Something cracked inside him but he bit his lip and kept it hidden away, glancing at his best friend to his side but not commenting on what Rosie had just implied, “So we’re over?”

“Sorry.” She said again.

“Have a good Christmas.”

“You too. I’m sorry, Dan.”

With his trembling fingers he managed to find the red button on his phone and press it before tossing the whole device away from himself. Eleanor didn’t say anything, simply wrapping her arms around him and pressing her face into his shoulder, “You’re better off without her.”

“I will be.” He muttered. And then he started crying.

--

Eleanor’s hall was catered, meaning that the next morning they went to a large dining room downstairs and queued for food. They filled up their trays with bread rolls and fruit and devoured them at a table of people Dan had seen maybe twice before but heard plenty of stories about. A girl was trying it on with him, but Eleanor set her off him with one look and one subtle shake of her head. Now wasn’t the time.

He’d cried for about an hour the night before. Then he’d picked himself up and cursed violently, saying he should’ve just ‘gotten the real student experience and shagged some strangers’.

“You can still do that. You’re only four months into your student life, for god’s sake.” Eleanor had said.

And then he’d gone back to crying.

He felt a bit better now at breakfast, as long as he didn’t think of Rosie. Goddamn Rosie.

--

They decided to go straight from York back to London and Dan didn’t go by Manchester to pick up any more clothes. He’d wear the old shirts he’d left behind on purpose because he didn’t like them anymore, because everything was better than going back to his apartment on Denmark Road and facing all the housemates who had stayed behind and would want to know what was going on with him.

He had planned on telling his parents about his girlfriend over Christmas, and now that that was off the table he was a bit disoriented. His vision of what his visit home was going to look out had been turned upside down and he spent the train ride thinking it over. Christmas Eve was tomorrow and at least he had the certainty that he would be having pigs in blankets and doing some crafts project with Eleanor and his family. The thought of that calmed him down somewhat.

--

They hugged each other goodbye for now when Dan’s mother, who’d picked them up at the train station, dropped Eleanor off at her house, “See you tomorrow, Karen.”

“Bye, love. Tell your parents merry Christmas from me, alright?”

“Will do.”

The moment Eleanor had left the car his mother turned to Dan, “What’s with you? Did something happen?”

“No, everything is fine.” Dan responded. He tried to make his word sound upbeat, but he wasn’t sure if he was succeeding, “I’m just a bit tired.”

His mum started the car as she nodded, “University does that to a person. I hope you haven’t been partying too much; you need to focus on your studies.”

--

At half seven the doorbell rang, and a few seconds after someone opened the front door Dan’s name was called. He looked away from his computer screen to shout back, “Yeah?”

“Eleanor is here to see you.”

He frowned in confusion but shut his laptop and went downstairs. Eleanor had told him she had a game night with her sisters planned for Christmas Eve, so he hadn’t expected to even hear from her that evening, let alone have her show up at his door.

“What’s up?” He asked the moment she came in sight.

His brother gave him a nod and disappeared into the living room, leaving the two friends alone.

Eleanor looked him up and down, “Put on some proper clothes. We’re going to a show tonight.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You could use some cheering up and I remember what you said about student life and shagging strangers.”

“I just had my heart broken, El. Have some respect.” But they both know his heart wasn’t with those words and she shooed him back upstairs.

Ten minutes later he was in the car with her; a slightly scary feeling as she had learnt to drive over the Summer and probably hadn’t been behind a steering wheel ever since as she’d left for university. He tried not to show that he was fearing for his life as they passed through the dark streets.

“So just to be clear, we’re going to see that ballet performance again, right?”

“Yes, of course. I know how much you loved it last time.”

He laughed, “Oh yeah, I love dance and, er- music. All that stuff. So up my alley.”

“A real culture fanatic, as you have always been.”

She parked the car at the back of the lot. They were late and lucky to even find a spot at all, so they only complained a little bit as they hurried to the building in the freezing cold.

