elijah bent down to pick up the scattered materials , stalling as best he could . he fumbled to stuff his pens and highlighters back into his backpack , muttering a soft thank you to daniel when the older man handed him a few other things . when they stood up , eli’s eyes were hopeful in their wide state , afraid of being lectured , afraid of being on the hard end of a i thought you were better than this . as if he didn’t hear that from his REAL DAD on a daily basis . his head dropped as he steeled himself for the inevitable , wishing all the while that he’d just stayed home . yeah , his dad and stepmom both hated him and were probably GLAD that he wasn’t there anymore , but at least he was used to their disappointment . he could never get used to daniel’s . when daniel spoke again , eli’s head snapped up . he searched daniel’s gaze for any signs of a lie , for any indication that he was disappointed in eli , and was just too kind to say it . but daniel was always genuine , including now . he blinked , shaking his head rapidly . ❛ are you kidding ? i would LOVE to hear about it , like … E V E R Y T H I N G , if you wanna talk about it ! but … you’re … really not mad at me ? but you … you TRUSTED me , dan , and i didn’t DO WHAT YOU ASKED . ❜ he shook his head again , struggling to process the words . ❛ i thought … they told me you were dead , i found out during a fucking LIVESTREAM , and it was like … like the entire world had changed , had just gone to black , and we were just stuck in the dark , stumbling around and trying to find a light switch that you always had , but everyone else found their way out , and i didn’t ? and all i could think about then was how much it HURT , but now you’re back , and –– and i can’t stop thinking about what you asked me , and how IMPORTANT it was to you , but i didn’t do it . i let my stupid FEELINGS get the best of me , and i … CRAP , daniel , i’m so sorry . ❜ he breathed in deep , cheeks growing red after his long and borderline emotional rant –– because , right , like a grown man needed an explanation on grief-induced depression –– and let his gaze fall to the ground , nodding strictly , as if to affirm his dad’s believes that little elijah should’ve been a better kid . ❛ i’m really sorry , and it’s okay if you ARE mad . and , um , i missed you , too . ❜ if that wasn’t already obvious .
“of course i wanna talk about it! we were in a fucking cult that killed people on occasion and made it out without a scratch. or, without a scratch from the cult. mayer’s a different story. but it was so cool, the dynamics within the cult? having to figure all of that out? eli, it was so interesting.” he almost said he wished eli would’ve been there, but then daniel remembered that it had kind of been a precarious life-or-death situation that he shouldn’t be wishing on anyone. but still, it was cool. “who else am i supposed to talk to about that? who else will understand?” everyone else seemed to be walking on eggshells around him; but he was fine. really. his heart hurt as he listened to eli explain how he’d felt when he thought daniel was dead. he had known it had probably affected the team, as death does, he really hadn’t been aware of exactly how much it had hurt. gina’s death was the only one he had ever experienced, and he wasn’t as close to gina as he and eli were. he shook his head, dismissing eli’s worries, “dude, in case you forgot, when i was in charge, i almost got everyone killed in silverwood. so, no, i’m not mad at you for not absolutely killing netflix. it’s not a big deal. it was only important to me because i was excited the team had the opportunity to let this thing continue to grow. y’know, make real jobs out of it outside of merch sales. and you didn’t stop any of that from happening; the season went up anyway, so,” he shrugged, “who cares? now i’m back and we can do this together. i’m proud of you for coming back at all, not everyone would have that in them. ”
