( little dog girl. )

abigail 'cas' castillo | 22 future pilot ❝ little dog girl with her big eyes and hungry belly and wagging tail who throws herself at the world with love like a thunderclap, little girl who loves the skinned knees and sticker bushes and bad novels - girl that made the mistake of wanting, of wishing, of being trusting ❞    --r.i.d.

[colinford]

[daredevilcastillo]

watsonsings‌.

His face was solemn at her assumption. Cas and Sam were the two people in the world with whom he could never get away with an easy lie. In this case, he didn’t even want to. With Drew, it was harder. He wanted his brother to believe that everything was fine, because the alternative hurt his heart too much to think about. Cas and Sam were different. It hurt watching them realize that his body was deteriorating sooner than any of them had believed it would, but they were able to push past that to lift him up. “Yeah,” he answers, his voice barely above a whisper. “The first tremors started right before the wedding. I haven’t even held Nikki in weeks because I’m so afraid I…” He didn’t finish his sentence. She understood the sentiment without him saying the words.

“Oh, cariño.” Cas’ eyes fill with tears: not because of her own pain, even though she was certainly feeling it. Lip had only wanted a few things from life, and they would be some of the first things this disease took from him. Wrapping her arms around her best friend she pulled his head to her chest. “You don’t need to be afraid. Hold your daughter, Lip. Hold her, and we’ll hold you. I will always hold you.” She means it, even if the words sound stupid. After everything she and Lip have been through, after everything he’s done for her, she’ll be here for him through all of this, no matter how much it hurts her.

[daredevilcastillo]

cadetcaptainpeterson‌.

Hope swelled in his chest as he watched Cas push through the pain to make a monumental amount of progress. Sometimes he was still stunned that she loved him; she was awe-inspiring and he was just Jackson. His grin was so wide that it made his cheeks ache, but he didn’t mind. She was incredible. He was the luckiest man in the world. “You can do this,” he echoed.

“Yes, you can,” the physical therapist echoes with a chuckle, “tomorrow. Any more today is going to be pushing it too far.” Cas can’t help but pout, even though the sheen of sweat on her face is enough to let everyone know the therapist is right: now that her heart is in it, she wants to keep pushing until she’s fully healed.

[daredevilcastillo]

watsonsings‌.

Lip listens to Cas explode in a way that he hadn’t witnessed since Nic died. When she finished, he couldn’t do much except shake his head. “No,” he said simply. “I don’t believe that, baby. Because I know you. You do not have a hateful bone in your body. And this…this is something that can be fixed.” His hands are shaking in his pockets, and part of him is so angry at his best friend for not fighting when she had the chance. Oh, how he would kill for that chance. “You have to do this,” he continued. “You have to, so that I have some hope. Because I…Cas, I can’t fix mine.”

Cas is about to retort, until she hears the emotions resonating in his words. This isn’t about her, not completely, and that much is confirmed when he claims that he can’t fix his. A heavy weight settles on her chest, and it feels like her lungs are filling up with lead. “It’s happening, isn’t it?” She asks him, though it takes a few moments for her to find the words. “The symptoms. They’re starting to show.”

[daredevilcastillo]

cadetcaptainpeterson‌.

He welcomes her lips against his. They had been distant from each other in the past weeks, and it was a blessing to have her lean into him for help again. He keeps eye contact with her as his forehead presses against his wife’s, his soft smile more genuine this time. “I’m so proud of you,” he whispers. Jackson savors the sweet moment with his wife for just a few seconds longer before pulling away. “Now…go again.”

Cas allows herself to enjoy the tender moment for as long as it lasts, steely resolve hardening her expression as he orders her to try the exercise again. She’s spurned by his unwavering faith in her this time, and though the effort is excruciating, she makes it further than she’s gotten all week before she has to stop and allow her physical therapist to keep her upright. “I can do this,” she says, looking back at Jackson with a determined smile.

[daredevilcastillo]

watsonsings‌.

Lip has to chuckle to himself. “Baby, anyone that is in your position would be more than a little pissed off. You don’t have to make excuses for yourself.”

“Pissed off? No. I’m... infuriated. I feel trapped, like my own body is some kind of prison. I want to break something, just kick it apart, but - I - can’t.” With each word she pounds the bench they’re seated on with her fist. “I can’t stay like this. I have to learn to walk again. Being like this forever will turn me into someone I’m not. Someone hateful.”

[daredevilcastillo]

cadetcaptainpeterson‌.

He tries very hard to keep his face passive. Usually, she was the optimist and he was the realist. It didn’t feel right to have those roles reversed. “You can. The doctors say you can, and they don’t ever know you. I do. If anyone is going to get through this and come out the other side, it’s you. You just have to be vigilant. Think about Allie. She got sloppy after her injury, she ignored the therapists, and she has defecits. But you’re not Allie. You are Abigail Peterson and you are my wife. You can do anything you put your mind to. Now fight.”

Cas’ eyes shine as Jackson encourages her, silently thanking God for allowing them more time together. What did people do when they didn’t have a support system like this, full of love and encouragement? She pulls him closer to her for a gentle kiss, breaking away after a moment to look him in the eyes. Her fear is still there, but the determination to succeed is back now and almost drowns it out. “Okay. Let’s fight, then.”

[heartmuseum]

- Rupi Kaur

[daredevilcastillo]

watsonsings‌.

Lip watches her, still impressed by her level of determination. His hands are shoved deep in his pockets as he approaches to hide the tremors from her. He puts on an easy smirk as he kisses her cheek. “Never seen you snap at anyone before, baby.”

“Never felt this hopeless before,” she answers honestly, having never felt the need to hide how she’s feeling from her best friend. “I still shouldn’t have taken it out on her. She’s just doing her job. It’s not her fault I can’t do this.”

[daredevilcastillo]

cadetcaptainpeterson‌.

Watching his wife struggle in front of him was one of the most difficult things that he had ever done. He shifts from foot to foot, the brace on his leg still not completely comfortable. When she pushes the trainer away, he limps over to her. “Hey…” he trails off, pushing through the sadness to give her a weak smile. “You’re doing great.”

Cas looks up at her husband, unable to keep her expression from looking as mournful as she feels and shakes her head. “I can barely make it two steps, and that’s with the handrails. It’s been weeks. What if I can’t do it?” She’s never been a negative person, but she feels trapped, and can’t seem to push away the anger and the fear to focus on the positive.

[daredevilcastillo]

“Just stop it, okay?” Cas pushes the trainer’s reassuring hand off of her arm, turning her face away as she tries to stifle the tears welling in her eyes. “Sorry. I’m sorry, just... can you give me a minute?”

[colinford]

- rupi kaur.

[koshydobrik]

[yourstrulys]

[ksica]

[daredevilcastillo]

cadetcaptainpeterson

You won’t be. There are things that the doctors can do, surgeries that can fix it. You’re going to fly again, Cas. I know you will. We’re strong, both of us; this won’t keep us down for long.

That’s what they said about Nic. They said that the surgery would fix him, that he’d be back to normal. and then he was dead, Jackson. What if the same thing happens to me?

[colinford]

- rupi kaur.