After handing their coats off in the cloakroom they headed into the auditorium where the curtains were still drawn but most seats already filled up. Fancy looking people eyed them with annoyance as the two teens shuffled past them to their spots. The year before they’d sat on the balcony, almost in the middle of the row, where they’d had a near perfect view of the stage. This year they were squeezed into the far-left corner of the main floor seating area, where a pole obstructed half of Dan’s sight. It didn’t matter. They weren’t really here for the performance anyway.

“Are you sure he’s even here? Do they use the same dancers each year? How does ballet work?” He whispered, earning himself glances from the people around them.

“I don’t know about those last two, but he’s here. I checked the website. He’s got the same role as last year.”

“Will he even remember me?”

“Of course. Who wouldn’t remember the guy they slept with on Christmas Eve Eve after a performance?”

“Maybe he sleeps with someone after every performance.”

“God, Dan. You don’t have to marry the guy, you’re just trying to get with him.” Her words were slightly too loud, and the woman sat in front of them turned around in a manner that was probably supposed to be stealthy.

“You’re right.” Dan said. He turned back to the stage and leaned into his chair for a few seconds. Then he sat up and faced Eleanor again, “How will we even find him?”

“We’ll just go see if they’re in the café during the break. A few of them were last year.”

“What if Phil isn’t?”

“Then we’ll ask someone else to pass on the message.”

“But what if he doesn’t want to go with me? Or maybe he has a boyfriend?”

“Okay, we’re going to stop talking now. Shut up.”

He nodded. She was right, of course, but that didn’t lessen his anxiety over the whole ordeal.

He sat through the first half of the performance with a continuously tapping foot that was probably driving everyone around him crazy. He couldn’t keep his eyes off the dancer with the black hair and the red blazer, who looked more mature and even more graceful than the year before.

During the break most people on their row annoyingly stayed put and Eleanor and Dan had to once again awkwardly shuffle past their knees to get out. Dan’s hands were a bit sweaty and he felt nervous, which was out of character for someone who had slept with plenty of people before in his life. Just not boys, he told himself. This was the only boy he’d ever done anything with and being turned down by him would mean something, although he wasn’t sure what exactly.

His eyes scanned the café where dozens of chic people were having wine and probably discussing the quality of the choreography or whatever it was rich people talked about. There was no sign of Phil or any of the other dancers, and Dan was ready to give up and go back upstairs, when Eleanor grabbed his arm and pulled him to the bar, “Let’s just have a drink. They might still show up.”

And they did.

Five minutes after they’d each received a cold glass of iced tea three of the dancers strolled in, chatting and laughing amongst themselves. Phil wasn’t with them, but they could pass on the message, as Eleanor had put it. Eleanor pushed a napkin and a pen towards him, and Dan scribbled down some words in a hurry, ‘would like a do-over for last year. No hard feelings if u don’t want to. If u do, meet me at the back entrance after the show’.

He gathered all his courage and approached one of the girls who were now standing in the queue at the bar. “Hey, can you give this to Phil for me?”

The girl raised her eyebrows, but then a look of recognition appeared on her face and she took the napkin from him, “You want a round two with the star, huh?”

Dan grinned and shrugged, “Give him the message, alright?”

“Will do, Casanova.” She winked and turned to her friends, undoubtedly to tell them what was about to happen between this boy and one of their colleagues.

Dan returned to his own table and Eleanor gave him a thumbs up as he approached, “That went well.” She said when he was within earshot.

“I’m pretty sure their whole group will know by the end of the break.”

“Well, let them all be jealous.” Eleanor said.

--

“I’ll wait out front, shoot me a text as soon as possible to tell me if you need a ride home or not.” She had told him.

Dan was stood by the backdoor – the artist exit – and nervously hopped from one foot to the other. It was fifteen minutes after the end of the show and he had no idea how long it would take for the dancers to be let go. Should he wait an hour? Two even? It was cold, and he could already barely feel his fingers after fifteen minutes outside.

