Glad it's Just a Nightmare
Yesterday night I had a dream that my favorite person in the world left me. The way he left was so smooth and cold. It was at the beginning of the dream so of course I had the whole dream to suffer without him. The whole time I'm wondering what I did wrong? What was wrong with me? Knowing deep down inside that it was only a matter of time that he would leave me. I immediately had to talk to him after my dream. It seemed too real. He laughed and told me ...that he doesn't understand why I fear him leaving. I told him that I am always afraid a good thing is going to be stripped away. I am thankful that God has allowed a loving Fiancé to soothe and heal the wounds deep inside of me. In the past whenever something good would happen, darkness always crept in to steal it. My birthdays, Christmases and other major events of my life have always been followed by a shadow of hurt. Someone had to hurt me, bully me, put me down, and run off with my Uncle ( mother issues that I have already healed from). I have learned forgiveness is non-negotiable especially when it comes to my joy and someone's salvation. But... I often sweep my hurts under the rug in the process thinking that forgiveness erases the hurt but it doesn't. That's okay. We need to come to face with brokenness and hurts to be healed. At the time I started to do that, Joe'l popped into my life and made the process a whole lot easier and enjoyable. Thank you my love for loving me in such a way that I have become a better woman. You have nurtured every part of my heart and for that I know that I more myself than ever.
