My dad is a pedophile and when I reported him no justice was served.
A few years ago, I was looking through home videos to find videos of myself as a child and on the same footage was my dad filming himself with a prostitute in his car. When I was a kid, I was often home alone a lot and starving, I guess this is why he took so long to get home after work.
On another video, there was more footage of myself as a child which he had tried to film over footage of my father filming himself talking on the phone to under aged girls. When I saw this I had a nervous break down and didn’t know what to do. My older sister said we would confront him. My dad said smoking weed was why he did it. I replied, “Everybody I know gets high and they are not pedophiles.” My older sister turned against me and told me if I told anyone that my mentally ill mother would kill herself and my father… and then what would happen to my little sister if she saw these murders. They ganged up on me told me I was a selfish shit and brain washed me. I had a complete mental break down and got very ill. I was passing out a lot, my actual vision was distorted, slanted, and shrinking where I couldn’t drive, I was peeing blood, and I planned many times how I would kill myself. There was too much pressure of life and death on my shoulders. I wanted to report my dad so that he wouldn’t hurt anymore children. And my dad and older sister kept beating me down, telling me how selfish I was, and what would happen to my little sister if my mom murdered my dad then committed suicide.
In 2014, my mom attempted suicide. It wasn’t because of finding out about my father. It was because she’s severely mentally ill. They found her body along with a suicide journal blaming me. Not just a note but a whole journal blaming me for reasons that made no sense. She survived her over-dose but when I went to see her in the hospital, she yelled at me in horror telling me how horrible I was and how it was my fault.
In 2015, on my birthday, I got a phone-call from my mom saying she was going to kill herself. I drove over there, and my mom kept yelling at my dad “You were raped” over and over and over, and then he admitted that he was when he was four years old. And then my dad sexually harassed me. And my mom wasn’t there and I told her about it and she said that I was the reason why she wanted to die. I told my dad to get mental help, and that it’s not okay that he was hurting children, or me. He wouldn’t. Leading up to this, my mom became more mentally ill to the point where she would act out in violence and we would have to hide knives, scissors, ect. Soon after I got a restraining order on both of them but it won’t last forever.
My biggest regret was not reporting my father as soon as I had seen the footage. I am a rape survivor so this guilt haunts me to this day. But I am disgusted to find out that the system is fucked, and it wouldn’t have made a difference if I had done it sooner. I also wish I had never been beaten down and truly truly brainwashed to the point that I couldn’t see how evil both my older sister and dad were, and how selfish they were – when children were being hurt.
Today is my birthday again and all I keep wishing is for my restraining order to never run out so that I am safe. Since I’ve gotten my restraining order I have rebuilt my health and have stood up against all the creeps and assholes out there sexually assaulting. I just hope more and more us learn how to become allies. It’s taken me so long to get to this point.
blakekathryn
areudirty
titsay