There was some noise on the other side of the door. He stepped back just in time before it swung open and a face appeared. It wasn’t Phil’s, but it was one of the dancers and she was looking for Dan. “He’ll be out in half an hour or so. He and the other lead roles are meeting with our director.” The girl looked around for a second and then added, “You can wait inside, if you want. You’ll freeze your arse off out here.”

He gratefully accepted the invitation and spent the next 35 minutes leaned against the backdoor, but from the inside, which was a lot more comfortable.

Phil was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie with his ballet studio’s logo printed on the front when he finally appeared, “Sorry it took so long. The director wouldn’t stop talking.” Then he broke into a grin, “I didn’t think I’d see you again.”

“To be honest, neither did I. This was a bit of a last-minute change of plans.”

“Whatever reason it was, I’m glad you’re here. Want to come back to the hotel?”

He had one last opportunity to say no. To turn around, go home, and mourn his relationship in a healthier way. But he didn’t do any of those things. Instead, he nodded and followed Phil.

--

While the rest of Phil’s team took their bus back, he caught an Uber with Dan. They heard the other dancers laugh and shout went they got back a few minutes or so after Phil had closed the door of his hotel room behind the two of them.

Dan was sat on the bed, nervous and unsure what to do with himself while Phil was in the bathroom. He could hear the tap running.

Deep breaths. He’d done this before and he was going to do it again. No big deal. He checked in with himself a couple of times, questioning if his nervousness maybe meant he didn’t really want to do this, but he really, really did not want to get up and leave. On the contrary: his mind kept wandering to an image of what Phil might be doing in the other room. To his bare chest and perfectly messy hair.

When the other boy stepped back into view Dan’s heart skipped a beat. He definitely wanted this.

Phil had put on some jeans, but he wasn’t wearing a shirt. His bare torso looked exactly as Dan remembered: toned, pale, and absolutely perfect.

“You want to take it slow tonight or did you have a wild year?”

Dan grinned, “Wild year, but not in that way. How about we take it slow and see where that takes us?”

“All good with me.” Phil had a mischievous look on his face and as he approached Dan leaned back on the bed, allowing the other to lean over him to kiss him.

They started out calm, but quickly got more heated. This night was no place for pleasantries or gallantries: they both knew what they wanted, and they were out to get it.

Dan pulled Phil on top. His hands roamed the boy’s back, nails tracing soft skin. They were eager, but not as desperate as last year. Their fingers explored as their mouths moved together, and somewhere along the way they started moving their hips into each other, which Dan didn’t really process until it sent a shiver down his spine and elicited a sound from the back of his throat.

Phil moved away from his face, touching his lips against the sensitive skin on Dan’s neck. When he reached the hem of his shirt he tugged on it, and Dan propped himself up on his elbows as he let the other boy pull it off him.

In the next room over someone turned on music and a Drake song dully sounded through the walls. Ten minutes before some of the dancers had gone into that room, meaning that the two boys were missing out on some sort of party. All the others were missing out on this though. Phil was kissing his way down Dan’s chest, to his stomach and to the waistband of his jeans. He checked in with Dan, glancing up and receiving a nod, before he started undoing the belt.

He was a tease, pulling Dan’s jeans down but leaving his underwear in place. Leaning down, his breath ghosted over Dan’s cock and made him tense up. “Tell me if I’m going too fast or too far.” Phil said. He got an impatient wave in response and grinned at himself as he ran his hands up the inside of Dan’s thighs.

Finally, he pushed his underpants down and moved his hand along Dan’s length a few times before settling it at the base and taking him into his mouth. Finding a steady rhythm, he bobbed his head up and down. Dan wove his fingers into the boy’s hair with a firm grip to keep his head down. Not that Phil seemed in any way planning on moving away anytime soon.

He didn’t do so until Dan pulled him off, gasping for air and desperate. “Off, off, off.” He breathed, motioning vaguely at Phil’s jeans.

Phil was happy to comply, and the moment he had chucked his underwear on the ground Dan was dragging him down onto the bed, heavily pressing him into the sheets. His complete lack of experience in having sex with boys was irrelevant now that pure lust had taken over. He didn’t need to think about what he would be doing in this situation with a girl; all he needed to do was think about what he wanted to do to Phil right now, and that was leaning down and get his mouth on that beautiful chest.

Phil gladly let him take control, leaving his hands to rest on the pillow above his head where Dan had put them when he’d positioned him on his back. He was relaxed. Experienced enough to be comfortable giving the reigns to someone else without giving it a second thought.

Hands roaming and mouth moving over Phil’s torso, Dan’s mind was blank. His movements were fast and sloppy, but Phil let him go without any intention to guide him in the right direction. He quickly gave up on messing around and took Phil’s cock in his hands. He was bigger than Dan was used to, but although that didn’t make much of a difference when it came to hand jobs, it made him a bit nervous with the prospect of a blowjob. Phil sensed his hesitation and propped himself up on his elbows, grabbing Dan by his arm, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” He insisted.

Dan nodded, “I want to, though. I’m just- I need a second to like, build up courage or something.”

“Alright.” Phil grinned before quickly getting serious again, “We can stop at any time. If you try it and you hate it you can stop right away, it’s all good.”

“I know.”

“Okay.” Phil lay back down, putting his hands under his head this time.

One last breath. Dan leant down and took the tip of Phil’s cock into his mouth. Experimentally he moved up and down a little, getting used to the sensation and the feel of it. Giving head to a guy was certainly a whole different thing from giving it to a girl. He could get used to this, though. As he gained confidence he started bringing his head down more and more, until his throat made it clear that it would not take any more. He placed both his hands at the base of his cock and moved them in time with his mouth. It took a few beats for him to find a steady rhythm, but once he did he could hear from the sounds Phil was making that he was doing a good job.

It helped that he knew what he liked himself. He kept his teeth away and each time he came up he flicked his tongue gently over Phil’s tip.

Fingers were threaded through the hair at the back of his head, and every now and again he felt a tug when he did something particularly good.

“Dan, Dan,” It was clearly an effort to even form any words, and to make himself a bit clearer he pulled Dan’s head away from his cock, “do you want to go any further? Because if you keep going like this I’ll be done soon.”

Dan bit his lip.

Was he going to go from being in a serious relationship with a girl to having full-on sex with a boy in one week?

“We can go further.”

Alright, so yes. He was going to do just that.

Phil sat up, still catching his breath but already fully serious again, “Alright, so do you have a preference for a position?”

“I mean, I don’t know what I’m doing so I feel like I’m safer on the bottom.”

“Okay,” Phil nodded, “you set the pace and the boundaries, yeah? You want to stop we stop immediately. No questions asked.”

Dan couldn’t help himself; he grabbed Phil by his shoulders and pulled him in for a kiss. It was a clean, closed-mouth kiss which he hoped conveyed his gratefulness for Phil’s patience and insistence on setting boundaries.

Phil kissed him back but the moment they broke apart he gave a questioning look, “yeah?” he asked again.

“Yeah.” Dan said.

Phil hopped off the bed to dig some lube out of his suitcase, and Dan took the moment to try to calm himself down. This was like losing his virginity all over again, and in a way, he was. Nervous butterflies had filled his stomach, and as he wiped his sweaty hands on the bed sheets he tried to focus on the muffled sounds of music coming through the walls.

“You okay?” Phil asked, settling down on the bed next to him, a bottle of lube in his hands.

Dan nodded.

“We don’t have to do this.”

“I know. I want to.”

A last nod, and then Phil was instructing him on how to lie down. He bent his legs at the knee and told him to relax, and Dan tried. He really tried. He almost succeeded, too, but then he felt Phil’s finger at his entrance and although he was gritting his teeth and trying to relax his body, he just couldn’t do it. “Can you give me a moment?”

Phil pulled away and said, “How about I finish that blowjob?” He was smiling. Not a hint of annoyance or disappointment showing on his face.

Dan’s heart sank as he shrugged.

“Hey,” Phil wiped his fingers on the sheets and lied down next to Dan, “hey, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it, okay? It’s all good. Do you want to continue with hands and mouths or do you want to stop completely? Either is fine. I’m not upset.”

“God, you’re so fucking nice.” Dan said, and he couldn’t help but laugh even though he had tears prickling in the corners of his eyes.

Phil laughed along, “I’m having a good time with you. I don’t really care what we do.”

Dan was quiet for a moment, but then nodded, “Let’s continue. Just- just give me a second to pull myself together.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I got a taste of what you look like when I’m giving you head and honestly, it can only get better from there.”

They lied next to each other on their backs, arms and shoulders touching, while Dan regained his composure. Soon enough his body was alerting him to the fact that there was an extremely attractive naked guy lying next to him, and his cock twitched at the thought. He ran his eyes over the straight lines on the boy’s torso; his toned abdomen and muscular chest. A smile appeared on Phil’s face when Dan sat up on his knees and leaned down to gently kiss along his neck and throat.

They took it slowly this time around. Neither of them getting too worked up, and the only thing they really cared about at this point was just enjoying each other.

Each lying on their side, facing each other, they lazily pumped their hands up and down to get them going again.

After a while, Phil pushed Dan over onto his back, moving his head back down and taking him into his mouth. He kept a steady pace, in no hurry to finish Dan off quickly but also not messing around anymore.

Having been going for over an hour now, Dan’s stamina was pretty worn out and after only a few minutes of receiving head he muttered, “I’m close.” His abdomen tightened and his fingers pulled on Phil’s black locks.

He came hard with Phil’s mouth gently working him through it. Phil was a swallower, apparently, because when he came up he immediately spoke, “That was good.”

“Yeah,” Dan agreed in between heavy breaths, “your turn now.”

Phil wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and lied down, “You can finish me with your hand, if you want.” He said.

Dan shrugged, “We’ll see.”

The second time around giving a blowjob was much less scary. He put his mouth on Phil without hesitation and started moving right away. He knew now from last time that his jaw was bound to get tired quickly because he was inexperienced, so he tried to make it count, moving fast and firmly.

Phil took two minutes before he gave Dan a warning. For a moment Dan considered letting him come in his mouth, but then he decided not to push himself any more than he already had that day, and moved his head away, replacing his mouth with his hand. Phil came onto his own stomach with a soft moan. Dan was mesmerised by the look on the boy’s face, his eyes squeezed shut and his mouth slightly open.

“Not bad for a beginner.” Phil muttered with a raspy voice after Dan had let himself fall down on the bed beside him.

“Shut up, I was great.”

While Phil cleaned himself up in the bathroom Dan put his boxers back on and thought what had just happened over. With a shudder he realised how glad he was that he hadn’t let Phil continue when he hadn’t wanted to. He felt safe and calm in a way he would definitely not have felt if he had let Phil have sex with him, and a warm feeling overcame him as he thought of the boy in the next room.

He had respected him. Listened to him. And although he knew that should be normal and not something he was paying specific attention to, he couldn’t help but feel grateful.

Pulling a shirt over his head Dan walked into the bathroom and pressed a kiss to Phil’s temple as he joined him. “You okay?” Phil asked.

“Yep, all good.” Dan smiled. He washed his hands and rinsed out his mouth. When he turned around Phil was sat on the side of the bath, watching him. He had a smile on his face and opened his arms when their eyes met.

Dan happily accepted the embrace, resting his head on Phil’s shoulder with eyes closed and shoulders relaxed.

“Do you want to go join the party?” Phil asked softly, his face buried in Dan’s hair.

Dan hesitated, “I’m not too fussed. I’ll go with you if you want me to.”

“No, god, no. I was hoping you wouldn’t want to go, because I just kind of want to stay here. Maybe watch some TV and then go to bed.”

“Sounds good.” Dan said. “Wait, with me? Or do you want me to leave?”

Phil laughed, “With you, preferably.”

The other bed in the room was made up, with an open suitcase resting on the duvet. The contents were neatly folded, carefully put together, and it seemed that only a few items had been taken out. “Ryan’s gone to sleep with Everly.”

Dan looked up, “I should’ve asked about your roommate before we did all that.”

“I would’ve told you if you needed to know about him. It’s fine. He’s not coming back tonight.”s

Phil called room service for some clean sheets while Dan sat cross-legged on the bed, shaking his head and going more red with every passing second – whoever came up to bring them those sheets would know exactly why they needed them. There was no way around it though; they were dirty, and Dan was sat on a pillow to avoid touching any of the wet or sticky patches.

Phil tossed the lube and condoms back in his suitcase just in time for the knock on the door. “Thanks, I’ll do it myself.” He told the person at the door, and quickly shooed them away.

“Right, let’s do this, somehow.”

Getting the old mattress cover off was one thing but putting a new one on was a whole different thing. Dan found himself stretched out trying to hold two of the corners in place at the same time while Phil put the other two in place.

The sheets were easier; old ones tossed aside, and new ones thrown on without much care for aesthetics. They huddled together with the TV on but were barely watching the auction show that was playing. Dan’s head fell onto Phil’s shoulder after only a couple of minutes, and shortly after he was fast asleep.

--

In a way Dan was surprised to still find Phil by his side when he woke up. Then again, this was his hotel room and he was hardly going to leave Dan here on his own.

It was just after nine when he snuck out of the bed and went into the bathroom, picking up his discarded clothes from the night before up on his way there. He locked the door behind himself and splashed some water in his face as he thought over his next move. The etiquette of one-night-stands was a trade best learnt from practice, and his experience was limited. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to leave before Phil woke up, or if he should stay and say, what, ‘thank you’? No, that was dumb. He pulled on his jeans and made an attempt to sort out his hair in the mirror.

He heard stirring in the other room and froze in place for a few seconds. Too late to sneak out.

“Good morning.” He said carefully, stepping out into the room.

“Morning.” Phil was sat on the edge of the bed in just his underwear, still managing to look absolutely fucking breath-taking despite literally just having woken up.

“So,” Dan started to say. He wasn’t yet sure where his sentence was going to go, but he was hoping to figure it out along the way, “last night was good. Thanks.”

Thanks? Really, Dan, thanks?

Phil grinned, “Yeah, thank you too.” He got up and lazily started collecting his clothes from the floor. “I was thinking we could go catch breakfast at a café? I don’t leave for another” – he checked the clock above the bed – “two hours.”

Okay, so that was how Phil did one-night-stands.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

“Let me just take a shower real quick.” Dan stepped aside to let the other boy into the bathroom and was just about to go looking for his phone when Phil’s head reappeared in the door opening, “Want to join me?”

“Well, if you’re offering.”

The shower was barely big enough to fit two people just standing side by side, let alone two people who were actually trying to have a functional shower. Or sex, for that matter.

To Dan’s surprise Phil didn’t try anything, and he himself was just fine just getting another glimpse of that toned body.

“I don’t know how one-night-stands are supposed to work.” Phil admitted, his back turned as he read the back of a bottle of free hotel shampoo. “You’re probably not supposed to take a nice relaxing shower with them the next morning.”

Dan let out a relieved laugh, “I wouldn’t know. I’m not really at home in this kind of thing.”

“Well thank god for that, because I was honestly afraid you’d leave before I woke up. I’ve been told that’s what people usually do.”

“It’s not what you usually do?” He was pushing it, he knew.

“Yeah, no. I usually do this, er- not at all.”

“Yet we’ve done this two times already. Even though we both say we’re not the type.”

Phil shrugged, “It’s no use trying to figure it out. All I know is I like spending the night with you, and I don’t feel the need to overthink it.”

Dan led them to his favourite breakfast spot in the city, only a ten-minute walk from the hotel. Sauntering along just a step behind him, Phil had his hands in his coat pockets and was taking in the buildings and people. London was probably very different from the place he was used to, which, judging from his accent, was somewhere up North. Dan wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask something like that or if that would be too invasive.

“Will you be back next year?” Dan asked, aware he was already pressing his luck.

“I should be. Not sure in what capacity though.” Phil responded.

Dan wasn’t sure what that was supposed to mean but figured that Phil would elaborate if he wanted to. His silence said enough. They weren’t supposed to discuss their future or private lives, message received.

The café’s colourful sign appeared when they turned the corner. Inside, the fairylights were on and the place was bustling with people coming in for their morning coffee or English breakfasts. A bell above the door sounded as Dan pushed it open to let them in, a smiling waitress armed with a notebook in one hand and a stack of menus in the other already approaching them. “Hi.” She said cheerily, the way only people who were genuinely happy to be where they were could.

“Hi.” Dan responded. He motioned behind himself, “Table for two, please.”

“Sure, you can sit over there by the window, if you want.” She handed them both a menu and sent them off to their spot.

“Is there anything vegan on this menu?” Phil asked, flipping the laminated card over in his hands.

“Yeah, everything vegetarian can be made vegan.” Dan pointed the vegetarian dishes out and Phil nodded as he started studying them. Dan watched him for a moment, his mind racing to find something to say. Surprisingly, having sex with him was easier than having a normal conversation. “So, you’re vegan?” He eventually managed.

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

Dan turned to his menu, even though he always ordered the same thing and really did need to look. Suddenly, the café seemed too full of eyes watching him and waiting for him to fail. After being dropped like a brick by Rosie he desperately wanted Phil to like him, especially as she’d told him that the sex was good, but they hadn’t connected emotionally. He could have sex, with both Rosie and Phil, but the whole shebang around sex was a different story. He thought he had it down, but apparently not, and his current situation was proving that.

“I might not be dancing next year.”

Dan’s head shot up at his unexpected words, “Pardon me?”

“Sorry, I skipped a step. You asked me on our way over here if I was coming next year. I probably am, but I don’t think I’ll be the Cavalier. Or anyone, for that matter.”

“What will you be?”

“One of the coaches, probably. Our main instructor has been mentoring me and I might actually take on an assistant role this year. I’m enjoying dancing, but I’m trying to secure a future for myself, and that’s with coaching, not dancing.”

“Right,” Dan nodded, “you don’t want to dance professionally?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I would love to. But I’m good, and to be a professional ballet dancer you need to be exceptional, and I know I’m not that level. It’s better to get my hands on a good coaching spot now than to try to break in in a couple of years after I’ve found out I’m not going to make it the hard way.”

“You’re not even that old yet, can’t you keep dancing for a few more years?”

“I’m twenty-one, it’s time to start thinking of the future. I’ll keep dancing, of course, but my focus is going to be on my career off the stage.”

Dan was surprised by the snippet of information he had been given. The two boys knew very little about each other, and something as small as age seemed somehow big enough to be a bit bewildering.

The waitress approached their table, saving Dan from having to piece together a response after it had already been a couple of seconds too slow anyway.

“What about you, Dan, what are you trying to do?” Phil asked after they had ordered.

It was such a broad question, carefully phrased to give Dan room to be vague if he wanted to be. He didn’t need that space though, “I don’t know.” He said honestly.

“That’s fair. I suppose I’m lucky to have found my passion so early on in life, because I have no idea what I would do if I couldn’t do dance.”

“What else do you enjoy?”

Phil shrugged, “I don’t have much time to do anything besides dancing, to be honest. I like to hang out with my friends and play board games, if that counts? We play card games on the bus all the time, that’s a favourite too.”

“Board games?”

“You sound surprised.”

“I am. I’m not sure why. We barely know each other, I don’t know why I had an image of you as someone who doesn’t play board games.”

“Misjudged that one,” Phil laughed, “we should play Settlers of Catan some time. The god tier of board games.”

Something fluttered in Dan’s belly, rising up into his chest and making his heart skip a beat. It was an effort to move his head into a nod, “yeah.”

“Er- I mean, you know.” Phil said, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. “Maybe one day.”

“Yeah, maybe one day.”

The waitress brought them two cups of tea and Dan pushed his from one hand to another as he tried to calm himself down. He was on edge. Racking his brain, he tried to remember how he’d once managed to flirt with and get with Rosie, but it was like he was a whole other person. Blaming it on the fact that Phil was the first guy he’d tried it on with wasn’t working anymore, and he was starting to come to terms with the probability that maybe he was just not a smooth talker.

“How come we’re suddenly being so awkward?”

Dan’s head shot up. He hadn’t expected Phil to address the problem so head-on, “Because we’re unsure about where we stand?”

“Okay, so let’s decide where we stand.”

“Right.”

They were both quiet for a minute, seemingly occupied with their tea, until Phil spoke up, “We’re not interested in dating, so should we say we meet again like this next year?”

Dan had missed the point where they’d decided they weren’t going to date, but he wasn’t going to argue, “yeah, could do.”

“Like, unless we’re dating someone else by Christmas next year we’ll do this again? Is that an agreement?”

Dan nodded, “Okay, but what information is off limits? How casual are we?”

“How about last names, addresses, family details, and future plans that involve us both are a no-no.”

“Relationship details?”

“Off limits.”

“Okay.” Dan felt his shoulders relax now that they had some rules in place. “We’re casual. Totally casual.”

“Just two casual dudes planning their one-night-stand a year in advance.”

Dan couldn’t help but laugh, “I suppose it’s a bit unusual.”

“Well, we both said we don’t really do one-night-stands usually, and this way we still don’t. I’m pretty sure this isn’t how one-night-stands work.”

Their feet brushed together under the table and neither pulled away. Dan almost felt like he was on a first date, slightly uncomfortable but in a good way, with nervous butterflies and a permanent blush on his face. “This works just fine for me.”

“Me too.”

They grinned at each other, like two teenagers with a crush, and before he knew it Dan was reaching out and squeezing Phil’s hand. It was a brief touch that sent shivers up his arm. They’d had sex twice and yet this little moment had him blubbering like a damn sixteen-year-old.

The arrival of their food broke the magic, making them both lean away from the table to make room for the plates.

They spent the rest of the morning talking about whatever they deemed ‘casual’ enough: the food, fashion, board games, the building they passed on their way back to the hotel, and Phil’s friend’s awkward encounter with some Tinder date.

There was a bus parked right in front of the main entrance of the hotel, with blacked out windows and a driver in a suit leaning against the side. A few of the dancers, now in joggers and trainers, were rolling in their suitcases and lazily chatting amongst themselves. A few nods came in Phil’s direction when the two boys walked past the group and into the hotel.

“I have ten minutes to pack my stuff and get downstairs.”

Dan glanced at his watch, “I hadn’t even realised time was passing so quickly.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like they’ll leave me here, they might just get a bit annoyed with me.”

Dan went upstairs with him. He sat on the side of the bed and watched Phil hastily toss his clothes and toiletries into his suitcase as he tried to take in as much of the boy as he could. They wouldn’t see each other again for another year and for some reason Dan felt like he was saying goodbye to someone who meant a lot to him, even though they had only met twice.

The other bed was still empty and clearly not slept in, but the suitcase that had been next to it on the floor was gone, as were the clothes draped over the armchair in the corner of the room. Whoever Phil’s roommate had been, he’d likely sidestepped the possibility of walking in on sex by sleeping somewhere else. Dan wondered if the rest of Phil’s troupe knew about him.

“Right then.” Phil finished zipping up his case and got to his feet. The two boys left the room and rode the lift down in a silence that was only broken when they reached the front doors. “So, goodbye for now?”

“Yeah. Have a good year.”

Phil laughed, “You too. Happy New Year, happy Easter, enjoy your Summer.”

Dan kissed him. He didn’t care about the rest of the dancers who may or may not be watching through the darkened windows of the bus, or the driver and coaches waiting by the door. Phil apparently didn’t care either, because he kissed back, letting go of his suitcase to put both his hands on Dan’s hips.

Their last kiss for the year.

When they let go, Phil gave the other boy a half-smile before turning and heading for the bus.

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Like I write Phanfics sometimes I guess